Chapter 50

Jiminy Cricket, my mother had flipped it and embarrassed me. I showed my disapproval in the most defiant way I could, crashing down on the couch. “Cindy, I can explain.”

Cindy was chuckling as if she could see the whole scene. “Please don’t explain, just say, yes, you are.”

I didn’t say it because the whole hot cousin thing had gone far enough. “I am so glad to hear your voice.” I took a long pause to collect my thoughts and make sure the secret agent woman was off on a new mission.

“How are you, stud muffin?”

My cousin’s comical attempt struck a nerve. “Darn it, don’t call me that. I wish nobody ever called me that.” I took a deep breath and tried to remind myself that Cindy didn’t do anything wrong.

“Jeez, I’m sorry. What’s wrong with you? You’re not upset because of what happened with us, are you?”

“No, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to snap at you. It’s just that I’m upside down like a pinata. Phew.” I gave Cindy a second to respond. I wanted her to listen and even help me, yet there was so much I didn’t want to say. So much I couldn’t say over the phone.

“So, what’s with hanging by your feet getting hit with broomsticks?” Cindy asked with a giggle.

“Just for the record, you were the best part of my weekend. I probably shouldn’t even keep dragging you into my problems.” I wanted Cindy’s help, or maybe just her comfort, but how could I expect her to do anything?

“You better keep dragging me into it. Your life is better than any soap operas. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said that. I still can’t believe my twerp, goober head cousin has two girlfriends. And, one is a hot sixteen-year-old. Plus, you did it with her mother. Wow, you can’t make this stuff up.” Cindy once again had an in my face summation of my current life. Except, she didn’t bother to mention what I had done with my own cousin.

“Cindy, it’s not funny. I feel like my head is going to explode. I tried to follow my heart as you said, but now things are worse. Now, they both act like I’m their boyfriend, even while we’re all in the same room.” My words sounded worse out loud than when they were silently circling in my head.

“Joe, you have to choose.”

“I can’t, I love both of them. Except, now they both know.”

“Joe, they always both knew. You were the only one who didn’t know. Susan told me you were in love with her sister. That’s why I freaked out when we saw Jesselyn from the attic. I looked at her and thought, there is no way that isn’t Susan’s sister. I figured you’d flip seeing the other girl you loved with someone else.”

My cousin’s words chilled me to my bones. “You don’t understand. I wish you were here.” I could imagine her warm body huddled against mine as I fought off the tears that were trying to escape from my tightly shut eyes.

“I think that might cause more trouble for you. Although, it would be nice to be there. I feel for you because I have loved two boys before. Of course nothing happened with either of them, but it was still hard. But being in love with two girls who are sisters, and live next door, that’s not gonna work. Not only will they get hurt, so will you. What does your heart tell you?”

I took a second to absorb the unbelievably obvious statement my cousin had passed off as wisdom. “How the hell am I supposed to know if my head or my heart is speaking? I want both of them, but I don’t want them at the same time. Whichever one I’m with, I love that one the most. When we are all together, I just want to kill myself, so I don’t have to figure it out.”

“Don’t do that, I wanna see you for Christmas. It will work out, you’ll see. Just remember your heart will win in the end.”

Cindy stopped talking and the silence was like thunder. I realized she wasn’t going to tell me who to choose and that was what I had been hoping for. “What do you want for Christmas?” A change of subject seemed right.

“Wow, since when do you get me anything for Christmas?”

“I know we don’t normally exchange presents, but we’re growing up. You don’t have to get me anything, but I want to get you something. You helped me more than you’ll ever know, even if you didn’t tell me who I should be in love with.”

“I can’t tell you. I can’t be unbiased. I can’t even tell you what I want for Christmas, not yet anyway.”

“How about you tell me later and for now you tell me what to get Jasmine for her birthday?”

“Good luck you poor boy. You got enough for a diamond?”

I hoped Cindy was being sarcastic. “I’m hoping her father will handle anything that big, but I’m going to break my bank open. I don’t know how much is in it, but it should be enough to handle that and Christmas.”

“No way. Not Ms. Wigney. You can’t break her open.” Cindy’s screeching voice curved up my mouth slowly at first, but then made me crack up.

I have had my piggy bank since I was five. It was a present from my aunt and uncle and my speech impaired cousin, at that time, couldn’t say Ms. Piggy correctly. Hence, my bank was Ms. Wigney. Later to be known as Kermit’s bitch. I cracked up at the memory of my toothless best friend, spraying all her words. Then I felt sad, knowing I had promised my Uncle Jim I wouldn’t open it until I was sixteen, and I’d buy my corvette.

“I know there will never be enough money in there for a car, so it’s time, and this is a good cause. I feel like I’d do anything for Jasmine. I can’t talk about what happened yesterday, but I will when I see you. For now, help me.” My final words sent a shiver through me. Help me, I at least know I need help. Isn’t that half the battle?