Chapter 46

I watched their car shrink out of view, feeling a strange separation anxiety as it disappeared. Instantly, I was looking forward to Christmas at Cindy’s.

Even though I had all but lost hope for their return, five minutes after my uncle’s car had vanished out of view, I still stood by the road staring. Maybe they forgot something?

A late November breeze blew from the north, yet the sun still warmed my skin. A cool front or even a cold front in my part of Florida normally only called for a sweatshirt. I wore short sleeves and a pair of gray gym pants. The pleasant memory of my cousin Cindy warmed my soul beyond the sun’s rays on my arms.

I expected I would have been deeply troubled or at least felt some remorse for what I had done with Cindy, but I could only find the joyful memory of our night together. The wonderful feelings of lying peacefully all night with a girl in my arms wouldn’t allow me to find fault with it. I knew Cindy was my cousin, and that alone should have been taboo, but on top of that, I had cheated on my girlfriend. There should have been a double dose of guilt, yet there was none. My emotional state was more at ease than it had been for months. In a beautiful way, Cindy had filled a hole in my heart.

I knew I would miss her for a little while, but in a strange way that was alright because she was family. Cindy would always be family. In light of what should have been such a complicated thing, it was simple. Cindy had whirled me back to our childhood love and touched my heart with her genuine concern. It had been uncomplicated and peaceful. The way first love should be. Cindy had given me a second chance to follow my heart.

The deep reflection was interrupted by a volleyball. A split second before it struck my head, I threw an arm up and blocked it. I turned and saw Jasmine, wearing gray sweatpants like mine. Her neatly tied strings hung in front. I could see her belly button below the yellow shirt.

“Wow, I thought I was going to knock your head off,” Jasmine said. “Didn’t you see me?” She quickly closed the distance between us with the ball back in her hands.

“Actually, I didn’t until that ball almost KO’ed me. I don’t see how I could have missed that shirt. It’s as bright as the sun.” My mocking voice lacked emotion.

“What’s wrong with you?” Jasmine asked with genuine concern on her face. “You bummed because the weekend is almost over?” She suspended the ball between our bodies, pressing it against our stomachs.

I hadn’t considered that there was only the rest of Saturday and Sunday before school started again. “No, I was just thinking about my cousin and how simple things used to be.”

Jasmine’s dimples formed and called attention to her infectious smile. Without any effort on my part, my lips curved up. “You mean before you met us?” Jasmine’s eyes moved to the ball between us as she spoke.

I hadn’t even considered the possible interpretation of my statement. The truth was, Jasmine’s was right on, but not what I meant. I wasn’t trying to blame anyone else for the path I had taken. It had been me who had shoved my cock in every hole that opened for it without considering my heart’s desire.

“Jasmine, that’s not what I was saying. Do you remember back when things were simple and fun?” As my words finished, I wanted them back.

Jasmine had been in this sexual whirlpool since she was a little kid. The ball dropped. Jasmine kicked the grass the way Susan would when she was uncomfortable. “I do, except it was a long time ago and probably not exactly like you’re talking about. When we all lived together, me and Jesselyn were very close. We played dolls and did normal girl things.” A giant teardrop splashed on the ball as Jasmine gasped. “That was before that dumb ass started teaching her things. He ruined all that was simple for us.” Jasmine’s hand wiped her face before she looked back up. She did a great job of holding back her feelings, yet her flushed cheeks foretold of the powerful tirade of emotions she wanted to unleash.

“Joe, speaking of simple times, you want to hit some balls with me?” Jasmine plastered on her normal beaming smile and picked up her ball.

“Sure, as long as they’re not mine. Let’s go around back. That way when I miss the ball, I don’t have to chase it far.” I did my best to ignore the obvious pain that had surfaced and determined I’d let Jasmine set the mood.

“So, Cindy is really special to you? Susan said she was in love with you when you were little.” Jasmine started toward the backyard.

I wondered if there was ever going to be an end to my regret for leaving Susan and Cindy alone together? “Well, I guess. You know how kids are? It was nice to see her after such a long time. She’s so different, yet exactly the same. She gave me some good advice, too.” Is this the time to start following my heart, I wondered?

“Hmm, I do know how kids are. I wish I could have met her.” Jasmine’s somber tone made me wonder if she had been jealous or felt left out? I would have. My complicated life was back.