Chapter 27

“He just sat there next to Jasmine without saying a word, for what seemed like a lifetime. I saw his huge thing bulging in his shorts and I didn’t know what he was going to want to do to us. I was scared. I knew at that moment I didn’t want him. I never wanted him to do anything to me or Jasmine again.” Susan took a quick breath and kept going. “I thought about you. I know I told you I wanted him to, but that wasn’t true. Well, not completely. I didn’t know what I wanted. I didn’t know what was normal.”

Susan never looked up from her folded hands. “My father sat there, looking at us, and I knew it wouldn’t be normal. I thought about how excited I got watching him and Aunt Jane and it made me sad. I knew we weren’t normal.”

“When he finally unloaded what was on his mind, he said, ‘I heard you watching us earlier, and I’m sorry.’” Susan seemed more uneasy than I had ever seen her as she considered her next words. “He said he was sorry, that it was wrong, and he shouldn’t have done it. That was the promise he made to our mother. That’s why she agreed to have another baby. She wanted a divorce last year because of the way their life was going. Especially, the way they let it affect me and Jasmine. They had a deal they wouldn’t sleep with anyone other than each other. He made us promise we wouldn’t tell Mom about Aunt Jane.”

I exhaled heavily, thinking about what I had done with Jasmine. Susan mistook my anxious guilt as judgment. “Joe, you think my family is messed up? Are you sorry you ever got involved with me?” Tears filled Susan’s eyes, and a few runaways tumbled down her cheeks, but I could tell she was holding back a saltwater flood.

“No, no, not at all.”

“My father was so sweet, and he promised he would never act that way again. It gave me hope, I wanted to be normal, I wanted our family to be normal. I promised myself, promised I wouldn’t act the way our family acts, but I’m just like him.” Susan held me, jerked with a sob, and started crying on my shoulder. It reminded me the way Jasmine cry after I cheated on Susan with her.

“Hey, take it easy.” I didn’t have any other words to console her with.

Through sobs and tears, Susan said, “I’m as bad as he is. I’m just like the rest of my family. All my promises were wiped out in a split second.”

I brushed some tears from Susan’s face and tried not to show my concern about what might have happened. She snuffed hard. “Are you sure you want to hear this?”

“Yes, it’s okay, just tell me. I want to know everything about you. I love you.” I tried not to say those words too often, so they would stay special, but what else could I say?

“I walked into our room the next day to talk to Jasmine some more about all the things my dad told us about our family. Jasmine was on her hands and knees, and Jeremy was kneeling behind her, fucking her. I should have just turned around and left the room. But, I didn’t!”

“He stopped and stood up and I just stood there staring at his dick. My legs trembled and my inside burned, but I told myself, no, that’s your cousin. I could feel the heat from his cock on my hand as he stood next to me. He kissed my lips and touch me between my legs and I forgot every promise.”

“Jasmine helped me down on my knees with her, in front of Jeremy. She told me she was going to teach me to give great head. We took turns sucking him. We each gagged and stuffed him down our throats like we were going to win a prize if we got it all the way down. It seemed so natural while I was doing it. Jeremy’s cock filled my mouth with his cum and it seemed normal.”

“Then I sat there and watched him fuck Jasmine. I enjoyed it. I never thought about my promise.” Susan exhaled and more tears streamed down her face.

“Joe, are you mad at me? Do you hate me? I’m so messed up.” Her face was flushed, and she shifted uneasily on the couch.

“Susan, I’m not mad. You think all of a sudden I’d pass judgment? I don’t have any sisters, so I can’t say what I might do if I did. My dad doesn’t have the temptation of having two hot daughters, either.” I wasn’t saying I thought it was normal, I just didn’t want her to feel bad.

“Would you have sex with your mother?” Susan’s question caught me completely off guard, and it showed.

“See, it’s not normal. I want to be normal. I want a family like yours ... but it’s too late. You see how I am? I’m messed up like my family. It’s incest, Joe!” Susan’s sadness and conflict showed on her face like wrinkles on a hundred-year-old lady. She hated what she loved, and I should have hated myself for enjoying my girlfriend’s dysfunctional family the way I had.

Susan’s words replayed, “It’s not normal. It’s too late. It’s incest,” and billions of thoughts and images flashed through my brain at light speed. They collided with emotions too powerful for my years, causing me to slip into a black cavern in my mind. Then, suddenly, the splash of giant teardrops hitting my hand brought me back from my mental stupor. When I realized they had come from my own eyes, I knew I wasn’t helping Susan through the tragic ethical conflict.