Chapter 38

“Maybe you thought I was the Packard Goose

Or the Ronald MacDonald of the nouveau-abstruse

Well fuck all them people, I don’t need no excuse For being what I am,

Do you hear me, then?

All them rock ‘n’ roll writers is the worst kind of sleaze

Selling Punk like some new kind of English disease

Is that the wave of the future?

Aw, spare me please!

Oh no, you gotta go

Who do you write for, I wanna know?

I believe you is the Government’s whore

And keeping peoples dumb (I’m really dumb) Is where you’re coming from

And keeping peoples dumb (I’m really dumb) Is where you’re coming from

Fuck all them Writers with the pen in their hand

I will be more specific so they might understand

They can all kiss my ass but because it’s so grand

They best just stay away, Hey, hey, hey

Hey, Joe, who did you blow?

Moe pushed the button boy and you went to the show? Better suck a little harder or th e Shekels won’t flow

And I don’t mean your thumb (Don’t mean your thumb)

So on your knees you bum Just tell yourself it’s yum (Yourself it’s yum) And suck it ‘til you’re numb

Journalism’s kinda scary

And of it we should be wary Wonder what became of Mary?

Hi! It’s me, the girl from the bus.

Remember the last tour?

Well,

Information is not knowledge,

Knowledge is not wisdom,

Wisdom is not truth,

Truth is not beauty,

Beauty is not love,

Love is not music,

Music is the best!

Wisdom is the domain of the Wiz (which is extinct).

Beauty is a French

phonetic

corruption

of a short

cloth

neck

ornament

currently in resurgence. If you’re in the audience and like what we do

Well, we want you to know that we like you all too

But as for the sucker who will write the review

If his mind is prehensile (Mind is prehensile) He’ll put down his pencil (Put down his pencil) And have himself a squat on the Cosmic Utensil (Cosmic Utensil)

Go give it all you got on the Cosmic Utensil (Cosmic Utensil) Sit ‘n’ spin until you rot on the Cosmic Utensil (Cosmic Utensil) He really needs to squat on the Cosmic Utensil (Cosmic Utensil)

Now that I got that over with I’ll just play my imaginary guitar again Hey ... hah ... soundin’ pretty good there, me!

Ah ... get down ... UH! Boy, what an imagination!

Love myself better than I love myself...

I think ... What tone! Sounds like an Elegant Gypsy!

What is that? Musk? It’s hip!”

Packard Goose

by Frank Zappa

Tue, Aug 11, 1970

Regular Season, Game 112, vs Chicago White Sox. (Nite) We Won 7-1.

The Beach Boys & Grand Funk Railroad, Day 1 of 6 @ Radio City Music Hall, NYC, 8pm.

A bunch of us flew to Detroit, as our AMC CEO, Roy Chapin had begged us to Save a huge abandoned Factory. It was the old Packard Plant, that had went out of business in 1958, as the Studebaker-Packard Corporation. It had a Total of 3,500,000 Sq Ft of Floor Space, which is the total Sq Ft of 3, 100-Floor Buildings.

We looked into it, & sure enough, we got the sucker for just, 12 Year’s worth of Back Taxes.

When we opened the Doors, we were amazed, as it was left as if they were coming back on Monday. There were Finished Cars, waiting to be Shipped. There were even more partially completed Cars too. There were Blueprints dating back to 1909, as well as Metal Stamping Forms for the 1938 Model Year, as well for the 1955-1958 Years.

This was a treasure trove. We were also getting the Rights to the Names to Studebaker-Packard, as well the Rights to Manufacture both. I thought a Retro 1938 Packard would be cool as one of our 1972 Models.

Wed, Aug 12, 1970

Regular Season, Game 113, vs Chicago White Sox. (Nite) We Lost 1-5.

The Beach Boys & Grand Funk Railroad, Day 2 of 6 @ Radio City Music Hall, NYC, 8pm.

Thur, Aug 13, 1970

Regular Season, Game 114, vs Chicago White Sox. We Won 4-3.

The Beach Boys & Grand Funk Railroad, Day 3 of 6 @ Radio City Music Hall, NYC, 8pm.

Since we were in Detroit, I reached out to Bob Seger, a Local Michigan Boy, & one of my all time favorites. Every time I had a chance to see Bob in the 1970-1980’s, I found some lame ass excuse to miss his Yearly Concert. Every time, after the Concert, my friends who had gone w/o me, all said it was the best Concerts they had ever seen. My brother said the same, & he was more a Stones fan. I finally saw Bob in the 2000’s, in Seattle & Vancouver, BC. Yep, the best Concerts I ever saw. Bob has a way of getting into your Soul, telling it to Kick-Ass & have some fun.

He had just put out his 3rd Record, Mongrel, as the Bob Seger System. It would be his last with The System. He would go Solo, until 1975, when he formed Bob Seger & the Silver Bullet Band. That’s when he hit it big too, but my older brother had Mongrel, so I was a fan from 1970, as Ralf that is. I loved Back in ‘72, which came out in Jan, 1973.

But Bob suffered from Low Self Esteem, questioning himself too much. He stopped Performing for months or even a couple years, a couple times. I was hoping to help him, both Personally & Career-wise.

When I got him on the Phone, I invited him to meet with us at the old Packard Plant. He got excited, saying he knew the Plant well, & it was a shame it was being left to rot. He loved that we were finally going to Save it.

He drove up in a Blue 1967 Chevy Impala 2-Door, that sounded like it was Hot, he had tweaked the Motor.

Bob was taking most of the year off from Touring, but he did do a few Gigs that year. He also Toured some with Teegarden & Van Winkle.

“Cheer the light

Still the fires

Raise your voice for

God, love, and rock and roll

We that fear

The way is clear

The day has come for

God, love, and rock and roll

Sing your song

We all belong

Now`s the time for

God, love, and rock and roll

Alright, sing we believe!

Come on!

(We believe)

Let me hear you now

(We believe)

Everybody sing!

(We believe)

Alright!

In God, love, and rock and roll

Ah! Yes, indeed!

(Yes, indeed!)

That’s right, one more time

(Yes, indeed! We believe in)

(God, love, and rock and roll)

Alright, everybody!

Amen

(Amen, amen, amen for)

(God, love, and rock and roll)

Give a peace a chance, come on

(Give peace a chance)

(Give peace a chance)

(Give peace a chance for)

(God, love, and rock and roll)

God, love, and rock and roll

God, love, and rock and roll

Everybody, get down!

God, love, and rock and roll

God, love, and rock and roll...

Everything Is Going To Be Alright

by Teegarden & Van Winkle

Hey, I didn’t Write the Lyrics.

We showed Bob around, then took him to our current Plymouth Road Plant, describing our Plans to s/o it to Manufacture our new Models:

Retro 1960 Ramblers, Jeeps, Mercedes Benz, Porsche, Fiat & Ferrari. He was jazzed, as he’d always been a Gear-Head. He would go on to Ride Harleys too, being super cool.

I asked Bob to be our Long-Time Spokesman for C-4. All his future Songs would be some of our best Ads for C-4 Cars, as they would be iconic.

In Aug, 1972, he came out with: Smokin’ O.P.’s. It had 2 great new Seger Songs that we would snap up for C-4 ASAP:

1. Let It Rock, by Eric Anderson

2. Heavy Music, by Bob Seger

I had driven us to the Plymouth Road Plant, in one of the “Brand New” 1958 Packard Hawk 2-Door Hardtops, that we found wasting away in the old Packard Plant. It had been ready to Ship, when they shut down the Plant. All we did was Wash & Service it, with new Rubber too. It was a Creamy White, with a Gold Stripe, I thought really Classy.

As we were parting, with Bob fully Onboard to be our Spokesman, using his great Songs for our Ads, I tossed the Keys to the 1958 Packard Hawk to Bob. I told him it was my gift to him.

I had chosen it as my Personal Driver, but I was happy to have Bob have it, as his own. He was like a Little Kid, with a shit-eating grin on his face, as he Drove Away, kicking back some Gravel at us, as the little Packard had some oomph.

“Yeah, I’m gonna tell my tale, come on

A come on, ha, a give a listen

‘Cause I was born lonely down by the riverside

Learned to spin fortune wheels and throw dice

I was just thirteen when I had to leave home

Knew I couldn’t stick around, I had to roam

Ain’t good lookin’, but you know I ain’t shy

Ain’t afraid to look you girl, hey, in the eye

So if you need some lovin’ and you need it right away

Take a little time out, and maybe I’ll stay

But I got to ramble (Ramblin’ man)

Gamble (Gamblin’ man)

Got to, got to ramble (Ramblin’ man)