Chapter 1

Ash Wednesday, the first day of Lent, is my favorite celebration on the Catholic calendar. That’s the day all Catholics should go to church and receive the ashes of the palm fronds saved from last year’s Palm Sunday. For those that don’t know, the priest puts his thumb in the ashes then makes the sign of the cross on your forehead while saying, “Remember man you are dust, and to dust you shall return.” I love it!

Even the most egoistical of us should take those words to heart. The priest is telling us how insignificant we are in the whole scheme of things. We are dirt and one day we will be dirt again. Wow!

Anyway, let me tell you about this one Ash Wednesday.

I had an early meeting at work and when I passed the church to get my ashes there was a line out the door. I had to skip it and get to work.

My boss knows I am a practicing Catholic and when I explained my dilemma to him, he agreed to let me take a long lunch.

At 11am I left work and drove to the church. There was no line, and I got my ashes then knelt in a pew for a few minutes of silent prayer.

I thanked God for all my blessings. I have a beautiful wife of 5 years; we both have good jobs. She is a nurse for a plastic surgeon, I am a private investigator/bodyguard. We lease a beautiful home and have an option to buy. In two months, we will take the option, then next year we are going to start a family.

As I stood to leave, I swear I heard God laughing, or was he crying? Maybe that was just my imagination playing a trick on me.

I was debating on whether to stop and get some fried chicken or maybe a couple of big Mc’s when I remembered that spiral cut ham we had in the refrigerator. I decided to stop by the house and make a sandwich of that ham with some honey mustard and a big dill pickle. In minutes I was pulling into our driveway. I figured there was no use opening the big garage door as I was only going to be here a few minutes, so I parked in the drive and entered the garage thru the side door.

There was Mary’s car!

Oh hell! She must have gotten sick at work!

I open the door into the house, it leads into the laundry room then into the kitchen. I was in the kitchen when I heard them!

“Your breasts are really beautiful.”

Whoever he is, he is right. She had a boob job about 3 months ago and they are spectacular!

“And they are still so sensitive.”

Mary always said her nipples were very sensitive.

“I think this is one of my best jobs.”

Now I know who is with Mary! Her fucking boss! I quietly walk through the kitchen and into the den. There on the couch are Mary’s scrubs and the Dr.’s polo shirt and pants laying across a chair. I stop and pick up his pants. They contain a wallet and a cell phone. No car keys since they came in her car. I am familiar with this cell phone as I have one just like it. I set it to start recording then took off my sport coat and laid it on the couch.

With the cell phone recording, I walk down the hall and stand at my bedroom door. I was unnoticed for about 30 seconds. During this time, I watch as this skinny doctor, who is about 40 years old, pumps his dick in and out of my 27yearold wife. They looked like they are both enjoying themselves until I loudly cleared my throat!