Chapter 1

May 1965 ... I made it back home from 13 months overseas in Germany. Finally saw my wife in front of me. I expected her to come running to me and hugging and kissing, etc. But instead I walk to her and get a hug and a small kiss. She says I am glad you are back home. We all load up in the car and go to the house.

Here is where I expected the passion of being with my wife to be over the top. It seems almost like it is just everyday at home with the wife and new baby. I get to see my tiny newborn baby girl. The instant I see her my heart just fills up and ready to explode with love for this tiny little girl.

So we continue to get back to where we was before I left to go overseas. Then came the time to pack up my wife and our little baby girl and head to my next duty station in New Jersey. At least it is stateside and can keep my family with me. We finally make it from Oklahoma to New Jersey. We find a tiny apartment for now. The very next day I am hit with the wife demanding to take her and the baby back to Oklahoma. She says she is scared of being here with no family or knowing anyone. And also afraid that I will get shipped overseas and left here all alone. I tried to change her mind that we need to stay together as a family. But lost that battle and took them back to her family.

Now my mind is going all directions. Maybe she was afraid but not wanting to be with your husband as much as possible? Maybe she doesn`t love my anymore. Maybe she found someone else she would rather be with back in Oklahoma. My heart is broken! I feel like my family just walked out on me and does not want to be with me any more. But why? What did I do to deserve this? The anger sets inside of me. That is a bad combination to be feeling! I end up crashing my car in Tennessee because my mind was going crazy and I was crying my eyes out. So had to hitchhike to New Jersey to the apartment. I finally get there and try to get some rest. I had 2 days before I had to report in at the post. I tried to rest but could never fall asleep. I feel like I have lost everything that I ever loved.

I finally woke up from a terrible fitful bit of sleep. I told my self to just go away! Nobody gives a crap about me anyways! So I packed up my stuff and walked out the door and started walking. I headed west. After a few days I made it to North Carolina. I was in a diner eating when a man came in and announced he was looking for some men to work on his road crew resurfacing the roads around the area. He said he paid in cash every Friday and no W2s would be made out. So I gave him a false name and home address and went to work. In the meantime I missed check-in at the Army post. Two days later they had me listed as AWOL. I really didn`t care. Nobody cared! So worked with this road crew for about 2 1/2 months. Saved up my money the whole time them bought an old beater car with cash. I was ready to turn myself in to the Army to face whatever they wanted from me. So I drove to my hometown and turned myself in. They had a small court martial for me and asked me why I did it. So I told them the same story you have just read above. They actually said that they would have probably done the same thing. But gave me 6 months confinement at Fort Sill.

During the time time I was at Fort Sill, my wife and her family came to visit me a few times to see me and let me know what`s going on back home. I still got no real love and affection from my wife. Really felt odd. On one of the last visits before I was discharged, my wife tells me that we are pregnant and having another baby. I was actually very happy to hear that. I thought well maybe we can be a real family again!

I finally get my discharge from the Army and go home. It seemed strange. Still no crazy sex or hugging and kissing like I was hoping for. It seemed like just another day at home. And by now her mother keeps asking me about when am I getting a job and finding a place to start taking care of my family. Then my wife`s step father offers us their old house where they used to live before buying the one they were in. We took him up on his offer and moved in. Finally found a decent job and made enough for us to pay our bills and make some sort of life here. But still had to stay in their old house.