Chapter 15: Quantitative Easing

They took a week discussing the best way to break the news, then called a family meeting. Andrew was speaking, with Leah at his elbow for support.

“OK, settle down. Look, nobody is in trouble. But I have some important news. Leah figured out that Mom and Dad had life insurance, and it has finally been paid out. What that means for us is that for sure we can keep this house. We six now have this permanent place to live, a home, even if for some reason I have trouble supporting our family.”

This time there was no fainting, but the younger Baileys were obviously stunned.

“What that also means is that we don’t have the stress of trying to live on a tiny amount of money. Nia, Val, I want you to go shopping with Leah for new clothes and new shoes. Nia, those things you’ve been wearing that were ‘hand me downs’ from your sisters are finally done.

“Tim, Ted, same thing. Ted, those $12 shoes you’ve been stuck with are history. You’re going to get Nikes or Adidas or something, good ones. Same for you, Val, because you should have the best shoes for all the running you do.”

“Thank God! These shitty shoes make me a joke on the cross-country team.”

Val mimed ripping the old shoes off her feet and flinging them through their front window. Over the next few days, a big pile of old clothing was discarded. A lot of it was so worn that it couldn’t even be donated, going straight into the garbage instead.

A week later, they called another family meeting. But this time the youngest two (Tim and Nia) were excluded. They were parked in front of the TV while four oldest siblings met privately.

“Once again, Leah and I have to act like we’re your mom and dad. I’m sorry about that. I wish they were here, because this is really hard. You’re fifteen years old, both of you. With new clothes, Val, guys are going to be all over you. Girls too, I can imagine. You’re kind of spectacular, Val, I hope you realize that. Ted, Leah has said the same things about you.

“We’re thinking you are going to have more confidence and have girl- and boyfriends. And I don’t have any way to say this, except directly. Val, you and Leah are going to the gynecologist (you both are overdue for this anyway) and get prescription birth control.

“Ted, I’m getting you enough condoms to ravage the entire cheerleader squad at school. Not that I’m recommending that. You just have to remember, Ted, that if you cause a pregnancy, it would be a disaster for yourself and your family.

“Leah, do you want to add anything?”

“Ted, if you enjoy having testicles, I suggest you be perfectly careful. Wrap up your dick every single time without exception. Because I will make physically sure that you never cause a second pregnancy.”

Leah sounded deadly serious. She hoped Ted would take her words to heart.

After the two left, Andrew asked his sister for an evaluation.

“I think we did what we could. It’s clear to me that both of them are feeling the urge.”

Over the next few weeks, Ted did see that his fellow students were noticing him more. But he was still too hesitant and self-conscious to make the first move.

Leah and Val ended up, after a long discussion with a supportive gynecologist, getting contraceptive implants in their arms. They were fully protected beginning six weeks after they were inserted.