Chapter 59: The Heart of the Matter

June 14, 1983, Chicago, Illinois

On Tuesday morning, Jack, Bianca, and I drove to work together, though, at the end of the day, Jack would take the L or train home, as Bianca was coming with me to see Keiko. It was a relatively typical Tuesday morning, and Bianca and I ate our lunch in the small park I'd frequented during nice weather for more than a year.

When we returned to the office, there was a large envelope on my desk with Cyrillic writing and a hammer and sickle. I sat down, opened the envelope, and found a number of items — a report on Soviet exports, a report on Soviet industry, and what appeared to be marketing material for Belarus Tractors in Brown Deer, Wisconsin. I quickly scanned the material and saw they had a repair facility in Slidell, Louisiana.

"Thinking of defecting?" Tony asked.

I chuckled, "Not a chance! That said, I think I may go visit their facility north of Milwaukee to see if I can develop a relationship with someone there and parlay that into meeting the Trade Attaché. You never know where that might lead."

"To an interview with the FBI!" Tony declared.

"Possible, but given this is my area of focus and part of my job, I have an alibi if I need one."

"You just need to meet a girl like Tatiana Romanova in From Russia With Love!"

"Complete with KGB cameramen filming the action?" Bianca interjected.

"I think I'll pass on that," I chuckled.

I set everything aside, as I had other research to do for Mr. Matheson that had priority. I didn't get to it before the end of the day, so at 5:00pm, I put the materials into my desk drawer and locked it, then waited for Bianca to save her work and shut down her computer. Once she'd done that, we left the office so we could head to the hospital to see Keiko.

"How was your first full day?" I asked as we waited for the elevator.

"I certainly have enough to do! I figure I'll spend about half my time improving the spreadsheets you created and making them applicable to all the other groups. According to Phil, he was told to order computers for all the other analysts, so having spreadsheets ready for them when they receive them is key. I'm positive there will be never-ending requests."

"For spreadsheets and programs, too," I said with a smirk. "The only surprise is you weren't hit on until this afternoon!"

"I'd tell them I prefer girls, but those pigs would take that as a challenge!"

"No doubt about it," I replied as the elevator arrived and we got in.

"I concluded we should start trying next week," Bianca said. "I looked over the materials, and the maternity leave is six weeks, which isn't ideal, but I think we can work with it."

"There are solutions to every problem," I replied. "And between us, we'll have the resources we need to overcome any challenge which presents itself with regard to a baby."

"Public school or private school?" Bianca asked.

I laughed hard.

"I think we have six years to worry about that!" I declared.

"I just meant in general."

"I'd be reluctant to send my kids to a parochial school," I replied.

"I don't know of any schools which aren't affiliated with the Catholic or Lutheran Church in some way, but I'm sure they must exist," Bianca replied. "And I agree, but that means we need to find out about the school district before you buy your next house."

"Out of curiosity, do you plan to live with Keiko and me long-term?"

"I think that makes sense, don't you?" Bianca asked. "That way, the kids are all together."

"That does make sense, though it also means we'd need to find a house that had a proper layout with large bedrooms. But again, we're talking a few years down the road. And we have no idea what's going to happen in the next year, let alone five years down the road."

The elevator reached the lobby, we exited, then took the stairs to the parking garage rather than wait for the parking elevator.

"You're assuming Keiko will make it?" Bianca asked.

"To do otherwise seems defeatist," I replied. "Until a doctor definitively tells me otherwise, I'm operating under that assumption. And, again, how would Keiko feel if I qualified every statement with 'if she survives'?"

"I want to ask a direct question, and I will not even hint at your answer to anyone, if you give it — if Keiko receives what amounts to a terminal diagnosis, or something close to it, would you still marry her?"

"Yes," I said without a second of hesitation. "She might refuse, but I hope she won't."

We reached the car and got in, then I started the car and headed for the exit.

"Can I ask the logic of that?"

"It goes right back to what I said last night — if I were to change how I behaved towards Keiko because of something that is absolutely not of her own doing, what kind of man would I be? Isn't the promise in the traditional vows 'in sickness and in health, until death do us part'? I may not follow Christian traditions, but I don't disagree with the principles stated by the vows."

"Another question, if I may."

"You're my main confidante," I replied. "You can ask anything, and you're the one person with whom Keiko has said I can discuss everything. You have a very different picture of her situation from everyone else because of that."

"It's clear to me that you're committed to Keiko. What happens with your other girls?"

"I think what I said to you the other day still holds — CeCi will be my regular date on Friday nights, and I won't be intimate with anyone other than you, Deanna, or CeCi, and obviously things with Deanna and CeCi will end as soon as Keiko and I exchange rings, and you and I will continue until you get pregnant or Keiko and I tie the knot. Fundamentally, my goal is to keep everything in the house on an even keel. I can't imagine anyone objecting to ending our physical relationship once Keiko and I are formally engaged, or even sooner, if that's what Keiko wanted."

"I know you won't do it, but Deanna would happily be your mistress for the rest of your life, so long as you were a patron of her art!"

"But she also won't pitch a fit if I'm her patron without availing myself of her charms!"

"What about Juliette?"

"I think up to the time Keiko and I are formally engaged, it's up to you if Juliette joins us, but she's not getting a regular night the way you other three are. That would be supremely foolish."

"I take it Keiko agreed to CeCi back before the shit hit the fan?"

"Yes. And I also directly asked about seeing Violet regularly, and Keiko is OK with that. I was a bit concerned about how Violet would react, but I think her one attempt to push things forward was the defining moment. She hasn't even tried since that time and barely even talks about it. And that was before Keiko's diagnosis. As much as I care about Violet, and she cares about me, she can't move forward in that way."

"And Teri?"

"I am very happy I didn't sleep with her. She's unhappy about the situation but is resigned to the fact that Keiko and I will marry. She even made the point that going to bed together at this point would be futile."

"This is purely hypothetical, obviously, but if next Sunday or the following, Violet offers to go to bed with you and means it, what would you do?"

"Run away and join the circus," I replied.

"I sure as heck don't see you going to a monastery!" Bianca said with a smirk. "Expound?"

"No matter what I did in that situation, I'd badly hurt someone about whom I care deeply. I don't expect anything like that to happen, but if Violet did make that offer, I'd gently turn her down and explain how I feel about Keiko. I don't see how I could do anything else. One thing is certain, and that's if Violet were to make that offer, it would NOT be casual in any way, shape, or form."

"No, it wouldn't, and gently turning her down is probably the least bad option from a group of lousy options."

"Well, it's not going to happen, so I'm not worried."

"I think you're probably right. Are you going to want time alone with Keiko at the hospital?"

"Let's play that by ear, please. It'll depend on what Keiko wants. I suspect not, because I don't expect us to have the deep conversation about the future before tomorrow at the earliest."

"OK."

Keiko, Bianca, and I had a nice visit, and Bianca and I walked up and down the corridor with Keiko a few times. Happily, she wasn't so tired that she needed to nap right away. That was a major improvement and a sign that the blood transfusion had helped and that her body was recovering well from the chemo. Now, we just needed to get the leukemia into remission.

"Bianca, can I have two minutes with Jonathan before you go home?" Keiko requested just before her dinner was scheduled to arrive.

"I'll wait in the corridor," Bianca replied, getting up. "See you Thursday!"

Bianca left, and I moved close to the bed and took Keiko's hand.

"You were right about my grandfather insisting I tell my parents. He pointed out that I would have no choice if we did what you suggested with regard to testing my family. They're coming to visit tomorrow morning, and I'll tell them. My mom is likely to be very difficult about it, but my grandfather said he'd speak to my dad."

"In the end," I said, "you're nineteen, so it's not up to your parents what happens. And you signed the medical power of attorney documents, which Nelson says are as ironclad as any legal document can be because you signed it before you were seriously ill, and nobody can challenge your mental state."

"This is where I tease you, right?" she asked.

"By saying something along the lines of being in love with me is proof that you're crazy?"

Keiko smiled, "Yes. Doctor Morrison left some information about marrow transfusions. I read it, so you can take it with you. It's on the table there. Then we can have our talk tomorrow, OK?"

"Whenever you're ready," I replied. "Did your grandfather say anything else?"

"He's obviously very worried, but like you, he does his best to focus on the positive. As he said to me, 'Low success does not mean no success, Keiko-chan, so do not lose hope'."

"I'd say that's the perfect sentiment. See you tomorrow at about 5:15pm?"

"Yes."

I squeezed her hand, then left the room. I met Bianca in the hallway, and we headed home, where Jack and Kristy had made dinner. We ate, and Keiko's grandfather arrived as we'd agreed, carrying a wooden box with a number of items for the Spirit Shelf. He asked me to get the shelf itself from his car, which I did, and then together, we hung it in the front room, which now had a purely Japanese motif, thanks to the furniture and rug I'd bought and the art prints and curtains which Deanna had selected. Once the shelf was hung, Ichirō removed items from the box one by one and arranged them on the shelves.

"These carved wooden plaques are the names of the important ancestors, as well as the names Keiko wished to add. For you, as there is no equivalent name in Japanese, Keiko asked to have two Kanji characters which represent you, in addition to your name written phonetically in katakana, which is akin to an alphabet, though not exactly. The first Kanji character is «勇» (isamu), which means 'courage'; the second is «祐» (yu), which means 'to protect'. I felt those were fitting. When combined as «勇祐», they render the name Yuusuke."

"Thank you."

"For your mother, your uncle and aunt, and your friends in this house, their names are written in katakana. I brought a book with me that will explain the sounds each of the kana make so you know which is which."

"I appreciate that."

He next set out some beautiful porcelain bowls, which he explained were for offerings, then a small replica of the traditional gate to a Shinto shrine, which he called «鳥居» (torii), several small idols, two candle holders, a mirror in a wooden stand, two vases with artificial Japanese evergreen branches, two more for flowers, and a wooden tray for burning incense sticks. The final item was a wooden replica of a Shinto shrine. Last, he handed me a small book which showed not just katakana but also hiragana, a different phonetic system, as well as common Kanji characters.

I offered green tea, which I had made, and he accepted, and we sat at the low table.

"Keiko explained what the doctor said," Ichirō said quietly. "She will tell her parents tomorrow, and then I will arrange with her doctor, who I saw this morning, to have everyone in our family tested, as well as some Japanese friends here and in California and their families."

"That's very good," I replied. "I plan to call Loyola and see if they'd be willing to have a testing event, but that needs to wait until Keiko is on the National Marrow Donor Registry. Hopefully, that never happens because someone in the family or a close Japanese friend is a good match and willing to donate."

"I think anyone I ask will be willing to donate to save Keiko's life."

"And I will do everything in my power to achieve that result. Keiko is concerned that her mom is going to try to force her to move home, but Keiko considers this her home."

Ichirō smiled, "Yes, it is. I'll speak to my son. The «kami» will enter this house because you honor them with this room and with your devotion to Keiko-chan."

We finished our tea, and I walked Ichirō to his car. We bowed, he got in, and once he had driven away, I went back into the house.

June 15, 1983, Chicago, Illinois

"How did things go with your parents?" I asked Keiko when I saw her on Wednesday evening.

"They were both upset, obviously, and my mom did insist I come to their house when I'm discharged. I said 'no', and my dad backed me up. He did say he would like to see your house..."

"Our house," I replied.

Keiko smiled, "See our house, and I said that they were welcome to visit once I'm home. How did things go with my grandfather?"

"Everything is set up, and we had tea. He explained the Kanji characters you selected to represent my name, and also gave me a book which explained the phonetic alphabet. I'm curious about the Kanji, because the book implied that for personal names, different characters can be used."

"Yes, that's true," Keiko replied, picking up a pad and writing. "This is how my name is written — «景子» — and the Kanji represent sunlight and then the word for female child. But you could also write it «圭子», which are the Kanji for 'blessed' and 'female child'."

"So, I could call you 'Sunny'?" I asked with a smile.

"It would fit, yes. Have you seen Magnum Force?"

"The 'Dirty Harry' movie? No. It's not out on VHS, and I would have been around ten when it was released."

"I haven't seen it, but according to my dad, there's a Japanese love interest for Harry named 'Sunny', and even though it's not said, that means her name is likely the same as mine."

"I prefer your Japanese name," I replied. "If 'kō' is the ending for girls, is 'rō' the ending for boys?"

She wrote on the pad and showed me.

"Yes! Exactly! My grandfather's name is written «郎»."

"And your family name?"

She wrote again.

"It's written «鈴木» and means 'bell tree'. It's a very common Japanese name; only Satō is more common."

"What kind of tree is that?"

Keiko laughed softly, "It's not. It's a percussion instrument with various-sized metal bowls nested together, hanging from a rod. Because they are different sizes, each nested bell has a different pitch. One was used in a song by the same name by the group America."

"So," I said with a silly smile, "You're 'Sunny Jones'!"

Keiko laughed again, "I suppose so if you want to totally Americanize me and use the second most common English surname."

"I do not! You can be my ... cherry blossom!"

"Then I would have to change my name to Sakurako!"

"One thing that confuses me — if there is a many-to-many relationship between which characters and how they're pronounced, how do you know?"

"There is no way to know for sure unless you both hear the name said and see the name written. In order to assist with this, there is something called «振ふり仮名がな» (furigana), where you put pronunciation clues in hiragana above or next to the Kanji character. I have also seen it with «ローマ字» (rōmaji), which literally means 'Roman alphabet', to aid tourists in Japan."

"Someday, I'd like to go there with you."

"The future is cloudy," Keiko said.

"But isn't that always true?" I asked.

"But more so for some than for others," Keiko countered.

"I've been thinking for some time about that," I said. "And in the end, we can only live for today, not for tomorrow. That doesn't mean we don't consider the future and develop plans and strategies, but in the end, nobody can predict what will happen. My dad is the perfect example. He got onto a plane, and an unstable guy trying to collect insurance for his family blew it up, killing everyone on board."

"He didn't know, but I know," Keiko protested quietly.

"Do you?" I asked. "You told me your grandfather said to not lose hope because 'low success does not mean no success'. And we're not even there yet. I'm not ignoring the reality, but I am saying that the future we want is possible, and we should continue to seek it until it is literally impossible to do so."

"Don't you do things at work to limit how much you might lose?"

"Yes, but you are a very different kind of investment, Keiko-chan. There is no hedging, and I'm sure you remember what I said about vows."

"I do."

"Just remember those two words!"

Keiko laughed softly, which I felt was a good sign, given how morose she had become in the previous three minutes.

"They aren't used in the Shinto ceremony," Keiko replied. "Though, as I've said, many Japanese, both here and in Japan, have adopted Western traditions around marriage."

"You and your grandfather are an interesting mix of both cultures," I replied. "You've found a way to balance the competing philosophies and find a synergy. I like it, and Eastern philosophy is more in line with my thinking than Christianity."

"If that wasn't true, we probably wouldn't be together," Keiko replied.

"I'm glad we are," I replied. "Neither of us had any idea where your request would lead, but everything about our relationship just feels right."

"Except..." Keiko sighed, leaving the thought hanging.

"In my mind, that's not material to how we feel about each other. It's simply a challenge we have to face together if we want to be together, and I most certainly do."

"But what if..." she began, but I interrupted her.