Chapter 25: Futures and Options

March 14, 1983, Chicago, Illinois

"Would you like to go out on Friday evening?" I asked Teri after class on Monday evening. "It would be a double date with my friends, Jack and Kristy."

"Introducing me to your friends is a good thing!" Teri replied. "What's the plan?"

"Usually Kristy decides," I replied. "But it'll be dinner and some form of entertainment. We've been to movies, concerts, and comedy clubs. Are you able to meet us in the lobby of the Hancock Center at 5:15pm on Friday? I'll bring you home, but Jack and I work together, and Kristy takes the L from Loyola."

"I can do that. Is Jack another stockbroker?"

"Future stockbroker; he has my old job supervising the mailroom. He and Kristy will be moving into my new house."

"Along with your current housemates?"

"Yes, and also two others — an artist studying at the School of the Art Institute, and a political science major from Loyola."

"Male or female?"

"Female," I replied. "I made those commitments prior to you proposing."

"Girls you've slept with?"

"I cannot answer that question," I replied. "And please don't infer anything from a non-answer."

"If you hadn't, you'd say so."

"Actually, I'd give the same answer either way. Think about it this way — would you want me telling people we'd slept together? I mean, before we married, when it would be assumed."

"If things go a certain way, don't you think I have a right to know if girls who would be living in the house were girls you'd slept with?"

"Actually, no, I don't. I'm a man of my word and I keep my commitments. If they do go, as you put it, 'a certain way', then I would end every physical relationship I have. What I won't do is give up my female friends, especially Violet. And before you worry, the best way to characterize that is she's like the little sister I never had."

"That sounds non-negotiable."

"Because it is," I replied. "I can't violate Violet's privacy, so I can't tell you the details, but I promised to be her friend and to do my best to protect her, and my word is my bond."

"And if I had a guy friend?"

"So long as you keep your word to me, I don't have a problem with that."

"And if it were a guy I'd slept with?"

"Then we'd be in a very different place, because you made it clear you wouldn't have sex until your wedding night, and claimed to be inexperienced."

"I thought you didn't care about virginity!"

"I don't; I care about the truth. Declining to answer is OK, telling the truth is OK, lying about it is not OK. I don't care if you are or aren't, except insofar as you've told the truth. Think about what I've said, and if you change your mind about going out, you can let me know on Wednesday or Thursday. Right now, though, I need to get to the diner to meet Violet."

"She's more important than talking to me?"

"No, but I gave my word that I'd meet her, and I intend to keep it. If I didn't, then what kind of man would I be?"

"One with very strange priorities."

"See you tomorrow?"

"Yes."

I left Teri, and as I walked to the diner, I thought about the conversation I'd had with Bianca and Shelly about my relationship with Violet. I had been asking myself how I felt about Violet and what might come of our relationship. So much depended on things I couldn't know until I was too far down the path to turn back. While it was true that I could break off a relationship, or even divorce, the damage that would do to Violet, and to me, was too horrific to contemplate.

The problem was, nobody, not even Violet, could know what would happen if and when she attempted any kind of physical intimacy beyond hugs and kissing me on the cheek. Something told me, despite my cavalier attitude about sex, that a single nice kiss with Violet was a commitment to her, to the exclusion of every other girl. Once we started down that path, I would feel compelled to follow it to the end, whatever that meant, not because of me, but because of Violet. To do anything else would, as I saw it, harm her in a way from which she might never recover.

It was maddening to me that her mom had been released from prison despite the heinous acts committed against Violet and her sister — especially her sister. I was very much of the 'rehabilitation' camp versus the 'punishment' camp, but I wasn't sure how you could rehabilitate someone who participated in the rape of their own child. I'd consider rehabilitation and parole for murders long before I'd consider it for someone who abused their own kids.

All I could do at the moment was wait to see where things led. I had a strong impression that Teri and I would not be able to find sufficient common ground, but I also wasn't ready to write her off. That confused me somewhat, as I had plenty of reasons not to investigate a relationship with her, and I couldn't put my finger on what it was that compelled me to give it a try.

I had coffee and pie with Violet, then walked her to her house, receiving the usual hug and peck on the cheek, then headed home. Keiko was already there, and after I changed, I sat with her, Bianca, and Shelly for a bit before we headed up to bed.

"My grandfather would like to meet you," Keiko said as we undressed. "We're invited to dinner at his house, along with my parents, on the 22nd. I checked your calendar in the kitchen and the day is open."

"That's a week from tomorrow, right?"

"Yes."

"That should be fine," I replied. "Is there some specific occasion?"

"No, he just would like to meet the man in whose house I'm going to live, and who he knows I'm dating."

"He's the karate instructor, right?"

"Yes."

"I'll be on my best behavior!"

Keiko laughed as we climbed into bed.

"He's a pacifist, much as you are. Karate is about self-discipline and self-control. He requires his students to promise non-aggression, and to only ever use martial arts in self-defense, or defense of the weak or helpless."

"And if he doesn't like me?"

"I'm sure he will! And he is not opposed to marriage to a non-Japanese. I believe I told you my aunt married an American man."

"Marriage, huh?" I asked, as Keiko moved on top of me.

"You know that is a possible destination," she said. "We're learning about each other and in time, we'll decide if we should be together or not. I'm in no rush, and neither are you. I'm curious about something we haven't discussed directly. Shall we talk first or..."

It was 'or', and once we'd finished, Keiko and I cuddled.

"What did you want to ask?" I inquired.

"In your system of belief, is there room for a Shinto marriage ceremony?"

"Is there any requirement for any specific belief?"

"Other than to honor our ancestors and our parents, and to produce children? No."

"Produce?" I asked with a grin.

"That's the literal translation of the word in Japanese. I think it's probably similar to what the Christian Bible states — 'be fruitful and multiply'."

"No vows of fidelity?" I asked.

"The vows are up to each couple, and some traditional ones call for the 'protection of fidelity' but in Buddhism and Shinto, it means faithfulness to the promises you have made, as opposed to what it means to Christians, or people in the Christian tradition, such as you, who do not believe. And while I don't agree, many men in Japan have mistresses, and it's often tolerated, so long as the mistress never displaces the wife."

"You don't agree in general, or for yourself?"

"Myself. It's not my place to tell another woman how to manage her relationship with her husband. Nor is it appropriate for me to put demands on how they behave, so long as they honor the «kami» and Japanese culture. Of course, here in America, things are different, and I'm not completely traditionally Japanese. Neither is my grandfather, for that matter, as in Japan marrying a non-Japanese is often received with scorn and disapproval."

"Racism?"

"I think I'd term it 'culturalism'. To be Japanese is to have been born there, speak the language, practice the religion, and conform to basic social norms. It is not, like the US, which is called the 'great melting pot', where diversity is championed. That's the opposite of Japan."

She was, I felt, putting a positive spin on something that could be termed 'racist' or at last 'nativist', two things I felt were both wrong. But I wasn't being asked to live in Japan, and the Japanese had as much right to run their country as they saw fit as we did to run the US as we saw fit. I quickly decided it was a non-issue, as I saw no chance I'd move to Japan, nor did I feel Keiko would try to impose Japanese values on me.

"Going back to your question," I said thoughtfully, "I don't think a Shinto wedding would be objectionable in any way, unless, as I said, there was some mandatory belief or requirement that I not disagree."

"None at all. I think both Buddhism and Shinto are compatible with your philosophy and spirituality, such that it is. In many ways, it's no different from mine. I think, too, you can understand «kami» as the forces of the universe, including human nature and expression, which endure beyond the end of our physical life. Think of it as the memories of the past carried forward into the future."

"I've said something similar."

"Would you object to a Shinto shrine in the house?"

"Given the little I know about Shinto, I don't see why that would be objectionable. You'd offer incense to the spirits of your ancestors, but that can be understood symbolically, not literally."

"Yes. What about a Japanese room, that is, one with proper «tatami» mats? You'll see what they are in my grandfather's house. Such a room would be necessary for proper tea ceremonies and proper entertaining of my family."

"I don't see a problem with that, though I can't imagine the local 84 Lumber, or whatever it's called, would carry them!"

"No. They would have to be special ordered from Japan."

"You're already setting up our household?"

Keiko laughed softly, "Yes, but no. Remember what I said? This is about investigating. Normally, in a Japanese relationship, you go out with a group, and even after you tell each other you like each other, you continue to go out in a group. You do that until you are comfortable with the person and are sure you are in enough agreement to go on dates, rather than be with the group. That doesn't really happen here, as I saw couples pairing off in High School starting at fourteen or fifteen."

"You were born here, right?"

"Yes, but we're a traditional Japanese family, and my grandfather has taught us Japanese values. Of course, I see them through the lens of being an American, but also see being an American through the lens of being Japanese."

"Have you been to Japan?"

"Three times, the most recent when I was fourteen, right before High School started."

"And you speak Japanese?"

"I do, though not as well as someone who has lived in Japan their entire life. But my parents spoke it to me as a baby, along with English, so I learned."

"Your parents were both born here?"

"My dad was. My mom is the daughter of one of my grandfather's closest friends in Japan. It was, for all intents and purposes, an arranged marriage, but they both happily agreed and they are very happy after twenty years. If you and I marry, it won't be all that different, as we aren't going to marry because we're in love. I'd say that's true of you and Bianca, too, though I suspect Bianca's ideal relationship does not match your thinking."

"She has made some persuasive arguments, but I remain unpersuaded. May I ask a blunt, direct question?"

"Of course."

"How will you feel when other girls spend the night with me in the new house?"

"How is that different from now? I mean, obviously, you do, because I obviously know about Ellie. And I'm sure you sometimes sleep with Bianca and Shelly from things they've said."

"I think it will be different living in the house and seeing it happen, versus simply knowing about it."

"Seeing it?" Keiko asked mirthfully. "Are you selling tickets?"

I chuckled, "No, and I remember you making it clear you didn't feel it was 'performance art'."

"Obviously, others are free to express themselves however they wish, but I strongly prefer being alone with you."

"Just to be completely up front, Deanna and I are lovers."

Keiko laughed softly, "As if that were news! I assumed. And to answer your next question, I only expect honesty from you, and that you'll keep any commitments you make to me. My views on sex are not all that far from yours, I've simply chosen not to express my sexuality with anyone except you. But I haven't promised not to do so, and I know you're open-minded enough that it wouldn't create a rift between us. I owe you the same respect, at least for now."

"How certain are you of the outcome you've envisioned?"

"I don't know that 'certain' is the correct word. I think I'm confident we can work through any challenges and disagreements in a peaceful way, that we have a very similar outlook on life, and that so far, I've seen no reason to think things can't go that way. But I'm also only nineteen, and you're only twenty. That's too young to make the kind of decision we're discussing. Far too young."

"I am curious where you see a post-graduate degree in international relations leading career-wise. I'd think that would mean a job with the State Department, or at least in DC."

"That degree can be put to use in many ways, including working for trade associations, multi-national corporations, or for lobbying organizations. Another possibility would be to complete the Master's program, then get a JD, or perhaps find a way to combine the two, and specialize in international law. That would be useful for companies such as the one you work for."

"Our compliance team is lawyers and accountants, and they have a mix of specialties, including international finance and international law. Many of the currency trades we do are executed overseas, so we have to comply not just with American law, but also local law where the trade is executed."

"I suppose you're worried my job might take me away from Chicago."

"Only in the sense of not knowing what your employment options were besides the State Department. If that were your only possible place of employment, then we'd have to figure out how that might work."

"You're basically tied to Chicago, right?"

"Certainly for the near term, though if you go the route you're suggesting, you have another six or seven years of school. Do you plan to seek your post-graduate degree here?"

"Yes. There are plenty of excellent graduate schools and several excellent law schools, including Kent and John Marshall. Does that allay that particular concern?"

"Yes. Anything else?"

"No. I think I'll let you get some sleep! You have to be up early in the morning."

"I think one more 'or' wouldn't interfere."

Keiko quickly moved on top of me, and about twenty minutes later, with both of us sated, we spooned and fell asleep.

March 15, 1983, Chicago, Illinois

"Mom decided to go visit her sister," Lily said happily when I arrived at her house.

"Knowing I was coming to dinner?" I asked.

"She said she wanted to give us privacy!"

I chuckled, "Meaning time to talk, or..."

"It turns out she knew about the dinners we had, and when I was with you the first time. She just didn't say anything. She also couldn't admit that to the priest or her friends for what I hope are obvious reasons."

"Yes. What did you have in mind?"

"Orgasms!"

I chuckled, "I believe I can provide."

"A few with your tongue first, because I cum so much easier that way, and it also lets me cum easier from screwing."

"I would never object to drinking the nectar of the goddess!"

Lily laughed softly, "Nor I the protein shake!"

She took my hand and led me upstairs where we spent an hour fooling around before we went back downstairs to eat dinner, something Lily called 'pasta bake' which was mostaccioli and spaghetti sauce, covered with cheese, and baked in the oven. It was excellent for so simple a dish, and Lily had garlic bread and small tossed salads to go with it. When we finished eating, we cleaned up, then went back up to Lily's room and fooled around for a few hours. I helped her change the sheets on her bed, and she walked with me out to my car.

"I have a third date with a guy from class on Friday," she said.

"OK," I replied noncommittally

"Your tone of voice tells me you inferred that he'd expect I wasn't fooling around with another guy."

"I tried to keep it neutral, but I suspect my facial expression or body language gave that away. So long as he's a nice guy and treats you right, I have no position on what you do or don't do in that regard. You know I don't have a problem with it, but if he would, then you have to decide."