Chapter 24: Pointless and Boring

March 13, 1983, Chicago, Illinois

"What did you say?!" Bianca asked when Bianca and I were in the kitchen on Sunday morning after I related what Teri had said.

"That she'd given me something to think about and that I'd see her Monday at class."

"You do realize that I think that would be a huge mistake, right? And I don't mean just from a selfish perspective."

"What would be a huge mistake?" Shelly asked, coming into the kitchen and sitting down at the table with Bianca and me to have breakfast.

"Teri basically proposed at dinner last night," I said. "With the suggestion, we marry in June or July."

"NO WAY!" Shelly exclaimed. "What did you say?"

"Exactly what I just said to Bianca — that Teri had given me something to think about."

"That's like a one-eighty on her part, at least from what you've said."

"Actually, not, given what her brother said to me. It neatly eliminates my main objection, and she pointed out that I was, in effect, making a decision about my wife based purely on my desire to have sex."

"You want her that badly?" Shelly asked. "I don't believe it because I've seen you have fantastic sex with some smoking hot girls. And I mean as an eyewitness!"

"Present company included, of course!" Bianca interjected. "And I mean both of us!"

"Actually, she made the point, correctly, that I was rejecting her because I had no desire to be chaste for a long period of time. And she negated that objection by basically cutting to the chase."

"Wait!" Shelly protested. "You're seriously considering it?"

"Of course he is," Bianca declared. "He's evaluating it as he would any other potential investment opportunity. He's not one to reject something out of hand simply because it challenges his thinking. That doesn't mean he'll say 'yes' to her, but it does mean he'll give it fair consideration."

"What she said," I chuckled.

"And you're weighing the pros and cons, right?" Shelly asked.

"Yes."

"Sex with one girl for the rest of your life," she said with a smirk. "Pro or con?"

"Yes!" I replied, causing both girls to laugh.

"That's actually the basic question Jonathan is asking himself with regard to what I've suggested," Bianca said. "He just hasn't boiled it down to that essence."

"I'm not sure that's true," I said. "I understand your point, but that's not really it. In fact, I can't tell you why, other than it has always felt right. And yes, I suspect it has to do with social convention and the direct effects of Christianity on society, but it makes sense, and I wouldn't be doing it because I felt compelled but because I wanted to."

"Maybe I distilled it too far, but in the end, isn't that the essence?"

"No, I think it's more about being a couple and what's called a 'nuclear family'. I mean, yes, the point you made is valid; it's just not the whole answer."

"Just out of curiosity, how would something like that work practically?" Shelly asked. "Would she be OK with sharing what would be 'her' house with six other people besides you? All of whom, except Jack, were your former lovers, and with whom you had deep, intimate relationships? And more importantly, what about Violet?"

"Believe it or not, Violet is the biggest obstacle because I was adamant with her that I wasn't going to get engaged anytime soon."

"Because you think she might decide she does want to go to bed with you."

"That's not the question," I said. "She wants to, but given the circumstances, I'm not sure she's psychologically able to, or ever will be. That said, I have to at least give her the chance to go to counseling."

"Would you marry her? I mean, in June or July? I mean, assuming she got past her problems?"

"I think that would be awfully fast," I replied. "For a host of reasons."

"But Teri is a real possibility?" Shelly asked.

"In the sense that it's possible for me to say 'yes', then she is. But I think my answer to Bianca's questions about Violet means that I have to say 'no' to Teri. The challenge is that if I say 'no' to any girl who wants a committed relationship, I'm potentially missing out on the girl I should marry. And this is starting to drive me nuts because I don't feel I should even be considering something like that, but I have to."

"I think you're encountering the real world where people have different agendas, and you have to adapt to them," Bianca said. "Growing up, it was basically just you and Bev, right? I mean, you knew other people, but she was the only one you were close to. And you guys saw eye-to-eye on pretty much everything."

"I'm not sure that's true, given what happened during the second half of my last year in High School, but we certainly didn't have any open conflicts."

"And you both saw a future where you were together because you'd always been together, even if you didn't think of it as being married, right?"

"Yes," I admitted.

"And now you've encountered people with differing goals and viewpoints, and you have to respond to them. Keiko is playing the long game, as is Deanna, but they have their goals. The same is true for Anna, Teri, Beth, Shelly, me, and all the other girls. I think there are only three ways to avoid the situation in which you find yourself — a committed relationship, no relationship of any kind, or a string of one-night stands that are just sex and don't even develop into a friendship. None of those three options satisfies you, so you have to adapt."

"Which," I replied, "means navigating a minefield of not saying 'yes' or 'no' while not missing out on the person who might otherwise be right, even if the timing isn't perfect. Things were so much easier with Bev."

"Which is part of the problem, isn't it?" Shelly asked. "Relationships are challenging, and you have to work hard at them. You didn't with Bev, and so in your mind, all relationships should be simple and easy."

"I think you're on to something," Bianca said. "That would explain why there have been several 'crash and burn' incidents in Jonathan's life."

I nodded, "Lily once used the phrase 'starter boyfriend' and I see some validity in that. I learned from that and from the disaster with Rachel Kealty, the trouble with Marcia, and why Phoebe and Clara walked away. Part of it is communication, in fact, maybe most of it, but there were also wildly diverging views and goals. Maybe I just have a mental block about relationships."

"I think," Bianca said, "that in your heart-of-hearts, you want Bev, and you aren't going to do a thing until you're convinced, logically, and yes, emotionally, that you can't have her. I think your gravest, most deep-seated fear is entering a committed relationship, or worse, getting married, only to have Bev come back and say she's ready to be with you. That would create the ultimate nightmare scenario for you — go back on your word or your commitment, or be forever unhappy. Both are untenable."

I considered Bianca's analysis for a moment, then said, "I don't think I can deny that."

"OK to venture a bit further into your psyche?" Bianca asked.

"Has anything stopped you before?" I chuckled.

"This might be a bit over the line."

"Well, now you have to say it!"

"I think your promise to Violet was defensive in that you are reasonably convinced she's not going to get to the point where she could marry you, and as such, a promise to her to 'not marry soon' ensures the possibility of Bev stays open, and you can justify it by pointing to Violet."

"Speaking of pulling no punches," I said, shaking my head.

"It's the perfect defense, though, right? By telling yourself that you have to give Violet a chance, you committed to not telling any other girl 'yes' before you're confident about Violet's inability to enter into a marriage. And that gives you breathing room. Remove her from the equation, and what's your rationale for not saying 'yes' to Teri? From what you've said, she's intelligent, pretty, and interesting, and minus you wanting to get into her panties, there's no conflict."

"Religion," I said. "She goes to church, and I feel she'd want to keep doing that."

"But you're OK with that so long as you don't have to make any promises, right?"

"In theory, but what Rachel said keeps coming back — you can take the girl out of the Church, but not the Church out of the girl. It really comes down to how devout she is. You rejected all of that, but not immediately. When we first met, you talked about a church wedding."

"That went out the window when I tasted pussy for the first time!" Bianca smirked. "But I see your point. And that's more support for Shelly's point about Keiko specifically and Oriental girls in general. They do not have the same concept of religion as the other girls, who are almost all Catholic. Deanna is, right?"

"Was," I replied. "She hasn't been to church since she decided to become a 'bad girl'. And I don't see any conflict there, as her outlook is closer to mine, which is true of Keiko and was true of Huifen. It's different from Rachel in that Deanna has never once raised the topic except in a negative way, and really only to mention she went to Catholic High School."

"So you need someone spiritually compatible, which, in a way, isn't much different from the girl who wants a Catholic wedding. You know Shelly and I aren't atheists, but the three of us are still on the same general page, even if she and I are agnostics who lean towards theism. What about Violet?"

"She's never once mentioned it, and I don't even know if she went to church when she was little. I can't imagine she'd believe in a benevolent deity after the evil that was perpetrated by her parents. Let's be honest — how could a god who was 'good' allow that to happen to a kid? It boggles the mind. And no, I'm not interested in a debate because as I see it, it all comes down to some kind of hand-waving saying it's not the fault of the alleged all-powerful god."

"I'm there with you on that one," Shelly said. "But now it sounds as if you've gone full circle and are back to thinking about Teri."

"Because I can, in effect, split the difference," I said. "Go out with her, then decide in June what to do. It's not as if either of us is doing anything irrevocable or unalterable. And none of the other girls will make a fuss about that."

"And what is Teri going to say when you take Anna to Saint Martin?" Bianca asked. "I know you won't lie, but will you omit the fact that you're taking her? And I'm jealous, by the way!"

"I hadn't considered how Teri might react because I hadn't considered there was a possible way forward with her. I'm going to have to think more about it. I have at least until tomorrow evening at class to decide on a short-term course of action."

We finished our breakfast, cleaned up the kitchen, then made a fresh pot of coffee before we went to the front room to relax. I'd just sat down with my fresh cup of coffee when the phone rang, and I got up to answer it.

"Kane," I said.

"Jonathan, it's Esme! I was calling to confirm that Katy and I want to see you a week from Sunday, as we planned."

"It's on my calendar," I said. "It'll need to be in the evening because we'll be finishing up painting the new house during the day."

"That works. What time?"

"Let's say 7:00pm? Do you plan to stay overnight?"

"I want to, but I'm not sure I can swing it. Katy could, for sure."

"It was simply a question of setting expectations," I said.

"OK. Jasmine said to say 'hello' and wondered if she could see you."

"I'm pretty busy the next few weeks," I said. "But once I move into the new house, things will calm down a bit. Let's talk in April."

"Cool! I'm really looking forward to Sunday! I can't wait!"

"See you around noon," I said.

We said 'goodbye' and I hung up, then, because I was going to be with Deanna, made my usual Sunday call to my mom. She was doing fine, and nothing had changed, so the call was short. After I hung up, I went back to the front room.

"That was Esme," I said. "Confirming a week from Sunday, in the evening after we finish painting and cleaning the new house."

"I'd pay good money to see that!" Bianca smirked. "What time are you picking up Deanna today?"

"11:30am, and we're going to Gold Coast Dogs for lunch. She's never had a Chicago-style hotdog."

"No, just a Kane-style sausage!" Shelly teased.

"We're heading out about the same time," Bianca said. "We'll be at Shelly's house for dinner, and home around 9:00pm."

Which had been fortuitous, given what Deanna had proposed we do after lunch.

"OK. Deanna is staying."

"Is Keiko staying on Monday as usual?"

"Yes."

"I know you're having dinner with Lily on Tuesday. What about Wednesday after class?"

"No plans, why?"

"You still need to earn your red wings!" Bianca smirked.

As adventurous as she was, I wondered if there was anything Bianca wouldn't do, and decided the answer to that was that she'd likely consider doing just about anything as an experiment.

"And you'd get off on that?" I asked.

"I get off from your tongue every time!" Bianca declared. "But I'll kiss you after, and even better, suck you after we screw."

"Let's talk on Wednesday evening."

I read the Sunday Trib while the girls did homework, and we all left the house at the same time. I picked up Deanna, we had lunch and then headed to Rogers Park, where we'd stop at the video store before heading to the house.

"Sophie suggested we rent Insatiable in addition to The Opening of Misty Beethoven. She said the sex in Insatiable is hot. Both movies together run less than three hours."

"And she wants me to feel as if I'm inadequate?" I asked with a smirk.

Deanna laughed, "Her comment was that John Holmes was so big that if he ever got fully erect, he'd pass out from the lack of blood flowing to his brain!"

"A friend described that scene, and let's just say I was impressed!"

Deanna laughed, "Says the biggest guy Sophie, Ivy, or I have ever been with!"

"The thing is, I've never in my life seen one erect besides my own, so I have no clue, as one point was made in health class by my teacher — there are 'showers' and there are 'growers' and you can't know for sure the size that will result."

Deanna laughed, "Your health class seems way more cool than mine! Of course, I went to parochial school, so it was a nun who probably had less of a clue at forty than we did at thirteen or fourteen!"

"Never had a desire to be a nun?"

"Not even on my worst 'good girl' day!" Deanna said with a laugh. "Even at twelve, when they asked about vocations, I knew I eventually wanted to have sex. Of course, then I believed it would be on my wedding night with my husband!"

"As opposed to your wedding night and not with your husband?" I asked with a goofy smile.

Deanna laughed hard, "I love your sense of humor. It's a perfect mix of innuendo, sarcasm, and wordplay."

"You don't have to butter me up to have your way with me!"

"Speaking of butter, have you seen Last Tango in Paris?"

"No. Why?"

"There's a scene where Marlon Brando uses butter to lube his girlfriend's butt before he forces her to have anal sex."

"I sense a pattern here," I chuckled.

"You're the one who brought up butter!"

"And YOU brought up anal sex!" I countered. "Again!"

"So sue me if I'm curious! Aren't you?"

"I've done it and was nonplussed, and I am decidedly NOT curious about being on the receiving end!"

"But you didn't say 'no'."

"You're right, and I didn't say 'yes' because, as you said, you'll decide if you want to ask, and if you do, I'll decide my answer. Fortunately, we at least have an instructional video available to view!"

Deanna laughed, "You say that in jest, but according to Sophie, that's actually the premise of Misty Beethoven — teaching a girl to be a sex goddess. Think Pygmalion or My Fair Lady."

"I've never seen either of those."

"I take it you also didn't go to plays? My Fair Lady is a High School staple."

"I worked every day after school and on weekends, so, no. I saw fewer than five movies at a theatre growing up, including Star Wars and Star Trek: The Motion Picture."

"Science fiction is your thing?"

"Bev and her dad were both into Science Fiction, and I did watch reruns of Star Trek on TV, but I prefer mysteries."

"She's the one with the kid, right?" Deanna asked.

"Yes."

"Do you still have a thing for her?"

"Bianca would say the answer is an unequivocal 'yes', and I suspect Bianca is correct. But so much has happened that I don't even know if I'll ever even hear from her again."

"But she could simply swoop in and scoop you up at any time if I'm reading the vibes right."

"Another theory that Bianca and Shelly have. I don't have a good answer to that question."

"This is NOT me pressuring you, but at what point does she hit 'you snooze, you lose'?"

"That is the question I've been asking myself. And it's one reason I'm not ready to make any commitments to anyone."

"I like you," Deanna said with a smile, "and I want to fuck you, but I sure as heck don't want to marry you when I'm nineteen and you're twenty! We're not even full adults yet! I think I should at least be able to buy a drink before I get married!"

"But after you buy your first drink?" I asked.