Chapter 8: The Big day

“Who am I? What do I want?”

It had been nearly twenty days since I’d seen my aunt for the last time and those two questions kept echoing in my head. Just like Aunt Emma had said, I tried to look deep inside me and understand my true feelings. I did not know if what I was feeling at that time was normal but I strongly doubted that the other girls had thoughts so absurd.

“Absurd,” I could not find a better word to define my desires that had driven me to beg my aunt to accept me as her slave, giving away the most precious thing for human beings ... freedom. For all history of the mankind, peoples had fought for this word, so small but so full of meaning. Many had sacrificed their lives to ensure that their children could live without the oppression of other men, free at last of make their own choices, to follow their dreams. So why I was so anxious to give away something so precious? Aunt Emma was clear, it would not have been a game and if I had continued that way, if I had made that choice, there would have been no return.

I was not even aware of what to be a slave really means, I did not know how that would have changed my life. At that moment I was not thinking of anything but the beauty of my aunt, her long red hair dancing in the wind, her hypnotic green eyes, her full lips, her delicate breasts, her divine feet which had bewitched my mind and lit in my heart a flame which seemed it could burn for eternity.

If my aunt thought that not see her for a couple of weeks could assuage the intense passion that was born inside of me, she was wrong and that distance did nothing but increase even more my desire for her and I was going through withdrawal just as an addicted without drugs. Many times I tried to feel again those emotions that I had felt at my aunt’s house, to smell again that wonderful scent, sniffing my shoes, or enjoy that amazing taste licking my own feet. Although I tried, I was never able to reach a such excitement to be comparable to the ones that my aunt gave me and even though I had tried to make my feet more tasty with jogging, my taste was very different.

The return of my mother had done nothing but make the situation even more difficult. As always, she was not able to understand me, to realize that her daughter was going through a difficult phase of her life, that a thousand thoughts crowded her mind and that intense emotions flustered her soul. My mother had only one thing her mind, that damn audition. There was no day that she didn’t remember me that I had to get that part, there was not a moment without that she reminded me to do the exercises, “specifically designed” (as she used to say) to improve my skills and help me to face that important test in the best way. When my mother came home, she quickly put me at strict diet continuing to reproach myself for having put on weight, even though it not seemed to me to be different from usual. I would have done anything to eat pizza or french fries which, obviously, had been denied to me. At that time I ate so much salad and so many carrots that a rabbit would have taken me for a being of its own species.

“Human beings have been created for eating meat also, dammit” I swore, wanting more and more to sink my teeth on a nice steak and savor that taste so wonderful. In my mind immediately went back the image of the toes of my aunt, and once again I found myself facing my lust.

The day of the audition was getting closer, my friend Rose had come to see me and had brought the popcorn that we would have to eat while watching the first episode of the new season of our favorite series. My mother gave me a dirty look before going to her room and understanding her threat, I told Rose that I could not eat popcorn.

- But you adore them - she said upset

- I know but I’m on a diet and I can not - I replied with sadness

- But you are not fat -

Seeing my wistful look, Rose said nothing more, and our focus was back on the TV, even though I could still hear the sound of popcorn chewed into her mouth. While my mouth was watering, I thought, once again, of the feet of my aunt and I lost myself completely, Rose and the film was very distant.

The big day had finally arrived, the audition would have been in the afternoon. I was in the kitchen and I was doing the exercises to relax me, when my mother entered the room and stopped a few feet from me.

- I have an appointment with my agent, so do not wait for me for dinner -

- Ok - I said without even looking at her face

My mother stood still next to me and I was forced to look up

- Remember, that part will have to be yours - she said, inching closer to my chair and putting a hand on my shoulder.

- I will do my best - I said

- No, you need to do much more - and so saying she gave me her back and walked away.

I do not think I will be never able to understand my mother and her unbridled desire to excel, everything was a race for her and I thought it would be a hell to have someone like her in school.

“Well, there is Kaley” - I corrected myself after a moment, thinking of my cousin who had in common with my mother a lot more things than me, beginning with her physical appearance.

I tried to imagine what my cousin was doing at that moment, how she had prepared herself for the audition. Was she nervous just like me? Or maybe she thought she was already defeated from the start, having to compete with me who had always defeated her? Kaley actually was not a person who surrendered easily but she had lost so many times that it would be foolish to think to get the part. While in my mind ran the memories of our past challenges, I heard a beep, and I realized that it was a message on my new phone that as expected was delivered to me a few days earlier. My heart stopped when I saw that the sender was Aunt Emma.

“We had enough time to think, come to my house in an hour”

I reread the message five times, more and more excited. I could feel the blood rush to my face, my cheeks had to be flushed. I jumped on the spot in the throes of a great euphoria and I could feel again the butterflies in my stomach. Finally my aunt seemed determined to face me, even for her it must have been difficult to understand what to do and I could not but blame myself for having put my aunt in that difficult situation. When I thought of the audition, I put my hands in my face almost desperate, it was a misfortune that my aunt had chosen that day for our decisive meeting. The audition was at the four in the afternoon and I relaxed thinking that I had time. Of course I would have happily avoided a commitment just before such an important test, but I could not say NO to Aunt Emma who was doing everything for me. I sent a message telling her I would have been there in an hour.