Chapter 6: Shades of Grey

Sarah tossed and turned on her bed. Despite feeling emotionally and physically exhausted, sleep eluded her. While she had found some clarity with Mark, she kept on thinking about Tanya. She had hurt the one person who had been there for her in her good times and bad. How long had she carried the resentment against her best friend in her heart?

~ Five Years Ago ~

The harsh winter wind howled around Sarah as she left the diner. She had just gotten through another long shift, and her hands were numb. Her graduation day was near, but the uncertainty about the future nagged at her. Medical bills for her sick father, outstanding utility bills, and the loan to be settled. All her issues hinged on money.

Sarah saw a shiny red car parked near the entrance. Tanya was leaning against the passenger door, waving at her. She noticed Tanya had started gaining weight. She would never say it out loud though.

“Hey, girl! Get in, I’ll take you home,” Tanya yelled out with a smile.

Sarah lingered for a second but went along with her best friend. “Tan? What are you doing here?”

Tanya shrugged. She tried to be cool, but Sarah could tell she was excited. “Oh, you know. I thought I’d surprise you with a ride home.”

Sarah got into the cozy car, sighing in relief as the heaters blew full force. Tanya always did such small things for her. It was more to Sarah than she could ever ask for.

“So, how was your day?” Tanya asked as they drove away from the curb. “Any luck finding another part-time job?”

Sarah let her shoulders sink. “Nope. There are not a lot of things that freshers like me can do. With college and taking care of my dad, there are only so many hours I can work.”

Tanya held Sarah’s hand. “I’m sorry, Sar. I wish I could do more to help.”

Sarah forced a smile. “You’re doing just fine and being there for me. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

Sarah appreciated her always supportive childhood friend. The two girls had been inseparable since their school days. They had bonded over their difficult family circumstances. Sarah’s mother had passed due to cancer. Her father was in poor condition too. As for Tanya, she didn’t know her father as a child. She had been brought up by her mother alone. They were like true sisters and always stood by each other.

However, things changed with time. They were not on equal footing anymore. While Sarah struggled to keep her head above water, Tanya was graced with a stroke of luck. Tanya’s father had shown up out of the blue. He was a very wealthy man. He apologized sincerely for the way he had treated Tanya’s mother. While he could not acknowledge Tanya as his legitimate daughter, he wanted to do right by her and her mother. Tanya had financial security and stability now.

Sarah cleared her throat. “How’s life with your dad?” She kept the bitterness out of her voice.

Tanya paused. She could feel Sarah’s silent resentment. “It’s good. He meets us frequently and cares for Mom,” she answered cautiously. “I mean ... It’s uncomfortable, you know, but he does seem really sorry. It’s not about the money, Sar. It helps for sure, but it’s more about Mom. She’s gained a new zest for life.”

Sarah remembered the period following her mother’s death. She and Tanya had tried to bring her father and Tanya’s mother together. They wanted to be real sisters, but their parents laughed at them. Her father had not moved on from her mother’s death, and Tanya’s mother was still pining for the man she loved. Both were too hurt to try a new relationship. Now, in retrospect, she could see that it was indeed a childish attempt.

Sarah felt a sharp pang of envy in her heart. “That’s great,” she said. Hating how false and brittle her voice sounded. “I’m happy for you, Tan, and your mom. She had truly loved him all these years. It’s good that he reciprocated at last.”

Tanya smiled, but it didn’t seem like she was convinced. Her face was more guarded than joyful. If anything, her father’s return had only made her heart harden in some way.

“I’ll see you tomorrow,” Tanya said, as they drove up in front of Sarah’s house. Sarah waved her off as Tanya drove home.

Weeks passed and the graduation ceremony had arrived, but Sarah’s heart was not in it. While her friends celebrated with their family, she missed her father. He had been admitted to the hospital yesterday, and they were at the end of their savings. Her mind was occupied with thoughts of the future, as she could not see the clear path ahead.

Tanya stood beside Sarah in the group photo. She was so excited, and Sarah did not want to dampen her happiness. “Can you believe it? We did it!” She squeezed Sarah’s hand.

Sarah forced a smile in return. “Yeah, we did. It’s just ... I still haven’t found anything.” Her voice was barely above a whisper.

Tanya’s expression softened. She hugged her friend. “Don’t worry. I am sure something will come up soon.”

In the coming days, Sarah started to send out her resume and attend the job interviews. All she could get was a beginner profile, barely covering her living expenses. She was in dire need of money and could not figure out a way. As she was losing hope, Tanya called with big news.