Chapter 16: The Spy Who Loved Me Not

Sarah sat in her cozy living room, still reeling from the events of yesterday. She had handled the situation like a boss. She could finally close that chapter from her past. Yet, it wasn’t the kidnapping that weighed on her mind. It was seeing Mark, or Agent Shade again ... and slapping him before storming off.

“Ugh, what did I do?” She groaned and buried her face in her hands.

Vee had come to check on her after yesterday’s incident. She sat comfortably on the sofa and sipped her tea while waiting for Sarah to speak.

“I just ... I don’t know,” Sarah said. “I slapped him, Vee. I slapped Mark. In front of everyone.”

Vee set her teacup down calmly. “You assumed he used you as bait. You were not wrong.”

“It was wrong!” Sarah sighed. “I was waiting for him for the entire year, and then, BAM!!! I slapped him. It was so dramatic.”

“Well, you’ve certainly had your share of drama,” Vee said gently. “You two have history. An unresolved history with a spark.”

Sarah looked flustered. “Don’t start with the romantic cliche, Vee.”

Vee took a deep breath. “Sarah,” she said seriously. “It wasn’t Mark who used you as bait. It was me.”

Sarah blinked at Vee. She struggled to process what was just said. “You? What do you mean?”

“I orchestrated the entire operation,” Vee admitted. “I knew James would come for you, so I used Jinx as a lure. I wanted to draw James out and knew Shade would follow to save you.”

Sarah looked at her in disbelief. “But ... why? Why me?”

“You’re a part of this story,” Vee said calmly. “I knew you could manage on your own, and Shade wouldn’t let anything happen to you.”

Sarah’s anger flared, but it was quickly replaced by a wave of embarrassment. “So, I slapped him after he rushed to save me.”

“You reacted as anyone would,” Vee reassured her. “It was a necessary deception. Shade understands.”

“Does he?” Sarah asked in doubt.

Vee stood up. “Are you going to sit here and mope? Or figure out what you want?”

Sarah looked startled.

“And Sarah,” Vee said before leaving. “I would appreciate it if you didn’t talk about me with Jinx. I have a few important lessons to teach that overenthusiastic boy.”

“Poor Jinx,” Sarah shuddered at the image of a humbled Jinx in front of Vee.

Vee chuckled and left the living room with a wave of her hand.

Jinx was back again. His last visit was interrupted, and he wanted to apologize properly. When Sarah offered him tea, he bluntly refused. He was making coffee in the kitchen, just how she liked it.

Jinx returned with two steaming mugs. He has also picked a plum cake for her. “Here you go,” he handed her a mug and sat across from her. “I recommend you ditch that calming tea. It tastes awful.”

Sarah chuckled at his bluntness. “So, Jinx, I hear you’re a spy now?”

He shook his head. “That I am! A poor one at that.”

He looked at her seriously. “I am so sorry, Sarah. I had no idea I was leading James to you. Turns out my ‘graduation mission’ was to act as a lure.” He looked sheepish.

“How does that work, though? You didn’t even know?” Sarah asked.

“Well, they gave me some time off, knowing I’d visit the old neighborhood and pop up on James’s radar. Then they leaked a story about me meeting you with his contacts. I should have been suspicious when they handed over your address without question.” He shook his head ruefully.

“So did Mark ... I mean, Agent Shade knew about it?” Sarah asked tentatively.

Jinx laughed. “Nope! He was played too, I guess. He came running for you, only to get slapped. You’re amazing, Sarah!”

Sarah rolled her eyes as she noticed him eyeing her appreciatively again. “Ugh, Jinx, can you try to control your wandering gaze, at least when we’re talking? It’s creepy.”

“Sorry! I just can’t help it,” he said with a boyish innocence that made Sarah want to smack him. “After your badass performance yesterday, you’ve only grown more amazing in my eyes.”

“Spare me the flattery, Jinx,” she huffed. “Who’s your new handler?”

“Never met him, but he goes by Agent Vee,” he said.

Sarah nearly choked on her coffee. “Oh, boy!”

Vee had already confessed that she had planned yesterday’s mission. But still, a shudder ran through her when she heard Jinx’s side. That woman was truly ruthless. She had played both enemies and allies, like a fiddle.

Jinx tilted his head at her reaction. “Umm ... Do you know him?”

“Forget what I just said. Well, congratulations, Jinx.” She tried to change the subject.

Jinx nodded gratefully. Then his face lit up. “Hey Sarah, I was thinking ... maybe I should ask Tanya out.”

Sarah cut him off with a grin. “Don’t even think about it, Jinx!” She wanted to say that he was too young for Tanya, but she knew about his interest in older women.

“Oh, okay,” he looked crestfallen. “Guess I’ll have to try my luck with this new doctor they’re sending me to for a psychological evaluation.” His eyes sparkled dreamily at the thought.

Sarah wanted to warn this idiot about what he was getting into but thought against it. He was in for a world of hurt if he tried to flirt with Dr. Vee.

The December air felt cold against Shade’s face as he walked into the snow-lined street. He looked around the small town. It was a view straight out of the Christmas card. He had been staying in this remote town for a while now, but he had to keep a low profile. Not today though. He was a man on a mission today.

The Christmas decorations were in full swing. Shade could hear Carol’s being played around every corner. He was not in the mood for festivities. He had to make an apology that was long overdue.

Shade spotted Sarah leaving the grocery store with a shopping bag in her hand. He quickened his pace to catch up to her.

“Sarah,” he called. “Wait.”

Sarah gasped at being called by her old name. She stopped in her tracks and looked back at him. “Mark? ... Uh, I mean Agent Shade. What are you doing here?”

Shade was prepared for this conversation, but he felt tongue-tied now. He shoved his hands into his pockets and walked his way toward her. “Mark is fine. I ... I just wanted to talk. If that’s acceptable.”

She hesitated. “I’m really sorry for slapping you yesterday. I was out of line.”

He chuckled. “Never mind that. Do you want to have a coffee with me?” He pointed towards the nearby coffee shop.

She shook her head. “Why don’t you come to my cottage? I can prepare some hot cocoa.”

Mark grinned. His heart was racing with anticipation. “Sounds nice. Let’s go.”

As they walked through the street, he thought over what he wanted to say. He wanted to apologize but knew it would be a difficult conversation.

Sarah ushered Mark into her small cottage. “Welcome to my humble home.” She pointed toward the fireplace. “Why don’t you light the fire? I’ll go make some hot cocoa for us.”

He nodded and kneeled beside the fire as Sarah made herself busy in the kitchen. He could sense the aroma of melted chocolate sometime later. She came in with two hot mugs. Mark began the fire, and the room was warm and cozy.

She handed him a mug and sat down next to the Christmas tree. Mark’s gaze trailed behind her as he noticed a delicate glass angel ornament suspended at the highest branch. He had brought it for their previous Christmas. He felt melancholic as he remembered what she had lost. Perhaps he could have prevented her house from getting blown. He felt guilty that she had to give up her old life.

Sarah noticed him staring at her. “I took that before Sandra pulled me out,” she whispered. “It’s the only memento I have from the old life.”

His expression turned dark. He could hear the pain in her voice. It was time to say the words that had weighed on his heart for a year. “Sarah, about what happened. I’m so sorry. For everything.” He looked up at her with regret and longing. “I never wanted to hurt you.”

She sipped some cocoa before speaking quietly. “You did use me, Mark. As a means to gather evidence on James. You made me think we had something special.”

Her eyes became watery. That was not what she wanted to say, but she had to let go of her pain. She wanted to vent her feelings.

Mark sat beside her. He wanted to hug her, but the moment wasn’t right. “I know. It wasn’t entirely a lie ... Not to me.” He breathed deeply to regain his composure. “I love you, Sarah. It sort of grew on me over time. You had my heart even before I could get my footing.”

He then scowled at her, “I am not sorry for what I did. I was investigating you as well. But I regret not being truthful and making you suffer. Maybe we could have been honest with each other. We might have avoided the suffering, but we both failed to trust each other enough.”

She stood in front of him then. Her eyes brimmed with tears. “I loved you too, but I could never be brave enough to be honest. I am not proud of my past,” she panted. “Ok, we both lied. But how can we trust anything we ever had was real?”

Mark stepped in front of her and took her hand. “We did not fall in love with our lies, Sarah. We experienced real feelings beneath all the lies,” he asserted. “What we shared was special!”

She thought about his words. He was genuine. There was no way to deny what they felt in their hearts was true. “Maybe you are right,” she whispered. “But can we build something on a foundation of lies?”

“I know,” he said. She was right. “We both must move on. Those memories will never bring any joy.” He squeezed her hand softly before letting it go reluctantly.

They sat in silence as they sipped their cocoa. Snowfall had started again. It was freezing cold outside while the fire warmed them and provided comfort inside the house. Both of them found it difficult to go on with the conversation. They had a lot to say, yet words escaped them.

Then Mark got up and stood up with a sigh. “I need to go,” he whispered. “It is late.”

Sarah nodded and followed him to the door. He wore his coat and opened the door. The winter air was bitter cold. It was so warm and comfortable inside. Mark did not want to venture into the snow. Sarah wanted to stop him and hold him close in her arms. They stood there on the threshold for a little while.

Mark was just going to step out when Sarah caught his hand. He closed the door with a slam and drew her into a tight embrace. They looked into each other’s eyes and leaned forward. He kissed her, and she melted into him instantly.

As soon as it started, there was no holding back. It felt like a dam had been broken. They let lose all the pent-up love, regret, and longing into that kiss. It was stronger than any of the words they could use.

They eventually broke apart, looking breathless and flushed. Sarah rested her forehead against his. “We shouldn’t do this,” she whispered. Her hands were still gripping on his shoulders, despite what she was saying. “It will only end in heartbreak.”

“Then let’s make it worth,” Mark growled as he carefully cradled her face. “Just this once.” And he kissed her again, slowly and deeply.

They lurched towards the fireplace. Feverish kissing raised no doubts about what was on their mind. Clothes were shaded in quick abandon and fingers mapped over bare skin with urgent desperation.

“I missed you, Sarah.” Mark groaned against Sarah’s neck. His lips etched a course down her body. “I have longed for you all this time.”

Sarah groaned and shoved against him. Her fingers knotted into his hair as she drew him down. “Then take me,” she breathed and opened her legs in invitation. “Make me forget everything. I want you deep inside me.”

Mark did not need to be reminded twice. He moved slowly to just gaze at her and shower her body with starved kisses. He kissed up the inner thighs, reaching for her wet warmth. Then he dove in with his tongue. He kept licking and sucking at her most tender spots until she squirmed beneath him.

He waited until she was writhing on the edge of her orgasm. He rose up and lay between her legs. Their eyes met in the moment as he pushed inside slowly. He made her feel every ridge and vein on his cock. He stretched her love tunnel wide, slowly. They both groaned at the sensation. They were meant for each other, and they fit together like a glove.

Their sex was wild and crazed. All those months of repressed lust spilled out as they danced together in a primal rhythm. Mark draped Sarah’s legs over his shoulders. The different angle let him drive deeper. He knew all the secret places inside her and made her see stars. She held on for dear life. Her nails scratched his back as she begged him to go harder.

They came almost simultaneously with cries of ecstasy. Their bodies shook and shuddered as wave after wave of pleasure crashed over them. Mark collapsed on top of Sarah, both gasping for breath in the aftermath.

As they lay tangled together amidst the flickering Christmas lights and crackling fire, Sarah traced idle patterns across Mark’s sweaty chest. “That was incredible,” she murmured dreamily. “Best sex we’ve ever had.”

Mark smiled and kissed her forehead. “Well, good to know. But we’re not done yet, sweetheart.”

He rolled them over, with Sarah now on top of him. Her dripping sex ground against his already hardening cock. She raised an eyebrow at him playfully. “Oh really? Do you think you can last through round two?”

Mark bucked into her, plunging his stout length into her in one sharp stroke. Both of them gasped at the fullness. And then they were moving again, Sarah sliding over him ferally as he held her by the hips. He thrust to meet her coming strokes. This was slower and deeper, a sensual thrusting that made them both shiver and moan with increasing joy.

They took their time, savoring each slide of skin on skin. Each shuddering breath and each heavy-lidded look of desire. They slid over the edge for the second time. Screams of satiation rang through the living room. They spent the evening in each other’s arms.

Sarah rested her chin on Mark’s chest to see him. The muted light of the Christmas lights softened his features. He appeared vulnerable and sorrowful. They had vowed to make this final night memorable, but now she did not want to allow him to slip away.

“This was perfect,” she panted. She traced her tongue over his lips. “A memory to last a lifetime.”

Mark nodded wordlessly, wincing back at the sudden burning of tears. At that moment, everything was right. His life had meaning. It hurt him to think that this moment would only be a memory, never to be lived again.

They loved one another one final time gently, committing all the sensations to memory. While they drifted off to sleep, they both knew. This was not the end; it was the beginning. Their hearts had already accepted what their mind was slowly catching up to. They were meant to be together.

Commander Blackwell’s Office

Agent Shade sat across from Commander Blackwell, awaiting his verdict and next assignment.

“Shade, have a seat,” Commander Blackwell said. His voice was devoid of unnecessary warmth. “It seems Vee has a very positive opinion of you. I am reinstating you based on her feedback. She has also recommended you for a peculiar mission.”

Shade settled into the chair. While he did not agree with the commander’s opinion but did not show it. “Understood, sir.”

“You’ll be operating undercover again. We already have a new identity ready for you, ‘Boris Ledger’,” Blackwell continued. His eyes fixed on Shade to see his reaction. “The target environment requires a specific profile. You will need to blend in with high-level financial circles.”

The smile faded from Shade’s face. True to her word, Vee had pushed him for a mundane desk job. There would be no adrenaline-filled chase or the thrill of adventures for him anytime soon.

“Accountant?” Shade asked while trying to keep his frustration in check. “Another reconnaissance mission, sir?”

“Your exceptional investigative skills and experience in team collaboration make you an ideal choice for this mission,” Blackwell explained.

Shade couldn’t help but ask. “Is this because of Agent Vee’s psychological evaluation?”

“Yes,” Blackwell admitted. “Her assessment carries significant weight. More than your past record as a field agent.”

Shade’s protest died as Blackwell continued, “Your personal involvement in the last mission did not go unnoticed, Shade. Also, you are a valuable asset now. Your focus will be on analytical work for the foreseeable future.”

“I understand, Commander,” Shade failed to mask his disappointment.

As he stood to leave, Blackwell added, “Consider this, Shade. Vee’s judgment is sound, and she knows a lot more than you are privy to. This could be a valuable opportunity for you. I hope you use it well.”

Shade nodded a mix of frustration and resignation clear on his face. He left the office, pondering the commander’s words and his future.

The sun’s warm rays came through the curtains to light up the room. Sarah woke up from her slumber in Mark’s arms. She nestled into him. Her fingers ran over his scar once more. She always felt like part of his other life when she ran her fingers over those marks of his resilience.

She thought over the events of last week. Their temporary understanding one last time was long forgotten. Despite their words and fears, they had easily settled into their married life again. The incidents of the previous year did not count anymore. They were together again, and this time for good.

“Good morning,” Mark muttered in his sleep.

“Morning,” Sarah said. She then planted a tiny morning kiss.

She attempted to stand up, but he drew her back against his body.

“Aren’t you satisfied yet?” she mocked.

Mark opened lazy eyes. “Never with you,” he rebutted. He kissed her fiercely then.

Her mock protest faded in his warm embrace, and they tangled together for another bout of lovemaking.

A long time afterward, Mark sighed happily. “I wish this holiday never ends.”

“Me too,” she replied and burrowed into him.

Mark gazed at her solemnly. “I have received a new assignment. Next week, I will have to leave.”

Sarah’s heart constricted. “Is it dangerous? When will I see you again?” she asked nervously.

Mark kissed her forehead softly. “It is undercover work, a desk job.” He went on in a humorous tone. “I will assume the persona of a dull accountant named ‘Boris Ledger’.”

Sarah laughed. “Boris Ledger? A little too on the nose, even for you.”

“I know,” Mark shrugged. “They chose it for me.”

A reflective look came over Sarah’s face. “An accountant requires a plain life, yes?” Her eyes twinkled with mischief.

Mark raised an eyebrow. “Where are you going with this?”

Sarah sat up. “What if ... what if you had a partner? Someone to guide you through the world of finance you’re stepping into?”

Mark thought about it. “Hmmm ... I could use assistance, but we work primarily on our own.”

He noticed she was smiling and knew where she was headed.

“This is no game, Sarah. This undercover operation has the potential to be dangerous.” He took her hand gently. “It’s not as easy as just going along with me.”

“I know that,” Sarah said. “But I have financial analysis experience. I would be of help.” She hesitated and continued, “And I don’t want to be separated from you so soon.”

Mark could sense the sincere worry in her eyes. “It’s not something I can decide,” he explained. “It would have to go through channels, and even then, there are very slim chances.”

“But let’s ask,” Sarah pressed. Not optimistic, she sounded adamant. “Let me call Vee. She knows my abilities, and she’ll see how much this means to me.”

Mark groaned with worry. “Sarah, this is. complicated.”

“I know,” she was already grabbing her phone. “But please, let’s at least try.”

Mark observed her and got a feeling for this. This seemed like something Vee had thought out ahead of time. So much for Sarah not being a potential recruit. Commander Blackwell might not have noticed, but Vee had already played her card.

He wasn’t necessarily grossed out by the prospect, either. A spy can never live a normal domestic life. But what about two spies? He was willing to see for himself.

Epilogue

Sandra’s New Case

Detective Sandra Johnson hadn’t heard from Sarah after she entered witness protection. All she remembered of that case was the raw relief of helping someone genuinely in need. Life, as usual, had been a whirlwind of thrilling cases and the grim realities of humanity’s darker corners. She’d also endured the Chief’s usual lecture about getting too emotionally invested, a familiar tune she’d learned to tune out.