Forum: Story Discussion and Feedback

I keep waiting for the better man to bet. Without betting he isn't a better.

That prompted me to Google 'bettor vs better'. I've been using 'bettor' for several years now because that seems to be the norm amongst gamblers with a mathematical bent. But apparently it started as Ye Olde Englishe, went out of use, was reincarnated by Americans and is now gaining ground internationally.

AJ

Would you rather get 3 short chapters a week or one long chapter a week?

3 short chapters.

They're more convenient to read and they keep the story fresh in the mind.

AJ

Neither. I hate reading unfinished stories.

As for paying for his mom's cancer treatment, what kind of person would leave their mom to die just to save money?

They're out there. My wife is Director of Nursing at an Assisted Living facility. She's had people drop their parents off, pay the base minimum to keep them there, never visit, never call, and not give Mom extra money even to get something from a fast food place when they take them out on trips.

Man for an Alpha Male he is a complete pussy....still enjoy reading though

This may sound strange, but I'm actually reading 'Stupid Boy' for the first time. In the Senior Year now.

What I have found, since the main character in the story I've written is effectively the ultimate Alpha Male, is that there is a difference between being a pussy and being a dick. Notice I said being, not having. You can be a caring person while still being the HMFIC.

While David's circumstances in Illinois are uncommon, he has the most important thing needed for success, and that's a support network.

I don't see his family as being "mooches" (other than his Sister-in-law). His father went from being an unpaid adviser (while still working his full time job) to being the CEO/proxy for his son who wanted to focus on school/sports/acting. Not to mention helping care for his son's children.

His mother runs a Realtor business that her son invested in and makes a profit off of.

The MC and his mother both ran the financials through separate outside analysis before conducting a business transaction.

The MC decided to buy the building primarily to establish a restaurant/nightclub. He was able to get reliable tenants in previously Unoccupied spaces by putting his own management company, his mom's Realtor business, and encouraged his older brother to open his massage business, rather than using a spare bedroom. In the bargain he gets his mother to keep an eye on the other tenants.

Yes he invested in his family members businesses, but they have Contracts, and he is a part owner in each and is profiting and gaining Tax Benefits.

He has also hired friends to research properties, purchase them, and remodeling them as "college projects" for far less money than hiring professionals. Yet he is more satisfied than he likely would have been if he had outsourced.

The "Stupid Boy" is creating "Win - Win" situations, where he gets what he wants at a discount cost, while benefitting family and friends.

The "Stupid Boy" is creating "Win - Win" situations, where he gets what he wants at a discount cost, while benefitting family and friends.

That's probably Donald Trump's rationale for giving top government posts to friends and family.

I'm not sure it equates with America's self-image of being a meritocracy.

Damn, that's skirting perilously close to the verboten topic of politics - I'd better zip my lip ;-)

AJ

That's probably Donald Trump's rationale for giving top government posts to friends and family.

That's the rationale for probably every elected politician in the USA for giving top government posts to friends and family.

comment amended for better accuracy.

by the end of college he will have won multiple Heisman Trophies [...]

And thus we have a golden opportunity for authorial restraint. If he merely wins one Heisman and one Golden Spikes award, is the salutatorian, merely managed a double major (and gotten a B or two - maybe even a C!), only picked up one Olympic gold, only cured a few forms of cancer, hasn't even directed an Academy Award-winning film, and has only visited 1/4 of the hottest 100 women, one can read it and see "see, he's human after all".

:)

Up through 8th grade the main character was apparently a decent student and played some baseball, but by his junior year he is the #1 recruit in the country in football (a sport played by millions of kids, many of whom have been playing since they were very young), is one of the top baseball players in the country, and then also becomes a successful model, wins an Oscar, is a martial arts expert, is a trained pilot, and ends up as school valedictorian.

From what's said in the story we're made aware he's a nerd and not that physically developed and a bit tubby but still very good for his age and size in playing baseball. He's coming up to a significant time in his physical development when he's shipped out to his uncle's farm. At the farm he undergoes a major growth spurt while doing a lot of physical labor, thus he turns the fat into muscle with the hard work while also going through a major change in his approach to life. He returns home taller, physically well developed, while also a lot more into planning and thinking ahead.

When he first starts playing American Football he's not that great, but he does the usual nerd thing and studies it while also getting more physically fit. The result is he becomes a better football player. Now I'm not that familiar with playing American Football, but from what I've learned by watching it being played, reading about it, and conversing with people who have played it, I understand that an important part of being able to play American Football well is being physically fit for the position they play, another important part is understanding what they have to do in particular plays the team uses and in reacting to the opposition plays. This is true for all of the position, however, what differentiates the good quarterbacks from the great quarterbacks is what they call 'Football Smarts' which I take as the ability to read what happening on the field and to instantly react to it. This is because the quarterback is their team's on field tactical leader. A big aspect of being a great quarterback is researching and learning plays etc. - - Well, research and learning is what nerds excel at, and all the way through the books we're told about how much effort David puts into researching and learning and practicing. Thus it makes sense he starts to excel at playing the game. Playing the game at a younger age isn't that relevant to be a good player if you really study it when you do start to play.

As to being a model, the majority of that is due to his new physical appearance being what they want, and him doing as told. Then his nerd study habits kick in again and he learns how to do the job well.

The above is true for the acting. Mind you, winning an Academy Award is more about the politics within the US film industry and the publicity around the film made than it is about the skills of the award winners.

Martial arts is mostly practice and physical ability, again things that fit in well with the new David.

Once the new look David appears the rest is an acceptable progression of events as something grabs his interest. The only thing that may or may not be acceptable is the level of physical change during the time he's at the farm. I never did sort out if he was at the farm for three or four months, but that's plenty of time to make those sort of physical changes to someone. While military basic training can take from 3 months to seven months, depending on the nation and service involved, it does also include a hell of a lot more training material than just getting physically fit. So three of four months of hard work will make a difference to physical fitness in anyone, especially someone at that age entering a growth period. I know this can happen as I've seen it happen to cousins who spent the two months of summer holidays in hard work situations, but how much effect is had varied a great deal with the ones I know of.

So yes, I think there is a little bit of stretching going on in the story, but not as much as you state, and not enough to be totally unacceptable. However, it is escapist literature so don't look for life perfect, either.

As to being a great Dad, that's mostly due to his parents and the mothers doing the bulk of the work in looking after the kids.

While military basic training can take from 3 months to seven months, depending on the nation and service involved, it does also include a hell of a lot more training material than just getting physically fit.

I can testify it can not only make you physically fit, it can REALLY change you. I didn't go to BCT until I was 19, which is normally after I should have had my last growth spurt. I grew two inches, from 6' to 6'2", my chest went from 38 to 44, and my waist went from 40 to 34.

When quoting body stats like that it is custom to include cup size

Men's cup sizes are a completely different measurement to women's cup sizes ;-)

AJ

it is custom to include cup size

Unlike the guy who actually DOES need a 13 1/2" cup ... and even better, he's white ... I'll just say what my ex-wife told me. She said that the first time we were together, she really liked me, thought I was a great guy, and thought it'd be okay even if I was 'lacking' in that department. Then she found out I was NOT 'lacking' downstairs, and was VERY happy.

so hard

How'd you know what she said?

:)

I served in two branches: USAF and USA. Basic in USAF was an ordeal, an exercise in learning where to be at what time. Basic in the Army was fun, and I mean that in a Boy Scout Camp sort of way: I had a blast, and at age 27, the Drills would throw me the starship (platoon housing area) keys for the weekend.

I don't think either experience changed me, but I realize I am a somewhat unique case.

The MC is extraordinary.

Has extraordinary Luck.

His physical fitness is among the more believable aspects of the character. His uncle got him started with hard work, improved diet, and discipline. His uncle's close friend was the HS football coach who gave the MC a chance.

MC benefited from not having to Unlearn bad habits in football. He had the discipline to follow a good conditioning program. The MC witnessed others become injured due to lack of conditioning, or use steroids. Thus reinforced his conditioning regime.

He also benefited from other people paying for him to get Professional Coaching from 2 different QB Coaches. I have seen athletes who are privileged to attend these intense camps for top athletes. Two players from my HS made it to the NBA.

Dedication is one of his "super powers" that allows him to make the most of his opportunities.

His GF was a gifted politician who taught him how to "Work a Room" so he Creates Opportunities!

This really works! I am neither as talented nor as Lucky. However, I have testified about veterans issues in both Washington DC, and my state legislature. A couple of years later I was at a "welcome back ceremony" after a deployment, and my congressman came up, called me by name, and shook my hand.

I was just an Infantry NCO, when I was surprised that he knew me, the congressman said, "few people from my district meet me in my DC office. I remember those who do. Also, you have contacted me about other veterans, and then followed up."

I have been able to get assistance from people way above my pay grade, partially because I have approached them. Mostly because I do so for other veterans or respectable veterans charities. My CIB and some of my "fruit salad" don't hurt.

As for the pilot's license, I know dozens of kids who got one while in HS. One was a SP4 in a National Guard unit I served in. He would fly back from college each month to attend Drill Weekends! He was unique! His goal was to become a pilot in the Air Force, but was in the Infantry during college! He was amassing flight hours. (If he was in the Air National Guard as an Enlisted man he would have been a mechanic or something until he got his commission...)

His success as a model seems Mostly based upon his doing what he is told, being on time, and endurance. He treats it as a Job, and is willing to give a bit extra.

He reminds me of a combination of Tom Brady, who has demonstrated dedication to his craft, and savvy about making money.

Outlandish as the totality of the story is. The aspects of conditioning and preparation, that controlling your "brand" endorsements, the BS of College Sports, etc. is what I find interesting.

And, in the other direction (pull, not push), rowing machine or (a vertical rower) an ergometer.