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Can't get this story out of my head

icehead 🚫

I came across this recent addition on the site:

https://storiesonline.net/n/26864/a-family-betrayal-by-darkspider07

I've read and enjoyed plenty of incest and orgy stories on the site, but I can't remember the last time a new story in progress left me so desperately aching to see the next chapter posted. And what's more frustrating is that this is a completely new author, with no previous works on the site and no basis for comparison on how frequently he's likely to update, and his page doesn't have feedback or comments enabled so I can't write to the author and ask.

What's really interesting is it's not the sex content that has me so gripped, but the character relations and the drama, despite it being labeled as a "stroke story." An 18-year-old guy comes home early from a friend's place and catches his family in the midst of an incestuous orgy, and is shocked and dismayed to realize they have been carrying on this secret lifestyle for months behind his back. The chapter ends with him lying in bed angry and resentful after his parents are forced to come clean, with the promise of "talking more in the morning." I somehow can't stop imagining how the coming conversation is going to play out and pining to see how and if this family is going to reach a reconciliation. And I have no way of knowing or even guessing when I might see it, which is just torture.

I don't normally react this way to stories on this site. I find new stories in progress that I like, yes, and I look forward to the next chapter, yes, and I get excited when I see that a new chapter has been posted, yes. But I don't normally find myself checking my feed again multiple times a day to see if the next chapter has posted yet because I can't stop thinking about it. Maybe it's because I find myself relating to this MC more than usual. While I have never walked in on my family committing incest, as an introvert with ADHD who is somewhat lacking in social skills, I definitely relate to feeling excluded, to feeling like the odd one out, the only one who didn't know about something or wasn't included in something that everyone else in a group was in on.

Anyone else had a story grab them this way? Regardless of the story material itself, have you ever so related to a character that you could hardly stand to wait to see what happened to them next?

Replies: Sarkasmus BobbyBattle Freyrs_stories tjlitreader Eddie Davidson

Sarkasmus 🚫

@icehead

no basis for comparison on how frequently he's likely to update, and his page doesn't have feedback or comments enabled so I can't write to the author and ask.

https://www.reddit.com/r/FamilyBetrayalStories/comments/18fakc9/new_story_on_sol/

BobbyBattle 🚫

@icehead

Yes, for most of the reasons you stated. The story on this site 'Tiny Tim' by https://storiesonline.net/a/overconfident-sarcasm is much more in line with this one. The Author is still new but he has a patreon up so I'm definitely hoping he continues with the series, it's absolutely amazing. Also check out this one https://storiesonline.net/s/69057/all-in-the-family by Stangstar.

Freyrs_stories 🚫

@icehead

I will definitely have to read this one and see if I can learn the 'secret sauce'. I'm also working on posting my first story here. there are several 'in progress' but one in particular is receiving attention. Yes it is an incest story, no it's not 'short' I'm quite close to 100K words into the first year out of four. this is so undeveloped I'm not even calling it a first draft, either of the story as a whole or even that first year.

I do think I have a good, perhaps even a unique 'hook' for the theme of the first year and if I can track down my muse. I hope years 2 - 4 will be just as interesting. though I'm not relying on the same idea for all three years. each year will in fact have its own 'core' though that 'core' will not be 100% to the year in which it is central. the points of the 'plot' will lets say 'wonder' across the timespan of the larger whole.

I will tell you all now that I want this as close to finished as possible before I begin posting. on this journey I have learned that only so much can be ret-conned into an existing structure and a story that I never thought would even get close to 50K looks like, ideas continuing to flow, might reach 10x that.

Thankfully I have a small group of people helping me editorially but I've only been sharing samples until what I have is much more 'mature'.

I had to stop writing for a little while due to a significant corruption of the 'working' machine. but I did have a current back up elsewhere. everyone should have copies of their 'work' in at least two independent locations.

I'm pretty new at this game, at least to the point of asking for feedback on works in progress and moving those projects forward with the aim of posting here. I've chipped away at a few ideas nearly as long as SOL has been around, frequently with embarrassingly long breaks. my two major failings are not scheduling keyboard time and a poor understanding of English which is several steps away from my first language. I would say the only English I know is Bad English, both my skills and the band. my sense of humour is drier than a Martini glass that saw a couple of ads for vodka and vermouth from across the room. that said, I enjoy both reading and writing even if my ego likes to write cheques my fingers can't cash, to butcher an idiom.

If anybody would like to 'help' someone struggling with a first story. mail me here and hopefully we can both get something out of it. In the meantime I'll look at those recommended links and maybe learn something before I either have to make a fool of myself or spend forever doing a very much needed re-write past that which is
'planned'.

Thanks everyone, F.

Replies: Pixy

Pixy 🚫

@Freyrs_stories

I will definitely have to read this one and see if I can learn the 'secret sauce'.

Considering that it's currently languishing at 6.26 (as I type), I would hold off on trying to learn or copy from that writer as clearly, the story still needs some work.

If you are after 'secret sauce' you would be far better to read some of the high scoring stories on this site and try to work out why they are so highly rated and adjust your own work accordingly.

I would also recommend that you write a short story and post it. That's so you can gauge both interest and calibre of your own work. No point in writing a 100K word story if it then sinks without a trace after posting because no-one likes your writing style. It's better to find out beforehand and make adjustments.

Replies: Freyrs_stories awnlee jawking

Freyrs_stories 🚫

@Pixy

I have about 20 stories 'in draft' but only one of them could be considered 'short' I'm nearly a thousand words in and hope to knock it over by around 10k or so. I just don't seem to have short and sweet in me. there is another though longer at 50k but at least that one is close to a first draft stage. it's probably 80% roughed out, might need maybe 10k more.

I don't see many stories I've liked or even gotten into under say 25k. you mention score what would you set your 'cut-off' at? I'd be ecstatic to receive mid 7's as a newbie. the current 'epic' is my primary focus but I'm realistic that it may well not post first if the word count progresses as has happened.

when I do start posting with the exception of 'afternoon delights' the one I *think* is going to be 10k. I will finish, as much as is feasible and post to a schedule. I don't see dumping ~half a million words in one hit and hoping for instant traction. more like instant karma, sorry John...

one other 'problem' I foresee is that I don't have a singular 'style'. though I am trying to be mostly consistent within a single story I have not come close to achieving that across titles. I don't even have a singular theme, the closest to that would be incest but there are at least two stories where it is conspicuously absent. short-ish afternoon delights which is completely stand alone and another from a series that need to mostly be read in order.

now I know incest is over posted and under read which means I have to be much 'better' if I'm to stand out but that's where my fingers want to go.

thanks anyway, F.

Replies: Pixy

Pixy 🚫

@Freyrs_stories

I've noticed your posts in the forum over time and I'm starting to see a trend in them. You lead with a question (or you answer someone else's' question) and then you go on at length about how you have a large backload of work, that for many different reasons, never seems to see the light of day.

It's starting to sound like your problem is procrastination.

So here is a challenge for you. Just pick one of your stories (completed or not) and post it. Don't overthink it, just do it. You can always re-post it later, or if you worry that the original score will tarnish the re-post, delete the old story and re-post.

If you can't do that, then your problem is procrastination and you may need to tackle that issue first before you spend time on writing.

I don't see many stories I've liked or even gotten into under say 25k. you mention score what would you set your 'cut-off' at? I'd be ecstatic to receive mid 7's as a newbie

I don't have a score cut off, per-say. I read what I fancy reading, though to be honest, I have read very little here in the last few years. I don't enjoy reading stories on screen, as I much prefer to read from a physical book. In the past, I have read stories that scored 5 and enjoyed them. Equally, I have attempted to read highly vaunted 9+ stories on here and never made it past the first few pages.

I also doubt your implication that 'newbies' automatically score lower until they gain 'traction' has actual merit. My first story many moons ago here, was also my highest scoring story for many decades, yes, decades (I started submitting back in 2002). To date, I have 63 stories on this site and they range in scoring from 4.26 (ouch!) to 8.24. I have only started gaining consistent scores above 7.70 in the last three years. The result, I'm sure, of posting, reading the feedback and adjusting my writing accordingly.

one other 'problem' I foresee is that I don't have a singular 'style'. though I am trying to be mostly consistent within a single story I have not come close to achieving that across titles. I don't even have a singular theme, the closest to that would be incest but there are at least two stories where it is conspicuously absent. short-ish afternoon delights which is completely stand alone and another from a series that need to mostly be read in order.

Neither do I, which is why my scores are so... varied... in range. I write what has caught my attention at that moment.

Anyway, to re-cap, just post... something... and take it from there. In fact, as I write this, I'm pretty darn sure I wrote something similar to this reply a few years ago in response to one of your forum posts.

I shall be keeping an eye on the new story page, over the next few days, for your response...

Replies: Freyrs_stories

Freyrs_stories 🚫

@Pixy

thank you, yes I write extremely slowly and far from regularly. I may in one instance write 20k over little more than a week then struggle to put down more than 5k in 6 months. procrastination could be one word, another term is complete lack of planning and discipline.

also when I write the words may not be 'story' but support or otherwise spinning my wheels. so between inconsistent focus and output form things tend to be glacial. you have however motivated me to look at two specific works in progress.

the super short afternoon delights and my mostly fleshed out 50k alternative. I'm strongly leaning towards afternoon delights as it will be easier to get it turned around through a second set of eyes.

one other thing is that this story is very vanilla so should in theory be easier on the uptake. I'm going to type via voice for this as I've jagged my shoulder. typing one finger may be ok for a forum post but not for a script.

IGBTYS, F.

awnlee jawking 🚫

@Pixy

clearly, the story still needs some work.

I sampled the first few paragraphs and they screamed 'editor' at me :-(

AJ

Replies: Michael Loucks Sarkasmus Pixy Fanlon

Michael Loucks 🚫

@awnlee jawking

sampled the first few paragraphs and they screamed 'editor' at me :-(

I had the same reaction.

Sarkasmus 🚫

@awnlee jawking

As I understood his comment in the thread I linked earlier, the whole story is just a quick idea he wrote out in a Reddit post. And then he posted it here, thinking he could get free premier.

He doesn't even plan on finishing it, which is probably the two main reasons for the "low" score.

Replies: Freyrs_stories

Freyrs_stories 🚫

@Sarkasmus

he posted it here, thinking he could get free premier.

I understand the idea that 'some' authors get free premier but not all take it. that said I don't know the numbers or math related to the options. but I would expect it takes a lot more than 1 or 2 half finished stories to gain that 'privilege'.

Replies: Michael Loucks Dominions Son

Michael Loucks 🚫
Updated:

@Freyrs_stories

I don't know the numbers or math related to the options

Per the author stats page, it's a formula based on story size and score:

This number is the size of text qualifying for premier service. If it is over 500, then you should be getting premier service on the site, or you will after your next post. It's calculated from the regular size and the score. Better quality stories are worth more.

For me, my story size is 78,198KB, and my average score is 8.72, resulting in a 'premier score' of 69,378.

That should give you a rough idea of the formula. Given I don't know the details, I won't speculate on exactly how it works, given I don't know the weighting algorithm.

Dominions Son 🚫

@Freyrs_stories

I understand the idea that 'some' authors get free premier but not all take it.

My understanding is that it's not something the author can reject.

Some of us are entitled to free premier access and maintain paid memberships anyway.

Replies: Sarkasmus Fanlon

Sarkasmus 🚫

@Dominions Son

When my premium membership had to be renewed, I still got a prompt telling me how I was entitled to free premium thanks to my submissions. I got to choose whether I wanted to keep supporting SOL financially.

Replies: Dominions Son

Dominions Son 🚫
Updated:

@Sarkasmus

I still got a prompt telling me how I was entitled to free premium thanks to my submissions. I got to choose whether I wanted to keep supporting SOL financially.

Yes, but did you have the choice of unpaid non-premier access?

I did say:

Some of us are entitled to free premier access and maintain paid memberships anyway.

Fanlon 🚫

@Dominions Son

From what I understand, it's earned by the total sum of your catalog. 500k was the threshold if I am not mistaken.

Replies: Dominions Son

Dominions Son 🚫

@Fanlon

I was only responding to the part about some authors not taking it.

Pixy 🚫

@awnlee jawking

I sampled the first few paragraphs and they screamed 'editor' at me :-(

You, (and Michael Loucks) are clearly, braver individuals than I am... 🫣

Replies: awnlee jawking

awnlee jawking 🚫

@Pixy

I read the whole of it. The starting premise is somewhat similar to the start of Delaware Dan's Spring Break story. I don't think there's anything particularly original about it. I don't share the OP's enthusiasm.

I'm not a complete Mr Negativity. I really liked the opening chapter of Manik Bunee by FictionalChris. I think it's a sort of cross between BarBar's Bec series and Pixy's Angry Girls stories, and I definitely want to read more.

AJ

Replies: Pixy awnlee jawking

Pixy 🚫

@awnlee jawking

Pixy's Angry Girls stories

Baaahahaaahaahaa.... I see what you did there... 🤪

awnlee jawking 🚫

@awnlee jawking

I really liked the opening chapter of Manik Bunee by FictionalChris

I've just read PCT by the same author and a rather wan version of the Manik Bunee protagonist crops up in a minor role.

I found PCT a frustrating read - what seemed like strategic sub-plots were developed then suddenly dropped without resolution. And vital events occurred off-camera and not mentioned until later, forcing the reader to go back and re-read the parts they affected to understand why the characters suddenly acted out-of-character.

AJ

Fanlon 🚫

@awnlee jawking

Are you referring to Tiny Tim or Family Betrayal? Tiny Tim was a good read and a strong start for a first attempt by a new author.

The weird thing is I think both of these stories have the exact same plot/story outline.

Replies: awnlee jawking

awnlee jawking 🚫

@Fanlon

Tiny Tim was a good read and a strong start for a first attempt by a new author.

Agreed.

AJ

tjlitreader 🚫

@icehead

Oh my god, yes! I'm new-ish to SOL, and the only just found the forums. Funny thing is I came here specifically to discuss DarkSpider07's Family Betrayal story! I've also been checking nearly every day since the day it was published to see if they've posted a new chapter yet. With no way to contact the author and give them my encouragement, I figured posting here would hopefully catch their attention.

The whole theme of a boy finding out by accident that he's being purposely left out of the family sexy times, is honestly one of my favorites. I often felt left out in my family (being the only male child in both my immediate and extended family). Anyway, I like the theme so much that I'm writing my own based on my family. I'm fascinated by how other authors handle the betrayal and trust issues involved with this theme.

Anyway, I really love this story, and cannot wait to see where it goes.

Also DarkSpider if you read this, I'd love to volunteer to be your editor/second set of eyes. I'm a volunteer editor on another story site as well. I'm good at catching typos, grammatical errors, and odd turns of phrase that could be confusing. Honestly, your story so far dear didn't have too many things that needed correcting (kudos!), but I wanted to offer my services anyway.

Cheers!

Replies: Pixy Switch Blayde

Pixy 🚫

@tjlitreader

Writes

and the only just found the forums

And follows up with;

I'm good at catching typos, grammatical errors, and odd turns of phrase that could be confusing.

😜🤪 😁

Replies: tjlitreader

tjlitreader 🚫

@Pixy

lol! I was here for stories... not forums. I've been searching and reading like a fiend for the past few months.😉

Switch Blayde 🚫

@tjlitreader

The whole theme of a boy finding out by accident that he's being purposely left out of the family sexy times, is honestly one of my favorites.

Try "Tiny Tim" by Overconfident Sarcasm.

Replies: tjlitreader

tjlitreader 🚫

@Switch Blayde

Finished reading it a few days ago. Probably the most well written piece of erotica I've read this year. I nominated it in three categories for this year's Clitorides.

Eddie Davidson 🚫

@icehead

https://storiesonline.net/s/60550/my-brothers-revenge/8

One of the stories that really impacts me is this one by Vulgus.

The synopsis is a very basic idea: A girl has humiliated her older brother somehow and got him in trouble with her parents. The parents go away for vacation and they are home together over summer break.

She invites a friend over and the brother blackmails both of them.

During this adventure, I don't think the author (Vulgus) intended it this way, but the subtext is that the girl matures and learns what she likes sexually. She and the friend are involved sexually a lot, and she ends up with a boyfriend.

The boyfriend and the boyfriend's sister (a karate champion) kick her brother's ass at the end and the story fades to black.

I wrote to Vulgus and he gave me permission to continue the story, but I never did. I always wondered "What happens the next day?"

Imagine, she's been blackmailed to be her brother's fuck toy. Her bad-ass big brother with the Mustang is making eggs on the stove. He can't meet her gaze. He had his ass kicked BY A GIRL (no less). How do they continue from that point?

I theorized that she asked her boyfriend to spank her and do some of the naughty things she enjoyed during that wild couple of weeks as her brother's toy. However, the boyfriend being an avowed nice guy just wasn't into it.

She talks to her friend, and decides that the reason that it didn't work for her was there were no limits or boundaries. There was no way to get "out" of this blackmail and she was made to do things FAR worse than the fallout from her parents finding out she smoked a little weed/drank wine and had a sexual relationship with a girl (the original blackmail).

She confronts Jeff (the brother) and shows him a notebook with some rules and asks him to continue the relationship with an agreed upon set of boundaries. At first, he thinks she is joking and trying to get his ass kicked again.

That's about as far as I got in the story. However, I would still say this story is one of those that makes me go "What happens next?" and that's a good thing.

Replies: Dicrostonyx

Dicrostonyx 🚫

@Eddie Davidson

If you do decide to go back to your sequel, may I suggest a time jump?

Instead of "what happened the next day," how about what happens when he goes off to college and she still has a year of high school. What happens when she goes off to college herself: does she follow her brother or forge her own path?

We don't need to know what happened the next day to be able to pick up the story later. Decide what does happen with the boyfriend and the friend and if the relationship with her brother continues, but don't tell that story. Skim past it all, summarize it if needed, and tell a new story with the same characters.

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Can't get this story out of my head

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