Forum: Author Hangout

If you had to masturbate to one Sit-Com which one would it be and why?

Eddie Davidson 🚫

Hypothetical:
You don't have SOL, You don't have erotic fiction, you don't have the Internet and its vast amounts of porn. You don't have girly magazines. You don't have Sears Catalog Lingerie edition.
You want to knock one out.

You have to pick a Sit-com (From Today or Yesterday. It could be I Love Lucy or Leave it to Beaver, or it could be more modern like the Goldbergs. It just has to be a Sit Com that was on Network Television - to beat your meat too.

Which one would it be and why?

Me, I think it would be Seinfeld. I love the way Elaine dances and there are scenes where she was kind of a hot mess or was super casual about sex.

"I just had to tell you that I never told Jerry hot and heavy. I didn't think we were hot and heavy. I mean - I mean, who's hot and who's heavy?"

Then again, I could definitely rub one out to Reba. She has this sassy red-head thing going on, and you could picture saying something like "Brock, put your eyeballs back in your head. The are just titties"

Replies: bk69 tarebear422 Eddie Davidson red61544 daisydesiree

gruntsgt 🚫

"Three's Company" Janet and Chrissy!!! Who wouldn't want to be Jack living with those 2 girls?? Damn!!

Replies: Dominions Son bk69

Dominions Son 🚫

@gruntsgt

Who wouldn't want to be Jack living with those 2 girls??

They teas him constantly and he never gets any. What man would want to be Jack living with a pair of prick teases?

bk69 🚫

@gruntsgt

Ginger and Maryanne (well, ok, Ginger) was better than Chrissy and Janet. But Donna and Jackie are by far the best looking pair of females I recall from any comedy.

shinerdrinker 🚫

Okay, I guess I'm a little bit younger but I was in college when Unhappily Ever After a ripoff of Married with Children was on the air.

Sure Married with Children had Katey Segal and Christina Applegate but Unhappily Ever After had Nikki Cox and it was her costumes that got the show greenlit and on the air. Not to mention the vulgar bunny rabbit puppet Mr. Floppy. That damned bunny after a night of enjoying nature one rolled cigarette at a time.

Damn... Nikki Cox. Whew.

Replies: bk69 StarFleet Carl

bk69 🚫

@shinerdrinker

I remember that as well, and would've mentioned it if I'd remembered it better, although That 70s Show still wins because of the combo. If Nikki had a hot female sidekick, it'd be different.

StarFleet Carl 🚫

@shinerdrinker

Damn... Nikki Cox. Whew.

Who?

Googled her. Not bad, but the addition to the lips makes her ... ick.

For suggestiveness, it's Three's Company or Married with Children. For hotness, Gilligan's Island. (Although the Partridge Family had something going for it, as did the Brady Bunch.)

I suppose when in doubt, go check out Rule 34 and see things from when you were younger you weren't expecting to ever see. :)

Replies: Remus2

Remus2 🚫

@StarFleet Carl

When I read that, I was thinking WTF is rule 34? Then I was reminded that curiosity can indelibly damage a brain when I searched for it. There are some seriously disturbed people out there.

Replies: Tw0Cr0ws Mushroom

Tw0Cr0ws 🚫

@Remus2

If that shocked you do not under any circumstances look up Rule 63.

Mushroom 🚫

@Remus2

When I read that, I was thinking WTF is rule 34?

And remember, "no exceptions".

https://static.fjcdn.com/pictures/Shopping_4a632f_198960.jpg

Mushroom 🚫

Beverly Hillbillies.

It had MILF, GILF, and Office Lady all in a single story.

https://pics.esmemes.com/young-granny-irene-ryan-~1920-71866133.png

Wheezer 🚫

Two Broke Girls.

Why? Kat Dennings tits.

ystokes 🚫

What about Petticoat Junction? Who wouldn't dream about being in the water tower with all those nakid women?

Replies: StarFleet Carl

StarFleet Carl 🚫

@ystokes

What about Petticoat Junction? Who wouldn't dream about being in the water tower with all those nakid women?

Uncle Joe is still moving kind of slow ... and he's sniffing a lot of hair, too.

Mushroom 🚫
Updated:

Of course, I could also mention something like F-Troop.

One thing most people do not know, and that is Melody Patterson (Wrangler Jane) was only 15 when the series started production, and 17 when it ended. She did not even turn 18 until after the show went off the air.

Think about that the next time you watch it, and she is seen kissing and hitting on a 32 year old Ken Berry.

Replies: Switch Blayde Michael Loucks

Switch Blayde 🚫

@Mushroom

Melody Patterson (Wrangler Jane) was only 15

Some young hotties on the Disney Channel shows.

But for a series with the hottest bitch, that gotta be Lassie.

Replies: ystokes Dominions Son

ystokes 🚫

@Switch Blayde

Some young hotties on the Disney Channel shows.

A pedophiles dream channel.

Dominions Son 🚫

@Switch Blayde

But for a series with the hottest bitch, that gotta be Lassie.

Lassie was supposed to be female, but most of the dogs used to play lassie were male.

Replies: Switch Blayde Mushroom

Switch Blayde 🚫

@Dominions Son

Lassie was supposed to be female, but most of the dogs used to play lassie were male.

Only fair. A woman (Mary Martin) played Peter Pan.

Replies: palamedes

palamedes 🚫

@Switch Blayde

played Peter Pan

Betty Bronson in Peter Pan, 1924

Mushroom 🚫

@Dominions Son

Lassie was supposed to be female, but most of the dogs used to play lassie were male.

I actually grew up with one of the trainers living next door. Mostly that was for two reasons. First, males are 15-20% larger, so looked more impressive on camera. Also, whenever the females went into heat, they "blow coat". In other words, shed excessively. This requires almost constant grooming to resolve, something hard to take care of on a weekly TV show.

But most of the ones that were used for stunts and fighting were female, because they had a better temperament.

Michael Loucks 🚫

@Mushroom

Think about that the next time you watch it, and she is seen kissing and hitting on a 32 year old Ken Berry.

Which nobody blinked at back then, nor should they now. Teenagers aren't children.

The age of consent in most of Western Europe is 14 or 15, with a few at 16.

Replies: ystokes irvmull

ystokes 🚫

@Michael Loucks

The age of consent in most of Western Europe is 14 or 15, with a few at 16.

In some states you can marry at that age.

Replies: Dominions Son

Dominions Son 🚫

@ystokes

In some states you can marry at that age.

If there's parental consent.

Replies: Severusmax

Severusmax 🚫

@Dominions Son

Iirc, you can marry a girl in Mississippi when she's 15, but you can't consummate the marriage until she's 16. That's gotta be one rough, long year!

Replies: Dominions Son

Dominions Son 🚫
Updated:

@Severusmax

Iirc, you can marry a girl in Mississippi when she's 15, but you can't consummate the marriage until she's 16. That's gotta be one rough, long year!

Apparently, you don't remember correctly.

https://www.criminaldefenselawyer.com/resources/mississippi-statutory-rape-laws.htm

Marriage

A person in Mississippi cannot be charged for the statutory rape or sexual battery of his or her underage spouse, so long as the sexual activity is consensual. (Miss. Code Ann. §§ 97-3-65, 97-3-99 (2018).) This defense is part of Mississippi's marital rape defense.

My under standing is that nearly every state that allows minors to marry with parental consent (some (most?) states don't allow minors to marry even if they do have parental consent) has a statutory rape exemption for marriage.

Replies: Severusmax

Severusmax 🚫

@Dominions Son

The factoid was years old, anyway.

irvmull 🚫

@Michael Loucks

Which nobody blinked at back then, nor should they now. Teenagers aren't children.

Although it isn't hard to find a bunch of late-teens acting like infants. Look on any liberal college campus.

Replies: Dominions Son Michael Loucks AmigaClone

Dominions Son 🚫

@irvmull

Although it isn't hard to find a bunch of late-teens acting like infants. Look on any liberal college campus.

These days you can find 20-30 year olds acting like that. See Portland and/or Seattle.

Michael Loucks 🚫

@irvmull

Although it isn't hard to find a bunch of late-teens acting like infants. Look on any liberal college campus.

For which most of the blame can be laid at the parents' feet.

AmigaClone 🚫

@irvmull

Although it isn't hard to find a bunch of late-teens acting like infants.

I have seen cases of individuals in their 40s+ acting like spoiled children - see US Congress and Mainstream media in the US.

Replies: Dominions Son PotomacBob

Dominions Son 🚫

@AmigaClone

I have seen cases of individuals in their 40s+ acting like spoiled children - see US Congress and Mainstream media in the US.

Personally, I think you are giving the US Congress too much credit/benefit of the doubt.

PotomacBob 🚫

@AmigaClone

I have seen cases of individuals in their 40s+ acting like spoiled children - see US Congress and Mainstream media in the US.

But surely, nobody on SOL would do a thing like that!

Honey_Moon 🚫

The Brady Bunch. Greg is so groovy!
(I'd swing Marcia Brady's way too!)
THREE WAY!!!!

Replies: Mushroom

Mushroom 🚫

@Honey_Moon

(I'd swing Marcia Brady's way too!)

Of course, you can't forget that when she was 15 she moved to Hollywood and became a prostitute. *laugh*

daisydesiree 🚫

New Girl. Nick and Winston would be great fun and I'd play with Jessica any day.

ystokes 🚫

In the studios there is a 18 to look younger rule due to labor laws. If you are over 18 and can play 14-15 you can get some good jobs. It's really true in background work.

Some of the things you would hear on the background hotline at Central Casting was "Must be 18 to look younger, cars that are not red white or black, and women with natural breasts."

Replies: Eddie Davidson Tw0Cr0ws

Eddie Davidson 🚫

@ystokes

It so warms my heart to hear some of these answers. I think I can relate to most of them; The Waltons would have been a good one to pound one out too as well.

I can also safely say I was a huge fan of Blair from Facts of Life, with her turned up nose and fat little dumper.

I always loved the mom and daughter on Grounded for Life - too bad that show is not on the air any longer.

Tw0Cr0ws 🚫

@ystokes

Some of the things you would hear on the background hotline at Central Casting was "Must be 18 to look younger, cars that are not red white or black, and women with natural breasts

... oh, and a unicorn."

Natural breasts? In California?!

daisydesiree 🚫

Why do all the modern sitcoms mostly have nerdy-looking guys yet hot women? I'm thinking Big Bang Theory, Brooklynn 99, many others.

Replies: Wheezer

Wheezer 🚫

@daisydesiree

nerdy-looking guys yet hot women? I'm thinking Big Bang Theory

That was the entire premise to BBT. Nerdy PhD pursues & eventually wins hotty across the hall.

Replies: daisydesiree

daisydesiree 🚫

@Wheezer

So all the other shows copied the premise? Nerdy guys win hot girls?

Replies: AmigaClone irvmull

AmigaClone 🚫

@daisydesiree

Nerdy guys win hot girls

I think that concept is a lot older than BBT.

Replies: happytechguy15

happytechguy15 🚫

@AmigaClone

Much older concept! As a teen, I figured if the first Darren can end up with Samantha (Elizabeth Montgomery), there might be hope for me.

irvmull 🚫

@daisydesiree

So all the other shows copied the premise? Nerdy guys win hot girls?

Sure, everyone already knows the other premise, a.k.a. real life. Which is not interesting enough to make you willing to watch commercials every 5 minutes.

Replies: daisydesiree

daisydesiree 🚫

@irvmull

I'm ready for the trend to become nerdy girls win hot guys.

Replies: bk69 Switch Blayde Mushroom Honey_Moon

bk69 🚫

@daisydesiree

Bah.

The trend is nerdy girls are hot - think Abby from NCIS. Garcia from Criminal Minds was a outlier.

Switch Blayde 🚫

@daisydesiree

I'm ready for the trend to become nerdy girls win hot guys.

Except they take off their glasses and put on some makeup and they're hot girls.

Mushroom 🚫

@daisydesiree

I'm ready for the trend to become nerdy girls win hot guys.

Hell, been there already I thought.

Way back in the 80's, I thought Michelle Meyrink (Revenge of the Nerds, Real Genius) was really hot. As well as Jewel Staite from Firefly.

Replies: palamedes Grey Wolf

palamedes 🚫

@Mushroom

As well as Jewel Staite from Firefly

What no love for Morena Baccarin she played Inara Serra their registered companion.

Replies: StarFleet Carl Mushroom

StarFleet Carl 🚫

@palamedes

Morena Baccarin

That's because Inara KNEW she was hot and seductive. That was part of her job description. Kaylee Frye didn't think she was that pretty. She's the one who said, "Goin' on a year now I ain't had nothin' twixt my nethers weren't run on batteries!"

It's the old Ginger / Mary Anne thing. Movie star versus farm girl from next door.

Replies: palamedes

palamedes 🚫

@StarFleet Carl

I was trying to make a poor joke but because of you I now have this stupid tickle in my head to watch the series over again with the movie.

Kaylee joined the crew of Serenity when its captain, Malcolm Reynolds, interrupted her and Bester having sex in Serenity's engine room. Bester was Serenity's mechanic. However, when Bester incorrectly informed Mal that the ship could not be fixed, Kaylee quickly proved him wrong by diagnosing the problem and repairing the grounded Serenity. Impressed with her mechanical ability, Mal immediately offered her Bester's job. Kaylee happily accepted, and left her family (and Bester) behind to join the crew.

So she isn't a completely innocent.

Replies: StarFleet Carl

StarFleet Carl 🚫

@palamedes

she isn't a completely innocent

I know that, but that was the whole point of the pent up sexual tension between she and Simon Tam. And that IS a quote from the series. Which I have on DVD.

Mushroom 🚫

@palamedes

What no love for Morena Baccarin she played Inara Serra their registered companion.

Daisy brought up nerds, and Inara was not a nerd.

Grey Wolf 🚫

@Mushroom

Michelle Meyrink was wonderful. So was Jewel Staite, but everyone's mentioned that.

Honey_Moon 🚫

@daisydesiree

I'm ready for the trend to become nerdy girls win hot guys.

Sounds like my life!
LOL!

Eddie Davidson 🚫

In the "Father Knows Best" era it was the smart Hugh Beaumont type with the smart wife.

Ozzie and Harriet, Father Knows Best, etc.

Then we went to the Honeymooners - the fat loud mouth with the wife with a heart of gold. He would always scheme and do something stupid and she would fix it/be there for him.

Then we went to the "Everybody loves Raymond" era where the man was always some sort of insecure manbaby - Kevin James is a good example, and the wife was the strong willed/smart/savvy one.

Now we are in nerd culture, where after years of wearing her down with pathetic attempts, Leonard gets the hottie.

Replies: bk69

bk69 🚫

@Eddie Davidson

Then we went to the Honeymooners - the fat loud mouth with the wife with a heart of gold.

As I recall, she was washed out of the auditions because she looked too good, so she took off her makeup and ruffed up her hair and clothes and got back in line...

Replies: Remus2

Remus2 🚫
Updated:

@bk69

There were two actresses that played along side Gleason. Audrey Meadows and Pert Kelton both played Alice Kramden, with Pert going first. Which of them are you referring to?

Replies: bk69

bk69 🚫

@Remus2

I recall it was when they were initially casting, so... Meadows?

Replies: Remus2

Remus2 🚫

@bk69

Pert Kelton went first. She ended up blacklisted from Hollyweird shortly after she was fired from the show. I could not find the reason for that after much digging.

I did find some vague references for Audrey Meadows having done something along the lines of what you suggested.

LA Times

Replies: richardshagrin

richardshagrin 🚫

@Remus2

She ended up blacklisted from Hollyweird

I read on-line her blacklisting had something to do with her being accused of being a communist.

"Why did Pert Kelton leave the honeymooners?
Pert Kelton

When The Honeymooners moved to CBS, Kelton was removed from the cast, because of being named in Red Channels. Gleason covered for her by spreading misinformation that she left due to heart trouble. May 18, 2016"

"From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
The May 7, 1948, issue of the Counterattack newsletter
Red Channels: The Report of Communist Influence in Radio and Television was an anti-Communist piece published in the United States at the start of the 1950s. Issued by the right-wing journal Counterattack on June 22, 1950, the pamphlet-style book names 151 actors, writers, musicians, broadcast journalists, and others in the context of purported Communist manipulation of the entertainment industry. Some of the 151 were already being denied employment because of their political beliefs, history, or association with suspected subversives. Red Channels effectively placed the rest on the industry blacklist."

karactr 🚫

My vote is for "The Muppet Show"

Replies: bk69 Dominions Son

bk69 🚫

@karactr

That must mean you're heavily into S&M.
(If you've heard that version of their theme song, you'd understand.)

Dominions Son 🚫

@karactr

Do you get off on the idea of someone sticking their hand up your ass and using you as a puppet?

Replies: karactr

karactr 🚫

@Dominions Son

No, I just thought Camilla and Janice were hot.

Eddie Davidson 🚫

I think the Goldbergs is particularly hot. The sister and mom being very aggressive and competitive is a very hot scenario.

I also love big hair on women like in the 1980s.

Replies: awnlee jawking

awnlee jawking 🚫

@Eddie Davidson

I also love big hair on women like in the 1980s.

Nah, clean shaven works for me - don't like hairs in the mouth while giving oral.

AJ

Severusmax 🚫

Friends would be tops...'cause Phoebe, Rachel, Monica when she's not being too anal (and not in the fun sense of that term), and both of Rachel's sisters, not to mention a bunch of the guest stars, especially that Italian one, Aurora. Lots of fun, that Aurora, no danger of marriage talk, either.

shiloh1 🚫

Bosum Buddies. Tom Hanks running around saying "Sonny, Sonny, Sonny. That girl was hot.....

bk69 🚫

@Eddie Davidson

Would Flipper count? Sure, not really funny, but neither was Seinfeld.

And, as a bonus, a teenage Jessica Alba. 'nuff said.

shinerdrinker 🚫
Updated:

Ooh! Ooh! I thought of another one!

Late 1980s - a spin-off from Growing Pains. It followed the coach of the high school where Kirk Cameron attended. "Just the Ten of Us" followed the coach's large Catholic family of eight children. Now, what did it for me was the four eldest girls.

I remembered the show because my friends and I at the time referred to the show not as the actual title but as the easier to remember "Lubbock Babes." They were as descripted, babes and all a little wild in their own rights.

Two of the girls actually continued their individual careers in Hollyweird. The oldest girl was played by Heather Langenkamp, who went on to star in a couple of the Nightmare on Elm Street movies and later in life became a successful producer. Another of the babes was Jamie Luner who played the vapid quickly developed girl who doesn't realize how hot she is actually. Jamie went on to star in Melrose Place and eventually into the world of Lifetime movies.

I'll wait a moment for you guys to google them both for your research needs.

Okay, welcome back.

All four girls were hot and all four girls featured prominently in the good ol' spank bank. But then again I was a growing teenage boy and the internet was not full of nude pictures yet so looking at linoleum was often enough to make a deposit.

Tee Hee. Of course, I have another tab opened to Wikipedia, I'm not a complete degenerate.

Zak 🚫

Big Bang Theory

Penny
Penny
Penny

Michael Loucks 🚫
Updated:

Can't believe nobody mentioned One Day At A Time!

Valerie Bertinelli

When the show started, I was 15, she was 15.

tarebear422 🚫

@Eddie Davidson

Definitely...DEFINITELY One Tree Hill. Cards on the table I dated a poster of Chad Michael Murray on and off throughout high school.

dikbozo 🚫

A bit late to this party, but...

Debra (Patricia Heaton) from Everybody loves Raymond. When her hair was longer. And the short cut too. Petite but nicely put together, a youngish MILF.

Ron Howard's mom in "Happy Days". Even the title is kind of kinky. Marion Ross. I had to look it up. Serious MILF here. She seemed to be kind of 'handsy' around the boys, IIRC.

"that 70's Show"
Laura Prepon (Donna), Mila Kunis(Jackie), Debra Jo Rupp (cute Mom to Eric), Lisa Robin Kelly(older sister to Eric). Jesus such a preponderance of prime stuff, pick an age and a hair color and a body type. Whee Hoo.
For those on the other side of the fence, Ashton Kutcher, Topher Grace, even Kurtwood Smith. Not my side though.

Bewitched had Elizabeth Montgomery and for the older crowd Agnes Moorhead who while quite a bit older, had a strange hold over some men's minds. Kind of GILFy with a DOM element.

Corner Gas had the incredible Gabrielle Miller. IRL, she is a very real person who is not unlike her character, Ruby. Unconscious but willing to use use her physical presence to cloud men's minds, st least mine for certain. TBH, the whole city girl in the country thing.

awnlee jawking 🚫

Speaking of masturbating, 'erotic' means producing feelings of sexual arousal. Looking at the Clitoride nominations in the 'erotic' categories, there are some very good stories that I can't imagine anyone masturbating to.

AJ

Eddie Davidson 🚫

@Eddie Davidson

Is it wrong that I've masturbated to the TV show "Alf"?

Replies: bk69

bk69 🚫

@Eddie Davidson

Is it wrong that I've masturbated to the TV show "Alf"?

Well, Alf did have a thing for eating pussy, so...

Replies: Eddie Davidson

Eddie Davidson 🚫
Updated:

@bk69

The mom on alf was hot.

I just googled and got tons of results for erotic Alf fanfiction. Now I have a very awkward boner.

red61544 🚫

@Eddie Davidson

I'm amazed that no one picked the Simpson's! Marge's sisters (cough,cough, hack, hack)are Playboy material!

Replies: Dominions Son

Dominions Son 🚫

@red61544

I'm amazed that no one picked the Simpson's! Marge's sisters (cough,cough, hack, hack)are Playboy material!

Maybe they would have been if they were 30 years younger.

Replies: bk69

bk69 🚫

@Dominions Son

Maybe they would have been if they were 30 years younger.

Not so much. Don't you remember the flashbacks to when they were teens? Not much difference.

Replies: Dominions Son

Dominions Son 🚫

@bk69

Don't you remember the flashbacks to when they were teens?

No, I'm not a fan and I didn't watch it that much, but I have seen Marge's sisters as they are draw for the show, and they look like old biddies in their 60s or older.

daisydesiree 🚫

@Eddie Davidson

Surprised no guy wants a mother/daughter tandem from the Gilmore Girls but most guys are not willing to admit they like the show.

Replies: Eddie Davidson

Eddie Davidson 🚫

@daisydesiree

A few of my stories are based on the Gilmore girls as characters but I think the only thing that is a turn-off is the dialogue is so fast and not realistic in that TV show.

I'd still jerk it to it.

Replies: daisydesiree

daisydesiree 🚫

@Eddie Davidson

It's not realistic but it's fun. The show had a team of writers to create the dialogue but I wish I could think that fast

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Forum: Author Hangout

If you had to masturbate to one Sit-Com which one would it be and why?

WARNING! ADULT CONTENT...