Please read. Significant change on the site that will affect compatibility [ Dismiss ]
Home Β» Forum Β» Author Hangout

Forum: Author Hangout

An effect of too much detail in a story

Ernest Bywater 🚫

Today I was listening to an audio book about certain events in WW2. My adult son walked in as a scene involving a senior officer was given in the book where he was sitting at his desk reading a report, then he leaned back, thought, then '... he lit up a camel ...' - at that point my son said, "what sort of mean idiot was he to set fire to a camel, and why did he have a camel in his office?"

Now, I did get the reference in the detail, but he didn't. He's 32 years old and I've not seen Camel cigarettes available for sale here in Australia for 40 years. I'm told they're available, but only from the specialist tobacco shops while the majority of the other brands are sold at almost every retail shop in the country. Never having seen or heard of Camel cigarettes he was not aware of the reference and could only relate the use of 'camel' in the story to the animal.

In this case the fine detail destroyed what was in the story for as my son, and many of his generation, as they would need to stop reading to find an understanding of what is being said in the story. If the author had used the word cigarette there would've been no problem, but the detail of the brand caused confusion in a place where that brand isn't known.

Of course, this incident reminded me of the issue of Aussies wanting to buy XXXX Brand beer (called Four X) in the USA and being given something weird looks in the liquor shops, or the Kiwis wanting to buy Durex (a brand of sticky tape in NZ) and getting odd looks from the shop assistants in office supply stores in the UK and USA. They're almost as bad as the IHOP dance clubs - they are dance clubs, aren't they (he says tongue in cheek as he has learned what they are).

Dominions Son 🚫
Updated:

@Ernest Bywater

In this case the fine detail destroyed what was in the story for as my son

I agree, it's a problem, but it could just as easily be called too little detail as too much.

If it had been '... he lit up a camel cigarette ...', it wouldn't have been an issue.

Of course in another generation or two the kids won't have any clue what a cigarette is. :)

Replies:   richardshagrin
richardshagrin 🚫

@Dominions Son

what a cigarette is

With just a little word analysis they can work it out. Cigar probably will consider to be understood, and "ette" is a suffix that indicates a smaller sized version. They will still have google or something similar to look it up.
"Dictionary
Search for a word
-ette

suffix
1.
forming nouns denoting relatively small size.
"kitchenette"
2.
forming nouns denoting an imitation or substitute.
"flannelette"

I am reasonably convinced that is where cigar ette came from, back when they were new.

"Who invented cigarettes?
December 12, 2010 by 2016 Revision 5 Comments

Cigarettes were invented in 19th century by a French military man during war time. When his only pipe got broken, the soldier took paper from the gunpowder bag that he was carrying, rolled it as a pipe and filled the tobacco inside to smoke. It is also believed that in Seville the beggars used to take out tobacco from the thrown cigars and pipes of the rich people and rolled them into paper to smoke. The tobacco was in use centuries back. Native Americans and people of other countries were consuming it since long back. In U. S. the manufacturing of cigarettes started in 1860 and the famous brand Bull Durham captured 90% of the demand for the product. The cigarettes were then hand made and a costly affair.

In 1883 cigarette making was revolutionized when the automatic rolling machine for cigarette rolling was made by an eighteen year old boy James. This helped in reducing the production cost and increasing the volume of production. The reduced prize brought great demand. In 1952 filtered cigarettes were introduced for health protection reasons."

Replies:   red61544
red61544 🚫

@richardshagrin

-ette

suffix
1.
forming nouns denoting relatively small size.
"kitchenette"
2.
forming nouns denoting an imitation or substitute.
"flannelette"

So is a majorette a small army officer?

Dominions Son 🚫
Updated:

@red61544

So is a majorette a small army officer?

By definition 2 of the ette suffix, it would be someone impersonating an army officer.

Of course Mirriam Webster has a different take on it.

https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/-ette

1 : little one kitchenette
2 : female farmerette

So majorette could be a female army officer.

awnlee jawking 🚫

@red61544

Is a corvette a small crow?

Is a butte the opposite of a Kardashian?

Is an omelette an imitation of an om?

AJ

Replies:   Dominions Son  red61544
Dominions Son 🚫

@awnlee jawking

Is a butte the opposite of a Kardashian?

No, a butte is the back end of a Kardashian. :)

red61544 🚫

@awnlee jawking

Is an omelette an imitation of an om?

AJ, I believe an omlette is a very short meditation.

Replies:   bk69
bk69 🚫

@red61544

And a Obilette is a small Jedi?

Replies:   awnlee jawking
awnlee jawking 🚫

@bk69

And a palette is a very small friend

AJ

Replies:   bk69  joyR
bk69 🚫

@awnlee jawking

So, can you only order half pints at a barrette?

awnlee jawking 🚫

@bk69

And a serviette doesn't even clear the net!

AJ

Replies:   bk69
bk69 🚫

@awnlee jawking

Can you barely hear a dinette?

Dominions Son 🚫

@bk69

So, can you only order half pints at a barrette?

Beer shots. :)

joyR 🚫

@awnlee jawking

A suffragette hardly hurts at all...

:)

Replies:   bk69
bk69 🚫

@joyR

If you only work at a tough job for a minette, would that count as toilette?

graybyrd 🚫

That's an excellent point. While knocking out the first draft, I'm sure many brand names and colloquial references would slip in. Good editing and revision would change "Camel" to "cigarette" and "come-along" to "block and tackle," or "ute" to... whatever.

In my misspent youth, I smoked many packs of Camels... and Lucky Strikes and Chesterfields. I can still visualize those package designs in my memory. They were also an integral part of U.S. military ration paks in WW-II, given free to the troops. Today? Certainly not at all. But an e-cig would be equally confusing to many.

The primary question is: what is gained (or lost) by including obscure detail, unless it is essential to the time or the character?

If a "Camel" is essential to the scene, some short description should be slipped in unobtrusively to avoid high-centering the reader on an unfamiliar outdated reference.

Keet 🚫

@Ernest Bywater

This proves that a lot of literature doesn't live up to the test of time like so many other things. I can think of books like Tolkien's Lord of the Rings that will stay the same for new readers over time but that's mainly because those books are fantasy with no real connection to the reality of whatever time period. It should be something to consider for all authors to be careful when using brand names instead of product names.
Just an example: Why use 'iPhone' if just 'phone' tells exactly the same? Even today there are large regions in the world where apple devices are rare compared to other brands. Using a generic product name like 'phone' keeps the story 'up-to-date' much longer.

Switch Blayde 🚫

@Keet

Why use 'iPhone' if just 'phone' tells exactly the same?

I guess I'm one of the few to still have a land line. I would substitute "smart phone" for "iPhone," but not "phone."

I used a Ford F-150 truck in a story. Ernest had never heard of it. I didn't want to just say it was a rusty pickup truck. I wanted it to represent the type of person that would be driving an old Ford F-150.

Replies:   Keet  Ernest Bywater
Keet 🚫

@Switch Blayde

I guess I'm one of the few to still have a land line. I would substitute "smart phone" for "iPhone," but not "phone."

'smart phone' is better than 'iPhone' because it's generic although there's nothing smart in today's phones :)

Replies:   Dominions Son
Dominions Son 🚫

@Keet

because it's generic although there's nothing smart in today's phones

I don't know about that. They are smarter than some of their users.

Ernest Bywater 🚫

@Switch Blayde

I used a Ford F-150 truck in a story.

Oddly enough, we do have some Ford F-150 trucks sold down here at some point, but they weren't the basic F-150 pickup sold in the USA, and they're not as old a truck down here as they can be in the USA.

However, the question of detail and how much is something I have to address in a lot of my stories, so I'm much in the habit of a simple explanation with the first usage.

awnlee jawking 🚫

@Keet

Even today there are large regions in the world where apple devices are rare compared to other brands.

I'm not a fan of authors who use the names of US chain stores and expect readers to know exactly what is sold there. Not everyone is American.

AJ

Dominions Son 🚫

@awnlee jawking

'm not a fan of authors who use the names of US chain stores and expect readers to know exactly what is sold there.

UK, Canadian, and Australian authors do the same thing.

Replies:   Ernest Bywater
Ernest Bywater 🚫

@Dominions Son

UK, Canadian, and Australian authors do the same thing.

Some do, and some explain the oddities when they first introduce them into the story while wishing others did the same.

Keet 🚫

@awnlee jawking

I'm not a fan of authors who use the names of US chain stores and expect readers to know exactly what is sold there. Not everyone is American.

A very good example. Even though non-US readers might know a specific chain store name they often have just a faint idea of what kind of store it is.
(Why do we always read 'Walmart' in stories and never 'Macy's'?)

Switch Blayde 🚫

@Keet

(Why do we always read 'Walmart' in stories and never 'Macy's'?)

Because Walmart is growing and Macy's is shrinking.

A lot of old movies have scenes in Macy's. Of course "Miracle on 34th Street" but many more. It used to be huge in NYC.

What about the classic scene in the movie "Big" with Tom Hanks in FAO Schwartz? Today kids wouldn't know what that store was.

Dominions Son 🚫
Updated:

@Keet

Why do we always read 'Walmart' in stories and never 'Macy's'?

Because there are half a dozen to a dozen Walmarts for every Macy's. A few decades ago, it would have been Sears rather than Walmart.

Ernest Bywater 🚫

@awnlee jawking

I'm not a fan of authors who use the names of US chain stores

Yeah, a lot of US people go to Homedepot to purchase their chains and they can't buy homes there.

Mushroom 🚫

@awnlee jawking

I'm not a fan of authors who use the names of US chain stores and expect readers to know exactly what is sold there. Not everyone is American.

True, but the context can tell a lot.

I recently had a character enter a "K-Mart" to buy a rice cooker. Almost gone now, appropriate for the time, and obvious in the context it is a discount department store chain.

Replies:   Keet  Pixy  awnlee jawking
Keet 🚫

@Mushroom

I recently had a character enter a "K-Mart" to buy a rice cooker. Almost gone now, appropriate for the time, and obvious in the context it is a discount department store chain.

You and probably most in the US know what K-Mart is/was. Maybe appropriate for the time but most of the world outside the US have no idea that you wanted to associate with a discount store. If you use the term K-Mart better make it something like 'at the K-Mart discounter..' or something like that if you want your readers to make the association with a discount store.

Replies:   Mushroom
Mushroom 🚫

@Keet

You and probably most in the US know what K-Mart is/was. Maybe appropriate for the time but most of the world outside the US have no idea that you wanted to associate with a discount store. If you use the term K-Mart better make it something like 'at the K-Mart discounter..' or something like that if you want your readers to make the association with a discount store.

He went into the store, got a rice cooker, then next door to a grocery store.

I myself have been in many countries on 3 continents. The only kinds of stores you generally find next door to a grocery store that would have a rice cooker is a discount store.

Once again, the context explains it. It could be set in England, he goes into a Boyes to get a rice cooker, then pops next door to Tesco's and gets groceries. Now may not know the stores, but the context tells me all I need to understand what is going on. The actual name of the store does not matter.

This actually goes back to the original topic, including too much detail. I should not have to explain to those not in the US what a 7-11 is, or exactly what a Slurpee is. The context should explain everything if it is written properly.

Replies:   Dominions Son
Dominions Son 🚫

@Mushroom

The only kinds of stores you generally find next door to a grocery store that would have a rice cooker is a discount store.

There have been a few chains in the US were a single chain company operated a grocery store and a department store on the same premise under a single brand name. And while the department stores were not high end, they weren't discount stores in the way that term is typically used in the US.

Most of them were either out of business or had abandoned the grocery side long before Walmart started carrying groceries. These operations had more separation between the grocery and department store than what you see in a Walmart Supercenter.

Replies:   Mushroom
Mushroom 🚫

@Dominions Son

There have been a few chains in the US were a single chain company operated a grocery store and a department store on the same premise under a single brand name. And while the department stores were not high end, they weren't discount stores in the way that term is typically used in the US.

And once again, does it matter in a story? Would my spending 2 paragraphs explaining what the store is and what kinds of products it sells really matter?

And should I do that every time I describe such a place?

Unless the store itself is of such importance to the story that knowing such details is important, I say it simply does not matter.

Interestingly enough, in the same story the characters frequently go to a "Beef Bowl" place. That is boiled chipped beef on top of white rice for those unfamiliar with the common Japanese dish. He has frequented it many times now, both in Japan and the US. And I purposefully decided long ago to not say in the story what the name of it was. No real reason, I just felt it was not important and for simplification.

Then I got a message asking if the place was real, and what it was called. Yes, Yoshinoya is a real restaurant chain, and still in operation in over 10 countries, over 120 years after it was founded. I could have said the name, I could not have. I simply made the choice to just have them go to the "Beef Bowl place", for simplicity. Otherwise 3 chapters later a reader might have forgotten exactly what "Yoshinoya" was.

Replies:   Keet
Keet 🚫

@Mushroom

Would my spending 2 paragraphs explaining what the store is and what kinds of products it sells really matter?

Of course not, often a single extra word is enough to give just that little needed detail to make it understandable for readers not familiar with the used term.

Pixy 🚫

@Mushroom

I recently had a character enter a "K-Mart" to buy a rice cooker. Almost gone now, appropriate for the time, and obvious in the context it is a discount department store chain

"Shop smart, shop S-mart" K-Mart is a pretty USA centric shop, but over here in the UK we have enough similar shops to appreciate the type of shop Ash worked in. Had you said 'grocery' shop it wouldn't mean that much, but using a brand along with the character means that we can use our own local knowledge to be comparative, so immediately we know the type of people that work there, and have a rough idea of their personality. All with a few words.

Replies:   bk69
bk69 🚫

@Pixy

"Shop smart, shop S-mart"

Stole my line...

awnlee jawking 🚫

@Mushroom

discount department store

I'm not sure what you mean by that.

In the UK, for example, we have a chain called TKMax which sells prestige brands for less than the recommended price ie at a discount. However, if you wanted a cheap rice cooker you might go to somewhere like Wilkinson's which sells budget-price household wares ie not at a discount.

AJ

Replies:   Keet  Mushroom
Keet 🚫

@awnlee jawking

I'm not sure what you mean by that.

In the UK, for example, we have a chain called TKMax which sells prestige brands for less than the recommended price ie at a discount. However, if you wanted a cheap rice cooker you might go to somewhere like Wilkinson's which sells budget-price household wares ie not at a discount.

Maybe 'budget store' is more descriptive than 'discount store'.

Mushroom 🚫

@awnlee jawking

In the UK, for example, we have a chain called TKMax which sells prestige brands for less than the recommended price ie at a discount. However, if you wanted a cheap rice cooker you might go to somewhere like Wilkinson's which sells budget-price household wares ie not at a discount.

Once again, context.

Are they both typically found in strip malls, next to grocery stores? We have similar stores to TKMax here, but they are generally set in more specialized malls only for other retail stores, or inside of malls.

Many will remember Toys-r-Us, and that is a good example of a chain that typically set up in strip malls, but almost always ones dedicated only to retail, not groceries.

And in the end, does it really freaking matter? This is kind of the reverse of the topic thread now. Where it is like we are almost demanded to try and explain every single detail as we go along, as if every reader does not know what a K-Mart, or Tesco's, or even what a "New Coke" is.

Sorry, won't do it. Myself, I do sometimes try to explain things in more detail, but mostly if it is obscure, or outdated (in recognition that many readers are under 35 and unfamiliar with outdated things). But I refuse to "talk down to" my readers, and simply assume they can gather from the context of what I have written what happened, the actual names actually do not matter at all.

Kelly was driving home from work, so she stopped off at Kehsdf and bought a toaster, and a loaf of bread along with jelly and butter (unsalted). She then went next door to Lhkbfbje and bought a large coffee, and got bitched at by the Barrista because she did not use the word 'Grande'.

See how little the names of the stores mean? Context told all that the reader needed to know.

Replies:   Keet  bk69  awnlee jawking
Keet 🚫

@Mushroom

And in the end, does it really freaking matter? This is kind of the reverse of the topic thread now. Where it is like we are almost demanded to try and explain every single detail as we go along, as if every reader does not know what a K-Mart, or Tesco's, or even what a "New Coke" is.

No demand to explain every detail. Just the simple obvious explanations if they are important to the context of the story. I don't care what kind of store K-Mart is if it isn't significant to know what type of store it is. But if naming a (regional) brand or store name is important to the context an author should not expect readers not from that region to understand what he has written. And it's not reverse to the topic, too little is directly connected to too much detail.

bk69 🚫

@Mushroom

Lhkbfbje

Interesting spelling of 'starbux'

Replies:   Mushroom
Mushroom 🚫

@bk69

Interesting spelling of 'starbux'

*laugh*

But I did get the idea across through the context, so the name did not matter.

Heck, I could have used it with a male character.

Chuck was hungry, so after work he went into Buttfuckers for a burger. Then feeling a bit horny, he decided to go head and go to Starbucks. He was still not sure if that androgynous Barrista was a guy or a gal, but they had a good hand so it did not matter.

Of course, this is another kind of obscure, because if somebody had not seen the 2006 film those references came from they would not get the joke.

That is always the risk of adding in things like pop culture or a current-past brand name. I just included an anachronistic "Rick Roll" into one of mine, and both wonder if anybody will catch it, and if it will even mean anything in another 10 years.

I saw Dee on the keyboards as I went past, and she stopped the computer playing "Night on Bald Mountain", and immediately switched to playing that Rick Astley song that seemed to be on the radio everywhere.

Of course, at that point it is 1988, and it does not really matter if somebody knows what a "Rick Roll" is, or who he is or what song of his was big then. Interesting background I figure if nobody gets it, a chuckle for those that do.

And yea, I quite literally Rick Rolled my readers in a story. Why? Because I could, and I doubt it has really been done in here before.

Replies:   richardshagrin  bk69
richardshagrin 🚫

@Mushroom

he went into Buttfuckers for a burger

Shouldn't "burger" be spelled "bugger"? After all it is "Buttfuckers".

Replies:   Mushroom
Mushroom 🚫

@richardshagrin

Shouldn't "burger" be spelled "bugger"? After all it is "Buttfuckers".

Go watch "Idiocracy". Buttfuckers is where you go for a burger, Starbucks is where you go for a handjob.

https://img.fireden.net/co/image/1506/01/1506014370286.jpg

Replies:   StarFleet Carl
StarFleet Carl 🚫

@Mushroom

Go watch "Idiocracy".

Once was enough. It's bad enough we seem to be living it.

Replies:   bk69
bk69 🚫

@StarFleet Carl

A strange mix of prophetic and pathetic...

bk69 🚫

@Mushroom

Of course, this is another kind of obscure, because if somebody had not seen the 2006 film those references came from they would not get the joke.

Hard to believe it was that long ago...

awnlee jawking 🚫

@Mushroom

as if every reader does not know what a K-Mart

I didn't know what a K-Mart is and I still don't, except that it's possible to buy a rice cooker there.

AJ

Ernest Bywater 🚫

@Keet

This proves that a lot of literature doesn't live up to the test of time like so many other things.

The story was only written within the last couple of years by a guy who does good military history stuff, as was this story.

Replies:   Keet
Keet 🚫

@Ernest Bywater

The story was only written within the last couple of years by a guy who does good military history stuff, as was this story.

That only proves how fast specific brands can expire. Some brands become the equivalent for a product name that can hold up for many years.

irvmull 🚫

@Keet

This proves that a lot of literature doesn't live up to the test of time like so many other things.

Indeed, and the main things that haven't lived up to the test are intelligence and curiosity on the part of the reader.

As a child, I was a big fan of Sherlock Holmes, yet I never lived in Victorian London. Never heard of a gasogene nor ridden in a Hansom cab. But I didn't let that stop me from enjoying a good story.

By employing a bit of intelligence, a reader can usually figure out some obscure reference, and by being even a little bit curious, can find out.

Without details of time, place, and character, all stories basically boil down to "Joe lived and then died. The End"

Replies:   bk69
bk69 🚫

@irvmull

Pretty much exactly the point I was trying to make earlier.

Switch Blayde 🚫

@Ernest Bywater

'... he lit up a camel ...'

In an audio book you can't see capital letters. If your son had read it, he might not have known what a Camel cigarette was, but he'd know it wasn't the animal.

BlacKnight 🚫

The other way of looking at it is: If you pay attention, you might learn something.

Pixy 🚫
Updated:

I'm going to disagree with the lot of you....

I have had to look up things in the past when reading stories. At first it was dictionaries and encyclopedias (because there wasn't an internet) and now I use the internet (because it's faster, and it doesn't weigh as much..) And not once has it ever broke/disrupted the flow of a story. If anything, it added to it, as my knowledge of the world has just increased. Hell, I couldn't read a Terry Pratchett novel as a child WITHOUT needing to use a dictionary, I doubt many kids now-adays know what 'anthropomorphic personification' means.

Yes you could use 'cigarette' or 'beer' instead of brand names- if you want to write a bland characterless story. I have found in life that certain people buy certain things. I don't know about you all in Yank or Canada land, but in the UK, BMW and Volvo drivers have a specific reputation diametrically opposed to each other. And it's not just cars, it's everything. In Blighty, shell-suits and tracksuits are the same thing, however the wearers of each are completely different character wise. It's the same with phones, computers, cigarette. Certain personality types buy certain brands. And will refuse to be seen to posses other certain brands. It's what drives marketing, what makes certain marketing firms more successful than others.

If you feel brand names are superfluous, then that is the fault of the writer because THEY haven't created a believable character. THEY haven't invested the time to 'make' a realistic character.

Most of our knowledge is unconscious. We know things through experience, we know how people will react to situations because we know them as individuals. If a person, or character, does and continues to indulge in behavior out of the norm, it creates a form of cognitive dissonance in the reader.

Brand names are important with relation to a character. If as a writer you don't think so, then it's probably because you write shallow characters.

Keet 🚫

@Pixy

but in the UK, BMW and Volvo drivers have a specific reputation diametrically opposed to each other.

BIG mistake using car brands to point out a specific type of driver, car images change faster than the brand itself and those images differ per country/region and period. Where a BMW might be a car for the effluent in one place down here it's almost synonym for asshole. Here Volvo always had the image for the safest car possible and the drivers were mostly good, easy drivers. Nowadays Volvo drivers are almost bigger assholes than the BMW drivers were.

Replies:   Pixy  richardshagrin
Pixy 🚫

@Keet

Where a BMW might be a car for the effluent in one place down here it's almost synonym for asshole. Here Volvo always had the image for the safest car possible and the drivers were mostly good, easy drivers. Nowadays Volvo drivers are almost bigger assholes than the BMW drivers were.

Oh believe me, BMW is synonymous for arseholes in the UK as well. Volvo still has a rep for elderly safe drivers here. Suburu incidentally, has a stastistically higher percentage of gay (male and female) owners than any other manufacturer.

Replies:   bk69  StarFleet Carl
bk69 🚫

@Pixy

Suburu incidentally, has a stastistically higher percentage of gay (male and female) owners

Unless you count the Prius as distinct from Toyota...

StarFleet Carl 🚫

@Pixy

Suburu incidentally, has a stastistically higher percentage of gay (male and female) owners than any other manufacturer.

That was intentional. Subaru purposely advertised to that niche market when before it became mainstream.

However, they're no longer the average Subaru buyer. The actual average age of a Subaru buyer has gone DOWN over the last couple of years. It's now 54 years old.

Everyone thinks of the obnoxious kids in their WRX or STI with the loud exhaust, but the Legacy of Paul Hogan lives on with the Outback still.

richardshagrin 🚫

@Keet

BMW

It a letter, W, made with bowel movements. Pretty shitty.

Ernest Bywater 🚫

@Pixy

now I use the internet (because it's faster, and it doesn't weigh as much..) And not once has it ever broke/disrupted the flow of a story.

My son disagrees with that because of the time it takes to break away from the story, open another browser window on his mart phone then do the search for it there and deal with it before closing that browser window then going back to the original story because there's tight limits on the phone screen size. I'm not quite the same because I only use the Internet on my desktop. However, I now do a lot of reading on my tablet, but that's usually a downloaded file and not on live Internet - also the on-screen keyboard is a real bugger to use due to the small squares and my big fingers.

Replies:   Pixy  awnlee jawking
Pixy 🚫

@Ernest Bywater

My son disagrees with that because of the time it takes to break away from the story, open another browser window on his mart phone then do the search for it there and deal with it before closing that browser window then going back to the original story because there's tight limits on the phone screen size

I think that's a more societal issue than personal. Kids these days have shorter attention spans and struggle with interruption. There are a lot of studies proclaiming why that is the case, but few agree. Some say pace of life, some say informational overload. Who knows, but things are becoming shorter,films, songs, TV episodes. I listen to kids listening to music these days and they rarely listen to a whole song, always flicking to the next after a minute or so.

awnlee jawking 🚫

@Ernest Bywater

Science supports your son. When someone is enjoying a story, their reading speed increases. Someone who is happy to break off from a story to look up word meanings or cultural knowledge isn't engrossed in the story.

AJ

Replies:   Dominions Son  Pixy
Dominions Son 🚫

@awnlee jawking

Science supports your son. When someone is enjoying a story, their reading speed increases.

I have to call bullshit on this. There is no way to objectively measure if someone is enjoying a story. Any "study" that purports to have done something like this is NOT science.

Replies:   Pixy  awnlee jawking  bk69
Pixy 🚫

@Dominions Son

I have to call bullshit on this. There is no way to objectively measure if someone is enjoying a story. Any "study" that purports to have done something like this is NOT science.

I agree fully with that statement. So double bullshit ;)

awnlee jawking 🚫

@Dominions Son

There is no way to objectively measure if someone is enjoying a story.

There's probably no way to objectively measure how much someone is enjoying a story, but there are lots of ways of telling whether someone is enjoying a story.

AJ

Replies:   Dominions Son
Dominions Son 🚫

@awnlee jawking

but there are lots of ways of telling whether someone is enjoying a story.

Perhaps, but without objective measurements, whatever you are doing, it isn't science.

Replies:   joyR
joyR 🚫

@Dominions Son

Perhaps, but without objective measurements, whatever you are doing, it isn't science.

It wouldn't be difficult to design an experiment to gauge if a reader enjoyed a book, so yes, it could be science.

awnlee jawking 🚫

@joyR

It wouldn't be difficult to design an experiment to gauge if a reader enjoyed a book, so yes, it could be science.

It's been done so yes, it is science.

AJ

Replies:   Dominions Son
Dominions Son 🚫

@awnlee jawking

It's been done so yes, it is science.

Lots of things have been done that are not science.

That some quack called it science doesn't make it science.

Replies:   PotomacBob
PotomacBob 🚫

@Dominions Son

That some quack called it science doesn't make it science.

Isn't it also true that if some quack called it "not science," that doesn't make it not science?

Replies:   Dominions Son
Dominions Son 🚫

@PotomacBob

Isn't it also true that if some quack called it "not science," that doesn't make it not science?

Technically true, but I didn't just declare it was not science. I have a specific reason why I think it's not science, the lack of objective measurements.

And no, I'm not going to buy claims that you can objectively measure a subjective mental state.

Dominions Son 🚫

@joyR

It wouldn't be difficult to design an experiment to gauge if a reader enjoyed a book, so yes, it could be science.

Enjoyment is inherently subjective, even to the individual experiencing it.

You are wrong. It would be nearly impossible to design and experiment that would give you an objective measurement.

Replies:   joyR
joyR 🚫

@Dominions Son

Enjoyment is inherently subjective, even to the individual experiencing it.

Just because it is subjective does not mean it cannot be measured.

Voting is subjective, are you really suggesting that votes can't be measured..??

Obviously an experiment to measure enjoyment wouldn't be a vote, but that does not mean an experiment cannot be designed that produces meaningful results.

Replies:   Dominions Son
Dominions Son 🚫

@joyR

Just because it is subjective does not mean it cannot be measured.

True, but it does mean it can't be objectively measured.

Replies:   bk69
bk69 🚫

@Dominions Son

It could be objectively measured... just not using some objective scale. Ordinal ranking is objective.

Replies:   Dominions Son
Dominions Son 🚫

@bk69

It could be objectively measured...

No, subjective mental states can not be objectively measured.

just not using some objective scale. Ordinal ranking is objective.

The above statement contradicts itself.

Either the orndinal ranking is an objective scale or it's not objective.

Replies:   bk69
bk69 🚫

@Dominions Son

Ordinal ranking is not a continuous scale of measurement. As such, the statistical tests involved in determining whether to accept or reject a null hypothesis are different when using ordinal rankings than used with other objective measures.

Replies:   Dominions Son
Dominions Son 🚫

@bk69

As such, the statistical tests involved in determining whether to accept or reject a null hypothesis are different when using ordinal rankings

That has nothing to do with whether or not ordinal rankings are objective measures.

Replies:   bk69
bk69 🚫

@Dominions Son

They're objective measures. It's just that if you could measure using some continuous scale, the numerical differences would be inconsistent.
However, you can easily convert data from a continuous scale to ordinal values. It's just not possible to transform data in the other direction. For example, you can use sprinters' times to determine the objective order they completed a race in, but you can't determine the difference in their times from which place they finished in.

Replies:   Dominions Son
Dominions Son 🚫

@bk69

They're objective measures. It's just that if you could measure using some continuous scale, the numerical differences would be inconsistent.

They are objective measures if the underlying data on which the ordinal ranking is based is objective, say population ranges for cities.

An ordinal ranking based on people's subjective opinions and/or feelings does not magically make the subjective data objective.

Replies:   BarBar
BarBar 🚫

@Dominions Son

D.S. Your argument seems to be that because the data is based on a subjective assessment, that it isn't science.

Well, most people would agree that it isn't "hard" science. That's why the distinction exists. That's why psychology and some parts of medicine are called "soft" sciences. They apply the scientific method to acquire and analyse data in as controlled a way as can be managed when dealing with such an imperfect data source as people. Then they use that data in a statistical way to verify or reject hypotheses which is what the scientific method is all about. If your opinion is that because of the unreliability of the data that this isn't science at all then you're welcome to your opinion. You aren't alone in thinking that. It's an opinion that is shared by a number of people involved in the hard sciences. Quite frankly, it comes across as snobbery rather than anything else. If it helps, just remember that what you are doing and what they are doing is simply applied mathematics.

Mathematics is, after all, the only Pure Science :)

Replies:   Dominions Son  madnige
Dominions Son 🚫

@BarBar

D.S. Your argument seems to be that because the data is based on a subjective assessment, that it isn't science.

Yep.

Quite frankly, it comes across as snobbery rather than anything else.

It comes across a snobbery, because a lot of people with that opinion also seem to think that science is the only valid source of knowledge and/or truth. The latter is an opinion I do not share.

If it helps, just remember that what you are doing and what they are doing is simply applied mathematics.

Untrue. A lot of basic science can be done without any mathematics.

Mathematics is, after all, the only Pure Science

An outright lie. Mathematicians make no use of the scientific method at all. Mathematics is actually a branch of philosophy.

Replies:   bk69
bk69 🚫

@Dominions Son

An outright lie. Mathematicians make no use of the scientific method at all. Mathematics is actually a branch of philosophy.

Technically, Mathematics is more properly understood as a language.

Replies:   PotomacBob
PotomacBob 🚫

@bk69

I say verily unto thee, Mathematics is a religion.

Replies:   awnlee jawking
awnlee jawking 🚫

@PotomacBob

I say verily unto thee, Mathematics is a religion.

Venus Fly Traps do mathematics. It takes two triggerings to activate a trap. And when it has more than five traps at once, it does the splits.

On the other hand, Global Warming is definitely a religion!

AJ

Replies:   bk69
bk69 🚫
Updated:

@awnlee jawking

Religions are fictional constructs designed to control the public and enrich... Actually, you're right. Never mind.

madnige 🚫

@BarBar

Mathematics is, after all, the only Pure Science :)

xkdc

Switch Blayde 🚫

@joyR

It wouldn't be difficult to design an experiment to gauge if a reader enjoyed a book, so yes, it could be science.

If it were a sex book, the measurement could be number of strokes per minute.

Replies:   joyR
joyR 🚫

@Switch Blayde

If it were a sex book, the measurement could be number of strokes per minute.

That only works if the optimum stroke speed is universally constant and all shafts are of equal dimensions.

Experience (mine) shows that this is not the case... Indeed some claims of impressive equipment prove to be wildly inaccurate, not to mention excessively premature....

bk69 🚫
Updated:

@Dominions Son

I only have anecdotal evidence on this one, but.. I've read dozens of 1000-page novels each in well under a day. And there've been much smaller books that took me weeks to slog through. (Dickens was the worst, but a few others.)

And it could easily be tested scientifically: test reading speeds, then survey the test subjects on the material tested. You'd need several sources for each subject to be tested with, to determine baseline speed as well as increase the likelihood that some subject matter appealed and some didn't...

Replies:   Dominions Son
Dominions Son 🚫
Updated:

@bk69

I've read dozens of 1000-page novels each in well under a day.

Some people can do it, most can't. And it isn't just about reading speed, it's about having the free time to do it with no external distractions.

then survey the test subjects on the material tested.

In my opinion objective measurements of all requisite observations are a prerequisite for doing science. Once you bring surveys of people's subjective opinions into it, you aren't doing science anymore.

Replies:   bk69
bk69 🚫

@Dominions Son

So you believe psychology isn't a science.
Fact is, psychology as a field is one of the most rigorous in methodology, precisely because it's considered a 'soft science'.

No doubt, one day we'll have tech to measure real-time levels of various neurotransmitters, and skip over the surveys, but...

If you want to show reading speed increases for enjoyable reading material, you only need to know how your test subjects rank the reading material (from least to most enjoyable) and what their reading speeds were for each. As well as having a large enough sample to ensure that you have groups whose 'favorite' covered each position in reading sequence, so you can correct for other causes in speeding up or slowing their reading speed.

Dominions Son 🚫

@bk69

So you believe psychology isn't a science.

Exactly right. Of course that doesn't necessarily mean I think it's all bunk. I'm not one who thinks "science" is the only source of useful knowledge and/or truth.

Replies:   awnlee jawking
awnlee jawking 🚫

@Dominions Son

Since the whole universe is experiential in nature, even 'scientific' observations are experiential. Therefore science doesn't exist.

Me, I take analgesics when necessary even though the evidence for their efficacy is not objective but based on participants subjectively assessing their pain levels.

AJ

Dominions Son 🚫

@awnlee jawking

Since the whole universe is experiential in nature, even 'scientific' observations are experiential. Therefore science doesn't exist.

Experiential is not equivalent to subjective. No cigar. Feel free to try again.

Dominions Son 🚫

@awnlee jawking

Me, I take analgesics when necessary even though the evidence for their efficacy is not objective but based on participants subjectively assessing their pain levels.

I'm not one who thinks "science" is the only source of useful knowledge and/or truth.

awnlee jawking 🚫

@bk69

If you want to show reading speed increases for enjoyable reading material, you only need to know how your test subjects rank the reading material (from least to most enjoyable) and what their reading speeds were for each.

Actually the study showed that participants who enjoyed what they were reading increased their reading speed during the story, so the speed they were reading at was faster towards the end than at the beginning.

AJ

Replies:   bk69
bk69 🚫

@awnlee jawking

Yes. Which would make the average reading speed for that story higher than a story they did not enjoy.

Yes, there's ways you could measure realtime reading speed (each page with identical word counts, tracking eye movement to determine progress, etc) but easier to just be logical about things.

Replies:   Switch Blayde
Switch Blayde 🚫

@bk69

Which would make the average reading speed for that story higher than a story they did not enjoy.

Or they were skimming it because they found it boring.

Pixy 🚫

@awnlee jawking

Someone who is happy to break off from a story to look up word meanings or cultural knowledge isn't engrossed in the story.

Not so sure, and from a personal point of view, I don't agree. I have thoroughly enjoyed books whilst on operational tour, sitting down and reading for a few minutes here and there whilst waiting for helicopter pick ups, whilst in the helicopter after pickup etc etc. And in civvy street, on the tube/bus between stops, during breaktimes at work. Even as a kid, sitting in the library if it was raining outside during playtime for a few minutes reading. Just because I'm disrupted doesn't lessen my enjoyment. A book is good on it's own merits rather on the time spent to read it. Hell, some of my books should have combat medals...LOL

Replies:   awnlee jawking
awnlee jawking 🚫

@Pixy

I'll have to bear that in mind. I used to assume that someone who read a novel in one sitting because they couldn't put it down was the pretty much the ultimate accolade, but in your case it would be that you managed to put it down five times or more per hour ;-)

AJ

Replies:   Dominions Son
Dominions Son 🚫

@awnlee jawking

I used to assume that someone who read a novel in one sitting because they couldn't put it down was the pretty much the ultimate accolade

1. There's an old saying about what happens when you assume.

2. Few adults have time these days to sit and read a novel all the way through in one go even if we wanted to. Life intrudes. For most of us, that doesn't lessen our enjoyment of a good novel.

Ernest Bywater 🚫

@Pixy

Brand names are important with relation to a character.

Only in a section of society where you have to wear the right brand names, just ask any Valley Girl - for the bulk of the populations brand names don't matter a thing. Mind you, even in the places and sub-cultures where brand names matter change from country to country, region to region, and sub-culture to sub-culture.

You can't realistic expect everyone to have the same brand name associations as you do, thus by going that route without including an explanation you will often destroy the character and story for anyone not from you specific sub-group/culture that have that specific association.

Replies:   Pixy
Pixy 🚫

@Ernest Bywater

You can't realistic expect everyone to have the same brand name associations as you do,

No, that's why editors exist and products are 'localised'. A good publishing house takes an authors work and adjusts it for the area of sale. Names may change, but the principle is the same. Some brands are the same the World over, Pepsi, Coke, Levi, Yamaha etc etc..

Switch Blayde 🚫

@Pixy

BMW and Volvo drivers have a specific reputation diametrically opposed to each other.

If there was a "Like" thumbs-up, I'd click it on this post. I agree with everything you said.

Btw, as to BMW drivers, there's a joke that goes:

What's the difference between a BMW and a porcupine?

The porcupine has the pricks on the outside.

Replies:   Dominions Son
Dominions Son 🚫

@Switch Blayde

What's the difference between a BMW and a porcupine?

How many people not from North America would know what a porcupine is? Hedgehog would be more universal.

Mushroom 🚫

@Ernest Bywater

Today I was listening to an audio book about certain events in WW2. My adult son walked in as a scene involving a senior officer was given in the book where he was sitting at his desk reading a report, then he leaned back, thought, then '... he lit up a camel ...' - at that point my son said, "what sort of mean idiot was he to set fire to a camel, and why did he have a camel in his office?"

To add another level of complexity, here is a bit of trivia about that era.

Most know of MacArthur and his corncob pipe. But that was largely for publicity, like most in that era he usually smoked with a cigarette holder. The same as what President Roosevelt is usually seen using.

Now an obscure and obsolete item, but at one time very common. Only tough guys and soldiers smoked cigarettes without one, most people used a holder. And the why is obvious if you know the history.

The first "filtered cigarette" did not come out until 1954. So using a holder did many things. It allowed the smoke to cool, it allowed the smoker to smoke more of the cigarette without burning their fingers. 85mm was the standard without filter, which we now call "king". The 100mm did not come out until 1966. So if in old movies they seem to be chain smoking one after another, remove the amount for them to hold and they are really only smoking half of it

And finally, it prevented the smoker from getting loose tobacco on their tongue and having to spit it out. They were very common into the 1950's, but with the advent of filters the cigarette holder quickly faded away.

Replies:   Dominions Son
Dominions Son 🚫

@Mushroom

Now an obscure and obsolete item, but at one time very common.

Most of them weren't just holders, many had filters in them. But as you say, the first cigarettes with built in filters didn't come out until the 1950s.

StarFleet Carl 🚫

@Ernest Bywater

... he lit up a camel ...' - at that point my son said, "what sort of mean idiot was he to set fire to a camel, and why did he have a camel in his office?"

At least it was WW2.

If it'd been WW1, I can just imagine the reaction of your son if the author wrote, '... he lit up a fag ...'.

mrherewriting 🚫

@Ernest Bywater

When you start a story from the beginning, your more inclined to understand something from the context clues.

There is also common sense. Did your son really think that this guy lit a four-legged camel on fire in his office? Teach that kid to slow down his mind to a manageable pace.

Replies:   Ernest Bywater  bk69
Ernest Bywater 🚫

@mrherewriting

Teach that kid to slow down his mind to a manageable pace.

He reads a lot of fantasy and Japanese stories, so having animals around the place is common place in them. Thus setting one on fire wouldn't seem out. Mind you, the story I was listening to never identified Camel with cigarettes at all, right from the start he only says '... he lit a camel ..' so there's really no context to it. No getting it out of the packet, no using matches or a lighter, just 'he lit a camel.'

To me, that story made it clear brand names mean nothing in themselves because they're localised and dated, you need to be generic or explain it when first used. Something along the lines of ' he lit a Camel as it's his favourite brand of cigarette' would've made it clear. personally, I'd have gone with 'he lit a cigarette.'

Switch Blayde 🚫

@Ernest Bywater

I'd have gone with 'he lit a cigarette.'

I don't know about that. In the James Bond books, Ian Fleming has Bond driving an Aston Martin. I'm not familiar with them, but they were a specific model.

He didn't just write that Bond drove his car.

Replies:   Dominions Son  Mushroom
Dominions Son 🚫

@Switch Blayde

In the James Bond books, Ian Fleming has Bond driving an Aston Martin. I'm not familiar with them, but they were a specific model.

Aston Martin is a make(a specific manufacturer), not a model. It's like saying Bubba drove his Ford.

It's important in the Bond stories because:

1. It's a British manufacturer, and Bond is a British spy.
2. They exclusively make high-end, high-priced sports cars, making it a statement of elite status.

With most items, I don't think brand would matter so much to a story unless it's either an unusually expensive or unusually cheap brand, such that it says something about the character.

With cell phones, I might mention if a character is using an iPhone, because there is a certain culture that surrounds iFans that would say something about the character. I would probably not be so specific about other phones.

Replies:   Switch Blayde
Switch Blayde 🚫

@Dominions Son

Aston Martin is a make(a specific manufacturer), not a model. It's like saying Bubba drove his Ford.

I meant the Aston Martin he drove was a specific model. I didn't want to bother before, but I just looked it up. It was a DB5.

Mushroom 🚫

@Switch Blayde

I don't know about that. In the James Bond books, Ian Fleming has Bond driving an Aston Martin. I'm not familiar with them, but they were a specific model.

In one story, I had a character say she was buying a "Sunbeam Tiger". Now obscure, but at one time very popular.

And aware it was now obscure, I had another character ask what it was, and he was told it was the "red 2 seat coupe that Maxwell Smart drove in 'Get Smart'." And in one sentence both described the car, and where a reader might have seen it in the past.

awnlee jawking 🚫

@Ernest Bywater

'he lit a camel.'

If 'camel' was spelt with a small 'c', the author deserves a slap round the chops with a wet cod ;-)

AJ

Replies:   Keet  Switch Blayde
Keet 🚫

@awnlee jawking

If 'camel' was spelt with a small 'c', the author deserves a slap round the chops with a wet cod ;-)

In many cases using a capital letter as in this case could give an indication were it not that many authors here on SOL abuse the use of capital letters where they should not be. Often in the middle of a sentence where it makes no sense at all or starting a new sentence with a lower case letter. Correct use of capitalization of letters and correct punctuation seems to be on a steadily declining path in the last years. It probably has to do with not using proofreaders and/or editors.

Replies:   bk69
bk69 🚫

@Keet

It probably has to do with not using proofreaders and/or editors.

Or the proofreader being a damn idiot. (GMW once had a proofreader suggest 'ramada' be capitalized.)

Replies:   Switch Blayde
Switch Blayde 🚫
Updated:

@bk69

(GMW once had a proofreader suggest 'ramada' be capitalized.)

I recently finished a David Baldacci novel ("End Game"). In it he capitalized "dumpster." This traditionally published book went through all the editors and proofreaders.

I googled it and at one time it was a proper noun, like thermos was. The trademark has either expired or has been canceled, but it was once a proper noun.

Don't forget, Ramada is a hotel. It's also an Americanization of a Spanish word.

Replies:   bk69
bk69 🚫

@Switch Blayde

Actually, ramada was a Spanish word that was adopted into English via Mexico. Later, Ramada Inn was founded and grew into a chain. However, the use of the word that I was referencing was in a western Gina wrote.

Switch Blayde 🚫

@awnlee jawking

If 'camel' was spelt with a small 'c', the author deserves a slap round the chops with a wet cod ;-)

It was an audio book.

bk69 🚫

@mrherewriting

More to the point, if a story is set in a time and place, items and locations appropriate to that time and place should be used.

There are many businesses that I've never encountered in person, yet am familiar with through reading, and I'm referring to large chains. Hell, I've never seen a Trader Joe's but I'm familiar with Two Buck Chuck. I've never seen a pack of Chesterfields, but if I was reading a story set in wartime Britain I'd expect them to show up several times at least.
When reading a story with a foreign setting, expect foreign details and be prepared to figure out references. In the case of the OP, simply reading long enough for the character to take a drag or blow the smoke out should've been sufficient. Heavyhanded genericism is more 'telling' than 'showing'.

bk69 🚫

@Ernest Bywater

Just out of curiosity, did the book continue on and eventually make clear that the officer was smoking? (Beyond the fact that 'lit up' is a phrase I've only ever heard applied to a cigarette - occasionally a cigar - when it involves applying flame to anything.)

The boy was too quick to respond. Now, granted it's unlikely he heard enough to realize that the setting was one he was unfamiliar with, but if he was unfamiliar he should have expected some details that he wouldn't expect.

(Also, are Durex condoms typically sold there? It'd be amusing for a story with some teen kiwi exchange student walking into a store and asking for 'Durex' and getting handed a box of condoms (and the cashier's number...))

Switch Blayde 🚫

@bk69

It'd be amusing for a story with some teen kiwi exchange student walking into a store and asking for 'Durex' and getting handed a box of condoms (and the cashier's number...))

My wife and I were driving through the U.K. in the 1970s and were in Wales. We stopped at a fish & chips place for dinner not knowing it was takeout, not sit-in. But they gave us a place to sit when we explained we didn't have anywhere to take the food.

They weren't set up for dine-in eating. When my wife asked for a napkin, they looked at each other thinking she was asking for a sanitary napkin.

Replies:   joyR
joyR 🚫

@Switch Blayde

But they gave us a place to sit when we explained we didn't have anywhere to take the food.

Weird, usually when the Fish & Chip shop gives you a plaice, you eat it.

Also, it was a "take away", of course you had a plaice to take the food. Anywhere not inside the shop is "away"..!!

joyR 🚫

@bk69

It'd be amusing for a story with some teen kiwi exchange student walking into a store and asking for 'Durex'

"....because I keep making terrible mistakes"

:)

Ernest Bywater 🚫

@bk69

Just out of curiosity, did the book continue on and eventually make clear that the officer was smoking? (Beyond the fact that 'lit up' is a phrase I've only ever heard applied to a cigarette - occasionally a cigar - when it involves applying flame to anything.)

no, although the '... he lit a camel ...' phrase was used several times.

Ernest Bywater 🚫

@bk69

(Also, are Durex condoms typically sold there? It'd be amusing for a story with some teen kiwi exchange student walking into a store and asking for 'Durex' and getting handed a box of condoms (and the cashier's number...))

not sure if that's the case now, but as late as the early 1990s the Kiwis I knew then said Durex was a brand of cellulose tape only and not condoms, which is why when they here people speak of using Durex as a condom they used to laugh until they were shown them on the shelf here in Australia. I'd say the condom company had a brand name issue in NZ and didn't use the anme there.

Replies:   Dominions Son
Dominions Son 🚫

@Ernest Bywater

I'd say the condom company had a brand name issue in NZ and didn't use the anme there.

Hmm, something seems not quite right with this sentence. :)

Ernest Bywater 🚫

@Dominions Son

Hmm, something seems not quite right with this sentence. :)

the signal speed between brand and fingers in hands is now noticeably different between the hands and sometimes word order gets mixed up, so live with it when I don't immediately spot and fix the typos.

Replies:   Dominions Son
Dominions Son 🚫

@Ernest Bywater

Interesting, when you fixed the original, it fixed the quote. That was unexpected.

Replies:   madnige
madnige 🚫
Updated:

@Dominions Son

Say what? I see the quote as still wrong

Dominions Son

08/09/2020, 22:01:34

@Ernest Bywater

I'd say the condom company had a brand name issue in NZ and didn't use the anme there.



Hmm, something seems not quite right with this sentence. :)

ETA: on the gripping hand, the original post is still wrong, too.

Replies:   bk69
bk69 🚫
Updated:

@madnige

Maybe Ernest ninja edited the ninja edit?

edit: and now is just fucking with everyone.

Replies:   Ernest Bywater
Ernest Bywater 🚫

@bk69

Maybe Ernest ninja edited the ninja edit?

I didn't bother editing the original, nor anything else. Just too lazy at the moment. Got other things on my mind. Waiting to hear how my son's keyhole surgery for stones is going today.

Replies:   bk69
bk69 🚫

@Ernest Bywater

I wonder if it was Laz...

Replies:   Dominions Son
Dominions Son 🚫

@bk69

I wonder if it was Laz...

Or I just had a bad moment and thought it had been edited when it hadn't. I have sleep issues, and the last week has been rough for me sleep wise. I've been pretty tired.

Replies:   richardshagrin
richardshagrin 🚫

@Dominions Son

tired.

When you buy tires for your car it is tired. When you do it again, it is retired.

Replies:   Dominions Son
Dominions Son 🚫

@richardshagrin

When you buy tires for your car it is tired. When you do it again, it is retired.

You should be punished.

richardshagrin 🚫
Updated:

@Dominions Son

not quite right

"anme" means "name". Like Teh is The and other times enthusiasm causes the next key to be hit before the one that was intended. His stories are well proofread. Forum posts, sometimes a little less. It happens to many people who post.

That's why there is a pencil at the bottom, so additions and corrections can be made, if the writer thinks of something else to say. After making them, hit "Save Changes".

richardshagrin 🚫
Updated:

punished.

I am a pungent. See my "home for puns" here on the Forum. Unless you are againstum.

"A Home For Puns"

Replies:   Dominions Son
Dominions Son 🚫

@richardshagrin

I am a pungent.

So, you stink. Well, admitting it is half the battle.

Dominions Son 🚫

Would a trowel be a shovelette or a spadette?

Replies:   awnlee jawking  joyR
awnlee jawking 🚫

@Dominions Son

If Grammar Girl had a daughter, would she be a mignonette?

AJ

Replies:   joyR  bk69
joyR 🚫

@awnlee jawking

If Grammar Girl had a daughter, would she be a mignonette?

Is Grammar Girl's brother called Grandar Boy?

bk69 🚫

@awnlee jawking

Is the grinning dick properly defined as crapette?

Replies:   Dominions Son
Dominions Son 🚫

@bk69

Is the grinning dick properly defined as crapette?

No, he's more like Mega Crapasaurus Rex.

Replies:   bk69
bk69 🚫

@Dominions Son

So.... not a little piece of shit?

Replies:   joyR
joyR 🚫

@bk69

So.... not a little piece of shit?

Not exactly, in the rankings he's in turd place...

:)

joyR 🚫

@Dominions Son

Would a trowel be a shovelette or a spadette?

Take your pickette....

:)

Replies:   awnlee jawking
awnlee jawking 🚫

@joyR

Is Bette an uncapitalised 'b' or a 'd' written backwards?

AJ

Replies:   joyR
joyR 🚫

@awnlee jawking

Is Bette an uncapitalised 'b' or a 'd' written backwards?

Maybe it's more topical, if not accurate to say that "bΓͺte noire matters"

Torsian 🚫

@Ernest Bywater

This might have been said since I did not finish the chain. As a reader I think brand names can be use yo great affect to establish the time and place of the action, especially if it is outside 1 or more character's experience.

Replies:   Ernest Bywater
Ernest Bywater 🚫

@Torsian

I think brand names can be use yo great affect to establish the time and place of the action

I've nothing against brand names as such, but I strongly believe there should be enough other details to ensure people who don't know the brand will understand what they're talking about.

Replies:   Dominions Son  bk69
Dominions Son 🚫

@Ernest Bywater

I agree with you, but with that perspective, a brand name with no additional context becomes a problem of too little detail rather than too much detail.

bk69 🚫

@Ernest Bywater

The real issue in your original post, tho, is the fact that your son isn't really culturally aware of smoking like most people who would've been present during the time and place the book was set in.
Anyone who was so aware would've caught the phrase 'lit up a...' and realized it was a cigarette, particularly since well over fifty percent of soldiers smoked in that setting.
Yes, at some point he should've exhaled, tapped his ashes, or ground out the butt, but the reference should've made sense just based on knowing the setting.

Replies:   Ernest Bywater
Ernest Bywater 🚫

@bk69

but the reference should've made sense just based on knowing the setting.

My point is that the reference only make sense to those who are already familiar with the reference item and not all cultural references are valid world wide. Without providing details for those unfamiliar with the reference item all you do is confuse the issue by using a brand name only.

Replies:   Keet
Keet 🚫

@Ernest Bywater

My point is that the reference only make sense to those who are already familiar with the reference item and not all cultural references are valid world wide. Without providing details for those unfamiliar with the reference item all you do is confuse the issue by using a brand name only.

A very good description of the problem. Also, don't forget changes in time. In another 50-100 years smokers from today may be regarded as if they were criminal drug users, in some parts of the world they already are.

Switch Blayde 🚫

I'm reading a James Patterson novel. Talk about detail. It takes place in San Francisco and the character drives on a named street (he refers to the street by its name), turns on another named street, passes a known building, goes to another named street. I think that's boring. Is he trying to impress me that he knows the layout of San Fran?

Ernest Bywater 🚫

@Switch Blayde

Is he trying to impress me that he knows the layout of San Fran?

nah, sounds like he's paid by the word.

awnlee jawking 🚫

@Switch Blayde

I'm reading a James Patterson novel. Talk about detail. It takes place in San Francisco and the character drives on a named street (he refers to the street by its name), turns on another named street, passes a known building, goes to another named street. I think that's boring. Is he trying to impress me that he knows the layout of San Fran?

One of the novels credited to A N Other & James Patterson goes into similar detail about an area of the UK I'm very familiar with, and it's quite clear the author(s) had never actually been there :-(

AJ

PotomacBob 🚫

@Switch Blayde

Is he trying to impress me that he knows the layout of San Fran?

I suspect he was trying to inform me - the uninformed reader - about the streets of San Francisco.

Replies:   Switch Blayde
Switch Blayde 🚫

@PotomacBob

I suspect he was trying to inform me - the uninformed reader - about the streets of San Francisco.

He did it very poorly, but that's another issue. (Actually, his ghost writer did it poorly, although he approves what they write.)

But that's where detail is good. Whether it be a street name, brand of pistol or automobile, the smell of the tulips or the fact that tulips are the flower, or how the blackface sheep look and sound. It brings realism to the story.

But to get into the nitty-gritty detail of the length of the pistol's barrel, its weight, etc., unless it's pertinent to the plot, that's too much detail.

Replies:   bk69
bk69 🚫

@Switch Blayde

I think you miss one possibility. If it's pertinent to the character (he handloads his ammo, and knows the ballistic characteristics of his rounds with different loads) then it's just as reasonable as any quirk.
If your character had OCD, would you exclude details of various rituals he always carried out, or leave them in to flesh out the character?

Replies:   PotomacBob
PotomacBob 🚫

@bk69

I think you miss one possibility. If it's pertinent to the character (he handloads his ammo, and knows the ballistic characteristics of his rounds with different loads) then it's just as reasonable as any quirk.

And all of those details don't matter to uninformed readers - like me - unless you also say why any of that makes a difference (that bullet with that weapon will kill him six miles away - or, it's no more dangerous than a children's toy rifle.)

Switch Blayde 🚫

I had to come back to this discussion because of something I just wrote:

Parked at the side of the house was a green 1940 Chevrolet two-door KB Master 85 Coup. It was a cheaper model than the Master Deluxe or Special Deluxe, having less standard equipment and plainer upholstery. But that was expected for a soldier. Automobiles were expensive. It had cost Ollie over six hundred fifty dollars.


I could have simply said the car was parked there. Would that have made it better? I don't think so. I think the year of the car (it's now 1943 in the story) and the type of car is important. I didn't have to mention it was green, but detail adds color to a story so why not?

Replies:   bk69  Keet
bk69 🚫

@Switch Blayde

I didn't have to mention it was green,

I'm fairly certain that there were a couple studies showing choice of vehicle color was of some predictive value as to personality.

Switch Blayde 🚫

@bk69

I'm fairly certain that there were a couple studies showing choice of vehicle color was of some predictive value as to personality.

Well, he was in the Army. A lot of green in the Army.

Replies:   richardshagrin
richardshagrin 🚫
Updated:

@Switch Blayde


A lot of green in the Army.

In 1943 I think most of the uniforms were khaki. They also used olive drab which might barely be considered greenish. There sure were a lot of variations, which makes "uniform" not very descriptive of what was worn.

Dominions Son 🚫

@bk69

I'm fairly certain that there were a couple studies showing choice of vehicle color was of some predictive value as to personality.

And most models only came in certain colors. Of course a hot-rod could always have a custom paint job, but that was not that common in that era.

The early Fords, came in "any color you want as long as it's black."

Replies:   StarFleet Carl
StarFleet Carl 🚫

@Dominions Son

The early Fords, came in "any color you want as long as it's black."

That was one of the fun parts of selling cars. "You get your choice of color for the carpeting. You can choose from black, BLACK, or black."

Then I would explain how, when I used to work in the factory and built them, we HAD four different colors of carpet, for many years. It required huge amounts of warehouse space, because you had four different stacks of boxes for the wagons and four different stacks for the sedans. You had to have one person with a computer printer that told them the color sequence loading a wheeled cart with the proper color carpet, and then delivering that cart to the lineside every 30 cars, because that's all you could stack.

Then you change it to black, and suddenly you only have two spots needed in the warehouse, and a forklift can deliver the boxes of carpet directly to lineside without worrying about color, just simply make sure they have enough boxes of carpet at the line.

We had the same thing with exterior colors. We didn't used to color block - meaning paint 100 bodies at a time all in one color. They were using an extra $50,000 per DAY in solvent to clean the lines out.

Keet 🚫

@Switch Blayde

I could have simply said the car was parked there. Would that have made it better? I don't think so. I think the year of the car (it's now 1943 in the story) and the type of car is important. I didn't have to mention it was green, but detail adds color to a story so why not?

Nothing wrong with that snippet. Sure it gives some extensive detail and mentions a brand not everybody might know but at the same time you explained everything to put it in context for the reader. Nobody will have a problem with that piece of story.

palamedes 🚫

My Dad work at Fords 30 years and did painting for 17 of those years they couldn't figure out at first why he could paint the parts faster on the moving lines then other employees as he never had to pause the line as other did to do the job. Turns out the line runs from LEFT to RIGHT and my Dad is LEFT handed and he didn't need to turn or cross his body to address the parts as the line brought them along I guess no one thought of ergonomics in the 1970's but they did end up moving the other painters to the opposite side of the line. I don't remember but if I was to ask my Dad he could probably tell me what those little pauses where costing. As for paint color you had to watch the racks as they came down the line for the ID tag number to tell you what spray gun (a.K.a color) to grab and use they might have to do 10 racks in a row 1 color then the next set of racks would change every other rack.

Back to Top

Close
 

WARNING! ADULT CONTENT...

Storiesonline is for adult entertainment only. By accessing this site you declare that you are of legal age and that you agree with our Terms of Service and Privacy Policy.


Log In