I never thought I would 1-bomb a story.
It's a new story in progress by a new author.
I read the blob and thought this can't be the style of the whole story and downloaded Chapter 1.
English isn't my first language, but usually I can read and understand the stories.
My question now: what flavor of English(?) is this?
BTW, after I voted SOL returned this:
"A Trip to the Mall" now has score of 3.06
a - You Call this a Story!? ✔︎
HM.
It can't be the author's first story because it doesn't meet the minimum length (750 words) requirement.
AJ
It can't be the author's first story because it doesn't meet the minimum length (750 words) requirement.
It's the only story listed for that pseudonym, so maybe the author has more than one pseudonym.
it doesn't meet the minimum length (750 words) requirement
Applies this minimum length to the first chapter of a serialized story also?
BTW, he might have tried to start a new paragraph (twice) and failed both times.
'Pt2' and 'Pt3' might be intended to start a new paragraph.
HM.
I took a look.
I have one comment for the author: Paragraphs are a thing, learn how to use them. Proper use of white space aids reading.
My question now: what flavor of English(?) is this?
It's street speak. I've heard things like that in certain parts of Chicagoland. It's almost unintelligible to anyone not from the same social group where it's spoken.
Same goes for New York. Going to certain places there and hearing people on the street talk, you'd swear it was a foreign language. But they also shift into more traditional English when speaking to 'outsiders'.
ok lemme paint you a picture rq were sitting in the food court yk chillin eating or w.e and you got on sum cute crop top and a skirt with ya panties on were just sitting there havin a lil convo and im just lookin into ya sexy ass eyes while you just talkin and im staring at ya juicy ass lips just ready to taste em so I lick my lips and you blush and look away and I tell you whatchu nervous for mamas daddys right here and you start to run your foot up against my leg til you feel sum and I ask you
Based on that, the story is lucky to get 1.
As for non-traditional English, there was a TV comedy in the UK which originally ran from 1988 to 1999 called "Rab C Nesbitt". I didn't see all of the episodes but some of them came with subtitles - from Glaswegian to English. Mind you, I'm from nowhere near Glasgow but understood the dialogue without the subtitles.
Michael Loucks (I think posted)
ok lemme paint you a picture rq were sitting in the food court yk chillin eating or w.e and you got on sum cute crop top and a skirt with ya panties on were just sitting there havin a lil convo and im just lookin into ya sexy ass eyes while you just talkin and im staring at ya juicy ass lips just ready to taste em so I lick my lips and you blush and look away and I tell you whatchu nervous for mamas daddys right here and you start to run your foot up against my leg til you feel sum and I ask you
Dinsdale:
Based on that, the story is lucky to get 1.
Based just on this snippit, I would probably rate this at a 4 or 5; presuming that it is a "Wall of Text" with no discernable paragraphs, I would drop it to a 3 or maybe a 4.
I would send a PM with constructive criticism and suggestions for correction of paragraphs most importantly, but also capitalization, and use of abbreviations such as "yk" (you know), "w.e" (whatever); I have no idea what rq might mean; also punctuation and spelling. For example: Mama's daddy (although, I might use Daddy in this instance, even if "wrong" grammatically, it would be appropriate in the vernacular).
My parents paid for me to get a good education in a Catholic school when our local public schools took a dramatic turn downward mid-elementary level. My schooling, but more importantly both of my parents, other family, and other influential adults in my life resulted in my speaking Proper English. Most of my friends did too. However, I encountered mockery, intimidation, even violence, for "speaking too White." I have been told that I am "Too White" by some people much of my life.
I grew up in a "working class" neighborhood, between the "inner city" (or at least "rough" neighborhoods) and the "Burbs" eventually we moved to the suburbs. Ultimately, we lived in a community that included the Uber Wealthy (Paul Allen, among other multimillionaires and a few other Billionaires). I have lived in urban areas, suburbs, and rural areas. Then my time in the US Army that not only required me to travel to and live in various areas in the USA (everywhere but New England), and across the globe.
In the Army I not only encountered, but lived with, often in very intimate (not sexually) situations, people from all over the USA, and people from foreign lands and cultures.
That is a lot of background to say that I understood everything in the paragraph. I agree that it needs some editing to be readable by more people. "Speaking" (writing) in an urban vernacular, as with any dialect, is difficult thing to do well. I have used the technique in a very limited manner, and not from a point of view character. Some other authors have done it very well here on SoL.
Urban Fiction and Urban Fantasy are two subgenres that I have been seeing more, and yet more of on the shelves of many bookstores. IMHO much of it is nearly as poorly written as the paragraph above (albeit published works almost never are a wall of text). For the most part, I loathe most of what I have read in the urban genre. (I guess I am "Too White.")
I believe this could be a "salvageable" story. I hope it does get reposted, with significant corrections. Posting stories on SoL has a steep learning curve, at least for many people. Writing in general is a learning process. It is easy to get your ego bruised. I began posting here to improve my writing, and I believe I have improved significantly. I also have much room to improve.
Telling a story similar to how the PoV Character might, while sharing a beer with someone is a valid, if difficult to do well, technique. It is also a technique a newer write may choose. "Write what you know." Accents, dialects, vernaculars, etc. are very difficult to write well. It is much easier to write a readable story in a vernacular, if it is a free online story. Many on the forum may not enjoy reading it, however, it could be a decent sex story that some readers would enjoy.
"Urban dialect" seems to be common in many SoL stories with an Interracial tag. Often it is done poorly. Even if done well, it can be jarring or offensive to many people for a variety of reasons. It is likely to be more difficult to understand by people not from the USA. That does not mean writing in such a manner should not be done. Just that doing so is fraught with perils, and will likely result in down votes, although hopefully not "1 Bombs" just for that.
ok lemme paint you a picture rq were sitting in the food court yk chillin eating or w.e and you got on sum cute crop top and a skirt with ya panties on were just sitting there havin a lil convo and im just lookin into ya sexy ass eyes while you just talkin and im staring at ya juicy ass lips just ready to taste em so I lick my lips and you blush and look away and I tell you whatchu nervous for mamas daddys right here and you start to run your foot up against my leg til you feel sum and I ask you
From that snippet, you'd think the author was targeting one of those prestigious fiction awards for books that people never read.
AJ
From that snippet, you'd think the author was targeting one of those prestigious fiction awards for books that people never read.
AJ
LOL 8-P
That is what I think about most Urban fiction/fantasy I have managed to read (well, at least the first chapter...) The blurbs on the back seem decent... but too often after I have gotten a chapter or two in... At least I bought them in Used Book Stores.
From what Laz stated, or implied, that it was probably tytped into a phone, any formatting was probably stripped.
If I didn't have so much of my own unfinished stories, I might try to do something with this concept.
I have not tried to do, I believe this is "First Person" (as if they are talking to you)? have read some discussion about various writing styles, First Person, Second Person, etc. I stick to the "standard" "First Person" or "Third Person" format. I think I have improved significantly, although too often I don't Know the terms, just mimicking stories I think are well written, and heeding constructive criticism.
This seems mean to 1-bomb a story. For me, if a story is just not my thing, I move on without voting. If something bothers me as much as this seems to have bothered you, I send a private message with positive sounding suggestions. Then maybe the new author might message back with a reason why he/she wants it that way, or maybe that they want help getting better.
This seems mean to 1-bomb a story.
Voting is of course idiosyncratic and subjective. However, if a reader is comfortable giving a good story a 9 or 10 then they should be equally comfortable giving an awful story a 1 or 2.
Outside of the moronic "everyone's a winner" foolishness, there are actually vastly more stories that deserve a 1 than deserve a 10, most probably fall into the 4 to 7 range.
Failing to vote at all could be counted as awarding the story a zero, which is worse than voting it a 1.. Because either the reader judged it not worthy of even a 1 vote or they were simply to lazy to vote at all.
Failing to vote at all could be counted as awarding the story a zero, which is worse than voting it a 1.. Because either the reader judged it not worthy of even a 1 vote or they were simply to lazy to vote at all.
I don't agree with that. Abstaining from voting or being too lazy hugely benefits a bad story.
If everybody who thought the story was terrible, like the one OP started the thread with, doesn't bother to read and the author and his friends vote tens, the story will end up with a ten (hyperbole, I know). The next reader won't be warned. Consider a 1 as a warning call for the next reader.
An ideal is for anybody and everybody that read, fully or partially, a story, to cast an honest vote. No self selection and any agenda will get drowned with valid votes.
I hold a slightly different opinion. I have bailed out of many stories for a variety of reasons:
In some cases, I rated the story because I had an adequate sample to determine the author's grammar and their presentation of the content. The story was wrong for me, but good grammar and presentation earned a rating of over 5. Poor grammar and/or presentation earned a rating of 5 or less.
In other cases, I didn't care for where the plot was headed and knew the story wasn't for me. I didn't feel that I had an adequate sample to form an opinion as to grammar and presentation, so I didn't rate the story.
In some cases, I rated the story because I had an adequate sample to determine the author's grammar and their presentation of the content. The story was wrong for me, but good grammar and presentation earned a rating of over 5. Poor grammar and/or presentation earned a rating of 5 or less.
You're approaching this from the point of view of an author (of course, as you are one). You care about how well written a story is and you want your readers to think that way, if you write a story well, then the subject matter shouldn't have much effect on the score.
But that's the wrong way to look at it from a reader's point of view.
I would want the story's score to tell me how much I may potentially enjoy/like the story.
There are many stories that are really good stories, but badly written and there are bad stories that are well written. Personally, even though I've written stories, I don't really care much about how perfectly a story is executed. Did I enjoy the experience of reading the story or not. That's what matters to me as a reader. It amazes me that some authors get upset to get a low score when they write a perfectly executed scat story or rape story or abuse story.
Storiesonline and other story sites in general, aren't author sites. Authors post on SOL and various story sites to have their stories read by normal people. If you want constructive criticism and feedback on how well you treated the subject matter, regardless of what the subject matter is, then join a writing group or go to an author/writing website, there are plenty of those around too.
But to expect a site like storiesonline to cater to your needs as an author, writing wise, is misguided to say the least.
You're approaching this from the point of view of an author (of course, as you are one).
You seem to be categorizing me as just an author. You seem to have forgotten that on this site authors are also readers.
Your quote of my post is how I as a reader evaluate other authors' stories.
As a reader, I know that a story's score does not indicate that I will like the story. Therefore, I don't use the score in selecting stories to read. I know that other readers rate stories based on their likes and dislikes, which are usually different than mine, therefore a story's score is meaningless to me.
The rest of your rant about authors and what they think is your opinion. I doubt SOL's authors agree with your opinions of what they think. I certainly don't agree with what you seem to think I believe, especially your comment about me expecting SOL to cater to my wants as an author.
The rest of your rant about authors and what they think is your opinion.
Of course it's my opinion. Who else's opinion would I be expressing. You're expressing nothing more than an opinion too.
However, my "opinion" statement is based on long term observation of authors' behaviours and statements. I've seen many authors express such sentiments that I've come to believe that it's the dominant (not the only one, but dominant) sentiment among authors with regards to the score.
How many authors have expressed the 'but it's very well done and I worked hard on it, so it deserves a higher score' or 'if it aint your cup of tea, then don't read it and don't give me a low score', etc... sentiments on this forum?
The wiser authors learned to accept the score for what it is: it's not their English teacher's mark on their work, but readers signalling to other readers what to expect.
And by the way, I don't agree with Lazeez's position on reviews where he tells reviewers to not review a story if it's not their cup of tea to begin with, encouraging only positive reviews. I believe that his position robs the reviews of the other side of their usefulness, to warn readers away from crap stories.
But, that's only my opinion.
I don't agree with Lazeez's position on reviews where he tells reviewers to not review a story if it's not their cup of tea … I believe that his position robs the reviews of the other side of their usefulness, to warn readers away from crap stories.
If a story is not a reviewer's cup of tea, that doesn't mean it's a crap story. That means the reviewer might not like a particular story—say a gay story or a cheating story—because of the content/subject matter. Why should they review those stories? They wouldn't read them if there were story codes they didn't like. Their review wouldn't be meaningful to readers who don't object, or even like, that content.
My point is that you completely overlooked the fact that my post was about how I as a READER selected stories to read.
Every reader on SOL is influenced by their experiences. Before I started writing stories, I had the same basic opinion as those I expressed regarding how to select a story to read. My subsequent experiences as an author has reinforced those opinions.
There is no excuse for poor grammar in a story since SOL has volunteer editors. An author can ask for help from those editors. There is no excuse for a story containing numerous misspelled words when the author can run spellcheck.
I recall one author who ranted in his story descriptions about people providing him with feedback about the errors in his stories. The rant was basically about him knowing he made errors and he didn't intend to fix his mistakes, so he turned feedback off so he wouldn't have to deal with his readers' feedback. I found the author's attitude so egregious that I added him to my list of authors to be excluded from listings. Although I must say that he was a good storyteller if you ignored his grammatical errors.
And by the way, I don't agree with Lazeez's position on reviews where he tells reviewers to not review a story if it's not their cup of tea to begin with, encouraging only positive reviews. I believe that his position robs the reviews of the other side of their usefulness, to warn readers away from crap stories.
If the reason you don't like the story is something that should've been tagged, then a review that simply mentioned the poor tagging (without giving a score) would be a welcome warning to other readers, I believe.
John Demille said
I don't agree with Lazeez's position on reviews where he tells reviewers to not review a story if it's not their cup of tea to begin with, encouraging only positive reviews. I believe that his position robs the reviews of the other side of their usefulness, to warn readers away from crap stories.
I have been quite critical in some of my reviews; going as far as saying, that to me, the story was unreadable, and I could not finish it. However, I always offer constructive criticism, such as I think the concept is good, but execution needs work. I try to be specific about spelling, grammar, etc. If I note I did not finish the story due to poor writing, I request that the author contact me if they make improvements, and I will re-read it and update my review.
None of my reviews have been deleted by Lazeez, at least so far.
The description was so bad that I didn't even bother trying to read the story.
The story seems to have been removed from the list of new stories.
The story seems to have been removed from the list of new stories.
It's been removed period.
A Trip to the Mall, SubconciousFantasies, Deleted because the story is full of errors and badly written.
Giving it a "You call this a story?" isn't 1-bombing. If it's not a story or not readable, then that's a valid choice.
1-bombing is when it is a story but the person gives it a 1 just to give it a 1.
they were simply to lazy to vote at all.
First off I never look at the votes because there are stories with high scores that I wouldn't even think of reading.
I don't feel I am lazy but I only vote if a story really effects me in a great way. Sad to say they are few and far between.
Why did you address your answer to me?
The quote you cited isn't from me!
If you copy a quote from someone but don't hit the bent arrow and instead click the "Reply to topic" button at the bottom then it assumes it's meant for the main poster. Just like every other post that isn't replying to you with a quote. You should notice that any direct reply using a quote the post is indented.
I would give you a raspberry if I could.
Had to give it a 1 - there's no
"Author should go back to robbing the 7-11, a task he's apparently better suited for" option.
Perhaps Subconscious Fantasies has "too thin a skin." However, for whatever reason, that writer not only erased their story, but apparently their account.
This is not how we "grow" content providers on SoL.
Those of us on the forums, at least the majority of us, should be nurturing new writers. Yes, it is a harsh world out there. However, most of the writers from SoL I have met in real life, or corresponded with via email, are sixty or older. I am in my fifties. We, and books are "dying out" not completely, but too many people don't read a single book in a year. Reading online stories can be a gateway to ebooks and print books.
More effort should be made to reach out with Constructive Criticism, to encourage new writes to improve. "Driving them off the site" benefits no one.
Perhaps Subconscious Fantasies has "too thin a skin." However, for whatever reason, that writer not only erased their story, but apparently their account.
1. Given the reason for removal listed in the removed stories list, I think Lazeez removed it, not the author.
2. An author account/pseudonym needs at least one story to show up in the author list. The account may still be active but not visible as an author unless/until he posts something else.
I must be blind for I can't find the list. Where is it?
If you have a premier membership, it's on the left hand side bar on the My Library page, ninth link down if I counted correctly, link says "Removed"
Given the reason for removal listed in the removed stories list, I think Lazeez removed it, not the author.
The story shouldn't have been posted at all. It was a wall of text (three parts too, in a wall of text). Too short for a first effort by a new author. Those two are direct violations of the site's posting rules. It was probably something typed on a phone directly into the submission system's text paste field.
I think Vixen processed and posted it before she had her first cup of coffee. When I pointed it out later she was surprised she let it through.
Usually, when somebody submits something like this we reject it with some constructive criticism and pointers to the volunteer editors page nudging the submitter to seek help to make their work better and more suitable for general consumption.
But due to how it was handled, it seems to have slipped that usual process that we've been following for over 25 years now. We usually reject at least one story per week of similar quality and it usually never makes it onto the site to elicit such an extensive discussion.
Thank you for the explanation Lazeez. I am aware of how you often assist writers who make errors, or when we are confused. That you screen material before it was posted, well, I know there is a delay when I upload, I just forgot you do some screening.
That you and your folks also offer assistance to new writers is fantastic!
Thank you.
I agree that new authors should be encouraged to continue and improve their abilities. That is done via the feedback link.
The story's score is the reader's evaluation of the story as written. Authors need to accept their story's score and learn to ignore it if they feel it is too low.
Complaints in feedback and low scores is part of being an author. I have received many feedback messages from my readers. There were a few complaints, but the majority of the messages were about my mistakes; so I could fix the mistakes and improve my story.
Perhaps some are missing the point.
SOL is here because those of us who can send money when possible. Some of us who can, supply stories for people to read.
When a new reader finds SOL, and sees lots of good stories, maybe that reader stays around. More readers attract more prospective authors.
When a new reader finds SOL, and encounters unreadable gibberish, and perhaps decides this site isn't worth visiting again - how does that help SOL or any of the authors or readers here?
Remember what your mom told you about "first impressions"?
As for the "driving them off the site benefits no one" comment - I suppose cleaning litter and crap off the sidewalk in front of your home or store also "benefits no one". Yet most places people try to do that.
Also equally, very few of us are born with the ability to run. That has to be gained later. The writer may be terrible today, but could well be a well loved contributor in a few years time ...
I have quite the collection of ones in my trophy cabinet... LOL
I read the blob
I'm only mentioning this since you state that English isn't your first language. The word you intended to use here is "blurb".
Don't worry about not knowing it, it's purely American slang. The word was coined by an American art critic and humorist named Gelett Burgess (1866-1951) in 1906 to mean: "a short description of a book, film, or other product written for promotional purposes".
Burgess is best known for his short nonsense poems. At one time his "Purple Cow" (1895) was the second most quoted poem in the US after "The Night Before Christmas":
I never saw a Purple Cow,
I never hope to see one;
But I can tell you, anyhow,
I'd rather see than be one.
I'm only mentioning this since you state that English isn't your first language. The word you intended to use here is "blurb".
I think the original spelling may have been intentional (and apt). As 'blob' was a pretty good description of the collection of words.
I have 1 bombed many a story, specifically because of the words "You call this a story" attached to it. Stories where its basically a day by day account of a persons life where we are on like book 14 and NOOOOOTHING has happened, yea thats getting a 1. Its not a story, its a persons diary with dialogue transcribed in.
This is referred to as the "slice-of-life" genre. There are ways to do it well, but I tend to agree with you.
I think the bigger problem, though, is that this type of writing, and serial stories in general, tend to encourage broader bad habits rather than that the genres themselves are flawed.
There are some very good books that are basically just a person's diary, as you put it, but they're the person's diary during the most eventful week of their life and the novel has a planned ending.
