For some reason, I could picture Clitorides being some type of amusement park ride that involves a boat in the middle of a lake.
"Come take a Clitoride in my wonderful balloon...up, up and away...."
I am going to apologize in advance. It may seem like I have a bunch of scattered thoughts, but I will share with you some recent thoughts, and news on my writing.
Winning a Clitoride feels like winning an award from Mario Lopez (The guy who played Slater) and Maria Nunez on one of those movie preview channels in a hotel. I mean I wouldn't know for sure if I ever even won one. A few years ago, someone told me I won and I was like "Really? is this like when Ed McMahon told me I may have already won the American Publishers Sweepstakes?"
He didn't know what the fuck I was talking about because he isn't older than Maude's first strap on.
I told him that, and he asked "Who the fuck is Maude?"
"She was one of the fucking Golden Girls. She had her own show called Maude! Fuck, Bea Arthur, you motherfucker! She was on Soap! Fucking Guardian Angel! She's Adrienne Barbeau's mom, you young whippersnapper!"
He wrote back "I am 57 years old".
Jesus, I am fucking old. And yes, I know Adrienne Barbea is not really related, but I definitely picture Maude using that fucking strap on and going at it with her.
Anyway, now that I put that image in your mind if you get that reference;
Someone told me I was nominated for a Clitoride this year. Every now and then I get some sort of bone. I thought for sure Twats the Night Before Christmas would make the list of Holiday stories.
https://storiesonline.net/n/41830/twats-the-night-before-christmas
There is like four stories in that category and I didn't even get in the list? It's some of my best writing IMHO.
I often think about the follow up to that story. No spoilers, but it involves a young man who just turned 18 getting pissed his parents didn't want him at their adults only party, but they let his 20 year old sister go. There are some valid reasons and in the course of the night he makes a ton of mistakes and learns from them.
I wanted to do a follow up about him a year later. He's more experienced now. Mrs. Sanderson is a BBW that lives next door and she's his subby now. She's still married to Dave, and she wants her girls to go to the party with her this year. She secretly feels she's holding Nick back and would really rather he break up with her and maybe date one her daughters who are his own age.
I imagine the story to begin with him ringing the bell and kissing her.
"Is Dave here?" he asks.
"Why? Do you want to fuck him, too?" she grins. She's blossomed as a submissive and become vibrant, more sexual but more into who she was meant to be.
Her husband Dave IS home. He's sullen, passive aggressive. He knows who Nick is and gets pissy. She wants him stand up for her, woo her, try but he's too proud.
The problem is beyond that, I can't really envision the rest of the story.
I have several stories to finish before I can begin a new one. I just recently completed a very short story that I thought would be fun. I had this idea that two sorority sisters get their peaches busted at a sex party and end up at the ER with their mom.
https://storiesonline.net/n/56789/in-the-bonds-delta-gamma-sorority
I wrote this pretty quickly and illustrated it. I did some research on the University of Alabama and the Delta Gamma "Dee Gee" girls and it sort of wrote itself.
I have dozens of unfinished stories like this on my hard drive, but this one I felt was two chapters only.
I have *ONE* more chapter to go of the Halloween story "Sailor Moo". I really feel like Sailor Moo was a clever idea. I envisioned it as a knock off costume created to avoid copyright, but also a hybrid Cow/Sailor Moon.
https://storiesonline.net/n/52732/sailor-moo
I wove into the story a sub-story using pictures about the Japanese anime of the same name, and American women getting brought over with promises of big money forced to humiliate themselves in public and as the craze stops being profitable it gets even worse. They used to have to model and allow "Butt touches" in Tokyo Manga stores, eventually they are walked like dogs by Japanese business men.
In terms of plot structure, There are two types of writers "By the Seat of your pants" and "Outline". A good writer uses a flexible outline. You create a plot with three acts, and some of the rules of storytelling and it's a bit like an airplane. Getting it into the air and landing the plane are the most difficult parts. You can turn left or right on your outline but you end up (hopefully) at the destination you intended.
The By the seat of your pants stories are fun because you free write. You get a good idea of the start and maybe where it's going and you just fly. It's like building a house one room at a time, and having a general idea about the next two rooms but no blueprint. It's going to look fucked up. It's probably not going to get finished.
It's hard to finish a story that is seat of your pants because you don't know where or when to land the plane. I crave the mystery of what's going to happen next in these stories. I sometimes don't know until I write it. I put this fantastic twist in chapters 9 and 10 but now I feel like there is a whole shit ton of Halloween TRICK OR TREATING left to complete.
To be honest, I had never intended the story to get this over the top. It should be obvious that the parents lead an alternative lifestyle, and hopefully the final chapter will be worth the weight.
I have a few other stories that I am working on. A Fantastic Spanksgiving story that I just can't get edited and finished because it requires a lot of research and work to do it the way I want. I have so many pictures that I haven't fully organized and an entire plot line that is based on the 1950s alternate fiction about a backwater amusement park and I created a Glory Days of yesteryear using real figures from history like Kellogg and Allister Crowley.
I have some older stories that Mike McGifford actually gave me to finish and I ran out of steam. A pony girl story, and another one called Aunt Scarlet that is fantastic, it just needs TLC and patience.
I have Mike's opus, the "Best Story Eddie Ever Read"
https://storiesonline.net/n/54670/one-of-the-best-stories-eddie
I add, edit, illustrate and publish as often as I can. There are 163 pages typed, and I've published about 50 of the pages so far.
In my title, I mentioned "Why I don't turn on comments".
I'll tell you why.
They usually include things like:
"Hey, this story includes X...i hate X, so down voting it"
Yep, I put X in the codes. If you read codes, you'd know that. If you read replies to comments you'd also know that but you won't, so you'll go post another nasty gram on another author's story and down vote a story because it contained things you do not like instead of ignoring it.
"Your story is great, I make images. Please contact me at (X) to be scammed.
Yep, I get phone calls all day long from scammers trying to scam me, and now I have comments from assholes who should have seen that I illustrate the fuck out of my stories and don't need to be scammed.
But the one that broke me today, was on Mike's new story "The best Eddie ever read".
They are on by default and I forgot to turn them off. The comments were initially positive and I left them on.
In the heady days of early SOL, I used to *CRAVE* feedback. I still do, but I subsequently learned you can get good feedback from the comments section like you can get love from the strip club.
So, this guy begins his comment with "Hey, the twist is..." and proceeds to give away the plot without a spoiler warning.
He subsequently goes on to list all the things he hates about the story, and all of his suggestions are things that are going to happen.
He is like the guy who walks into the movie theater and goes up to the people waiting in line to see the murder mystery movie and says "Hey, I just saw it. You'll like it. The Butler killed all the people. You'll find out at the end, hahahah...I am very intelligent."
Granted, he got ONE spoiler correct, which if you read through chapter five, you'd have a pretty good idea is very likely.
There is still enough bread crumbs scattered that you may be kept wondering. However, by posting his comment, for those who haven't read everything and just hit the comments, he's ruined it.
Which judging by his comment, my guess is that's something he does a lot, to everything he touches.
There is another twist within the twist that you should not see coming. That's why this is one of my favorite stories.
I did not see it coming until it hit me.
I had a troll write to me and say that that the title was not descriptive enough. I do not know why I took the bait but I suggested he not judge a book by the title, and also added that it does have a summary;
I didn't write this. Mike McGifford did. I put it in the coming-of-age category, but it's also so much more. BDSM and incest, embarrassed nude females, and all the perverted shit that I enjoy rolled up into one delicious dish. Mike can take the subtle and mundane life of a family that happens to have a kinky side business and let you experience life with them through word pictures. It's not the best story I ever wrote. It's one of the best I have ever read.
He wrote back to tell me he wanted it to be a synopsis of the plot. He also accused me of using AI to write it.
I wrote back to ask him to kindly kiss my entire asshole, and ask him how it felt to want.
I said that it's 160+ pages, so trying to compress it into a cliff notes for him is not possible, and that it's more of a teaser. The story codes, and the first chapter should give him some idea but that the entire thing is a surprise - so a synopsis would ruin the surprises.
I also freely admit I use AI to help me brainstorm, research spell/grammar and rephrase awkward paragraphs, or turn American dialect into British, I think AI generated stories are swill and a cancer on this site. In addition, I did not write the story. My friend Mike did, and I know for a fact this is Mike's writing. One only has to read his other stories;
https://storiesonline.net/a/mike-mcgifford
To recognize his style, created long before AI was capable of writing shitty "Abigail leaned back and didn't miss a beat. She said it was all about X, not about Y, and looked toward her future with whispering sorrow in the moonlit fog."
It's shit.
I don't get much feedback. I do not have many people who want to collaborate or work on stories with me. I mentioned a while back my long term collaboration partner took my story and copyrighted it - not once but twice. He subsequently stopped but not before killing my desire to finish it.
It really sucked that the rare time that I get a response from someone, it's from a dickhead. I hit block and ended the interaction after that as I had nothing else to say to him and there was nothing he could say to me that could be interesting, entertaining or useful.
That's how I feel about the comments. It's a great place for anonymous dickheads to post their snottygrams, spoilers, and toxicity.
I am old.
I write a lot because it allows me to live through the eyes of my characters. I write to escape the shit, and live in a different world for a little while. However, it can be as lonely as this real world for me.
It's supposed to be a creative outlet, but it is often not because as an author I get stuck in what excites me and I thrive when I riff of other people's ideas and they riff of mine. I made a deal with myself a long time ago. I would only write as much as I read.
At the time, Vulgus, MaryS, Tailweaver, and dozens of authors that I really enjoyed were writing great content. I drank the ink with my mind, and swallowed it whole.
They don't really write that much any more if at all. Now, a lot of shitty AI generated shit gets generated and posted here. I still don't understand their motives.
I picture them sitting up in their high chair with poopy diapers, clapping their hands together through their Spiderman underoo jammy sleeves they pulled up to cover their hands "Fap, Fap, Fap! YEAH! I AM THE SAVIOR OF ALL MANKIND, I POSTED ANOTHER SHITTY AI GENERATED STORY AND IT DIDN'T AUTOMATICALLY GET THE AI GENERATED TAG, HAHAH! ALL THE PEOPLE ON THE SITE WILL THINK I USED MY WITTLE BRAIN TO WRITE BIG WORDS."
The big words look this;
I smiled. I stood carefully and followed him toward the bedroom, leaving the journal on the desk where moonlight touched its spine. My story was written. The next one was just the beginning.
Now, that is some of the shittiest shitty shit that the AI has ever created. This is what Microsoft and Amazon is laying off thousands of programmers, architects, and analysts for?
It is truly the enshitification of SOL and erotic stories. There is nothing redeemable about these stories. The guy who ripped off my story told me he put my story into AI and it told him that the details should be erased and just jump right to the sex part without any characterization.
The A/I may be correct. I probably do build a little slow, and savor the details, the sights the sounds, the tastes, the smells. I feel the breeze, and I can smell the fresh cut grass on the lawn, and the smell of those hamburgers wafting from the grill when my story takes me back. I break the laws of storytelling conservatism and luxuriate sometimes a bit too much in those rich word pictures.
However, I am reminded that even with the BILLIONS OF DOLLARS invested in AI, most of them still fuck up when you ask it how many R's are in a word like Strawberry unless they were hard coded to lie. They make the same mistake over and over because they can't learn from them. They write shitty stories with generic plots that are absurdly shitty, so I'd rather take my advice from a dickhead that doesn't know who the fuck Bea Arthur is, or who insists on giving away the plot to my story like a genuine asshole to people who may not have read it yet, or who emails me to tell me that I should summarize 163 page story into three sentences so he doesn't have to read all that.
They may be assholes, dicks, losers, and shitty people, but they aren't going to steal anyone's job and write stories that make me cringe like Mister Furley when his brother Bart calls him.
Oh come the fuck on, Don Knotts? You don't get that reference? Alright, so I am old.