Some people have asked how they can help me. I'm pretty sure given the current state of affairs that I cannot be helped. I do not really want to leave the area where my mother lives. I'd frankly like to get work that didn't break my body, which my current work is doing.
I find maybe two intertwined issues the first is that I'm a pretty low skilled person. All I've ever done (for the most part) in my life is stupid work (that is stuff that breaks one's body eventually) and whenever I look at job adverts I self-disqualify (imposter syndrome) even body breaking ones. The same goes for forming friendships. I don't think that I lack friends because other people think I'm unlikable necessarily, as much as it is that I believe that no one would like me unless they wanted to use or abuse me.
So my cars have died, my job that is breaking my body has finally gone to 32 hours a week, my mother (who I won't leave) has what Dave Ramsey would call a sort of princess (plus powdered butt syndrome) complex with me. She won't hear of making lunches to go to visit my sister who lives 35 miles away (neither she nor my sister will even discuss a budget with me [I just want to control their lives {honest I just want them to admit reality}]) so I am having difficulty even guessing what my spending is, other than every dollar I earn enabling my youngest sister (who is not the one 35 miles away from my mother) my mother and my oldest sister, plus indulging myself with an escape hatch of an apartment 110 miles away from my mother...
All of which means that my output of creativity is pretty much at an end. Maybe even my life, I don't know what to do, but I can't continue as I am.