With the big Coronavirus (COVID19) concern, I've noted the shutdown of Western Washington. Businesses are closing. Employees are working from home. The university closed its doors. And as of this morning there have been 14 deaths in the state from the virus. I don't take that lightly as my daughter and family live just a couple of miles from ground zero and I'll be headed back to the area in just six weeks.
VPOTUS visited the state this week to assure leaders that his thoughts and prayers are with us.
I've personally been doing some research while holed up down here in Corpus Christi, Texas. And I have good news. There has been exactly zero transmission of the virus through reading internet porn while masturbating. That's right. You are safe here at SOL. The time you would normally use in classes, at work, riding public transportation, shopping, raving, and bumping uglies can now be safely used to read the massive library of stories here on SOL.
VPOTUS indicates, however, that one side-effect is that you will burn in hell.
Small price to pay if you ask me.
Oh, yes. Here's what's funny.
Just before this thing hit the headlines, I started writing a new story called Adam's Apple. I'm not terribly far into the story yet as it seems the headlines have stolen and overtaken a big portion of my plot. In the story, an unknown virus rips through the atmosphere, infecting every male human on earth. Without knowing they had been infected, every man has become sterile in a period of just a couple of months.
All but one. Jack Adams was orbiting the earth doing maintenance on failing satellites when the virus struck. When he finally returned to earth, the virus had run its course and died out alla the Andromeda Strain, leaving him the only virile man in a population of nearly eight billion people. You can imagine the hilarity as roughly 2.5 billion fertile women vie to become impregnated by poor Adams.
People are blaming the virus on everything from aliens to eugenics programs gone awry. It's Ramsey Smith, newspaper reporter, who uncovers the sperm die-off as being the result of satellite weapons having been triggered when Jack Adams did a tune-up on a black satellite that was failing. He boosted it back to a stable orbit and set its beacon not realizing it was a trigger. The resulting orbital war was fought with no humans involved and no winners declared.
Until Ramsey's muckraking report.
Well, the stage is set for a bunch of political tension, minor wars, and major sexcapades. Ramsey and Adams end up right in the middle of it all!
So, relax. COVID19 can only kill you. Think how much worse it could be.
Remember to wash your hands before and after you masturbate.