I think that pretty much describes me these days. After all here I am trying to learn a little, or more than a little about coding and finding the going rough. Why? I'm fighting a whole flock of internal fears that have beset me and caused me to slow to a stop in essence.
One is spending money on anything at this point. After all if I don't do well it would be just that much more good money (which I have very little of) after bad. And I don't have to be anything except a technical nincompoop to run a shovel. That is a pretty low tech piece of equipment. Of course I'm getting long in the tooth and not picking up those jobs (not that I really seemed to pick them up with regularity anyway) any longer, so I'm pretty much facing life of starvation on the mean streets that only want to see me dead if my estimation of the way life looks is correct.
Bah I shouldn't be so depressive. Tell that to someone else. The only thing that keeps me from the codine bottle is the fear that I would only get half way to dead.