Paige Hawthorne: Blog

Too late. Like every doomed chick in every slasher flick (hey, poetry), I clicked the Vote button for "Winter's Chase".

So, loathers, it's your turn in the sunshine. Pretend you're in Chicago -- hate early and often. Assuming Crucifixion pose ...

You're welcome,

Paige

Sometimes one can't resist blowing one's own horn. Um, no, there are no Walker Jennings auto-fellatio references intended. I hasten that in because some of you low-lifes … well, never mind.

My latest story - "Winter's Chase" - has passed the 5,000 download mark! That is correct; readers have glanced at the story more than 5,000 times. And that doesn't even include those over-the-shoulder Nosy-Parkers.

Okay, locking horn back into cabinet.

Paige

In my never-ending quest to uplift the forum, I've taken it on myself to improve the English language. Academics and professional grammarians will, understandably, be aghast. Or at least disappointed. Probably just bored.

Two examples: hyphenated words and punctuation.

Here's a sentence from a Winter Jennings story I'm currently butchering: 'I was barely aware of the lightly singed scallops.' To me, it's an easier read this way: lightly-singed.

Others: blue-ribbon; ink-on-paper; online-only.

A twist: 'love lotion' can be turned into a verb - 'the volunteer editors merely had to love-lotion a few automobile references in.'

To punctuation … do pay attention, this may well be on the midterms. Or mid-terms.

'Pilar said, "It's time for dinner." Note that the period is inside the quotes mark.

'I was listening to Levon's "Summertime Blues".' Here I placed the period outside - British style. My tortured logic is that the sentence ends not after the 's' but after the quotation mark.

Final example - stop cheering you ingrates - commas. I tend to over-comma because I imagine the practice adds tone and nuance that would ordinarily be conveyed by speech.

'Among the permanent guests, Nature Boy's sister, Edwina Rowbottom, had moved in, full-time, with shy little Wally Maypole.'

Bonus tip - you can also use dashes in place of commas. You're welcome.

Paige

Ignoring the ever-rising chorus of "PLEASE, no more Winter Jennings," I've started posting yet another story. Sorry haters … it will be another drip, drip, drip of drivel. Sixteen chapters in all. If I maintain the every-other-day schedule, your misery will be over in about a month.

My po' mouth editors - Thorny, Steven, and Mike - seem no worse for wear. Well, the usual tics, spasms, nightmares. Screams in the night.

Paige

Several readers have recommended replacing my editors - Thorny, Steven, and Mike - with software. Probably because I twit those boyos so mercilessly. (Now, mercilessly doesn't necessarily mean undeservedly.)

I haven't yet tested any of the editing software that's out there. But I imagine it would be terrific on spelling, maybe grammar and syntax. Which, I never can quite remember what syntax is. But writers talk about it.

However, can software incorporate decades of human experience in fields such as military, technology, pharmacology?

Can software point out contradictory stances from the same character? Recommend new plot lines? Suggest roadblocks and solutions?

Can software tell you when you have your head up your keister?

Of course if the answer is, yes; software can do all of that and more … well, Adios Muchachos.

Paige