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I need feedback on the sex in Unknown War.
To much, too little, good or bad, not descriptive enough or too descriptive...
I had an interesting email, which made me think. I love those. They asked me to change the bad things that happen in chapter 5 (no spoilers). Here is/was my response:
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First, thanks for the feedback.
While I kinda agree, that entertainment should be be fun and agreeable. That the crappiness of life shouldnt creep into our entertainment. This is where I have to disagree, an unrealistic story gets boring to read. I have read them, and I am sure you have read them as well. Stories, that no matter what insane situation the author throws at their characters, they skate through with barely a scratch, and we all applaud their resourcefulness. I am writing one now, The Haunted Daylight. So that is my first reason, I hate boring and predictable.
This does serve a purpose, this isnt for no reason. It tells the reader how dangerous this era is, and really nails it in. It develops the characters, gives you more insights in to how they think, what they feel, by how they react. It does further one of the plots along, but that is a weak tie in. It narrows the focus, less distractions from the main character, though I do plan to introduce more later. Did you know that the fatality rate for a first time pregnancy was close to 50% in the 17th century? They werent numb to death, they had all the same emotions. I havent really touched on this yet in the story, but death is rampant. A random, barely noticeable, everyday cut could kill you if you were unlucky enough. With no drugs to treat infections, diabetes, asthma, allergies...
Next reason: This medium, free stories for people to read, is a place too practice skills, tryout ideas and watch them burn to the ground without any real consequences. This is a place for me to grow as a writer. Did you know this story is the first time I have written sexually explicit material? (I still havent got feedback on that yet, is it terrible, great?) That was also my first attempt at actually trying to write something sad. There are a few more ideas I have in the works that will be firsts for me. So I am trying out new things, getting better at grammar, and structure. It is as much a learning tool for me, as it is a source of entertainment for you.
Lastly... I once read a story, well I first started reading it for the sex, I am not going to lie. After a while, I would scroll past the sex, and keep reading the story, it was a great story. Eventually I scrolled past all the sex, only interested in the story, dont get me wrong, the sex was written well, but the story was really great. It was an emotional roller coaster. It started off slow, happy, and the hills and dips just gradually got more and more profound. By the end of the story I had experienced every range of emotions, and a few to extremes. At one point I was so angry that I stopped reading the story, but eventually went back and finished it, I am glad I did. I laughed, I cried, depression, thrilling, suspense, cheering, greedy, jealousy, killing intent, sappy, sexy, and so many more. That story was, fulfilling, is the best way to put it. I felt like a better person for have read it. Not because I agreed with the material, or the plots, but because it touched me deep down and I grew the tiniest bit. If I could ever write something like that, I think I could finally call myself a good writer. To be able to reach in and touch someones psyche, their soul, and caress it with the words of a story, is amazing to me. That really isnt a goal for this story, but something I strive to do eventually. Baby steps.
j
Post Script,
if you are curious, here is the story I mentioned;
https://storiesonline.net/series/598/an-ordinary-sex-life
It was brought to my attention today that my story Unknown War, is missing some basic explanations of the culture. My original plan was to just bring them up as they came up, or as Ben is exposed to them. Now I am having doubts if that was the best plan.
I dont want to go too far into any details here, but I would like my readers to take note of any discrepancies they find and let me know. I will try to come up with a plan to fill the information gap.
Of course if any of you have a good idea how to do that, I am all ears.
Thanks for all the great feedback.
j
I have a few new ideas. I seem to get them when I nap during the day, weird right. Only one of them I haven't written down, it is a pretty strange premise, not sure if I even know how to write a horror story.
Anyway, I got my first patreon! No idea what to do about it. Hey, welcome I guess. I am just glad it is so cheap, otherwise I might feel guilty.
Editors... I had some, then I havent posted a chapter in a long time.. I would like actual editors, not proof readers, I think some of my structures could use some insights, I would also like them to not be shy about telling me I am an idiot, so I might learn something. If you are interested, get in contact.
My latest attempt at writing actually has explicit sex in it, a first for me. Havent received any feedback on that yet, would like to hear some.
That is all from me. Stay safe out there. Wear your mask, wash your hands, all that jazz.
I usually dont get mail, probably because it has been over a year since I posted anything.
The reason you havent seen anything new from me is because I lack motivation. I am lazy, that is a given. Really though, I lack the conviction or need, other authors claim to have, the need to share a story, or write in general. I have the story in my head, and that is good enough for me.
It is alot of work. Staying organized, staying on top of editors. Translating edited pages to something submittable. Making sure my drafts arent so full of errors the editors up and quit. Trying to maintain a "groove" on a story line, maintaining continuity... it all adds up.
I have a few chapters started, but nothing to submit to editors.
I have contacted other authors I like and offered them my notes and outlines. None were interested, they had their own projects they were following.
I considered taking the stories down. One thing that really bugs me is getting into a good story and it suddenly stopping, with no progress to be seen. I decided against it because you never know who I might spark an idea in, and what great story might be written because of it.
I even made a patreon page last year out of boredom and curiosity;
data-patreon-widget-type="become-patron-button"
rel="nofollow">Become a Patron!<script async src="https://c6.patreon.com/becomePatronButton.bundle.js"></script>
but please dont join it, then i might feel obligated to write more, and I would hate to disappoint anyone.
So that is my status, for the person that wrote and asked.
Haunted Daylight chapter 4 should be up. Hope you enjoy. Big thanks to Aerosick.
I have started chapter 5. I have no idea how long it will take, sorry.
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