Phil Brown: Blog

That my life has changed since we last spoke is a vast understatement. When I posted my last blog entry, I was in ICCU, three days after my heart attack, thinking that the worst was over. And as they say, ignorance is bliss.

Little did I know that while I waxed lyrically about the stent and the groin shave, the staff was fighting to keep me alive with some revolutionary new procedures, while trying to determine if and when I would be strong enough to endure the multiple bypass surgeries still to come.

Over the next few days, I discovered that I was one of the first patients this world-renown heart center had ever tried this new-fangled auxiliary pump on. I will tell you that it was like being on a stage as dozens of noted professionals, as well as interns and RN's came by to see this new gizmo in action.

At one point, which seemed to me at the time, to be in the middle of the night, there was actually a group of Facility Engineers gathered around my bed as they ooh'ed and aah'ed over the apparatus. And I heard the doctor's explanation of the pump to visiting dignitaries so often, you'd think I could write it here. But, alas, I cannot remember it today.

Needless to say, their efforts proved successful, and I am at least able to tell you about it today.

One interesting sidebar is that in the midst of everything else going on, I discovered the topic for one of my next stories. It's called "ICU (Intensive Care Unit) Psychosis".

ICU Psychosis is a generic term for the loss of contact with reality while in ICU. And while I had never heard of it before my ordeal; after my own personal experiences last week, I have begun to research it.

Supposedly, people with ICU Psychosis are given to suffering hallucinations and/or delusions, violence, and impaired insight. I won't bore you with my own frightening experiences today as they are still raw and painful. However, if this is something with which you are familiar and would like to share your experiences or expertise, please drop me an e-mail.

Thanks again for all the notes of encouragement and well-wishes. They tell me that the road to recovery is long and hard, but doable. For the moment, I hope you'll forgive my limited replies to your specific questions concerning STT. They also tell me that the surgical drugs should wear off soon, and that I'll be able to string together more than two sentences at a time. Hopefully, that means I'll be able to get back to writing soon. Please be patient with me.

Phil

I'll probably never have a heart attack… because I'm too young. …because I'm too good looking (okay, maybe I didn't really believe that one.) … because I'm in pretty good health. …because I can't afford it (afford the time or afford the money, all us guys believe that we can't afford a heart attack).

And IF I ever have a heart attack, by then, they'll have some sort of cure so that they can just zap me with an alien health ray, Right?

WRONG!

Unfortunately for me, when I woke up Thursday morning, I did not know any of the heart attack warning signs, except for something about sore arms, and I couldn't think clearly enough at the time, to decide if the pain that radiated throughout my whole body constituted sore arms. I vaguely remember wondering if I should take an aspirin, but then, I couldn't find one and the pain made it too hard to keep looking.

I didn't want to call 911 or call someone to take me to the hospital. My most predominant thought was what "they" would say if I went to a hospital and it WASN'T a heart attack. I'd never be able to live with the humiliation!

And that little piece of stupid logic almost killed me. I had called my little sister next door to ask about some aspirin. She took one look at me and ordered me into her car. She said I was 'gray'. I didn't argue. I couldn't. I was hurting too bad. But she could tell I was hesitating.

For guys, the fear of being embarrassed is acute. However, at that moment, my body was racked with another wave of pain, so I gave in.

Fortunately, for me, the hospital emergency staff knew exactly what to do.

I think it's been about four days now, and honestly, I'm glad I don't remember all of it. However, even with all the drugs they were pumping into me, I was somehow aware of the expert level of care I have been receiving.

Speaking of horror stories, and this is a true fact; Did you know that they DO NOT put you to sleep when they put a "stint" in your heart to open up a blocked artery? Talk about spooky! When I realized they were not knocking me out, I almost panicked! Then, when they started shaving my groin area, I really became unglued!

I kept trying to tell them that my heart was higher up. If I was a fiction writer, I would have described the evil gleam in the nurse's eyes as she replied, "We know, Mr. Brown. We know!"

Talk about scared!

Well, said nurse just came in to check my vitals… I'll fill you in more if I survive.

Phil Brown

That word always reminds me of when the preacher got to that point in his sermon where he said, "...and finally,"

We learned early on that it didn't mean church was over, but just to wake up and get our shoes back on.

Well, we've finally reached the end of Book III. But it's not the end of the story. I already have the first couple of chapters written for Book IV. I hope to start posting it soon.

I can't say enough good things about Cassie, Jack, LaToya, and Greg, and all the hard work they put into making the story a better read. Any mistakes are solely my fault, usually due to me changing things after they've done their job.

Your help is also appreciated. Whenever you spot something, just go to the feedback button at the bottom of that chapter and let me know what it is. I'll go back and change it in most cases.

Your questions, comments, and concerns are also appreciated. Frankly, it's the only recompense we receive. And there has been more than one occasion that your encouragement has helped me over a difficult time. Thank you.

While I don't always answer every e-mail, I do try to answer any questions you might have about what has happened in the story, so far. I don't mind clearing up confusing plot lines or story lines, or questions about characters; however, I won't tell you what is going to happen in the future. Sorry.

For those of you who have asked, I have submitted a "Cast" or "Character" list for Book III. I hope it helps.

I also hope to hear from you and how you honestly feel about the story.

And as always, Thank You for reading "Second Time Through".

Phil Brown

I recently was forced to take a brief sabbatical from writing when my laptop was broken. I finally managed to get a new one, and thanks to the suggestions and guidance of several readers, I was able to salvage the hard drive (and the story) from the broken one. I also learned the hard way, the value of backing up my work, often!

Thankfully, my editors, Cassie, Jack, Greg, and LaToya were still there, and they were still willing to help. I am now back to harassing them regularly. Trust me, you wouldn't want to read the story before they get it. But after they work their respective magic, the story just seems to come to life.

On another note, when I was able to get back online, I was sad to learn that Roger, my main editor on Book II, was no longer online. I know that he was having health issues, and since he hasn't responded for six months now, I'm assuming the worst. If anyone happens to know what happened to 'dragonres', please drop me a note... I miss him.

Just a reminder, I really appreciate your emails regarding the story. I try to respond to as many as I can. And if you have a question I can answer, I will.

And as always, thank you for reading my story,

Phil

Thank you for all the notes ad e-mails. Contrary to popular belief, I have not gone back in time again. I am still here.

Unfortunately, my laptop passed away, taking all my notes and manuscripts with it. I am in the process of getting a new job and then, when I get paid, I will buy a new laptop and find a way to salvage the old laptop's hard drive.

Thanks for your patience and understanding. I hope it will not be much longer as I am going through serious withdrawal myself.

Phil Brown