Chapter 1

I'm in the wrong body.

That might sound weird to you, but it's always been the case with me. I knew from when I was really little. Like my earliest memories are of wanting to be a girl. I was always small too, dainty some people would say.

It's weird too; I'm the only small one in the family. My older brother is huge compared to me, and both my parents were above average too. Anyways, I was the small little girly boy in the family. My parents were always really accepting. For my 7th birthday I asked for a dress and my mom was nice enough to get it for me. Over the years I slowly built up quite the wardrobe of girl clothes. A lot of people in the neighbourhood probably thought that was weird, but nobody ever said anything.

I guess my mom and dad were always looking out for me. Like they'd talk to all the neighbours who I guess talked to their kids, so nobody acted that weird when I started to wear skirts and dresses to school. I was just a regular kid, except for the fact I was the only girl with something between her legs.

That's the other weird thing ... I liked my dick. Like I want to be a girl ... I am a girl, but I didn't want to chop it off or anything. Ever since it was obvious that I was different, my parents had sat me down a bunch of time to talk about puberty, and what I could do to actually become a girl and avoid turning into a boy. I was dead set against that, that's for sure. So ever since I was young we'd make a bunch of trips to the doctor.

The docs talked about pills and things I'd have to take, and they even talked about surgery and stuff, but I was against it ... well part of it. I wanted boobs in the worst way! Here I was a teenager, 14 years old and I had no boobs!

My doctors had started me on a bunch of pills recently, which they said would repress my male hormones and replace them with female ones, or something. I didn't understand all of it, but as long as I turned into a girl and not a boy that was alright with me.

Actually it seemed to be alright with everybody. Sometimes I'd hear snickering or something but I think that's just part of being a kid. Some kids just aren't nice you know? The only person who really wasn't nice to me was my brother Mike. He'd call me Ken instead of my full name – Kennedy. He knew that really bugged me. When nobody was around he'd call me really mean names like faggot or cocksucker which really bugged me. I mean, It's not my fault I'm in the wrong body you know? Mostly he just ignored me though and I could live with that.

Life was good for a long time, I had a bunch of friends, girls mostly, and school came pretty naturally to me. I mean I wasn't the best student, but I was pretty good. I really loved spending my time with my girlfriends. We'd have sleepovers or slumber parties and talk about girl stuff. They'd talk about their boobs growing or whatever and I'd feel kinda sad, but then they'd talk about boys and I loved that.

I've been boy crazy since I was born, I swear. There was this one boy I'd had a crush on since I was like 5. He grew up just down the street and I swear Ryan was the dreamiest guy I ever met. Some girls joked that Ryan is what I coulda looked like. He had the same shining blue eyes I have. I swear his eyes glistened in the sun. He was tall and thin, dusty blonde hair too. I've always had my hair long, but he kept his pretty short. God, I wanted to kiss him so much.

"He doesn't even know I exist," I lamented. My friends tried to cheer me up, they swore he liked me, but I never felt he did. One of my friends told me I should just try talking to him at school. They all kinda ganged up on me one time and made me promise I would talk to him the next time I saw him. I finally gave in and promised.

A few days later I ran into Ryan at school. He was walking down the hall checking something on his phone. I kinda froze in the middle of the hallway, trying to figure out what to say. He was getting closer and closer and I just froze. I had no idea what to say! Is he gonna like me, even though I've got those extra parts? A thousand thoughts kept whirling around in my brain and then wham, he ran into me. Literally! I'd seen him coming the whole way but I guess I zoned out because the next thing I knew I was on my butt and my skirt was way up! Ryan was apologizing and looking down at my underwear and I was mortified!

"I'm so sorry, are you okay?" he asked.

I tried to speak but nothing came out. I was like a mouse, only able to squeak. He gave me his hand and pulled me up.

"uh ... thanks," I said.

"No problem. Are you okay? Sorry I was checking out my phone and wasn't watching where I was going."

I was watching you just fine, I thought. I shook my head though, trying to clear the cobwebs and not sound like I was, an obsessed little girl.

"No ... yeah, I mean. I'm fine. It was my fault, I shoulda moved."

I smiled at him. Gave him the best damn smile I could. He kinda looked me up and down a little, I'm not sure if he was checking me out or just confused as to what was wrong with me.

"Well, if you're okay I guess it doesn't matter. Uh, I gotta get to class. I'll see ya later."

And that was it. He walked off to whatever class he had. I just stood there looking at his nice ass, my heart beating a mile a minute. God, I wanted him so bad.

"That was pathetic."

What? I turned around and saw my brother standing there. Mike was having himself a good laugh at my expenses.

"I said, that was pathetic. You really think that guy likes you?" Mike asked.

"Shut up, Mike! Like I'd ever tell you anything!"

God, he made me so mad. Standing there with the smug look on his face. This isn't some joke, this is my life! But to Mike I was just a joke, his little girly brother. He walked up to me, uncomfortably close really. He was so much bigger than me it scared me.

"Nobody is ever gonna like you ... KEN," he sneered. He laughed again and started to walk away.

" ... That's not my name," was all I could manage back. I squeaked it, really. Loud enough though, as Mike spun back around and pushed me by my shoulders back into some lockers.

"What did you say, Ken? I'll call you whatever I damn well please. Nobody is ever going to like you, nobody is ever going to want you. Sure these people are used to you by now, but nobody thinks you're normal. We all think you're crazy, Kennedy, I'm just the only one with the guts to tell you."

He stormed off and all I could do is sink to my knees. Then I started to cry. I hated Mike, I mean really hated. I've never hated anybody else like I hate him. Why did he have to be so mean? I just hugged my legs and cried and cried and that's where a teacher found me. He basically dragged me to the nurses office, and she sent me home for the day. I had just said I didn't feel good, I didn't want to be here anymore. I didn't live far from school so they let me walk back. I ran straight up to my room and got under my covers on my bed. I just cried my eyes out until I finally fell asleep.

...

I dreamed of being held in Ryans arms. It was warm, we were outside in a forest or something. I gazed up into his beautiful eyes and thought this must be what heaven feels like. I could hear whispering though, all around me. I tried to listen, straining my ears but I couldn't make it out.

I awoke then, all alone in my bed. I could still hear the whispering. It was my mother and my brother talking. She said something about them going out. I don't know, I wasn't really listening. I just wanted to fall back asleep, to get back to Ryan ... even if it was a dream. I kept thinking of him and I started to feel all warm on the inside. I'd think of him kissing me, sliding his tongue inside my mouth and pushing me back onto my bed. I'd imagine him taking off my clothes, one at a time. Kissing my face and neck, before going lower, to lick my breasts. I'd dream they were big, and Ryan loved them. He'd reach lower, while suckling on a nipple. He wrap a hand around my little erection, my girl cock as I called it. He'd slowly squeeze me, sliding his hand up and down the small shaft. Then I would feel a finger, his finger, slide into my ass. I always loved the thought of that.

I opened my eyes and looked down my bed, I hadn't even realized I'd started masturbating. Yet there I was, panties down and around one ankle. My right hand around my cock and my left sticking a finger into my ass. I'd been jerking off for awhile now. I loved my cock, it felt so good, but sometimes I thought something inside my butt felt better. I'd imagine Ryan, or some Hollywood star sticking his dick up my ass and I'd squirt all over myself. I loved those thoughts, I felt so free, so good, while I dreamed those dreams.

It was like nothing could hurt me. I'd feel warm and fuzzy all over, with an imaginary big strong man over my prone body. I'd make love to his cock with my body, any part he wanted. I'd sink to my knees, or onto all fours, and give myself to him.

I was still playing with myself and it was really starting to feel good. I knew I wouldn't last much longer, but I wanted to feel more full, you know, back there. I opened my night table beside my bed, that's where I left him. It was a big rubber vibrator. I'd stolen it from my mom's closet when I was younger, but she had a bunch so I guessed she wouldn't miss it.

That was a long time ago and she never said anything so I guess she never noticed. I slid it into my ass, slowly, so very slowly. It was so big and I was so little. Once it was inside me, just a little bit, an inch or so, I turned it on. It began to vibrate, just a little. I kept my other hand firmly wrapped around my cock, it felt so good.