Chapter 6

August 16, 6:11pm

Vicky,

About spending time with Brad's mum, I would say the door is closed. It is really sweet of her to make that offer but you'd be bound to run into Brad eventually. Remember also her first loyalty should be to her son and not to you. Not that she couldn't be loyal to you too, but it is reasonable that her son should be first.

I think you should stick with those you already trust. OK Columbia probably has no idea about you and Frank, but until he comes back it's pretty much her Nell and Magenta when you need a cuddle. I can and will quite happily talk to you but while I may be a man of many talents a cuddle from 4000 miles away somehow missed the list.

Besides that Sarah WOULD mind. Pen pals are ok. Holding a pretty young blond in my arms would have very unfortunate consequences for my dangly bits as I suspect they may still be dangly but they would no longer be mine...

I copied what I wrote Magenta to you on purpose dearie. I'm dense but not stupid enough to do that accidently.

As to sharing back to our first email, that's between us and Frank-boy is he going to have something to say about just how many of them are from the same person. Just please make sure he starts at the beginning and doesn't skip. You know how you say you have the occasional blond moment? That was one of them.

I warned Magenta not to touch Brad. I didn't mention her boyfriend though. Heard he's an inch taller than me ... I hadn't said anything but I DID notice you signing off as Victoria. I understand you don't like the name, you don't have to sign off that way just because I think it is prettier than Vicky. Thank you though. So besides Janet and the one that started with a Z what else do you like?

Sarah and I still good. One of her insecurities cropped up on the web. Some of my mates like to forward the kind of pictures some wives find upsetting. Anyhow we had a talk about it whilst I was occupied with her chest. Well ok the two things on her chest anyway. She has changed sizes over the years. They are larger now. I asked her how I feel about them now. After she answered I asked her how I felt about them when we first started. She gave me the same answer. I asked her why that was. She said "Because they're mine." I told her that now she was getting the idea. That seemed to help. Her main body issue is her stomach. She carries her weight more like a man than a woman. In other words she looks about 6 months pregnant all the time. I asked her have I ever once complained about that? She answered "No". She is still fairly insecure but I am making an effort to make sure I show some affection every day. It's only half a joke but I told her as long as I'm still trying to cop a feel she doesn't have to worry. For the record I've been coping feels since about a month or so after we started dating.

Bob

August 16, 6:44pm

Magenta,

Actually I am so embarrassed by what I wrote Vic playing devil's advocate (boy how THAT can jump up to bite you in the ass) I asked her permission to show you what she wrote about the whole Brad thing. She did say I could as she trusts you. Please feel free to verify that as I would if I were you. As to Vicky's past, I gave you the details I gave you so you would know I am aware of where she came from. I am still amazed by how far she has come. Some women in that situation would never recover at all. Not that she doesn't have a long road ahead of her. I don't think she believes it but she well and truly is the most courageous person I have ever heard of. I've tried telling her that but as you said it hasn't dawned on her that she could be pretty either.

Never mind the scum that actually did that to her. First person on my shit list would be her mother. She brought those men home. She allowed it to happen.

Glad to know Vicky was really doing ok. I told her I asked you to keep an eye on her. She didn't tell me exactly what you had to say to Brad this morning but she did tell me you ripped him a new arsehole.

My wife and I were set up on a blind date. The one regret I have is where we went. I still have to go to the Auto Show every stinking year. I should have taken her to a movie. It was February 10th 1991. Friday to be exact. We didn't kiss after our first date. I think we were both too nervous, I know I was. We did kiss on our second date. I fell down the front stairs afterwards. Good thing I was only up 4 of them. She is still a great kisser. I was 17. Sarah is 9 months younger than me.

You need to promise that after you read what she said you won't go and touch Brad in any way. You're really going to want to strangle him. Vicky needs you and I doubt you work there just cause its fun therefore you need the money too. So don't kill him ... Thankyou Microsoft again for copy and paste. This is probably the most relevant email. My stuff is in black, Vicky is in blue.

Bob

authors note the email between Vic and I that I sent to Magenta has already been posted

August 17, 2:19am from Magenta

Hi Bob,

just a quick answer as i'm helping my mum in her shop before going to work.

i now see that Brad is pretty much a confused lad. yesterday Vic told me about his own past and although i feel sorry for him and his mum it was still nothing compared to what Vic went through and yeah i guess that sounds mean of me. but you would think Brad would be more understanding of Vic needing the support of Frank and you. i cant see that Vic did anything wrong either. about her mum i did once ask Vic if she ever wanted to see her again and she said 'yeah when shes 6' underground' - that says it all i think.

i wont hurt Brad i promise but i want to - hes still gonna get shit from me verbally though!! and yeah i do need the money which is why i help my mum for two hours morning and at night in her shop as well as my main job. my boyfriend works hard in construction. we bought a little house together about 3 years ago and its a fucking money pit!. that said work IS fun to, i work with some great people and we all manage to have a laugh. only my boss is a twat, shes the most miserable person you could ever meet.

thanks for showing me the email, it makes me understand a little more about what happened. i'm taking Vic out tonight as i told you so i'll make sure i talk to her if she wants to. shes a lovely lass but i'm sure i dont have to tell you that.

Told my boyfriend that i'm emailing you and the reason why and he just laughed and said 'ok, so when you tell me your going to new york i need to worry do i?' hes cool about it though. BTW, me and him met in a pub so probably better than a car show!

Magenta

August 17, 4:29pm

Magenta, I didn't meet the wife at the car show. That's just where I took her. It's the one where all the manufacturers turn up show off the latest models and maybe a concept car or two.

Tell your boyfriend there's no need to worry. I am not built like a brick shithouse. More like a large pile of sand. Besides that all that really has to happen is for some woman who I can not prove is a relative to show up and my wife will kill me herself. Did Vic warn you I was a smart arse?

Bought my first house 3 years ago today I think. If it isn't exactly 3 it's very, very close. Know all about spending on it. All I can do to keep up with the bills. I get 2 paychecks per month. Paid by calendar date not every two weeks. One of them covers the mortgage and a couple other smaller things. Everything else comes out of the other check.

Worth it though ain't it?

Nice to come home and know you can put a nail any damn where you please. That was actually one of the first things I did after we closed. There's still no picture hanging on it, but that wasn't the point.

I know about the dragon lady too. She's the only one I've heard anything negative about other than Vics mother.

One last reason for your boyfriend not to worry. OK two reasons, first I don't care if you show him every email I've sent you. Nothing to hide. While my wife doesn't know I emailed you she is well aware that Vicky and I are pen friends. If you don't lie in the first place you don't have to try and remember what story you told either. The second reason is as long as Vicky is doing ok I have no reason to email you again. Though you might here the occasional "tell Magenta I said hi" from Vic.

I do ask that you keep my email address in case something should come up you think I can help with. I meant what I said. Vicky was a big help in my own relationship. I owe her.

Bob

August 18, 7:02am From Magenta

Hi Bob,

Vic didnt tell me you were a smart arse (thought Americans spelled it 'ass'?) but that said, did she tell you i can be one to? we would probably have a laugh if we met face to face!

i will keep your email addy - promise - but it seems like you're trying to get rid of me already, and just when I thought I was getting an alternative boyfriend across the pond! ;)

and you don't have to explain theres no need for my boyfriend to worry - i told you he was cool about me emailing you. unlike a certain stupid twat i wont mention, my other half has no insecurities at all. our love is absolute - folk take the piss out of us all the time saying that we are joined at the hip! he knows i flirt with blokes (like Frank) but it doesn't bother him at all - hes met Frank a few times and likes him. we are each others rock, nuff said.

'dragon lady'? i guess Vic must have told you about the head of accounts then? yeah, dragon lady is putting it politely! did she also tell you about the financial director? he's a real perv and always talks to my tits, never my face. that said hes harmless - he would run a mile if i grabbed his junk - i'd love to do it just for a laugh but i might get sacked!

we took Vic out last night and she had a good time. one of my old school mates happened to be in the club we took her to. hes a really nice guy (i've known him for years) and i found out he's single and free. i introduced him to Vic, not putting pressure on either of them. well, half an hour later they were talking like old mates. now i KNOW this guy has no hangups or insecurites. hes from a fairly large, loving family who all look out for each other and my boyfriend also knows him very well to. hes strong minded, extrovert and has a good job. i'm not saying anything will come of it and i need to speak to Vic later today to see what she thought of him, but, you never know. all i can say is i think this guy will be a better prospect for Vic. don't know what you think but i think she needs a guy just as i've described in my mate. oh hes 22 so older than Vic which i also think will be better for her. if it does go further between them i'll keep a close eye on them.

okay Bob i know you don't want me to write to you anymore and i'm totally gutted ;) so this will be my last email unless i have a very good reason to write again (like to tell you when i'm coming over to new york for a holiday). no doubt my 'sister' will have something to say about last night. the important thing is she was a happy bunny when we dropped her off at her house.

all the best, thanks again for being her friend, and i hope all turns out well for you and your wife,

Magenta.

August 18, 12:06pm From Vicky Bob,

OK, I'll file away to the back of my mind the offer made by Brad's Mum for a rainy day. I guess you're right - it would be awkward if Brad was in the house and me and her were talking about stuff. Shame, because I like her.

I think Columia has more than an inkling about my true relationship with Frank; I think she just chose to ignore it, probably because she's of that generation that wouldn't approve, but in my circumstances she secretly made an exception but doesn't want it publicly known. Whenever Frank and I were together in Eddie and Columbia's house, we showed the utmost in decorum and the most we would do would be a restrained hug and a kiss on the cheek or forehead. As for Magenta, she knows everything and I think my darling little sis Nell worked it out the first day we met (the shopping trip) - not much gets past her inquisitive and over-active mind!

Copy you regarding the inability to cuddle - no doubt MS will get the technology together some day! - also that even if it were possible, and you did cuddle me, I know that Sarah would probably do a 'Lorena Bobbitt' on you! LOL!

Re: "copied what I wrote Magenta to you on purpose dearie. I'm dense but not stupid enough to do that accidently" Yeah, I know you did mate - sorry if you thought I was implying you were dense - damn the written word and the lack of expression and tone! As I said, I just wanted you to know she had indeed taken care of me as you had requested her to.

Magenta won't touch Brad physically but he's certainly gonna get verbal abuse for some time. Mag can be quite vocal - probably the result of coming from a large family and making herself heard as a child. I've been to her family home a few times. It's a loving, fun-filled household but boy, is it noisy and raucous when they're all there! Mag's boyfriend Matt is a big guy, but he's a gentle giant. He'd only hurt Brad if he had actually physically hurt me (or say Magenta; however, that said, Mag is quite capable of taking out Brad!)

Ah, so you noticed me using 'Victoria'. Well, as to names that I really like. As you know, I would love to be named Janet. Because of 'Runaway' I now associate myself with that name far more than my own. As you also know I like Zhenya (pronounced Zen-yah). I also like Nicole, Hana and Molly. There's probably others, but I can't think of them right now.

Regarding Sarah I think it's lovely that you still 'cop a feel' after all these years and that you don't give a damn about the physical changes over the years to her body. It may seem strange, but I don't have any insecurities about my body or self-image; my insecurities are about my inner self. And before you say I couldn't possibly have any insecurity about my own body anyway, just think on this: Magenta and Nell are both babes and very sexy girls and yet both confide in me that they have hang-ups about 'this and that' regarding their physical side. It's just something that has never occurred to me or bothered me. Perhaps because for so many years I never saw myself as a person to be admired, or saw myself as pretty - I was just a 'fuck toy', a 'piece of meat'. Wow, there I go, self-analyzing again; I must stop that! Anyway, back to you and Sarah: With my limited experience of what constitutes a bloke doing the right thing, it would seem to me that you're certainly ticking all the right boxes as far as making Sarah feel good about herself. I've seen Eddie 'cop a feel' on Columbia when he thought I wasn't watching - how cute is that at their age? - and among other things because of that intimacy their relationship is rock-solid and totally wonderful. So, I would say carry on as you are mate and just keep telling her how gorgeous she is and how much you love her. :8)

Last night:

Mag and Matt took me out last night to a fairly quiet club. They really fussed over me and made sure I had a good time. Magenta introduced me to an old school friend of hers. He was a really nice bloke, very confident but not at all arrogant. I actually enjoyed talking to him. He was very interested in my career and college course and hardly spoke about himself at all which surprised me. Before we left the club, he handed me his business card, saying that he would love me to contact him. However, I never felt cornered or under any pressure to do so at all and he didn't once ask for my mobile number or where I lived, nor did he try to kiss me or anything like that when I left, so quite the gent. 'Cynical Vicky' would still be wary if it were not for the fact that both Magenta and Matt know the guy very well - if he were a total stranger, I would have just assumed that he was trying to make the perfect first impression, but then later would just want to get into my knickers. But Mag told me that he is very much a 'what you see is what you get' sort of bloke.

Anyway, that said, I don't know Bob, but I'm going through a 'once bitten, twice shy' phase at the moment - I thought Brad was going to be OK didn't I? - And look how that turned out. This new guy does know a hint about my past - Mag said something to him, but he doesn't know the extent of it or the 'Frank' part. Anyway, I got home pretty late and slept for about ten hours, which is not like me. I think my restless nights earlier in the week had caught up with me.

Today:

Whilst doing my chores I've been doing some thinking all day and you probably won't like this, but I'm contemplating not dating at all. I've thought about my lot in life. I've come to realize this: I'm happy with my circle of close friends. I like my job and going to college and I like my little house. Why potentially screw it up by including a partner? I've come to the conclusion that the life of a spinster may not be so bad after all. I would then only have myself to answer to. True, I'd miss the physical side of a relationship, but that's not the be all and end all. At the moment, I feel there's only one guy I would settle down with and he's off-limits and (ouch) too old for a long term relationship ... Not sure Magenta (or Nell) is going to like my present thoughts - she's all for marrying me off to some hunk and me living happily ever after, so, if you two are still in contact with each other, perhaps you'd better keep my last thoughts between just us - up to you though, I don't really care either way.

BTW, Brad didn't speak to me yesterday, and seemed to be going out of his way to avoid me. If that's how he wants to play it, then so be it - I certainly won't lose any sleep over it! I still can't believe how he changed after the first 72 hours though. Anyway, 'onwards and upwards' as Frank would say!

Right, I'm going to sign off and go and phone Mag - I have a missed call from her earlier and I forgot to phone her back. She's no doubt worrying about me - yes, I know she cares and I love her to bits for it - but sometimes she can be a little over-bearing! She and Matt are definitely what I think Americans refer to as 'good people'.

Anyway Bob, loving the positive vibes I'm getting from you regarding Sarah - as you would say to me, 'I'm rooting for ya'!

Cheers, Victoria.

August 18, 8:38pm

Magenta, Ok first we do spell it ass. Also tyre does not have a y in it over here. Ask Vic about what we call a fanny pack. We do not call the thing you lot call a fanny by that name. Yes she did tell me you were a smart ass. We probably would get along well. Second, not trying to get rid of you, just trying not to make you or your boyfriend uncomfortable.

If you and your boyfriend are joined at the hip you are doing it wrong. You should each rotate 90 degrees so that you are facing each other then re-try that whole joining thing or if you prefer you should face away from your boyfriend and he should face you and re try the joining thing. Works either way. More fun than being joined at the hip. Trust me your BF will love it once you try it

You can write to me all you like. I will answer. Can never have too many friends. Like I said I just didn't wan tot make you or the BF uncomfortable. Besides if he does get uncomfortable I'll send you a picture of me. That will cure any insecurities he would have.

Always willing to play tour guide if people come to my area. Nothing beats a natives perspective.

Flirting when it is harmless can be extremely fun. I used to work with a dark skinned black girl who happened to be a lesbian. I was already dating Sarah at the time. So I was officially off the market and she liked girls. Our flirting was absolutely outrageous. We would have both been fired for sexual harassment if management had ever heard us. I used to say things like "I've always been told the darker the berry the sweeter the juice. So when are you going to let me find out?" One of our favorite activities was when a couple would come in the store and the female was attractive we would both be checking HER out!! The guy would just assume he was getting checked out by Keisha so few ever noticed me checking out their girl. You know the kinds of comments guys make to each other when watching a particularly nice backside walk away? That was the kind of stuff we used to say to each other!

There is something I need your opinion on. When Vic was planning her full disclosure dinner to Brad I advised that she should leave the sex part of her life with Frank out of it. What is your opinion on that issue? For that matter ask the BF what he thinks most guys would have a harder time accepting.

Bob

August 18, 9:58pm

Victoria,

You could still talk to Brad's Mum if you wish. No harm as long as you are comfortable with the idea. I would suggest maybe not doing this at her house though. Or tell her to make sure Brad knows you are going to be there so he can piss off.

If you like her and feel safe with her than go ahead. BUT only if you feel safe with the idea. Maybe Columbia knows, maybe not. Kinda like Patricia she'd have to be a blind woman not to notice the way Frank looks at you. If the damn story glows in the dark with emotion how much you wanna bet his eyes are different when he's looking at you.

Don't know if Sarah would do the full Lorena or not. Do know my bollocks would be in severe jeopardy. On the other hand she has seen other very attractive girls give me a cuddle before with no problem--because they were romantically involved with my best mate.

As for being dense, I am a man, therefore I am dense-at least sometimes. It's kind of a rule. As you gain more experience you will come to learn that all of us blokes can be pretty thick from time to time. Doh!!!!!

In case you aren't sure no insult taken. I was being tongue in cheek when I said that. I tend towards self deprecation too.

As for Nell no such thing as an over active mind. An active mind just makes her smart. Let me tell you a little secret about men and women. The dumb blond stereotype may be a fun girlfriend for a while. But we NEVER marry the dumb ones. They just work a nerve like you wouldn't believe. That said letting ones imagination run away can be an issue. Smart is always good.

Nicole is nice. Beats Nikki all to heck. Molly is prettier than a lot of girls' names. Like Hannah. That's the way my little cousin spells it. She's a very sweet girl. I think 12 this year. I liked that name before she was born.

On the one hand I'm absolutely terrible with coping feels off Sarah, on the other hand it's an almost constant reassurance. Found out there was a tow truck only show going on this weekend in Asbury Park. A mere 23 miles or so from home. made her drive home from the show as my knees were sore. Took my car instead of the pickup and the seating position leaves something to be desired. Also made it real easy to let my hand go wandering as she drove. Getting felt up while she is driving distracts her a lot less than feeling her up while I'm driving distracts me. I do something along those lines just about every single time she drives. Not always her tits though. She likes it when I stroke her cheek and run my fingers through her hair. Her neck is also very sensitive.

Magenta said that you guys ran into her friend at the club. She also says he just happened to be there. She also mentioned he was 22 so a little older than you but I've already been thinking you should probably go after men that are slightly older than you. Was thinking even 25 would be perfectly reasonable. She told me a bit about him and he does sound ok. The question is do you trust Magenta's judgment as to the content of his character etc.?

Now as to not liking the idea of you not dating. Right now, I'm ok with it. Not dating ever I'm not ok with. I want you to be happy. You get to decide what form that happiness takes-after all who the hell am I to say what makes you happy? It's just that Magenta knows what makes her happy just as I know what makes me happy. Even when my loss of feelings was at its worst there was never a question that I wouldn't try to have someone in my life. That's just a basic need I have. Other people don't feel that as strongly.

Do not write off all men cause Brad is a twat. I told you it was going to take a special kind of man to be able to handle everything. I wasn't exaggerating. A lot of guys, especially younger ones just will not be able to cope.

The guy you met should not have tried to kiss you. You were not on a date and a kiss is not a reasonable expectation given the circumstances.

Now hear this! Listen up girl!! YOU ARE NOT A FUCK TOY!!!!!! YOU ARE NOT JUST A PIECE OF MEAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The opinions of sub human scum ARE NOT VALID!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You are so much more than that. You are smart, funny, brave and sweet. Those are just some I can name without actually having to stop and think about it.

As for not being a person to be admired, well I guess you went and fucked that up. Because I admire you. You have an inner strength and courage I can only begin to guess at. To do what you did when you put everything on the table with Brad is astounding.

Frank missed something in chapter 7. You've got a great big pair of brass bollocks on ya girl!!! It's ok to be once bitten and twice shy. Doesn't mean you should give up. So reach down and give those hairy brass bollocks of yours a fondle and remember.

Baby steps girlie

I WILL be rooting for ya!!

Bob

August 18, 2:42am

Bob,

Thanks for another lovely reply and I'm glad you took Sarah to a show - nice one! I was driving my car once and Frank was the passenger - he started to caress my thigh and I had to ask him to stop - I REALLY couldn't concentrate on driving, so I don't know how Sarah manages it!

Must take you to task on one thing - you misunderstood my point regarding being a 'fuck toy', 'a piece of meat', but that said, I maybe didn't explain myself very well either (no surprise there then!): When I was talking about being a fuck toy and a piece of meat etc. I was talking in the past tense. I was trying to explain that the reason I don't have any self-image problems NOW was because back then (three years ago) I only ever saw myself as a fuck toy etc ... Back then I didn't see myself as a pretty girl with a nice slim body - I was just something to be used. In fact, back then I never even looked at myself in the mirror, apart from to brush my hair, And now, there's the paradox: whereas even beautiful, sexy babes like Magenta and Nell have issues, no matter how small they may be, about their bodies, I simply don't, I don't think about how I look to others. I do, however, now recognize the fact that I have a nice body and a pretty face and that's only because of the nurture I have received over the last three years, mainly from Frank. My hang-ups in the present day are more to do with self-confidence and trusting others, not self-image. BTW, where do I find these brass balls you speak of? I've looked and I can't see them! I want to fondle them ;)

Bob, I haven't given up with men per se and I know the majority are 'good-uns'. I mean, for starters, all the blokes I work with are OK apart from perhaps the financial director (that's 'pervy Pete' in 'Brad and Janet', although that's not his real name – Frank took artistic license on that one and 'pervy pete' sounded good!). But that said, even Pervy Pete is probably harmless - he's all 'mouth and no trousers' as we say over here. Regarding my present thoughts on the possibility of not ever dating at all, I think Magenta may have put her finger right on the spot during the phone conversation I had with her last night (right after sending my previous email to you) and that leads me neatly on to that.

So I called Magenta back and as predicted she was concerned for me. We chatted about this and that and inevitably she eventually asked me what I thought of Richard (the guy she introduced me to at the club). I told her that I thought he was okay, polite and that I had enjoyed talking to him. "Is that all?" she asked me, sounding surprised. I answered "yeah, what more do you want me to say?" Magenta said "well, he''s clever, funny, a nice looking guy, he takes care of himself, is a bit of a hunk and quite frankly, you're not going to do much better than him sis - aren't you at least going to give him a go and phone him up for a date?". I'm paraphrasing, but that was pretty much what she said. I answered, and probably on reflection a little indignantly, that I didn't want to be pressured into having a date just because in her eyes it seems the right thing to do and that again, in her eyes, that Richard was the right guy for me. Magenta responded to that, a little facetiously, that I am never going to find a clone of Frank and until I stop looking for 'him' in another guy that I'll never find a partner. She went on to point out that even Frank isn't perfect and to validate her point reminded me that for starters, he's cheating on his wife. I was little stunned and hurt. Magenta picked up on the reason for my silence. She said, more gently, and again I paraphrase her comment "I spoke to you like that to shock you, but you've gotta break away from looking for the image of Frank in other guys." I didn't answer that one, but perhaps she's right, perhaps her intuition is correct. I have never consciously looked for the attributes of Frank in other guys, but I've obviously given out that vibe to Magenta. Anyway, I told Magenta that I wasn't intending on phoning Richard any time soon. She told me that was a shame, because apparently, whilst at the gym yesterday morning, Richard didn't stop talking about me all the time he was with her and Matt. Sadly, we ended the call on slightly frosty terms with each other - Magenta because I suspect she's a little frustrated with me and me because I was a little angry with her. I'll call her later today and make it up with her. After all, we're practically 'sisters' and sisters argue, right?