Chapter 1

It was raining heavily outside. I sat in one corner of the classroom and tried to doze of my tiredness by resting my head on the bench. I was tired after a hard day at job and wanted to take some rest. My dizziness took me to a dark place full of weird creatures hovering around me. In one hand I held a burning torch and in the other a huge sword. I was trying to get rid of those creatures and find my way to a distant white light. The more I walked towards the light more it faded away in the horizon. Suddenly I felt someone touching my shoulders from behind. I looked back; there was no one except those weird venomous and ugly creatures prying upon me. I started walking but I was again felt the same knock on my shoulder.

I opened my eyes to find that Anirban was standing near me, tapping my shoulder. He asked me whether I was feeling ok or not. I gave a pale smile to him and said that I was having a headache. I looked around the class most of the students had left. I rubbed my eyes and answered that I was feeling dizzy. He asked me that whether I want to have a drink with him or not. I laughed at him and said that I was too tired to have a drink that day.

We walked outside the computer-teaching centre. I had my motorcycle parked in one corner of the bus-stand. It was dark outside and the heavens were pouring. The number of buses in the rain-drenched streets of Kolkata had come down. Anirban and I lit a cigarette and looked around the bus stand shed. A dog, coiled like a huge wire, was lying nearby. Few people were standing at one corner and smoking. I saw Anoushka, standing in one corner of the shed, trying to save herself from the torrential rain.

Anirban pointed at her and whispered to me "Hey bro, she is really a hot piece. I think she is most sexy in our batch. She is definitely waiting for her boyfriend. Why don't we ask her to drop her at her place, what do you say?"

I could not stop laughing, "I do not think she will allow you to. Come on, it is only the rain that is deterring her from going home."

I looked at Anoushka; she gave me a helpless smile in return. By looking at her face, I observed that she was feeling quiet uneasy as there were other prying eyes of the bystanders devouring her sensuous beauty of twenty-two springs. She was trying to cover her ripe youthful beauty with her scarf that was completely soaked.

I looked at Anirban; he was lewdly devouring her rain soaked beauty like a hungry mongrel. I slapped on his head and deterred him to stare at her like that. I asked him that whether he want to go home or not. He laughed at me and said that whether I want to spend some time with her alone or not. I laughed at him and said that I would go to home once my cigarette is finished. After sometime his bus arrived, he winked at me and went away. I slowly walked towards my parked motorcycle.

I was about to start my bike when I noticed that Anoushka was striding towards me with tender steps. There was a pleading smile on her face. She clasped her bag across her chest.

"It is raining since evening and the bus service has gone thinner." She said to me. I looked at her face trying to fathom whether she was asking for a ride or not. She continued, "I was waiting for someone and see the treacherous rain played a spoilsport." I smiled, so Anirban was right about her boyfriend.

"I can drop you at your place, if you want to." I said her.

She gave a demurring smile, "No, no, I will wait for sometime more. Only one request, if you could stay till he comes."

I nodded my head and said to her that I would wait until the person for whom she was waiting for, arrives. I signed her to stand under the shed and I unmounted my bike to stand beside her. She stood close to me; her upper-arm was touching mine. I could feel the warmth of her body that was very fast depleting due to the humid cold winds. She felt a sense of relief while standing beside me. I was avoiding direct eye contact with her. Both of us were silent for a while, lost in words as what to ask to whom.

She spoke first, might be out of courtesy, "Where do you live?"

"Near Dumdum airport. What about you?" I asked.

"Really, I also live nearby." She looked at me; I observed a twinkle in her big black eyes "What do you do?"

"I just finished my graduation in physics last year and I do a job at Camac Street." I answered her.

Her face glowed, "I am also in physics, final year of my graduation. So computers for your job?"

"Yes for professional enhancement, I suppose." I answered her query. For some time we both kept silent as if there was nothing more to talk about. She was frequently looking at the road.

After sometime, a person arrived in a bike. Anoushka looked at me and then ran to the person on the bike. I could sense a veiled anger in her eyes as she was scolding the person. She mounted and gently bowed her head towards me, in gratitude. I bowed my head in return. She waved at me and the bike zoomed away into the darkness.

Whenever Anoushka eyes met with mine, she used to give a sweet smile. Seldom there were any words exchanged between us. She possessed an elegance, which attracted many friends around her. From a distance, I cherished her beauty and frolic nature. On the other hand, I kept to myself, surrounded by my haughty nature. Probably everyone in the batch thought me as a snobbish person and I liked that. At least that close guarded my solitary citadel.

It was not long that those courteous smiles turned into some friendly conversations. That night I was hungry so I bought a patty from a nearby shop and was munching. I did not notice that Anoushka was standing behind me watching me intently. She cleared her throat to signal her presence. Her feminine fragrance snaked into my nasal cavity and attacked my brain cells.

"Munching alone? Where is your friend, Anirban?" She asked me.

I was startled on hearing her voice. I stammered a bit, "Yeah. I did not have the time for lunch and was hungry so I was grabbing a bite." I looked around, in general, some of her friends always surrounded her but at that time she was alone. I asked her, "So today no one is with you?"

She gave a faint smile and shrugged her shoulder, "Nopes, may be they don't like my company."

I laughed at her, "Who on earth would not like your company." I lowered my voice, "I think you are wrong. People are dying to get your attention."

She sported a coquettish smile on her lips, "Really? I did not know that. Who on earth is willing to die for."

I was enjoying her smile and company. "Find some time to look at your back, you will find a long line of bees hovering to get your attention." I joked at her. I looked at the road, expecting the bike rider to come and pick her up. Probably she fathomed as what I was looking for.

"Why are you frequently looking at the road?" She asked me.

"Aha! I was looking forward for your two wheeled chariot and the warrior over it." I flirted.

She laughed at me and said, "My brother is not coming to-day to pick me up. I am waiting for the bus."

A huge relief got off my mind. I was in an impression that the person, who picks her up every day, was her boyfriend. I observed that many buses passed but she was not boarding. Finally, I asked her "It is not raining today. The buses are plying perfectly normal and it is getting night. I think you should go home. Why have you not boarded any of the bus?"

"Nothing. Is there any problem to stand here?" She smiled at me and said, "You are a complete bore. I am going now." She turned and walked towards the bus.

Suddenly I felt a small vacuum inside my chest. I called her "Anoushka, I can drop you if you want."

She ran towards me and sat on my pillion. A faint laugh lingered inside my head, how many colours can a girl can show, I thought. May be she was just playing with me.

"Start now." She held my shoulder and whispered in my ears. The bike raced into the dark night, over the black pitch road. I looked up the sky, Kolkata is always humid and during monsoon, the clouds do shower at anytime. The humid cold winds were blowing around us. Through my shirt fabric, I felt her soft warmth on my back.

She shouted, cutting the roaring sound of the engine, "What does your name, Budhaditya means? It is a real long name to call."

"It denotes something from Vedic literature, that's all I know nothing more. But why on earth you are concerned about the meaning of my name?" I replied her.

"Just like that. Actually after calling your name, one has to look into the mirror to check whether her teeth are ok or not." She laughed heartily.

I joked at her, "Making a mockery of my name. Is that so? I will then stop my bike here in the middle of the road and you have to go all alone to your house."

She giggled "Come on, you are not going to leave a poor girl all alone here."

The light-hearted conversation went on. I came to know that she was studying physics in a nearby college and was looking forward to study masters. Most of the time I kept quiet as she was babbling too much. In between the conversation, she was giving me directions to her house.

She asked me to stop at a lane and said to me, "Leave me here. I can walk the rest path."

I stopped my bike and asked her that I could drop her in front of her home.

She joked at me, "No way. What will happen if the bee stung me?" I laughed at her, slowly her facial expression turned serious, "Actually I have some problem. My father will be furious if he notices me with someone. That's the reason he sends my brother every evening to the centre to pick me up. Today I told that I could commute alone, so my brother did not come."

I understood her handcuffed situation and said her not to worry. She asked me to ride away but I insisted that until she reaches her house I would rather stand there for her. She smiled and waved me, "Go now, I am ok. This much path I can walk alone."

That was the only day Anoushka rode on my pillion, after that day she did not asked for lift. She always took the bus after the class, but she cared to stand with me for sometime before getting on the bus. With each passing day, she seemed to be friendlier with me. Anirban joked at time, asking as what was going between us. I joked back, that Anoushka was a good friend of mine and nothing more. At times, I felt and invisible magnetic attraction towards her. I suppressed those wild imaginations, hurling those to the abyss. It was hard to imagine that someone can get attracted to a coarse rugged boulder like me. I never asked about her personal life and she refrained from knocking into my domain of silence. I felt that normalcy was entering my life again, which evaded me for long, more than a decade of solitude.

It was not long that the cohesiveness grew strong, however there was a dark surprise waiting for me. It was a preferably sunny day compared to the grey sky of the monsoon season. I took a casual leave and went to Newmarket to buy something for my Grandma. Out of the blue, I heard Anoushka calling me. I looked around but could not find her and then I saw her walking towards me. She was accompanied with some friends. She asked me as what was I doing in the market place? I told her the reason of my shopping.

She laughed at me and said, "Don't you have any friends with whom you can shop? You came to buy things for your Grandma?"

I smiled back at her saying, "She is the only girlfriend left in this whole universe for me." While saying those words, I felt a pinching pain deep down my heart. I hid my expression and sported a smile to ask her back that what she was doing there. She should be in her college then.

She answered that she came with her friends to watch movie. She introduced me with her friends and warned them that I was much older than they were so they should at least show some respect to me. I laughed at her proposition and said her that no need to show extra courtesy. I happen to observe a person amongst that group to be close to Anoushka. She invited me to join them for the movie. A felt a tiny deterrence in my path, I thought, it should not be there. Why on earth, I was feeling like that. I politely refused her offer excusing that I had other jobs to finish. I observed a sigh of relief on the face of the person standing close to her.

My refusal cast a slight gloom shadow on the moon I was beholding. Anoushka gave a painful smile and said, "It would have been better if you could join us."

All of them turned to go away. I looked at her passing. After walking few steps, she paused a little, looked back and asked me, "Are you coming to the evening class or not?"

I laughed and nodded my head, answered her that I would be present in the evening class. I looked at them as she mingled with the crowd and went away. I took a deep breath to understand clearly as what she happen to convey? I tried to assimilate that, probably the boy standing next to her was not in a close relation with her.

I made her promise that I would be present at the class. For some unknown reason she kept evading me for the whole time. Whenever I tried to make an eye contact, she shied away her eyes. Anirban asked me at one point that was I feeling bit perturbed by some reason or not. I felt not to answer his query.

After the class was over, Anirban and I was smoking cigarette. I observed that Anoushka was waiting for me at some distance. I was eager to fend Anirban as soon as possible but he was nonstop in his nonsense babble. I was getting anxious to meet her, so I said to him bit loudly that if he can give me a treat in a nearby sweet shop. I knew very well that a miser like Anirban would not prefer to shed bucks. I looked at her, trying to fathom whether she has heard or not. I saw her smile that ascertained me that she grasped my intention.

Anoushka strode towards me as soon as he left. I felt a sleek anger in her eyes that deterred me to look directly in her eyes. She asked me "You can come to class but not to go with movie with me? What made you do so?"

"Oh! That is the reason of your fury. See I have a job and I thought that why to disturb your gathering. I was unknown to all of them that would make your friends uncomfortable, right?" I answered her.

Without any notice, she sat on the pillion and looked at me, "Take me home, will you. And try to make this sure that you are my friend, I would have felt more comfortable if you were around."

While moving I answered her, "You were with your friends, you should respect their feelings also."

She gave a gloomy smile, "Friends, huh. It was I who was paying for their tickets, not them." She took a deep breath, "At least, I hope Samudra would be different." So at last the curtain was clear, the name of the person in her life was Samudra. I prefer not to ask her about her relationship with Samudra. She kept on saying, "I heard people go extra miles for their friends, aren't they? However, the people surrounding me most know me by my heavy purse. I don't feel I have many friends, rather I have a bunch of batch-mates and college-mates."

I listened her every words, those words showed a new dimension of the frolic Anoushka. I felt her clutch gone strong on my shoulder. She went mute after that, I felt her soft warmth on my back.

In the vibration of the bike and roaring surrounding sounds, I was unable to fathom whether her eyes were deluded or not. For the rest of the journey we both kept silent.

We reached near her place; she got down from the pillion. I looked at her face; the tip of her nose was red. I smiled at her and said, "Don't try to deluge those beautiful eyes so easily for such cheap reasons. Come on cheer up, I am sure you will get fast friends in your life."

She came close to me and asked me, "Hey I have to ask one thing from you." I felt my heart leapt out to my throat. She smiled at my alarmed expression, "I am not asking for your life. I just want to ask that, Budhaditya is a very long name, can I call you Adi?"

I was very much relieved on hearing that, only my Grandma calls me in that name. I smiled at her and gave my consent. I asked her as what her mom calls her.

"Is that a barter system?" She smiled at me and said, "You can call me Titli. I have another thing to ask from you, your contact number, hope you don't mind."

I wrote my telephone number in a piece of paper. She kept that in her purse and said to me "I will give you my number but don't call me. I do not give my number to any person because of my father. I will call you, definitely." Saying that she walked away. I looked at her as she trotted away gently from me, waving her palms before entering her house. I looked up the sky took a deep breath and prayed to God, "Don't do this to me."

Days passed to weeks, the cohesion between us grew substantial. Although we could not spend much time with each other but, those thirty minutes when she rode on my pillion to her home was the happiest moment of life.

One day after I dropped her at her place, she asked me as what I do in the weekend. I told her that I goto meet my grandma in the village every weekend.

She smiled at me and said, "Do you have to meet her every weekend? We go to our maternal uncle's house only once or twice in a year. Can't you spare one weekend for me? I and my friends are going to a movie and I want you to come."

"Sorry dear, she is the most precious person in my life and she is about eighty. I am sorry, Titli, I can't. Don't worry; I will take you to some good restaurant on your birthday. When is that?" I asked her.

She giggled back and slapped her forehead coyly, "So long wait, it is in fifteenth November. By the way, when is yours?"

I laughed at her and said her that mine was also in late March. She asked me that what I would be doing during the puja. I told her that probably I would be with my Grandma or if there were any plans then I would have a trip to some place.

Her face became bit gloom, "So your calendar is already full. No time for friends? What about your parents, don't you spend weekend with them?"

I felt bit agitated by her last words. I consoled myself that she was unaware of my past. I looked up the sky; the endless black curtain was getting darker with each passing second. I sensed that the time was running very fast, she might face problems at her house, so I told her "Titli it is getting late, you better go now."

She gave a naughty smile, "Adi, one day I will wring out time from your busy schedule." Then she slowly walked away, leaving me perplexed with her words.

From the deepest point of my heart, I wanted her to be happy. In a very futile corner, I also knew that she would not be a happy person if she binds herself with me. I lost the solace of my life long ago.

Usually I reach my maternal uncle's house by Friday night, however on that Saturday I had some office work so I arrived late evening. I was sure that my grandma was in her puja room offering puja. My maternal aunt, Sudha Mami, greeted me. I asked her that whether grandma was furious or not. She laughed at me and said that she was waiting for me since afternoon. I pleaded her and told her the reason of my late coming. I knew that my maternal uncle, Narendra Mama, was at his shop. He has a big shop of clothes in the market near the highway. I sat beside her and asked her about Debadideb, my cousin brother, who got married last year and was staying in Durgapur.

I walked upstairs to my grandma's puja room. She was reading some religious books. I looked at my octogenarian beauty, bedecked in milky white cotton sari, head full of white locks tied in a neat bun behind. In the light of the earthen lamp, she was looking like a peaceful angel. My eyes were moistened by a sudden flow of devotion. I was a corpse; she breathed her soul into me. Cautiously I crept and sat beside her side.

She got startled held by my ears and scolded, "So you now got time to visit me? What on earth happened to you yesterday?" I pleaded her to leave my ears. I embraced her and said her reason. She looked at my face and ruffled my hair. She asked about my well-beings. Although I have to give her the same answers every weekend but I never felt tired of that.

We walked in her room. I looked at the picture of my mother on the wall. Her smiling face brought me in tears; she left me for the heavenly abode when I was a year short of my school-final exams. She was very beautiful and caring. She was vocal when I was sent to hostel at a very tender age. After the demise of my beloved mother, I never had a permanent address to live in.

Grandma asked me to sit beside her. She looked at the hanging picture of my mother and said to me "I have a news for you. I don't know whether it is good or bad."

I felt a long silence engulfing my mind and soul was she having some health problem, was she going to leave me like my mother? I knew that humans are mortal but the mere thought shook every tentacles of my brain. I gave a frightening look at her.

"Biswajeet wants to meet you. He called your uncle last Wednesday and was asking about your whereabouts. He did not give your address to him, so Biswajeet left his telephone number and his address with your uncle." Her words felt like molten lava being poured in my ears. I clenched my teeth while hearing the mere name of my father. He evaded his duty for long; he was never there when I wanted him the most. He left me at my Grandma's place and never looked back. He washed his hands from taking my responsibility by handing over some amount. What on earth, does he want from me after a decade? Grandma ruffled my hair, "You have grown up and now you are doing a job. For long, I have guarded you with every ounce of my flesh. My bones are cracking, let me go now."

Tears were flowing from her eyes. I felt a burning sensation in my eyes my vision was deluged. I embraced her with all my might so as not leave her ever, "Don't dare to leave me Grandma."

She wiped her eyes and said, "Next year you will be twenty seven, I want to see my grand-daughter-in-laws face before I sleep."

I gave her a naughty smile, "How do you expect someone to take my heart when there is already a beautiful angel like you." I took her hand in mine and kissed.

The very next evening when I was returning to Kolkata, grandma asked me whether I would meet my father or not. I looked up the dark evening sky, nodded my head that I would like to confront him.

I was hesitant in the beginning whether I should make a call or not. The address was of Dhanbad, ICL colony. One night my mother's smiling face appeared before my eyes, I got the courage to face the person who evaded from his responsibility. I picked up the receiver and dialled the number.

There was a female voice on the other end "Hello, who is this?"

I took a deep breath; I felt a lull before the approaching tempest. In an ice-cold voice I answered, "I want to speak to Mr. Biswajeet Gosh."

The voice on the other end again asked for the reason. I kept quiet for some time and then asked her, "May I know with whom am I talking to?"

The voice on the other end sounded perturbed, "Is this a joke at this point of night?"

"Tell him, Mr. Bappaditya Gosh wants to speak with him." I answered in an ice-cold tone.

There was a long silence on the both the ends. After some time I heard my father's voice after a decade. I forgot my vocabulary as what to answer. I tried to gather myself and asked him about his health. I sensed a shadow of pain in his voice. He requested me to visit him. I was practically lost and was very much perturbed by his invitation. I took a deep breath and prepared myself for the forthcoming encounter.

After that day, I was very much disturbed. I was unable to concentrate in my work properly. Titli sensed my agitation and asked the reason of that. Very aptly, I dodged her inquisitions and presented her some excuse. Her facial expression told me that she was not satisfied by my answer. Since she was an intelligent woman, she refrained herself from putting further queries on me.

On an early Saturday morning, I boarded the train to Dhanbad. With each passing minute, I felt an agonising pain inside me parallel to that pain I felt a tinge of disgust as why I was going to meet him. By noon, I was in-front of the door of the said address.

A lady in her early thirties opened the door. From her suave dressing sense and graceful physique, I tried to muster up her relation with my father. She smiled at me and ushered me in. She asked me to sit down. I looked around the huge palatial house. My father was in a senior position in ICL. I looked on the walls bedecked with some beautiful paintings.

The moment I saw him entering the drawing room, I turned into a stone effigy. We both lost our vocabulary for some time. My throat went dry, ears burned and eyes were pouring fiery lava. I gained my senses when he touched my shoulder and asked me as how I was doing.

I gave a painful smile at him and answered in mocking tone, "It took a decade for you to ask this question to me, isn't it."

Father answered, "I am sorry for whatever happened in the past. After your mother's demise, the work pressure took a heavy toll on me. I was afraid of taking any responsibility other than my work. Speaking from the bottom of my heart, I desperately wanted to climb the ladder of success." He paused for a moment for a breath, "I came to know that you are doing a job."

"By the grace of Almighty and my grandma I am doing fine." I looked at him and then asked "May I know the reason what made you remember me after such a long period?"

He looked behind; I saw that the lady was standing there with a tray full of edibles and tea. He gestured her to come. After she kept the tray on the centre-table, she stood behind my father.

Father introduced her, "She is Nilanjana, she is..." The image in front of me explained everything. I stopped him in the mid sentence and gently bowed my head in courtesy.

He smiled at me, "A naughty ghost is also there." He looked towards Nilanjana and then said to me "Probably he is playing in the backyard." The psychedelic canvas of his happy family burnt my soul to the core.

On the dining table, I came to know the main reason of his remembrance. He had a stroke few months back. He wanted to see me and refurbish the waned away bridge between us. He wanted to give a part of his property to me. Without any words, I listened all his pleas and requests. I felt that my hunger was gone.

I observed that Nilanjana did not joined us on the table, rather was serving the food, instead of the servants.

He asked me stopover for the night. I denied his request politely. I felt his pain, dripping from his eyes. He asked for my telephone number and address. I felt that I should at least provide him with that. I sensed that my presence would strike a bashful stroke on his beautiful canvas. It would have been better to step aside.

"My car will drop you. I will also come along with you." My father stammered.

I looked at my watch said, "No need, the train leaves in few hours. This much path, I can also walk alone."

For the first time, I heard Nilanjana to speak to me, "I would have been glad if you could stay tonight."

I smiled at her and said, "Actually Madam, I can't sleep without my favourite pillow and I forgot to bring that."

After finishing that sentence, I walked away without looking back. For the whole return journey, I felt lost and dejected once again. For a whole decade, I consoled and pulled up myself that I had no father and then all of a sudden he arrives and create ripples in my life.

I closed my moist eyes, my beloved mom consoled me and said, "Keep faith in me, I am here."

For first few days, I confined myself in my solitary cell. I avoided talking much with any friends, even Titli. After the computer classes, I used to make lame excuses to her. I was afraid that she might fathom my wanderer life style and dark past. Anirban noticed that and asked me the reason. Somehow, I avoided him also. Grandma asked me to gather myself up.

Titli caught me one day before the class started, "Are you avoiding me for some reason? No, no, tell me directly, I won't mind."

Her angry eyes melted away all those dark clouds. I laughed at her, "Why on earth should I avoid you? I am grateful to have such a beautiful friend."

She sat beside me, "Then why are you not talking to me?"

I put up a big grin on my face, "See, I am showing my teeth, now you are happy?"

"So giving me a lift after the class?" she asked. I bowed my head and said, "Sure Madam."

On the way return, she told me that her final exams were coming near. The dates are before the Durga Puja. I assured her that since she was a good student, she would fair well in her exams. She asked me whether I would be able to help her in her studies. I said to her that, I do not have much time for myself so how come I could help her. I used to return home late after my job and the classes. On every weekend I had visit my grandma also.

She feigned angst, "You don't have time for me."

"I don't have time for myself, Titli, try to understand. Moreover, do joint study with your friends rather than me. That will help you a lot." I tried to dissuade her. I knew that my words hurt her.