Chapter 1

"Jesus Tony, when's the Shire going to get rid of that piece of shit they call a street cleaner?"

"Don't tell me something else has stuffed up Ed?"

"Yeah, the drive shaft to the brushes this time; Christ, the bloody thing spends more time being repaired than on the road. Why the hell they had to buy a Chinese machine when there's a good Aussie one available, beats me."

"Price Ed, price. The Shire considered the Chink one a better proposition on cost. There's a Shire meeting next week, I'll raise the matter then."

I'm Tony Watson, I run a small engineering company that services the local area; one of our customers is the Binbillic Shire, of which I'm the member for the East ward. When the purchase of the cleaner came up before the acquisition meeting I was strongly against it's purchase, I reasoned that by buying Australian, we were not only keeping Aussies employed but we had a better chance of any warranty claims. In this case the latter proved to be correct, the supplier had closed up shop and the claims for repairs were unable to be met. The CEO had put up a strong case on price and the other members accepted her argument.

The CEO was Helen Strong, a woman who lived up to her name, also behind her back she was called Madam Lash. An excellent CEO, perhaps a little too forceful, she tended to go full on to any opposition to her ideas and was a hard task master to those under her control. We had more than a few clashes in the past, some quite fiery with wins and losses both sides.

...

The following week I raised the matter of the need for continual maintenance on the machine. "I think it's time to reconsider the economic feasibility of the machine. The down time is beyond a joke, I'm getting orders to make new parts on just about a weekly basis; last week the drive shaft to the brushes needed to be replaced, it was worn out ... the cause was substandard material which seems to be the case in most of the other equipment failures.

"It would seem that buying the cheaper option is costing us more in the long run and I think it's time to replace it with an Australian made product." I could see Helen was getting that 'blood in her eye' look as she girded her loins for battle.

"YOU were the only one opposed to the purchase and are just trying to make it look like 'I' made the wrong decision to buy it. YOU are the only one complaining about it and I think it's only sour grapes. The Australian machine was half as much again compared to the Chinese one; money is the big reason we went that way. Anyway what are you whining about, your crappy little machine shop is getting the benefit of the repairs."

"Thank YOU Madam Lash, it's reprehensible for a CEO to try and cover up her mistakes, this is costing the ratepayers of this Shire money that could be spent on more pressing projects. I would be deemed irresponsible if I didn't raise this matter, yes my 'crappy little machine shop' as you put it, is making a profit from the repairs. That's NOT the point, the point is the machine needs to be replaced, YOU can see that but are too damned pigheaded to admit it."

"YOU WIMPY DICKED OLD FOSSIL, how dare you call me pigheaded, I run this Shire on a very tight budget and I think I know more about finances than you do." Things were about to turn nasty, time to pull her chain.

"YOU DRIED UP OLD PRUNE, you couldn't run a chook raffle."

"OLD PRUNE! you wimpy dicked old fart, you couldn't get it up if you tried."

Just the opening I was waiting for, I stood up and fished out my wallet, removing five one hundred dollar notes I threw them on the table, "I can get it up alright you old bat, here's five hundred that say's I can keep it up longer than you can ride it. You're probably too dried up to even get it in."

I must have hit a sore point because she screamed "You're on wimpy dick, my place after the meeting."

"Order please, order." The mayor banged his gavel on the table, "Please let's have some decorum here. I'll instruct the secretary not to enter that tirade into the minutes. I think we should investigate the cost effectiveness of keeping the machine as opposed to replacing it. Next item of business secretary?"

I think Helen realised she had been bluffed but was too proud to back down, I wonder how long it would take her to capitulate. When I made the challenge I had an ace up my sleeve, several years back I sustained a lower back injury; one of the side effects was veinal leakage in my old fellah. Viagra worked to a point but severely restricted my sex life, in frustration I had a penile implant. I'll explain for those of you that don't know how the implant works. The prothesis consists of two balloons that placed in the penis, these are connected through plastic tubes to a reservoir of saline solution inserted behind the pelvic bone, a further tube runs to the scrotum where there is a small pump. To achieve an erection, the pump is depressed several times forcing the saline solution into the balloons, to deflate, one depresses the pump and squeezes the penis forcing the saline solution back into the reservoir.

After the meeting finished Helen glared at me, "My place NOW" she hissed. Hmm seems like she ain't going to back down after all. Ah well this could be interesting.

Helen is an extremely good looking woman, slim, well dressed in her 'power suit' she would turn heads in any company. Her no nonsense attitude let's you know who's the boss, she doesn't accept fools easily and is the master of put downs ... she has balls as one councillor put it.