Chapter 38: Spilling It Out

June 30, 1983 (continued)

The three of us, seated around the tiny dinner table, picked away at our food. Both Evie and Inez, sensing that I wanted to discuss something, had remained mostly silent. They were clearly affording me the chance to open up to them. But when I didn't immediately seize the opening, Evie decided to speak up.

"Pat," she said in a voice that was soothing yet firm, "you're being unusually quiet. In fact, you seemed a little off last night at practice, too. What's up?"

"It's not that I'm down in the dumps, or anything like that," I began. "But I do have a few, uh, things to talk about with the two of you."

They both looked at me, their eyes communicating a mixture of curiosity and concern. I decided that the best thing to do here was to keep talking, lest I lose my nerve.

"There are some, um, secrets that I've been carrying around for a while now," I went on, "actually, going back about three years or so. This story is pretty far out there. I don't understand a lot of it myself. But I'm gonna ask both of you to expand your range of belief as far as it will go, and then some. Both of you are very open-minded, and you'll need to be when you hear what I have to tell you."

That got their attention. Inez and Evie looked at each other, then back at me, and then once again at each other. Again, Evie was the one who spoke next. She proceeded to bring up something from the past that, quite obviously, had never made any sense to her.

"Does this have anything to do with the way you acted when Inez auditioned for us?"

"Ev ... this has everything to do with the way I acted that night."

The girls turned and looked at each other one more time, as if a suspicion of theirs had just been confirmed.

"Wow," Inez said to me. "We've often talked about that, Pat ... about how out of character that was for you. Are you saying that there was something external that brought that on?"

"Sort of. But it's more complex than that. Much more. To begin, I want to go back to the central event here ... something that happened to me three summers ago."

"Three summers ago," repeated Evie. "That would have been the summer before I met you. Wait a minute. Are you talking about the time you got struck by lightning?"

"Exactly." I touched my nose and smiled.

"You had amnesia for a while after that," said Inez. She knew that part of the story; she and I had talked about it a few times previously.

"That part wasn't true," I said firmly. "I had to pretend I had amnesia, because I thought that no one would believe the truth."

"Are you saying you remember what happened before you got struck by lightning?" asked Inez.

"No. I don't remember a thing. But at the same time, I didn't have amnesia, either."

"That doesn't seem to make sense, Pat," commented Evie. "What really happened, then?"

I took a deep breath. Here went nothing.

"First of all, I want to repeat what I said earlier, that you both need to open your minds as far as you can. The lightning strike was part of an event that I still can't comprehend. Before that, I was a 44-year old version of myself, living in the year 2007. The early part of that life was similar in some ways to this one, but different in some ways, too. With that lightning strike – which originated in the other life, but carried over to this one in some manner – the essence of who I am got transferred from the 44-year-old me in the other life, to the 17-year-old version of me in this one. Yes, I went back 27 years in time. I've effectively lived two different lives in two different timelines."

The expressions on both of their faces were indescribable. I paused for a moment, letting it sink it for them, and then went on.

"I can remember everything from that other life, clear as the blue sky. However, I don't have any knowledge of what happened in this life before the lightning strike. You can see why I had to fake amnesia. But I found ways to educate myself about my early life, and I learned to pretend having knowledge of it so well, that I was able to drop the amnesia excuse after some time."

All of a sudden, Evie and Inez exchanged knowing smiles. Shit. They thought I was putting them on!

"O-kay, Pat," Evie chirped. "This pork lo mein is really good, isn't it?"

"What's the punch line?" said Inez with a giggle.

"Believe me, Inez, I wish there was a punch line," I replied seriously. I decided to overwhelm them with details. Maybe that would convince them I wasn't kidding. I spent the next twenty minutes or so sharing my entire personal history in the other timeline. I told them how I'd attended Fairfield High instead of St. James, had gone to Rutgers, had gotten married and divorced twice, and had been living the life of a wealthy playboy before I got sent back in time. Inez and Evie remained silent the whole time, listening to my story; however, I was still getting vibes that they were continuing to humor me. But eventually, I threw out a comment that made them think twice about all of this.

"In the other life," I explained matter-of-factly, "I was an only child. There was no Eileen, and no Seamus. They simply didn't exist."

As soon as those words left my mouth, the look on the girls' faces changed from tolerant bemusement to alarm. They knew that there was no way I'd ever kid around about something like that. I stopped for a minute, giving them a chance to say what was on their mind, but neither of them seemed to want to take me up on it. Basically, they'd been shocked into speechlessness.

I continued onward, once again assuming the approach of providing them with more information. "Like I said before, some things were the same in both lives, and some were different. For instance, I knew both of you in the other life."

This actually seemed to pique their curiosity a little. "You did?" inquired Evie in a soft voice.

"I did," I confirmed. "Since I didn't go to St. James in the other life, I didn't meet you, Evie, until freshman year at Rutgers. We became close friends, just as we are now. After we graduated, we kind of drifted apart a little, though." I told her how she'd moved away and gotten married, and related that I'd seen her again right before I got sent back in time. But I didn't get too specific, not yet; I had to be mindful of my vow not to go into some of the more ugly details at this time.

"What about me?" asked Inez, in a voice that was unsteady and full of emotion. Whereas Evie seemed to be expressing nothing more than concerned skepticism, I got the idea that Inez was already somewhat distressed. I knew that I had to tread very, very carefully here. In my mind, there was a line of demarcation between that information to be shared, and that information to be kept secret. I was about to travel right up alongside that line.

"You are a special case here, Inez," I told her. "I actually didn't meet you until a couple of days before I got sent back in time. And we didn't exactly hit it off."

"What happened?" she queried, lowering her eyes for a moment, before once again meeting my gaze. Those eyes seemed to be conveying a mixture of sadness and uncertainty.

"Your life was very different in the other timeline," I explained to her. "Very different. You were nothing like the Inez I've gotten to know in this life."

Inez continued to stare at me, seemingly afraid to ask me to elaborate. However, there were a couple of points I needed to put forth. What I was about to say would serve to assure her that she really was doing much, much better in this timeline. Somehow, though, I had to make this as easy for her as possible. I reached across the table and put my hand on top of hers.

"You got off to a bad start in life. You weren't able to go to college because you ... had some issues that prevented you from going. You had trouble with abusive relationships. All of this affected you later in life. And then ... there was the accident involving your parents." I hated to touch on this, but I felt I had to. Again, it would serve to let her know how much kinder life had treated her this time around.

"The accident?" she said weakly, appearing quite frightened, covering her mouth with one hand. Oh shit. I now had the feeling I'd gone too far. But at this point, I had to fill in the blank. I squeezed her hand as I gave her the awful details.

"The same car accident that happened in this life ... also happened in the other one. Your parents..." I paused, finding it exceedingly difficult to continue. But her eyes implored me to go on.

"Neither one of them survived the accident in the other timeline," I whispered.

Inez let out a heart-rending sob. She pulled her hand away from mine, got up out of her chair, and ran for the door. She was outside in a flash, leaving the door wide open. I started to get up to go after her, but Evie rose up, looking more alarmed than ever, and stopped me.

"Wait here. Let me go and talk to her."

A good fifteen minutes went by. I fidgeted nervously in my chair, wondering what would happen next, and hoping that somehow, Evie would get through to her.

Finally, Evie re-entered the apartment, by herself. She slowly came over and sat down at the table, with a haunted look on her face.

"Inez isn't up to coming back here and talking," she informed me in a dull monotone. "I think I'd better take her back to our place. We'll be in touch. Maybe tomorrow."

Tomorrow? Maybe?

And with that, Evie got up and left abruptly. I remained seated in the same chair for a long while afterward, essentially paralyzed with regret, trying to digest what had just occurred.

July 1, 1983

The night that followed was the worst night I had ever experienced, in either life. Worse than the night following my big explosion. Worse than the night after I'd learned about Inez's parents in this life. Worse, even, than the night after my wife left me in the other timeline. I tried to lie down and go to sleep, but it simply wasn't happening.

What had I done? Somehow, even though my intentions had been good, I believed I'd gone too far. I felt certain that I'd alienated my two best friends, and probably irreparably so. What next? What would my life be like now?

The hours passed, sleepless ones, until dawn came, and the morning sunlight spilled forth into my room. It was around six o'clock, and I decided to fix myself breakfast. I wasn't that hungry, but I just needed to do something. Anything to get my mind off of the previous evening.

Breakfast was eaten, the dishes had been washed, and the kitchen had been cleaned, when at around eight o'clock, there was a soft knock on the door. I couldn't imagine who it could possibly be.

It turned out to be Inez.

Looking every bit as sleep-starved as I was, she nonetheless managed a smile as I motioned her inside. Right away, she pointed at the sofa, where I sat down next to her.

"Pat," she began, "I need to say a few things to you. I'm sorry for running out like that last night. It was awful of me to do that to you. I want you to know that you're a wonderful friend, and I'm always here for you. I will never, ever forget the incredible things you've done for me. Can you forgive me?"

"Inez, I don't think I could ever not forgive you, especially when you apologize as sweetly as you just did. I know that what I told you was very upsetting. I don't blame you for freaking out a little."

"Let's be clear about it. I freaked out a lot," she said, managing a giggle. "But I'm okay now. We're worried about you. Evie is on her way over. She went to pick up breakfast for the three of us. We were up all night talking, Pat ... I mean, all night."

"That makes three of us who didn't get any sleep," I grinned.

"It's a good thing we don't have a show tonight, unlike most Fridays. Anyway, we talked and talked about what you told us last night. And what we kept coming back to is this ... we know you, Pat. You don't make up crazy stories to get attention. And the truth is, we've often noticed a few things about you that are a little, well, different. In some ways, you do have the air of someone with a lot of life experience. You sometimes seem less surprised than you should be when something out of the ordinary happens. And the thing we always found really mysterious – your reaction on the night I auditioned – suddenly seems a lot more reasonable when you take it in the context of what you told us."

And then, she uttered the words that set me free.

"We believe you, Pat. Rest assured of that. There's no doubt in our minds that you're telling the truth."

I smiled at her gratefully. "You have no idea how much that means to me," I told her.

At that moment, Evie arrived. The door was open, and she entered without knocking, carrying a couple of bags of food. She looked right away in the direction of Inez, who gave a nod. After leaving the bags on the table, Evie walked right over to the sofa. She sat down next to me, with Inez on the other side, and gave me a gentle pat on the shoulder.

"Pat, I have to tell you," Evie began, in a sad voice, "I feel more guilty than ever about the long stretch of time when we didn't talk. Now I know why you didn't contact me. You couldn't tell anyone why you acted the way you did!"

I addressed my reply to both of them. Putting one arm across Inez's shoulders, and the other across Evie's, I told them, "No more apologies from either one of you, okay? You've just given me the greatest gift anyone could ever give to me." I smiled, shook my head slowly, and continued, "I think a Grateful Dead reference is appropriate here. You both have no idea what a long, strange trip it's been."

Both of them giggled at that remark, and then Evie pointed out the obvious. "The food is getting cold. Why don't we eat first, and talk later?"

"Sounds good," I told her. "Actually, I already had breakfast, but I don't mind eating it again in such great company." Evie had gone to a diner and ordered food for takeout. I prepared a batch of coffee, while the two new custodians of my secret grabbed some utensils and brought out the food. There were generous helpings of hash browns, bacon, and scrambled eggs. Even though it was my second breakfast, I ate more than Evie and Inez did. A huge load had been lifted from my mind, which did wonders for my appetite.

We didn't make it to the end of breakfast before the conversation returned to the main topic of interest.

"So let me get this straight," Inez said with a teasing smile. "You're really, what, 47 years old?"

"In some ways, I suppose," I replied with a chuckle. "I brought my knowledge and my memories from the other life, but not much else. I mean, I look, act, and think like a twenty-year-old. Even my thought process seems to work like a late adolescent's. I've sure made a lot of mistakes since I was sent back in time – mistakes you wouldn't expect from a man in his forties. Anyway, don't think about that. Just think of me as the Pat you've always known."

"That won't be hard to do at all," Inez assured me. "But tell me this. What was it that caused you and I to not get along in that other world?"

I paused for just a second, mulling over my response. "Let me just say this. Everything that happened in that life ... it has no relevance in this one. We're living here, in this life, and you and I are the best of friends. I've learned not to base anything on what happened in the other timeline, and neither should you. Don't worry about it. It's just not important."

Inez grimaced slightly, and crinkled up her nose. "I must not have been a very nice person," she said with a hint of distaste.

I didn't say anything right away. Instead, I regarded her with deepest affection ... this endlessly fascinating young woman, who'd been so many different things to me, across two lifetimes. Finally, I said what was on my mind, in as concise a fashion as I knew how.

"Let's put it this way, Inez. Every time I look at you now, I see a miracle."

She beamed in response. "I don't know what it is about you, Pat. But you have this amazing knack for saying and doing things that make me feel like a million bucks."

"Maybe it's that life experience thing you talked about earlier," I said, winking at her.

I was fully expecting Inez to continue pressing me for details. But surprisingly, she didn't. Maybe she'd decided she'd rather not know the story. Evie, who'd been quiet (and wearing a smile) during that entire exchange, re-joined the conversation, and we got to discussing other matters. They wanted to know exactly what had happened to send me back in time. This was the first time I'd be able to tell this story to another human being, never mind two of them, and I truly relished the opportunity.

"I was at some, uh, indoor fund-raising event up in Secaucus. There's a story there that I'll tell you later. There was a thunderstorm taking place outside. Anyway, you both know about my temper. Something set me off, and I picked up an empty beer bottle that was lying around. I threw it against the wall. There was a flash and a loud bang that knocked me unconscious. When I woke up, I was sitting outdoors in a field, in South Jersey, in the middle of another thunderstorm." I then told them about my long trek to the mall, how I'd first seen myself as a teenager in the restroom mirror, what it was like to meet my parents for the first time, and how it felt to know that I had a brother and sister in this life.

"Wow," Evie said. "That's my only comment ... wow. I'm having to re-think everything I thought I knew about the world, and reality."

"Something supernatural happened, obviously," Inez added. "But what? Will we ever know what it was? If this was a one-time thing, it's almost certain we won't."

"When I first arrived back in 1980," I told them earnestly, "I didn't want to be there. I wanted my old life back, and badly. I constantly reminded myself to be on the lookout for ways to undo the switch, and of course, I never found any. If there's a way to reproduce this kind of travel through time, I haven't found it yet."