Chapter 28: Baby Steps Toward Redemption

November 12, 1982

Every so often, I felt a need to step back and take inventory. Evaluate my life, look at my goals and values, and see how they changed over time. I was tired of thinking about questionable decisions, friendships lost, bands of the past, and the dubious possibility of bands to come. I wanted to contemplate the larger picture. Given what had occurred in the past year or so, what did I want to accomplish in this new life? How had my goals changed?

When I was first sent back in time, I adamantly wanted my old life back. Even through the duration of my recent dark period, my thinking was oriented in that direction. But the past couple of months had shown me that deviations from the old path weren't necessarily bad.

Academics were one thing. I was doing very well, and I had never doubted that majoring in business was the correct move. However, did I really want to follow the same professional path after graduation? Again, until very recently, I would have bristled at any suggestion that I do otherwise. Maybe it wouldn't hurt for me to keep an open mind professionally. My thinking had evolved a bit here.

In the other life, I'd often considered myself a playboy and a womanizer, and I was never particularly ashamed of that. That surely was not a feather in my cap. But looking back (or ahead, or whatever), there may have been signs that I wished for something different. I did tend strongly toward being with one woman at a time, although from time to time I certainly had my weak moments. Case in point: asking for a groupie's phone number right before heading off on a date with Shannon, one which never actually happened due to my being sent back in time.

But I believed my biggest problem was that the relationships in which I engaged didn't have staying power, starting with my two failed marriages. A reason would always pop up for me to pull the plug, or else it would be pulled on me. How much of that was my doing? To be sure, a lot of it certainly was, but perhaps some of it was pure chance. What was it that I really wanted from relationships? Was it possible that, even now, I was still trying to figure that out?

Look at what had happened in this timeline. I'd had three true relationships in this life which had come to an end. (I wasn't counting Lily.) One ended because it simply ran its course (Diana). One ended by mutual agreement (Evie). One ended because of a horrible miscalculation on my part (Kaci). But did that constitute proof that long-term relationships, or even marriage, were out of the question for me? I couldn't deny it; my point of view was changing here, too. Except, perhaps, when it came to children, which was a very touchy subject with me right now. The unfortunate affair with Kaci from last summer was still quite fresh in my mind.

Now, I was involved with Julia. It was far too soon to know if she was the one who would tame me for good, but at this point, I certainly wouldn't rule it out. Even though we'd been together only a short time, there was already a depth to this relationship that I'd rarely experienced in either life, if at all.

Julia herself was perhaps the best example of why it might not be prudent to always follow the same path. In the other life, I'd known Julia, but she'd been little more than an acquaintance. But this time, I'd allowed her to get closer, and things had really taken off. I'd done something differently, and it had paid off in spades. Why not keep it up? As the old saying went: nothing ventured, nothing gained.

And besides, I was starting to realize that returning to the exact same life status in the year 2007 might be far more difficult than I'd first thought.

So, why not just wing it occasionally?

Spontaneity was the name of the game when Julia and I hung out in my room on this Friday night. My roommate was at work. We didn't plan for things to go down the path that they did; it just happened that way.

Things progressed that evening in the way that they often did between Julia and I, and in fact, in the way that they normally did between any two people in a romantic relationship. We got to talking, and then we snuggled up together in bed. Our hands and mouths began to wander, and little by little, our clothes disappeared. Before too long, she went down on me, sucking me to completion. Then, I returned the favor, something that lately, she just couldn't seem to get enough of. Finally, as she lay back on the bed, sweaty from the exertion, and still swimming in post-orgasmic bliss, she made a declaration.

"I want to do it with you."

"You want to... do it with me?" I repeated, wanting to make sure that she meant what I thought she did.

"I want to do it with you. Right now. I'm ready."

I had sensed that she'd been ready for some time. But in truth, it was me who'd been holding back. Every time I thought about sexual intercourse, I thought about Kaci, and the sad events of last summer. This was the final barrier which I needed to break through to put everything behind me once and for all. And here was Julia, branding herself ready, and I agreed that the time was now. It was the right time, and most definitely the right girl.

I'd known for a while that this moment would occur in the very near future, and I had made sure that I kept a condom handy at all times. And I intended to take care that the raincoat was firmly in place before I entered her. I simply wasn't going to allow a repeat of last summer's fateful accident. Although I had told most of my deep, dark secrets to Julia, I hadn't told her that one. I was pretty sure I'd be taking that secret with me to the grave.

"If you're ready, love," I told her, "then I'm ready, too."

"I do have one request, though," she said.

"Anything you want."

"The first time we do it," she explained, "I want to be on top. I've never done it that way, and I heard it's nice."

Reading between the lines a little, I got the impression she wanted to be in control, which was fine with me. But because of my recent exposure to an abusive relationship, I was concerned that this guy she'd known in high school had mistreated her in some way. At the very least, he'd certainly shown himself to be an insensitive clod.

I lay back flat on the bed, and slipped on the condom, ensuring that it was snug and fully seated. Julia squatted down over me, lined herself up, and then sat down, drawing me into her.

"Oooooh!" she cooed as she hit bottom. At long last, we were fully coupled.

I let her do the work. This position had its appeal to me, too. It afforded me a spectacular view of her bouncing form, and let me take in her facial expressions as she bore down. She started to whinny and whine as she approached climax, which she expressed quite loudly, just barely beating me to the finish line. Afterward, we cuddled together in silence as I allowed her to collect her thoughts.

It was me who saw fit to utter the first words.

"I love you."

"I love you, too," she replied, her face aglow.

Again, that was a phrase which I never just tossed out casually.

November 16, 1982

Lately, it seemed as though there never was a dull day in the life of Pat O'Malley. Today, that trend continued.

As the afternoon was drawing to a close, I was studying in my dorm room. Dale, my roommate, was there too, which was somewhat of a rarity, at least during the daytime. Not that we didn't get along; he and I just had different routines and schedules. Plus, he was a private guy who liked to keep to himself.

The phone rang, and Dale answered it.

"Yeah, he's right here. Hold on a sec," he told the caller. He then put his hand over the receiver.

"It's for you," he told me. "It's a girl."

Hmm. Who could that be?

"Is it my sister?" I asked him. Eileen had been calling frequently of late.

"Don't think so," Dale shrugged. "It doesn't sound like her."

The only way to find out was to answer the damn thing.

"Hello?" I spoke into the receiver.

"Pat?" came a voice from what seemed like ages ago.

"Speaking," I replied. I knew full well who she was, but I wanted her to identify herself.

"It's me ... Evie." The most awkward of all pauses followed. I simply could not think of anything to say.

"We need to talk," she went on, "but not over the phone. I'd rather do it face to face. Can you meet me somewhere tomorrow?"

"I'd like that, Ev, but I need to check with my girlfriend first, and make sure she's okay with it." I said that not to rub it in Evie's face, but to establish up front that I was indeed spoken for, to be fair to all concerned.

"That's fine. I understand," she said, not appearing the least bit fazed. I figured she'd already heard about Julia from Eileen.

"Anyway," Evie added, "it won't be just the two of us. Inez will be there, too."

More intrigue. Exactly what was this all about?

"Can I call you back later tonight? I'll let you know then if I can make it." Evie gave me her phone number. How unbelievable was it that I had lots and lots of phone numbers in my possession, and Evie's was not among them? I couldn't believe how wide the chasm between she and I had grown. But maybe, just maybe, that divide was on the verge of being bridged over.

About thirty minutes later, Julia arrived back from class. She and I went off to dinner, just the two of us. As we walked over to the dining hall, I told her about Evie's phone call. I explained that she and Inez wanted to speak with me. Julia knew all about my history with Evie, but in spite of that, her reaction was immediate.

"I think you should meet up with them. Definitely."

"Are you sure you don't mind? I'm perfectly fine with calling her back and telling her no thanks."

"If it was just you and the girl you were involved with, it might make me a little nervous. But the two of them? No problem at all. Thing is, I know how much this whole band business bothers you. We've talked about it so many times. Here's a chance for you to make amends. If you can do that, honey, no one will be happier than I will." She accentuated her comments with a sweet smile.

"Have I told you how amazing and incredible you are?" I put my arm around Julia and gave her a squeeze, and a kiss for good measure.

After dinner, I waited for about an hour, and then called Evie back.

"I'm in," I told her. "There's two of you, and there's one of me, so you pick the place and the time."

"Seven o'clock, at Margarita's."

"I'll be there."

November 17, 1982

I made sure to arrive at Margarita's plenty early. I hadn't been there, of course, in over a year; not since the night of Paul's audition. With all that had happened since then, it seemed like two lifetimes ago.

I arrived in advance of my two dinner companions, as I'd hoped I would. I asked for a table for three, was seated immediately, and sat down to wait. I didn't have to wait long. Less than five minutes later, they showed up.

Inez greeted me cheerily. "It's nice to see you, Pat. Thanks for coming."

"Hi, Pat," said Evie, in a decidedly cool and formal manner.

At that moment, I realized that if I wanted to become close to Evie again, I had a long, hard road ahead of me.

We ordered our food; the awkwardness was almost overwhelming. I was wishing fervently I hadn't bothered to come. Finally, Evie decided to speak. As the words began to flow, I looked into her face. In the past, those eyes had looked upon me, at various times, with caring, with sympathy, and for a time, adoration. Now, they were full of hurt and disappointment, all directed at me.

"Pat," she began, "do you remember that day in your bedroom, when I told you to always talk to me? To always come to me with your problems? You promised me you would. I guess you didn't really mean it."

"If you like, Ev, we can get the whole gang together and I'll apologize for what I did. I'll even –"

She shook her head in disdain.

"You're missing the point. Completely missing it."

I shut up, and let her go on.

"I don't care about what happened that night when you blew up. Obviously, something was wrong. You weren't yourself. But you know what? It happens. My point is, you could have come to me and talked about it. I would have received you, and heard you out. But you didn't.

"I waited and waited and waited, figuring you'd eventually come to your senses and talk to me. But it just didn't happen. Weeks went by, months went by, and I never heard from you. Do you know what that did to me? I literally used to cry myself to sleep at night. I thought I'd done something terrible to you that you couldn't forgive me for. What, I couldn't imagine. But no other explanation made sense."

"Evie, I –"

"Let me finish," she commanded, holding up her hand. "In the back of my mind, I always held out hope that you'd come to me. But you never did. You let an entire year go by with no contact, and no explanation. Even recently, when Inez was in the hospital, you fled the scene before I arrived. What gives, Pat? I don't get it. And now, instead of you coming to me, I'm forced to come to you."