Chapter 4

I just sucked it up because as my grandpa always said, it is what it is. So, there I was in the good doctor's waiting room. Of course my trials didn't end with that statement. Sitting across the room was my wife. She did try to avoid looking at me, but when she did, it was with a hard glare.

As I waited, I reflected on the fact that after almost a year, I still didn't know why Leanne was so angry with me. Over the years of our marriage, I had learned that she had three levels that she could reach when she was unhappy with me. There was pissed, mad and of course the worst was angry. The looks and the way she had treated me was definitely in the angry category. Not knowing why made it so much more aggravating.

Finally we were ushered into the inner sanctum of Dr. Sterling's office. Other than the chair behind a desk, there were only two chairs for our selection. I took the one on the right. A moment later, I noticed that Leanne was still standing. She seemed to be looking for a chair other than the obvious one that was available. I could see that she did not want to sit next to me. With a small sigh, I stood and moved her chair as far from mine as was possible.

As I returned to my chair, she took hers as well. Then she crossed her legs and shifted so that she did not have to look at me. I was really starting to get angry. Fortunately, Dr. Sterling came into the room. Taking her chair behind the desk, she greeted us warmly.

"Good evening Leanne and Francis. My name as you know is Dr. Loretta Sterling. Please, in order to keep things as relaxed as possible, call me Loretta. I hope that I can address you by your given names as well." She seemed very calm and it was obvious that she was trying to make us at ease with her and our surroundings.

"I have a few rules that I must insist that you both follow. First, I cannot help you without complete honesty on your part. Second, and this is most important, no interrupting when the other is speaking. Just wait your turn and I will always give you an opportunity to speak."

My chair was turned just enough that I could see Leanne nod her head as I nodded mine as well. That seemed to be simple and straight forward. I was sure that I could meet her requests. I was also excited because I was beginning to feel that maybe I could get some of the answers to why we were at this place in our lives.

"I know that you are both here for court-ordered counseling. I also know, Leanne, that you requested this meeting. Francis, I know that you did not want any meeting with your wife. I have the judge's order and I plan to complete the required sessions as directed. I would like to meet with Leanne every Tuesday at 4:00 pm and then I will meet with Francis every Wednesday at 4:00 pm. We will have a joint session every Friday at 5:00 pm. Is there any scheduling problem with these days and times?

Again, our response was non-verbal as we both shook our heads. "Great! I need to know from each of you just why you are here and what you hope to accomplish with these sessions. Leanne, I will have you go first. As simply as you can, please tell me why you are here and what your goals may be."

Without looking at me, Leanne began, "I don't want a divorce. It's that simple to me. I want to know why my husband cheated on me and I want you to help us get past his actions."

Her statement left me speechless. At least I avoided violating the second rule about interrupting. This was the first clue that she had given me. Her abandonment of me began to make some sense. I still did not understand why she left me without a word and why so much time had passed without a word from her.

"Francis, please give me your answer."

"Doctor, I would like you to address me as either Monte or Mr. Moody. No one except my mother calls me Francis. I have never liked that name and I won't respond to it. Now, I want to make it clear that I don't want to be here. I will comply with the judge's order, so don't worry about that. When my wife left me, she did it without a word. No one else in my entire life has ever treated me as coldly as she did that evening. This is the first I've heard about her reasons for her actions."

I decided to stop right there. I was still confused about the charge of cheating on my wife. From our first date, I never even kissed another woman except for an occasional innocent kiss to the cheek. I was now curious to hear about this fictitious affair. I knew that this gave me a one up on Leanne and I wanted to talk with my lawyer so, together, we could plan a strategy on how best to proceed.

My wife and Loretta did most of the talking for the remaining time in our session. Leanne said that she had information from two separate sources that confirmed that I had been cheating on her. "I know that he cheated on me with more than one woman. I know that he met them for sex on several occasions. I could feel that I was losing my love for him, drawing further away each day. I kept hoping that he would stop and finally confess to me, but that never happened."

"The night that he wanted to sit down and talk was the last straw. When Monte tried to put the blame on me for our failing relationship, I lost it completely. I could only see two choices. I could kill him or I could leave. As bad as he had hurt me, I just couldn't hurt him. I left that night. The next day, I came back and took all my belongings. I quit my job and cut all my ties with him."

During this dialogue, Leanne kept fidgeting in her chair and wringing her hands. I could see her becoming distraught as she continued relating her tale.

"I had hoped that by leaving him, he would finally confess all his cheating. Once he did that, we could start working on getting back together. It never happened and I was so angry with him when he poisoned my relationship with our daughter. I just kept waiting for something to happen that would let me begin talking with him again. This divorce gave me that opportunity."

Once she finally ran down, they both turned and looked to me as if asking for an explanation for my actions. "Well she has certainly made me look like the bad boy. I must put this as plainly as possible. I never knew about any of the things that she has revealed today. I never knew why she left or where she went. I had no way to contact her. I had no phone number, place of work, or home address. She left me without a single word and until our daughter contacted me, I didn't even know if she was still in town."

I had been looking directly at Loretta but then I turned to Leanne and said, "I can't believe that after almost a year apart with no communication to speak of that you have the balls to say you want to save our marriage. I'm saddened to say that you are basically too late. I don't believe that with all that has happened, there is much left to try to save."

I just stopped at that point because I didn't want to say more until talking with my lawyer. At that point Loretta pointed out that we were out of time for our first session. She reminded us of our next appointments with her. I rose to leave, however Leanne remained seated. Maybe she didn't want to leave at the same time with me. I really did not want to walk out to our cars together either. In just moments I had quickly reached my car. As I pulled out of the lot, I caught a glimpse of my wife leaving the building.

That evening I could not stop thinking of what Leanne had accused me of doing. I knew that I had not cheated with another woman with even so much as an inappropriate hug or kiss. Her belief in my guilt seemed to be honest and if she did believe I had cheated, then, her anger would be justified.

I just could not see what I may have done to convince her of my guilt. Understand, I am the original home-body. I would much prefer to stay at home rather than go out to eat or for entertainment. Looking at our lives together, Leanne was away from our home much more than I. Especially after she went back to work and when you looked at the time she spent with the two she-devils, June and Carol.

Leanne used to tease me because she had seen on several occasions that I had been clueless when some woman was hitting on me. She even went on to laugh at me because if I became aware of something like that, I would immediately distance myself from the situation. Leanne said that on those few occasions, the look on my face was priceless.

The next day I spoke with Sarah on the phone. "You are telling me that your wife is accusing you of having affairs? She is saying that you are cheating on her with more than one woman? She moved out because she feared doing you bodily harm?"

Sarah paused for a moment.

"I have to ask if her accusations are true. It won't change anything on the divorce because we are a 'no fault state'. It could however possibly have adverse effects on some of the court proceedings we may have to deal with."

"Sarah, I can say without a doubt, I have never cheated on my wife. Throughout our marriage, I have honored the vows that I took before God, her, our families and friends."

"Okay, I believe you. Now that there is no issue of cheating on your part, my next question would be about whether you believe she has cheated on you? You have had no contact with her for a year. There is a lot that could have happened in that time. You have continued to honor your wedding vows but has she?"

"However, there is the fact that she claims to have reliable information or witnesses to your infidelity. I want you to find out during your counseling sessions, exactly what information she has that has convinced her that you have cheated. I have an idea for a plan of action, but I need any information you can obtain before I can put it into place."

Sarah refused to share details of her plan. I spent the next several days making plans of my own. I was trying to think of the best ways that I could ask for the proof of my infidelities. I had several ideas but decided in the end to go with the flow. If my questions seemed to be scripted, that may make Leanne suspicious and less willing to share any details.

So there it was, Wednesday and it was 4:00 pm. I was sitting in a chair in the good doctor's office twiddling my thumbs waiting for my first individual session to begin. I don't know why I was so anxious about this meeting. I just couldn't imagine what we would have to talk about for a solid hour.

Doctor Swift came swiftly into her office and took her chair behind the desk. I'm sorry, but I could not help the pun and it brought a grin to my face. She smiled at me and then we started my first solitary counseling session.

"Good afternoon Monte. Sorry, I didn't mean to keep you waiting."

"Don't worry about it Doc. I've just been here trying to figure out just what we would talk about for an hour. I just don't see that much to discuss."

"You will be surprised how fast the time will fly. An hour will seem woefully short with the things that I plan to discuss with you. I would like you to call me Loretta because it will help how we work together. However, if you're not comfortable with that then please call me Doc. Now I'm sure that you remember the reasons why your wife left you. I would like to talk about your affair or affairs."

"Nice try Doc." I held up my hand to stop her right there. "Let me make this perfectly clear. I have never cheated on my wife. I have honored the vows we made when I married her up to and including today. Since she has never spoken with me about her so-called evidence, I have no idea what she is referring to. Now are you sure that we have anything to talk about?"

Loretta looked at me for about fifteen seconds. "You are right. If you can't be honest with me, than we do have nothing to talk about. Monte, this is really important. I can't begin to help you and Leanne start to mend your relationship if you can't be honest."

"I'm sorry about that, but despite your doubts, I'm giving you complete honesty. I'm the original homebody and I went on to explain to her that I had never knowingly put myself in any situation where I had to make a decision about my fidelity. How I practically ran from any encounter that remotely smelled like trouble. Then I pointed out that my so-called loving wife had, especially in the last year, many more opportunities than I did."

"I've put a lot of thought into this lately and I believe that there is a distinct possibility that this is just a stupid ploy on her part. This cheating ticket is a fabrication so that she can go play. I also want to bring up the devil duo. Did my ever-so-loving wife mention Carol and June? I guess you are right. We do have a lot to discuss."

"One of the most difficult things about my job is trying to determine if a patient is telling the truth or not. All I can do is give you the benefit of the doubt. That creates another problem for me. When I talk with Leanne, I have to give her the benefit of the doubt as well. I guess that is a classic example of a conundrum."

I guess the look on my face gave me away. "It's means like a riddle. My job is to solve the riddle by somehow compelling both of you to finally be honest about your relationship with each other."

We did find plenty to talk about for the entire hour and she was right in that an hour was really not enough time. We didn't resolve anything but when I left, I felt better than I had for a long, long time. She did make a point to shy away from discussing anything about her meeting with Leanne. I was assured that our joint meeting on Friday would address those issues.

I spoke with Sarah the next afternoon and filled her in on my session with Loretta. When I used the word conundrum, she laughed. "You must have stolen that from your doctor. There is no way a guy like you would know a word like that." She told me that she was still working on her plan and encouraged me to make full use of my sessions, "because despite what you may think, you and Leanne could work out your problems and get back together."

On Friday, I was not as nervous as I had been for my first session. I figured that there were no more surprises left. I was also curious how Leanne would react to my declaration of innocence.

Well shit! I hate surprises. It was amazing. She cried and sobbed while she swore at me. I have been called a lot of names before but this was the first time they were all used in the same hour. When I told her I had never cheated, she immediately impressed me with her vocabulary. She called me a liar, a phony, hypocrite, fraud, etc. etc. I found it funny that she used such colorful adjectives before each word, such as fucking phony and other such combinations.

It surprised me also that when she started crying, I had to resist taking her in my arms trying to comfort and protect her from her obvious pain. Every time I had tried to build up some protective emotional armor, something such as that just destroyed it. Just when I start to believe that I may be getting past all the hurt she had put me through over the last year, shit happened and it always seemed to happen to me!

Once I managed to escape from the couple's session, I headed straight to the nearest bar. I walked through the door and took a stool at the bar and while ordering my first drink, handed my car keys to the lady behind the bar. "Please don't ask. Just call me a cab when you think that I'm done." I gave her my address. I was tempted to give her the name of my next of kin.

I dimly remember talking with my daughter, Sam, but I don't remember whatever we might have talked about. I awoke into a world of pain; pain from the light and pain from the drinks of the night before. Thanks to all the gods that this was the weekend. I knew that it would take most of that time before I would return to the land of the living.

The following Wednesday evening during my session with Doc Loretta, we talked a great deal about Leanne's conviction that I had cheated. "She is convinced that you cheated on her and yet you still deny emphatically, stating you have not. I don't see us making any progress until we resolve this issue. I see this as a deal breaker. And you, Monte, still maintain your innocence?"

I looked her in the eyes and nodded my head. "So what do we do if we can't get past this?"

"I'm going to spend a lot of time trying to come up with a solution. If I can't, then I'm afraid that I will fail in my attempt to help you and Leanne save your relationship."

The next day during my weekly meeting with Sarah, she finally clued me in on her plan. It was a stroke of genius. She wanted me to demand that Leanne reveal her information. We both strongly felt that the terrible two-some were somehow involved. I know that we were jumping to a conclusion about that with the little information that we had, but you've got to work with what you have.

I was starting to dread the arrival of Friday. To this point, each meeting had left me feeling lost. I could see no progress in healing the damages to my marriage. This session started out the same as each previous one with Leanne continued to accuse me of everything that had gone wrong with our relationship. I tried to be patient as I waited for my turn and when it came, I put step one of Sarah's plan into action.

"I only see one way to break this deadlock that we find ourselves in. You say I've cheated and I say that I have not. I'm not changing my story and that is final." I looked at both Loretta and Leanne and I continued, "It's time to put up or shut up. It's time to see just what 'evidence' existed to confirm my betrayal of our vows."

"Why do I have to prove your guilt? I know what you have done and you know also. This is a ridiculous idea and I'm not going to even consider it."

"Doc, what do you think? I would think that this is a classic case of being innocent until proven guilty. You said that you have not been able to figure out a way to get past this. I'd like to hear your thoughts."

"I'm going to support Monte on this issue. Leanne, it is time for you to tell us what you have for proof of your claims. Somehow and some way, we have to finally put to rest your claims of your husband's actions."

"Okay, but you will have to let me tell it my way." She looked at me before continuing. "I don't want any interruptions from you, Monte. I don't know why I was so reluctant to disclose all this. I guess that I'm actually embarrassed."