Teacher's Pest - Cover

Teacher's Pest

Copyright© 2012 by LargerThanTheAverageBear

Chapter 1

Erotica Sex Story: Chapter 1 - High school chemistry teacher faces challenges from brainy female student.

Caution: This Erotica Sex Story contains strong sexual content, including Ma/Fa   Ma/ft   Consensual   Romantic   Heterosexual   Spanking   First   Oral Sex   Anal Sex   Food   Exhibitionism   Teacher/Student   Public Sex   School   Military  

"Wrong again, Mr. Barry!" jeered Tiffany Criswell, interrupting the teacher's chemistry lecture, "they're INVERSELY proportional, not DIRECTLY proportional!"

David Barry began to once again seethe inside. He had become accustomed to the young woman's intellectual challenges over the course of the school year. The interruptions were becoming at least a weekly occurrence. Unfortunately, she was usually right. But it still felt like a kick in the groin every time she did it.

"What are you saying?" he responded. "Are you contradicting your teacher?"

"Only when he's WRONG," she replied caustically. "Just think about it logically, Mr. B. When the volume of a fixed amount of gas increases, the pressure HAS to decrease. You've got the same amount of gas in a larger space. Boyle's Law is that volume and pressure are INVERSELY proportional."

"Great," he thought silently to himself, "the little twerp has embarrassed me in front of the class once again."

Fuming, he said in his outer voice, "Miss Criswell, your logic is impeccable, but your attitude is dreadful. I simply misstated what I intended to say. But one more outburst like that, and you'll spend a week of lunches in detention."

The skinny blonde's saccharine smile turned to a scowl. A distinct pout caused her lower lip to protrude. She spat out a retort that only the kids seated near her could hear. Their laughter told Mr. Barry that the comment was none too flattering.

"That's it, Miss Criswell! No more lip. I want you to stay after class to discuss your punishment."

She muttered again, this time unintelligible to anyone in the vicinity.

Ten minutes later, as Mr. Barry finished describing their homework assignment, the bell signaled the end of 5th period. As the other students filed out, chattering and laughing, Tiffany remained behind, silent and stone-faced.

Mr. Barry pulled a chair up in front of the girl's desk.

"Tiffany, why do you have to keep yanking my chain?"

"I don't consider it to be 'yanking your chain'!" she blurted. "I just think a teacher should be more careful to teach things correctly. YOU'RE the one who should be in trouble, not ME!"

Mr. Barry was just about to the boiling point. His eyes blazed and his nostrils flared. She was pushing his buttons, and she knew it.

"Young lady, don't push me. I deserve far more respect than you're showing me now, or that you've shown me all year. You take that back or you'll regret it!"

"The only thing I regret is signing up for a chemistry class taught by a moron!" she spewed with venom.

David Barry had been sassed by this bespectacled, blonde-haired, blue-eyed brainiac one too many times. "That's it – up you go, little witch! You're going to learn some manners!"

Tiffany's eyes grew wide as Mr. Barry moved toward her desk and towered over her. She felt a moment of panic, an instinct to run out the door. As she scurried up from her desk, her wrist was caught by Mr. Barry's firm grip.

Her desperate attempt to flee hurled her body circularly around the desk, her knee crashing into Mr. Barry's groin. He buckled from the impact. She crumpled in a heap on top of the desk.

David Barry was no longer thinking clearly. A year's worth of embarrassment from this brat had come to a head. Combine that with the physical injury to his manhood during her aborted escape – these were the makings of a bad situation.

Without taking the time to count to ten and relax, Mr. Barry acted on his own instinct. He picked Tiffany up from the desk, sat down on the chair he had pulled over in front of it, and dropped her like a rag doll over his knee.

Tiffany was still limp when Mr. Barry said, "If you're going to act like a brat, you're going to get treated like a brat!"

With that, he cupped his large right hand and smacked Tiffany's taut rear-end with a stinging slap. Her body went immediately rigid, and a whimper escaped her lips. Even through her jeans, the spank made a sound loud enough to echo off the walls.

Twice more he lifted his hand and administered a slap across her rump. After the third spank, he pulled her up, glared into her eye, and said, "Had enough?"

Tiffany's mouth gaped open. She was silent for the better part of thirty seconds. The feistiness was gone; no sneering retort was left in her.

"Yes, Mr. B," she whispered.

"Well so have I!" he barked back at her, "no more sassing me in class, or there are plenty more where those came from!"

"Yes, Mr. B," she replied again.

"Good! Now get your little butt out of here, and don't make me smack it again!"

Tiffany grabbed her backpack and headed out the door. Mr. Barry watched her exit. He could have sworn she wiggled her ass just before she disappeared. "Just working out the sting, I'm sure," he thought to himself.

That night, David could barely sleep. "I'm gonna get fired," he kept thinking. "That little spitfire is going to have my job," he sulked.

It was a long night indeed. Back at school at 7AM, hair tousled and eyes bleary from exhaustion, David made a beeline for the teacher's lounge. He went directly to the coffee maker. As he was brewing the first pot, Principal Marklein entered the room.

"I need to see you in my office, Mr. Barry," Mr. Marklein rasped.

"Can I get a cup of java first?" enquired Mr. Barry, "I sort of need a shot of caffeine to get me going in the mornings."

"I don't think it can wait," said Mr. Marklein.

"Shit – here it is!" thought Dave silently, "There goes my job!" Aloud, he said, "Be right there, sir!"

Principal Marklein left the room. Dave hesitated, then followed silently behind. All the way to the principal's office, Dave was trying to think of ways to deflect the hammer that was about to be dropped on him.

Tiffany was certainly out of line in disrespecting him, but corporal punishment had been banished from the school years ago, and teachers had never had the prerogative. Spanking had always been reserved for the principal.

Dave expected Tiffany's parents to be waiting for him in the principal's office – waiting to pounce. He felt a wave of nausea in his stomach. "Suck it up," he thought, "take it like a man."

"Close the door," Mr. Marklein said after Dave walked into his office. Dave shut it gently. There was no one else besides the two of them in the room.

Mr. Marklein fixed a stern gaze on Dave, then raised an eyebrow.

"Mr. Barry, I have something serious to talk to you about," he began.

"Great," Dave thought, "lay it on me." Aloud he said, "Sir, let me start..."

"No need for that," Mr. Marklein said, cutting Dave off. "Mr. Barry, I know it's been a long year for you."

"You can say that again," replied Dave.

"And because of that," continued Mr. Marklein, "I'm sure you're looking forward to some time off."

"Shit!" thought Dave, "he's kicking me out!" Aloud, Dave said, "I guess you could say that."

"Well, the summer break's almost here – " replied Mr. Marklein, "but not for you."

"Right. You want me to leave today," Dave's silent mind continued. Aloud, he asked, "What do you mean?"

"I'm sorry to say, but we need you to stay on for an extra week."

"What?" Dave sputtered, genuinely flabbergasted.

"We need you to act as an educational chaperone at the National Chemistry Contest in Washington, DC. It's the first week after the end of the school year."

"You're kidding, right?"

"Not at all. For the first time in the history of this school, we have a student who scored well enough on the qualifying exam to make it to the national finals."

Dave was floored. He was in his third year of teaching, only twenty-five years old, and he had taught a student well enough to make the National Chemistry Contest finals?

"W-w-what student?" Dave stammered, his brain beginning to comprehend the horrible truth.

"Why, Tiffany Carswell, of course!" beamed Mr. Marklein. "She's the smartest student in the school, and she waited until her senior year to take chemistry, so why shouldn't she blow that damn test out of the water?"

"Uh-huh," Dave managed to grunt. He hesitated, then asked, "Have you heard from Tiffany or her parents about this?"

"Oh yes, of course! Her parents let me know about the letter from the National Chemistry Contest organizers."

"And – they didn't talk to you about – anything else?"

"Like what?"

"Um, I don't know. About me?"

"Why, yes! They want you to be her chaperone."

"Why does she need a chaperone? She's eighteen, and I'm sure her parents will accompany her anyway."

"Well, that's just it. Each contestant must have a sponsor, so you'd need to be there anyway. But Tiffany's parents are going to be in Australia that week – important business trip for her dad, and her mom's speaking at a conference of professors that same week. Her mom's smart as a whip, just like her daughter. And good looking as hell. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree!"

"So I need to babysit the brat for a week?" Dave complained.

"Don't think of it that way," said Mr. Marklein, "think of it as an opportunity to work on your patience – and your interpersonal skills."

Dave grimaced. "She's the bane of my existence," he retorted.

"Look, Dave," replied Mr. Marklein, "I know she can be annoying. God knows, she's corrected every teacher she's had since the first grade. And she seems to have made it her mission to embarrass you in front of your chemistry class this year..."

"You – you KNOW about that?" Dave asked.

"Of course – kids talk, and word gets around. I don't know why YOU didn't come to talk to me about it..."

"It's – too embarrassing. She makes me feel emasculated when she criticizes me. It's not at all in a spirit of jest. I can take a little razzing as much as the next guy, but this kid really seems to want to humiliate me."

"At least you're man enough to take it," Mr. Marklein commended, "some guys would have put her in her place by now."

"Some guys would have..." Mr. Barry's voice trailed off. "Yeah, some guys ... So, you're sure Tiffany's parents didn't have anything else to say?"

"Only that they trust you more than any teacher she's ever had. She just raves to them about how smart you are and what a good guy you are."

"Holy shit!" Dave exclaimed aloud. Mr. Marklein's other eyebrow went up. "I – I – I mean, you're kidding, right? She acts like she can't STAND me."

"Well, not according to Mrs. Criswell. Such a pretty lady, you know – and so smart! She had a twinkle in those beautiful baby blue eyes when she was talking about you. She said you'd be the PERFECT chaperone for her daughter! So – you're in?"

"Do I get paid for the extra week?"

"Of course – but standard pay, not overtime."

"Has the union okayed it?"

"Not to worry. I've asked Miss Thurman to take care of the details."

"I should get battle pay. But, whatever – I guess I'm in."

"Great!" replied Mr. Marklein as he gave Dave a congratulatory slap on the shoulder.

Dave returned to the teacher's lounge to collect his cup of coffee, astonished at this turn of events.

Tiffany was absent from 5th period chemistry class for the next two days. David Barry began to worry. Was she really sick, as indicated by the parental voicemail left at the office? Or was she plotting her revenge for the spanking he had given her?

On the third day, Tiffany entered the classroom just as the tardy bell sounded. She was wearing a short plaid skirt, white shirt, plaid vest and white socks with black patent leather shoes – and those dreadful, thick black-framed glasses.

"Funny," thought Dave, "I don't think I've ever seen her wear a skirt before. Usually just loose jeans or sweat pants and those dorky, bulky pullover sweaters."

"Take your seats, class," he bellowed above the din. "Take out your homework and pass it in, and turn in your textbooks to page 473."

Immediately, Tiffany's hand shot up. "I don't have my homework, Mr. B.," she stated flatly, peering over her glasses.

"That's okay – you've been sick. You can make up for it later," smiled Mr. Barry.

She smiled an impish grin. "I'm SURE you'll find a way for me to 'make up for it later'," she answered suggestively, emphasizing the 'make up for it later' statement with finger quotes raised in the air.

Mr. Barry's face flushed, beet red. Once again, he was humiliated – not at his own carelessness or stupidity this time, but at essentially being attributed lecherous designs on a high school student.

"That's enough, Miss Criswell," replied Mr. Barry.

"What's the matter, Teach? Haven't got the balls to carry through on your threats?"

David Barry was becoming livid once again. He paused long enough to gather himself. "Man enough to take it," Dave told himself silently, "don't let her get to me. Thanks, Marklein."

In front of the class, he managed to cast a sneer in Tiffany's direction. "I won't justify that comment with a response, Miss Criswell," he said, "you can simply see me after class about your punishment for your backtalk."

"Ooh – seein' Mr. B. after class for 'punishment'," chortled Willie Skaggs from the front of the class, amused at himself and emphasizing 'punishment' with his own set of finger quotes.

"Careful, Mr. Skaggs, or you'll be meeting me too!" warned Mr. Barry. Willie went silent. The class went about passing in homework and turning to page 473.

After a brief lecture and a class lab featuring a fiery reaction between gummy bears and potassium chlorate, Mr. Barry gave an overview of the upcoming final exam. He suggested that students with questions or difficulties come to an upcoming lunchtime study session, or see him to schedule a one-on-one review time.

As the bell rang, students filed out once more. Mr. Barry noticed Tiffany lingering behind. He'd nearly forgotten that he had asked her to stay after class so he could mete out punishment for her "haven't got the balls" comment.

By this time, Dave was no longer angry. He was prepared to let her off with a warning. He looked at Tiffany; she was peering at him through her owlish glasses. Their thick black frames did her no favors. He almost sensed that she wanted to look studious rather than stylish.

She seemed to sense his resignation about her punishment. Rather than letting the proverbial sleeping dog lie, she said, "Guess you really DON'T have the balls – or its accompanying little male FRIEND – to carry through on your threats!"

"Mr. Marklein be damned!" thought Dave. He wasn't going to let this kid talk to him like that! Dave took Tiffany by the elbow and pulled her toward him. "That's IT, young lady!" he spat, "You've pushed me far enough!"

He was seeing red. He walked her over to his desk, still gripping her elbow. He sat down in his chair, and not-so-gently turned her over his knee.

On impulse, Mr. Barry decided to make it really sting. Without due consideration, he raised her skirt to administer the spanking. To his shock and horror, Tiffany wore no panties! Her bare white ass was awaiting his punishment.

Dave nearly stopped in his tracks, but he was still fuming. Tiffany offered some feeble resistance to the spanking, her legs wriggling but not really kicking hard enough to get free. He wasn't going to let her out of it so easily!

Dave held her legs still with his right arm and gave her a left-handed spanking. The sound of the "Thwack!" on her bare rump once again echoed off the classroom walls, but this time with a different timbre.

Since Dave wasn't left-handed, he assumed the spanking was not as hard as the one he'd given her through her jeans a few days before. However, after he had whacked her butt three times, he noticed red left handprints imprinted on her lily white skin.

He quickly lowered her skirt in shame. "Crap!" he thought, "I've done it again! And this time it could be construed as sexual abuse, not just physical! My ass is fired for sure!"

Dazed by the situation, his actions were controlled by reflex rather than by thought. He stood Tiffany up and left her beside his chair. He walked over to her desk, picked up her backpack, and handed it to her.

"You may leave now, Miss Criswell," he stated flatly, "and we'll have no more of your lip, lest you suffer the consequences a third time." His words always dripped with sarcasm and grew longer when he wanted to play the authority card.

"Yes, Mr. B.," Tiffany replied meekly, "I'll keep my mouth closed. At least, until you want me to open it." Her posture was one of utter acquiescence.

"And here's a free tip," Mr. Barry added, "if you're going to wear a skirt, make sure and wear some panties. There's no telling what kind of perverts around here might try to cop a look or a feel if they knew you weren't covering your privates."

Tiffany's face turned crimson. She looked as if she were about to cry.

"Oh, no," thought Dave, "here it comes. She's going to blast me for humiliating her, for seeing and smacking her bare ass. I'm not just gonna get fired, I'm gonna get sued!"

Outwardly, he tried to ease the tension with a gentle pat on Tiffany's shoulder. "Now get outta here, kid, before I have to punish you again!" he smiled, replacing gruffness with humor.

He caught a glint of something in Tiffany's eye, but it was muted by her thick lenses. "Um, sure, Mr. B.," she said, "see ya tomorrow." She strapped on the backpack, turned toward the door and left.

"Shit!" thought Mr. Barry. "She's gonna run home and tell Mommy and Daddy. Ideal chaperone, my ass! Forget Washington, DC after the school year – they're gonna run me out of town tomorrow!"

To his surprise, Dave suffered no reprisals from the Criswells the next day, nor the day after that. Tiffany went back to wearing jeans after her foray into the world of skirts – apparently Dave had sufficiently embarrassed her, or perhaps his warning about the perverts in the school had had an effect.

She was better behaved in class, offering no zingers or challenges to her chemistry teacher – until the extra study session at lunchtime on Friday. Thankfully, only three students had bothered to attend.

"Should have made it some day other than Friday," Tiffany asserted as she looked around the nearly empty room, "even a moron knows that all the kids like to hang out at the Pizza Palace for their five-dollar buffet on Fridays."

Dave tried to ignore the "moron" comment. He noticed that something was different about Tiffany.

He took time to observe that she was once again wearing a skirt, this one satiny and sparkling, almost like a ballerina's outfit. A matching top featured sequins and frills, with a tiara to match. A freakin' tiara! And – catch this – she had lost the black-rimmed glasses! She could easily be mistaken for a very pretty girl.

"I'm sorry the scheduling doesn't meet with your approval," Dave stated in his most teacher-like tone, "but, after all, one must make some sacrifices if one wishes to excel."

"Damned straight!" she replied enthusiastically.

"I'm glad you agree," he said, "but please refrain from vulgar language in my class."

"Like hell!" she replied.

Dave was beginning to simmer. "Are you trying to get me to dole out some more punishment to you, Miss Criswell?"

"Do what you've gotta do," she replied, "I can take anything you can dish up. And I mean – anything at all."

The other two kids perked up at this comment. "She means ANYTHING, Mr. B.," said Willie, thrusting a lone finger through a cupped hand in an obscene gesture.

"Enough!" shouted Mr. Barry, "Let's finish the review session. And Miss Criswell, I want you to stay behind after 5th period class."

"You want to do WHAT to my behind after 5th period class?" she countered.

Dave was aghast – she was about to out him for what he'd done! "Stop mocking me," he said quietly, "just stay after class to discuss your punishment. Fifth period, not now, since that's at the end of the school day."

"And what did you have in mind that will take us more than a few minutes? I can't imagine that you'd be up for more than a quickie. At least, that's what I heard that your girlfriend says..."

"That's IT!" Dave bellowed, "Willie and Sarah, I want you to leave. Go on and join the others at the Pizza Palace. I'll re-schedule the review session for a more appropriate day than Friday." He waited until they had gathered up their things and left.

"And YOU, young lady – get the hell out of my class and march your ass down to Mr. Marklein's office. I'll let HIM deal with your nonsense."

Tiffany began to pout. Dave noticed the fullness of her lips, the shine of the overhead lights reflecting off her ruby red lip gloss. For the first time, he registered the extreme beauty of her eyes. She must be wearing contact lenses, he realized, since surely she couldn't see clearly without those Coke bottle lenses she usually wore.

"But, Mr. B., it's lunchtime. Mr. Marklein has cafeteria duty. And besides, I want YOU to be the one..."

"The one ... to what?" stammered Dave, still fuming, confused by her unfinished statement.

"Never mind," Tiffany sighed, "I guess I can't expect a moron to figure things out."

"Moron? If you use that word with me one more time, Tiffany, I'm going to have no choice but to turn you over my knee again!"

"Is that a promise – MORON?"

And with that, Tiffany lay across Mr. Barry's chair and hiked up her skirt. Her creamy white ass cheeks were once again completely exposed.

To his consternation, Mr. Barry felt the unexpected stir of his cock in his pants. He'd never felt anything sexual toward his students before. After all, they were just kids. They were immature, not his intellectual or emotional equals.

But Tiffany was different. She was certainly his intellectual equal – probably his superior. At eighteen, she was more mature than most of her peers. But she was still a kid in many ways. She was a thorn in his side, taking verbal jabs at him frequently and mercilessly, baiting him and embarrassing him in front of the class. What the hell was wrong with her?

And now, here she was, completely vulnerable, exposed from the waist down. And apparently – wanting him to spank her!

Suddenly, he could see the manipulation for what it was. Ever since that first spanking, she seemed to find opportunities to more fiercely and more deliberately push his buttons. Was it to get him to do it again? Surely she would have told somebody if it had humiliated her in the way he figured it would. She could have gotten him fired by now, but instead she was back for more.

"Put your damned skirt back down, Tiffany," commanded Mr. Barry, "you are one fucked up kid."

"I'm NOT a kid!" declared Tiffany, "and ... I've never been fucked..."

"TMI, Tiffany – 'Too Much Information'. Your love life isn't my business. And you've just proven that you ARE a kid. A mature woman wouldn't practically beg a man she's not involved with to spank her bare ass."

The remark hit its target. Tiffany's lower lip quivered. Tears began to stream down her face. She flipped her skirt back down, grabbed her backpack, and headed toward the door. "Not INVOLVED?" she shouted tearfully as she left the room.

That night, Dave once again struggled to sleep. He was troubled deep in his soul. Every grain of professionalism within him told him it was wrong to lust after one of his students. But he couldn't help it.

His brain seemed to be running in overdrive. It kept playing back the events of lunchtime in slow motion. And despite the fact that she could be annoying as hell and had a lot of growing up to do, Dave had to admit to himself that he found her exquisitely attractive, both intellectually and physically.

As he lay awake, Dave could see Tiffany's beautiful blue eyes, no longer masked by those ridiculous eyeglasses, in his mind's eye. She was just like the nerdy girls in teen movies who turn out to be thinly-veiled foxes, tainted only by a bad pair of glasses and frumpy clothes.

He saw the gloss of her luscious ruby red lips, daring to spar with him verbally, then pouting when things didn't go her way. He wanted to kiss those lips.

He saw blonde tendrils of her silken mane of hair drifting out from under her tiara. He wanted to feel her hair sweep across his naked chest, and further down toward more erogenous zones.

He saw the sequins on her ballerina top glistening in the fluorescent light, the slight swell of her maturing breasts peeking above the "V" neckline. He wanted to touch, to fondle, to suckle below the neckline.

He saw her long, supple legs, white rather than tan, exposed from ankle to high thigh in her short skirt and patent leather shoes. He wanted to massage those legs, to taste the essence of her fair skin. The whiteness conveyed a sense of purity, of innocence. And what was it she had said about having never been fucked?

And then he saw her beautiful bare buttocks, exposed to him through her simple act of submission in presenting them to him for her punishment. He wanted to plant his erection between those beautiful buttocks, taking her feminine slit doggy style. Her declaration that she could take anything – "anything at all" – drifted through his mind time and time again.

He mentally explored what could comprise the "anything." Hadn't she said she'd keep her mouth shut until he wanted her to open it? He could think of something for which she could open it. Or maybe he could punish her rear end with something more creative than his open palm. Or maybe he could flip her over from that bare-assed position and punish her virgin pussy, missionary style, with his raging hard-on.

"Damn," he thought, "I need a girlfriend! It's been WAY too long. I can't pine away after some bratty kid who's never gonna happen!"

He rested in fits and starts for the remainder of the night, opting not to relieve the massive boner that thoughts of Tiffany had stirred in him. He'd be damned if he was going to jack off to thoughts of a senior chemistry student.

"Mr. B., can I talk to you?" asked Tiffany in the hallway the next morning.

"Sure, Tiffany," Dave answered guardedly, "what's on your mind?" He noticed a change in her demeanor, and inhaled the scent of her freshly washed hair.

"You mentioned that you'd give some one-on-one time to students who need extra prep for the final exam. Can I meet with you sometime soon?"

"But Tiffany – you're my best student..."

A smile lit up her face. He had deftly pushed the pride button. "Um ... okay, Mr. B., let me just be straight with you. I need to talk to you one-on-one about something besides chemistry. Something ... personal."

Her eyes – again sans glasses – shimmered with eagerness. Her perky freckled nose twitched briefly with nervousness.

"Don't you think you should see Ms. Wygal? She's the designated guidance counselor for girls. She can help with ... personal matters."

"This doesn't have anything to do with HER," Tiffany replied petulantly, "it has to do with YOU."

"Shit!" thought Dave, "She's gonna give me my come-uppance about spanking her. Maybe she's going to blackmail me!"

"Oh, I see," he said aloud. "Well, in that case, how about during lunch today?"

"How about after school?" she said, "And how about at your place? I'd prefer for it to be where nobody else can interrupt us."

Dave's brain was flashing red lights and sounding warning bells. His professional ethics and fiduciary responsibilities would in no way allow for him to meet a student for personal consultation at his own home.

"Uh, I don't think that's such a good idea, Tiffany," he replied.

The disappointment was written all over her face. "Why not?" she asked.

"Well, um, Tiffany," he started, "some people could see it as inappropriate. I mean, after all, with me being a man and you a young woman..."

Tiffany's radiant smile beamed from ear to ear, dazzling Dave with its sincerity. "Young woman?" she asked, "Don't you mean 'kid'?"

Dave was tempted to reply cynically with a caustic quip, but he somehow couldn't bring himself to do it. Temper tantrums and bare-assed spankings aside, he had to admit that Tiffany was a blossoming young woman.

"No, you're no kid," he said, "I was just yanking your chain yesterday. Turnabout's fair play."

Tiffany once again lit up the hallway with her smile. "Well, regardless of what people think, I'll be by your house at 5:00. I won't take 'no' for an answer!"

As she started to walk away, Dave blurted, "But how do you know where I live?"

"Mr. B," Tiffany retorted, "any MORON can use the phone book, whether in print or on-line!" With that, she flashed him a devilish grin and darted up the hallway.

At 4:52 PM, Dave peered out his front window for a third time. He didn't know whether to run or to turn on some mood music.

He opted to straddle the line, and set out some soft drinks on the table between the two chairs on his front porch. He'd keep her outside on this nice late spring day, so that nobody could accuse him of taking advantage of her behind closed doors.

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