Chapter 1

I flex my muscles. I feel high and mighty. The reflection in the mirror wipes out the skinny, shy kid who grew up in Boston. I'm no longer afraid of people. People assemble around me and admire me. Now I'm muscular, got my self-esteem. I look perfect, I look like a hero. I am so strong! I am a motherfucking god!

Attention. We all crave it. We all search for it. Deep down, we all love it. I was one of "the sad souls that never got attention. I never even got a second look. Growing up while the other boys in class had girlfriends or dates to the school dance, I was alone. I don't think I was ugly. I had inherited my father's green eyes and my mom's dark brown hair. I was extremely shy not to mention short, only 5'5" tall. I had no clue how to have a conversation with anyone. I didn't really have friends.

My mother, who was an Italian beauty, passed away at an early age of 32. I was only eight years old at the time and didn't understand anything about cancer. My father, a white man, who grew up in Boston, had met my mom when he was in the army many years ago. He was in Italy checking into a hotel where my mom was a clerk. They started talking and realized they couldn't live without each other. They fell in love rather quickly. Married within four months of just meeting.

I know my father loved my mom. She was beautiful, smart and a great cook. I remember my mom very well. She'd always have a snack for me after school whether it was homemade cookies, mozzarella sticks or potato skins. She used to sing in Italian. I never caught on to the language. I should have but I didn't. She used to praise me a lot. Saying I was a handsome boy and would become something big in life. I liked her praises. It made me feel worthy.

When she passed away, I had no one to praise me anymore. My father was busy working at the army base. I think he took double shifts just to avoid talking to me. It's not that he was a bad father; he just didn't know how to connect with me. I was a boy into art and comic books. I think he expected me to be into sports. I honestly think we had nothing in common. He provided for us. He bought the food, bought my clothes and paid for my first car. Still, he was never really THERE. I wanted him to talk to me and give me girl advice. I wanted him to offer to take me to a ball game even though I hated baseball. I wanted him to ask me about my day. I just needed a dad and I only had a father.

I was shy growing up. I had no clue what to say to anyone. If someone talked to me, I'd answer them but that's it. I never understood how some people could go on and on talking about themselves. I tried to pay attention to the jocks when they asked out the pretty girls. I couldn't imagine myself asking anyone out. Instead, I kept to myself and shut everyone out.

When you're alone for so long you slowly fade into the crowds. You are just another face, no one special. No one looks at you. No one pays attention to you. No one really cares that you exist.

I needed to get away from Boston and discover myself. I needed to do something before I suffocated in my own lonesome sad world. I needed to be different.

I moved to New York at age 24. I had money saved up from summer jobs I had since age 16. Since I had always been alone I had plenty of money to help me survive at least one year in the expensive state. I found a tiny apartment in Brooklyn and a job as a nighttime stock boy at a nearby grocery store.

Sometimes shit jobs can lead to great friendships. I met Liam there. Liam was just a few inches taller than me but built like Arnold Schwarzenegger in Terminator. He wore his dark hair long and in a ponytail reminded me of Steven Seagal. His eyes an icy blue color and skin tough as leather that was unfortunately covered with acne. He befriended me without questions. He simply offered to show me around town since I was new. I noticed when people saw him, they'd stare. Not dirty looks or hateful looks but more like respect. Many people would immediately ask Liam about his workout routine. College guys would be impressed and college girls would drool. THAT'S the kind of life I wanted.

I asked Liam his secret and he gave me tips on getting built. Told me what to eat. It was almost impossible to follow such an intense eating habit. My eyes widened when I read the diet routine:

And of course also had to drink one gallon of water per day. Not only that, but I had to work out at least twice a day. I would get up at five each morning and go with Liam to the gym. He taught me about lifting weights and what cardio exercises to do. Now that I think about it, I have no idea how I managed to do all this and work at the same time, but you know I found it refreshing. I found it different. It was something out of my comfort zone and I was actually enjoying it.

I followed his strict rules about not eating junk food and continued pumping iron. Within a few months I saw a huge change. My muscles were slowly developing. I wanted fast results like Liam but he said it takes time.

Liam was moving into the city later that year. He said he gotten a job as a fitness trainer at a gym called Hard Bodz and would be making damn good money. I didn't want him to leave. He was my only friend. So, he offered to let me come with him. We'd share an apartment and he'd try to get me in the gym to work as a trainer too. He said everything he'd taught me, was the same thing I'd teach to my clients. I still couldn't figure out how he'd gotten so built. I was jealous, I must admit. I still couldn't get the same attention he did. So many people asking him what he does or how he does it. Liam held his head high. People respected and admired him. I was still the shy Boston guy who never even had a girlfriend.

The move to the city went smoothly. Liam settled down at his job at the gym while I found a job at another grocery store. It took a few months but Liam did as he promised. He got me a job at the gym. I was a temporary trainer. Meaning, I only filled in when another trainer could not. I still kept my job at the grocery store since living in the city was fucking expensive.

I enjoyed my time at the gym. I had a few clients who were shy and insecure like me. That gave me some kind of confidence. I found myself slowly breaking out of my shell, but not too much. I still found myself stuttering when I got nervous.

This two job deal went on for a few months. By the beginning of summer, I finally landed a full time position at Hard Bodz. It was perfect for me. I could work out and then walk downstairs to meet my clients and start my paying job. I also had plenty of time to eat since there was at least 30 minutes in between each session. It was the perfect job for me to keep fit and bulking up, but yet I still was nowhere near Liam's physique.

I liked my co-workers. Most of them at least. Lanie, a 45 year old beauty looked like she was 25. Lanie was somewhat quiet except when it came to disciplining her clients. Most of her clientele were middle-aged men and women who needed to get in shape, fast!

Emmie, Janelle, and Laura were other female trainers. Emmie was the youngest around 23 years old. Janelle and Laura were in their early 30's and all them were hot. They had amazing bodies and personalities to go with them. Most of their clientele were men. Young men, and old men. The men, all loved these ladies.

Gabriel was another trainer. He was buff, more than me of course but not more than Liam. Gabriel was 28 years old and grew up in Jersey. He had a good clientele. Mostly were college guys and girls who wanted to be fit in order to get dates. Gabriel was an ass. He was bossy, rude and constantly leering at me as if he was secretly making fun of me.

Manny was the owner and a trainer too. He was the one that had originally gotten Liam the job. He had spotted Liam once at a nightclub and offered Liam the job. He was huge like Liam too. His brother, Conrad, was also huge and was a co owner Hard Bodz.

Liam was the one that had the most clientele it seemed. He had people from all walks of life Grandmothers, grandfathers, mothers, fathers, college kids, and so on. He got along with people so well. He was that kind of guy. People flocked to his direction because he was interesting. Just by looking at him you wanted to ask him how the hell did he get that big? Right away, that was always a conversation starter for Liam. He didn't even have to do anything. He just stood in a room with his huge arms crossed and by the time you knew it, people surrounded him with questions.

I almost forgot someone. Well, not quite, but I saved her for last. I saw her the first day I started working full time at Hard Bodz. I looked across the room and immediately saw her. I wanted to hide in the shell I had lived in for so long but I knew I was a different person. I had self esteem now. I shouldn't be shy around this girl but I was. I felt my hands shaking and my heart thumping as if I had just run ten miles. She took my breath away with the sassy way she walked.

She had Salma Hayek's long dark hair and mystical eyes, Catherine Zeta-Jones' smile, Eva Longoria's tiny waist, Jessica Alba's full lips and a Jennifer Lopez ass, but hers was firm as a rock. Her name is Selena. She's what changed me right then at that moment. I felt as if I had discovered the real heaven. I felt like a new man.

Selena, beautiful, smart, funny, 26 years old and single. She had studied dance in NYC but failed to make it on Broadway. Being so fit, she decided to become a personal trainer.

She walked past me at first then looked back and raised one perfect brow and smiled at me. I felt as if I my knees would give and I would just drop to the ground and worship her. I wanted to smile back. I wanted to say something to her but instead I froze. I just stared at her amazing beauty. She laughed softly, but sexy and began to strut away. Her hips swayed begging me to continue to look at her.

"Don't drool all over the floor. You're going to have to mop it."

I hesitantly took my eyes away from Selena as she walked into the women's locker room. Liam stood behind me with a smirk on his face. He was covered in sweat. His black Hard Bodz muscle shirt clung on to him as if it was a second skin.

"What?" I asked innocently.

"Chaz, I've known you for a while now. I never seen you look at a girl like the way you looked at Selena." He took a huge gulp of water.

I stared off to a distance. The sound of weights being dropped and treadmills running surrounded me. "I wasn't staring. I mean I was but ... never mind."

Liam laughed and slapped my back. "Hey, it's cool. I can't blame you. Selena is the cutest, sexiest woman here. I used to crush on Emmie but Selena came and I was like 'Emmie? Emmie who?'"

I licked my chapped lips and watched Selena emerge from the ladies locker room. She flung a towel over her shoulder and went to the water faucet to drink some water. She bent down slightly making it hard not to stare.

"Yeah, she's a beauty. I'd love to get with her but she's never given me the time of day. She's more fascinated with my muscles than she is with me," Liam laughed and I continued to stare at Selena.

"I've never talked to her," I said quietly.

Liam stood next to me and stared at her along with me. "What are you waiting for? Talk to her. I see her looking over at you every now and then. She's a real flirt though, I gotta warn you bro."

I took a deep breath and imagined what I would say to her. Nothing came to mind. I mean sure I wanted to tell her how hot I thought she was and how much I'd love to be inside of her but men get slapped for saying shit like that.

"Nah, I have a client anyway in a few minutes," I looked away.

Liam groaned. "Dude, when are you going to talk to chicks? I mean don't make me start thinking you're gay or something."

I had to laugh. "You would think that. Hey when can I get big like you? I'm tired of being puny. Compared to you and Gabriel I'm fucking small."

Liam's face grew serious. "You keep asking me and I keep telling you. It takes time bro. You can't just get big overnight unless-"

"Hey party tonight at my apartment! You two fuckers should come."

Our conversation was interrupted by Conrad. He stood in front of us grinning like the fucking joker.

"A party?" I asked puzzled. I had never been invited to any of the parties the people at the gym had.

He looked over at me. "It's just a party for the hell of it. Good music, hot chicks and lots of coke."

Liam gave me a cautious look. "Well, might go. I'm not sure."

"What the fuck Liam? Is Chaz your boyfriend? If you can't make it he can make it on his own right Chaz?" He laughed.

I nodded and saw Liam's jaw clench. "Well you two fucks can come if you want. If you miss it, you're going to miss a hell of a party." He walked away humming the C&C Music Factory "Gonna make you sweat" song that played through the speakers.

"Fag," Liam cussed under his breath.

"What? You don't want to go?" I asked.

He took another gulp of water before answering. I quickly looked to see if Selena was still there but she was gone. I tried to hide my heartbreak.

"Dude, Conrad and Manny's parties are always the same shit. It's nothing but drugs. You don't do drugs bro."

I knew Liam dabbled with cocaine and smoked pot but never to the point where he went crazy. He seemed to always just do "enough." "Well you do drugs and you're not a druggie. Why don't' we just go and drink but not do drugs?"

He nodded. "I don't think so bro. I'm telling you those parties are nothing but trouble."

Just then I saw Selena with a client. She had her client on the stationary bike. She looked over at me and smiled. My heart raced. My cock got hard.

"Does Selena go to these parties?" I asked curiously.

Liam looked over at her and then at me. He sighed. "Yeah she does."

"Then we definitely have to go." I found myself smiling back at her.

Liam sighed again. "Alright then. We'll go ... I guess."

I needed to do this. I needed to be involved in social activities, something I never did as a kid or a teenager. Now was my chance to have friends, talk to women and leave that skinny, shy Boston kid behind.

The party was everything Liam said it would be. When we arrived Goldfrapps "Ride a white horse" blared through the speakers. I spotted Manny sitting on the couch drinking a Samuel Adams. He wore a Hard Bodz black muscle shirt, torn up Gap jeans and brown Pac Sun sandals. He quickly stood up and walked over to us. I wore my Abercrombie & Fitch white t-shirt, my Levis and Puma sneakers. Liam wore his gray Marc Ecko t-shirt, faded Levis and black and white Airwalks. "Hey! Glad you two could make it!" He turned and called out, "Hey guys! Looks who's here."

I saw a few people I never seen before and then most of the gym trainers. All of them were there with the exception of Lanie. I spotted Selena near the balcony drinking what looked like Jungle Juice talking to a big black guy with dread locks who had the body of LL Cool J but the face of Lenny Kravitz. I was doomed. How the hell would I ever take her away from that guy? She wore tight black pants, a dark red scoop neck shirt with a portrait of Marilyn Monroe on it and black wedged heels.

"Hey! Hey!" I looked to see Conrad heading our way. He was wearing a Lacoste white and gray polo shirt, black slacks and Cole Haan black sneakers. His hair was slicked back and the fucker was wearing his Tom Ford shades. "Glad you two fucks came. You all want a beer or something?"

I opted for a beer while Liam requested some Jungle Juice. Conrad left and came back a few seconds later. I searched the room for Selena but realized she was gone. I drank my beer slowly. It seemed to have no taste. Paul Van Dyk's "Let Go" was now playing. I looked over to the kitchen and saw a few people hunched over. They were all snorting cocaine. I saw Emmie stand up and wipe her nose. She spotted Liam and I and rushed over to talk to us.