Chapter 4

Sarah Anderson lay on top of her grandmother's quilt in her bedroom in her new home. She knew that sleep wouldn't come quickly in these new surroundings and in this new bed. After six months at the Redwood she longed for the tranquility this home offered, but that tranquility couldn't keep her mind from roaring along like a locomotive. Her conversation, confession more like, with her daughter had stirred up all the memories of those years at college when she seemed rudderless without Michael. Now she was facing the same situation again.

She smiled at the irony – she was a strong independent woman who had kept a home, worked at a prestigious law firm, raised two wonderful children, and shared the burdens and pleasures of a long and stable marriage – but to what end? Her life was an emotional shambles for want or her man, her partner, her love - the love of her life. The misguided wretch who said, "A woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle." had never met Michael. He was a renaissance man, articulate, interesting, educated and strong, who had an abiding interest in many things. He was also dedicated to his family. Above all he valued loyalty. She had betrayed his loyalty and trust.

Sarah thought about that mid summer night over twenty years ago when Michael had walked back into her life. At that time she had not seen him for more than four years. She received her degree in finance and accounting from UC Berkeley and had taken a job at the finance office at the University. Sarah dated sporadically and still lived with her parents, although she was searching for an apartment.

It was after eleven on a Friday night, and she was with a group of friends from work, including her best friend, Kristine, and Susan Yee and Shawna Davis. James Morgan, who she had dated a few times, rounded out the group. He had become possessive, and finally she told him she considered him a friend and nothing more. To her annoyance, he continued to hang around. They had gone for drinks after work, and she couldn't remember who had suggested they adjourn to Fenton's Creamery for dinner and ice cream. Fenton's was an East Bay institution. They ate dinner and talked and laughed, and then eaten an enormous amount of ice cream, appetites fueled by marijuana supplied by James. They were all feeling great and Sarah watched James as he hovered. He had that look that told her he expected something more than the coldness she had shown him recently. She giggled as she thought of something her dad used to say when she wanted something she couldn't have.

"Sarah you have two chances ... slim and none." Although he usually smiled as he said it, and many times her dad would make sure that for Christmas or her birthday she would receive that very thing. That wasn't going to happen with James. If fact, the group had decided to exclude him in the future.

Sarah was seated with her back to the door when suddenly Kristine sitting across from her straightened up, her eyes growing wide.

"Holy shit ladies, whoever he is ... I get first dibs."

They all laughed since Kristine was not known for her discriminating taste in men. She would just hold her hands out about a foot apart and say, "Ladies, here's my measuring stick ... other then that nothing matters!"

At that point Susan, who was sitting next to Kristine, and had gone to high school with Sarah, said,

"Sarah, isn't that Andy Anderson?"

Sarah turned quickly and gasped as she saw him. It was Andy, her Andy.

"Damn, he's gorgeous ... and you two know this guy?" Kristine practically drooled.

Sarah couldn't breathe as she watched him follow the hostess to a table near the door. His blonde hair was close cropped, and he wore jeans and a close fitting black t-shirt. He was indeed gorgeous, over six feet tall and not a bit of fat on him. She could see his well-defined arm and shoulder muscles as he moved. His arms were tan and his face looked like he had spent a lot of time in the sun. He was no longer a high school kid he was a man, and he carried himself with confidence.

Hers' wasn't the only female head in the place that turned to stare at him and Sarah felt pangs of jealously as the hostess leaned over as he got settled in the booth. She seemed to make sure he got a long look down the front of her red silk blouse. She finally walked away, flipping her blonde hair and giving the maximum sway to her hips and the benefit of her fine looking legs under her very short skirt. Her very high heels added to the effect.

"What a slut ... I thought she was going to fuck him right there on the table. Guess I'd better make my move soon!" Kristine laughed

At that point she noticed the look on Sarah's face as she turned back around.

"Oh no, can't be ... this is the guy? Crap! Not the guy from your neighborhood? The boy next door? Damn girl, I was all set to go over there and spread myself on the table. Damn damn!"

The other two women looked at Kristine, and then at Sarah, not being privy to the story of Andy and Sarah. James, as usual, looked puzzled.

"Well, you better go over there and talk to him ... because in a couple of minutes that slut hostess, or one of the other bitches in this place, is going to go over there and then there'll be a cat fight."

Sarah looked at her friend. She didn't know what she'd say. How she would approach him. She had missed him every day and had imagined meeting him again someday, but that fantasy usually played out with Andy showing up at her house with a dozen roses and an engagement ring - merely a fantasy. Now he was here and she was paralyzed.

Kristine broke the spell by sliding out of the booth. She stood over Sarah and put out her hand. "Let's go."

Sarah looked at her friend and then her eyes flicked over to Andy. She felt like she was burning up, and her legs made of lead.

"Now, or I'm going over there and drag his sexy butt back to this table."

Sarah was in a fog. The effects of the marijuana had worn off but she still felt drugged.

She took Kristine's hand and she pulled her from the booth. Kristine stood in front of her and gave her a quick inspection.

"No time for lipstick ... you look fine. Just go." Kristine turned her and gave her a slight shove in the direction of Andy.

He was studying the menu as she approached. Her heart pounded. As she got closer she could see the other changes. He was indeed a man now. The gangly teenager she had known was gone. She looked at his left hand and was relieved to see there was no ring there. There was a nasty looking scar that ran most of the length of his forearm though.

"Hello Andy."

He looked up at her, his gray eyes taking her in, his expression neutral. She was pleased she had worn a skirt, blouse and heels that day. Her knees felt rubbery as she waited for a response. Did he still recognize her?

"Hi ... Sarah."

She stood there. Words would not come as a tide of emotions swept over her. She wanted to cry and to grab him and hug him and never let him go again. Her love for her Andy seemed stronger than ever. She had convinced herself she would never see him again but here he was. It had to be a sign. He was back and she vowed to never let him go again.

"Would you like to sit?" He gestured to the seat across the table.

She nodded and without a word slid across the cool plastic.

"How have you been Sarah?" His eyes were calm as was his voice, but there was a tension in his body that belied his outward calm.

Say something ... say something! Her inner voce screamed at her, but she was frozen. Perhaps this experience was like seeing a ghost of a long-dead loved one.

He watched her, a slight smile on his face.

Finally she blurted,

"Andy ... Andy ... I ... I ... was so ... I mean, I'm so happy to see you."

"I'm happy to see you too Sarah."

She thought she'd faint as he smiled at her. She could feel the blood rush to her face, and her heart rate soared again. He does remember me, and he said he was happy to see me. She thought.

Sarah started to reach her hand across the table but caught herself. She wanted so much to touch him, to feel him, to assure herself he was real.

That's when he did the unbelievable. He reached across the table and took her hand. His hand was warm and firm, holding hers'. She never wanted him to let go.

"Sarah ... Are you okay?"

"She could only nod as the tears came. Four years of tears seemed to spill from her. She put her other hand on his and he folded his hands around hers'.

They sat there for what seemed a long time. Sarah was oblivious to her surroundings. To her dismay he withdrew one of his hands, but she had to smile as he offered his napkin.

"I'm sorry ... I'm sorry Andy. Was all she could say. Somehow she thought he would understand that she was not apologizing for her display in this public place but for her stupidity in leaving him those years ago in high school when she thought happiness was a cheerleader's uniform.