Some Like It Boring
Chapter 1: The Weaker Sex

Linley felt certain if she could keep her eyes closed and head buried this would all be over momentarily. A barely audible "mmm" escaped her lips in an effort to get the show on the road. One eye peeked open as she studied the TV screen where a busty blonde happily fucked her rock hard partner. The blonde's face was twisted in a state of bliss which made Linley wonder if the girl were simply a good actor, or if sex was really supposed to be that much fun. She didn't put much faith in the latter seeing as how her husband was currently on top of her and whatever he was up to certainly didn't feel like mind-blowing sex. It didn't feel like sex at all if she were being honest. She lay flat on her stomach while he lazily pushed his 4-inch prick in and out. Well she assumed it was going in and out but couldn't be sure, at this point it felt like he was tickling her with a pencil. His breath was hot and heavy in her ear, which sounds titillating, but the overpowering garlic odor was quick to spoil that. All she could think was how much she hated almost everything about him, yet here she was letting him fill her up with his inadequate spunk.

The trouble was Linley and Davis had only been married for 5 months. In the beginning the sex was just as terrible only then she was at least trying to make an effort. Months of the same, dull lovemaking had turned this once eager lover into a bitter housewife. She had saved her virginity for this man who had turned out to be the worst lover on the face of the planet. Maybe it wasn't his fault, she had nothing to compare it to so for all she knew the problem could be on her end. No matter the reason the result was always dreadful and left her feeling like maybe sex just wasn't for her, at all.

"Yes ... oh yes I'm so close honey..." Davis muttered breathlessly in her ear. "Yea I'm gonna give it to you ... oh yea, here it comes!"

He grunted once and flopped heavily down on top of her.

"You like that baby?" he asked.

"Terrific." She whispered.

She pulled herself off the bed and sprinted into the bathroom, plopping onto the toilet and spreading her legs. She grabbed his shower towel and wiped his cum from between her thighs. She smirked to herself knowing that he would be using that towel to dry off come morning. It was the little things that kept her sane.

Davis hadn't always been so low on her shit list. In the beginning of their courtship he presented very well on paper. He opened doors, picked up the check, and walked her to her door without pressing for anything more than a simple good night kiss. She always assumed he had a deep respect for her, thus the lack of pressure to consummate their relationship. He had seemed perfectly fine with waiting, though not a virgin himself. It was only months into her marriage before she realized his behavior had nothing to do with him respecting her, and everything to do with him being a big fat vagina. The man was incapable of making any decisions or moves on his own. In theory that sounds like it could be easily managed except Linley wasn't the one who got the make the default decisions. Instead, Davis had another woman in his life who maintained absolute control. His mother.

"She's probably the one who taught him to fuck so poorly." Linley mused to herself.

Where they lived, the job he accepted, the color of their living room walls, the kind of car he bought were all decided by Marion Fisk, AKA the mother-in-law from Hell. Marion was a crusty old bitch whom hadn't been porked in at least two decades. Instead of finding another man after her husband (Davis's father) had passed Marion was content to court her own son. They even had "date" night once a week where Davis would take Marion to a new restaurant or movie. At first Linley had felt left out during these date nights but now she looked forward to having time alone to masturbate. Just her, the laptop, and all the free porn her sexually frustrated body could desire. Before marriage she had never watched porn but Davis introduced it day one into their love life. He said he liked to watch while they fucked. Again that fact bruised Linley's ego for a while until she found the videos were a much-needed distraction from the actual sex. Unfortunately no matter how much porn there was it could never shield her from the fact that her husband was still there poking her with his crooked pecker.

Linley changed into her nightgown and spent an extra 45 minutes washing her face at the bathroom sink. She hoped by the time she finished Davis would be fast asleep. Instead he was deep inside their walk-in closet pulling a suitcase from the top shelf.

"Honey have you seen my green cardigan?" He asked hurriedly. "I want to be packed up before I go to bed."

"It's at the cleaners." Intrigued she asked "Packing for what?"

He giggled girlishly and tossed the case onto the bed. "I'm taking Mother to Hot Springs for the weekend, silly. You remember! The springs are good for her arthritis."

Linley hadn't remembered but didn't give it much thought. Her days were the same with or without him around.

"We wanted you to join of course but don't you have to help Peggy with her garage sale?" he asked.

Now it was coming back to her, the trip, her neighbor Peggy, the yearly neighborhood garage sale. Normally a garage sale would pale in comparison to a spa vacation but considering the company Linley was relieved. She started going over all the different places she could have fun with herself while Davis was away. She'd never tried it in the shower because she was always afraid he would come home and walk in. She paused to think for a moment how pathetic it was that she didn't want her own husband to see her get off.

"It is what it is..." she sighed to herself.

She sauntered to the laundry room to see if she could locate the green cardigan, even though she knew precisely where it was. (314 N. Hemming St at Mr. Fong's Dry Clean) The chance to get away from Davis while he was still awake was too good to pass up. By the time she returned his suitcase was closed up and he was fast asleep sprawled on her side of the bed. She rolled her eyes, grabbed her blanket, and headed towards the living room couch. Even though it hurt her back to sleep there she didn't want to risk waking him.

The room was dimly lit and cooler than her bedroom. The chill brushed against her skin and made her flesh rise. She rubbed her arms and spread her small blanket over the couch. The shades were open so she shut them swiftly and proceeded to take her nightgown off completely. Wearing clothes to sleep felt like suffocation but she didn't want to give the neighbors a midnight show. She lay down briskly and covered herself fully beneath the fuzzy covers, finding her panties with her fingers and pulling them off. Panties usually stayed on to sleep but tonight she felt like exploring. She pushed her hand down between her legs and spread her pussy open, rubbing the sore lips that had been violated for at least an hour while Davis tried to get off. It wasn't his girth (ha!) that made her sore, it was the fact that he didn't make her wet at all. In fact she was still dry as a bone even though she was furiously trying to picture something delicious in her head. She grunted in frustration and pulled her hand back up to her chest. She licked one of her fingers to taste herself, wondering if it was sour and maybe that's why Davis had never bothered to taste for himself. Surprisingly she thought she tasted sweet, the way sex should taste. This thought only made her more depressed because she realized till death do them part she was stuck with a lame fuck who wouldn't eat her out. Even though she was alone and free to do with her body as she pleased her mind couldn't get away from the earlier escapade with Davis. He had turned her off of her own self. She closed her eyes and prayed when she woke he would already be gone.