Caution: This Science Fiction Sex Story contains strong sexual content, including Ma/Fa, Time Travel,
Desc: Science Fiction Sex Story: Chapter 1 - Hell, I've been out of commision for so long I'd completely forgotten about this one. I wrote it as a hopeful begining to a new story and I put it up in Desdmona's Fish Tank for comments by other Authors. They thought it was ok and what the hell, I liked it a little myself. Gird your grid for the big one. This is my take on what happens when Science Fiction strikes a Bureaucracy at or near the speed of light.
Chakalta had a job to do. It wasn't physically demanding and with his extensive training and advanced equipment it wasn't exactly mentally taxing either. It could have been a lonely job, but he wasn't the first to have it and previous bad planning had let his superiors come to understand arrangements had to be made not only for those Chakalta had to work with, but for Chakalta too.
Though there had been much learned discussion over the matter and though the discussions always agreed men could do quite nicely with jacking off as the only outlet for their sexual needs, reality had showed the discussers they didn't know shit from Shinola.
The observable, empirical, and measurable evidence was unassailable no matter what the experts theorized. Since a candidate for the job of Population Initiator was necessarily treated with Ageing Halt therapy at twenty-one years of age and since a standard mission was mean to last two hundred and fifty Earth years, the previous mission specialist always went bat shit crazy after only two or three years. Apparently yanking the old crank didn't do quite the job the experts thought it should.
The august body of experts had been allowed to foist the first failure off as random behavior and unforeseeable. The second failure had required six months of detailed study of every second of the mission after arrival in Earth's orbit. Alas, this third failure wasn't to be explained away no matter they examined every second of the mission in slow motion.
An upper level expediter had been appointed to attend to matters. This was an unusually hasty step for a normally serious studious bureaucracy such as The Population Relocation Administration. The PRA was an established government organ normally noted for careful consideration of all possibilities. The perceived haste was not generated by the importance of the mission though. It came because of other governmental considerations.
At one time The Population Relocation Administration had started life in a rush and in response to the discovery of a scientific cold hard fact. Atalta, their one and only planet, was due to be struck by an apparent aimlessly wandering celestial body. Since it was fully one-third the size of Atalta itself, things were looking grim, and The Population Relocation Administration was put in place with a stupendous budget to match and given the job of finding a solution.
To the complete astonishment of all concerned — the entire population of Atalta — The Population Relocation Administration delivered wonderfully even though no one had expected salvation at all. Even more amazing was that The Population Relocation Administration hadn't been trying to do what they eventually did. In other words the solution just happened to crop up from other things they were doing.
Even though The Population Relocation Administration was by definition a special case, its management had been brought together from other big bureaucracies and naturally those bureaucrats knew their first job was to increase their funding for next years appropriations. These truths had been imbibed with their mother's milk.
Even these experienced money spenders were taxed by the scope of their original budget and the imperative of increasing it. As a temporary measure they had created a Population Relocation Transportation sub Administration and since there weren't enough experienced money spenders to fill all available slots they accidentally employed some people who actually knew what they were doing.
Any reasonable bureaucrat would have known better. Unfortunately, or maybe fortunately in the long run, there just weren't enough experienced money spenders to fill all the available posts. After all, the original leadership team had already given up on throwing money at the problem and by now had resorted to firing money at it with the biggest guns they could requisition.
The solution to the problem came about so quickly and so efficiently the faith of the people of Atalta in their government was renewed nearly at once. No matter that the government had spent decades worth of resources on something that only accidentally solved the problem. Not to mention the solution had nothing to do with relocating even one member of said population.
The Population Relocation Transportation subsidiary Administration of the Population Relocation Administration had fired off a few hundred billion at a small private company which had discovered a way to manipulate subspace interactions with normal space.
Of course they didn't have the requisite bureaucracy in place for such and important project, but time was at a premium and the money had to be allocated and spent. When the company reported promising discoveries after only one quarter both a thrill and a spasm of terror ran through the highest levels of The Population Relocation Administration itself, not to mention near panic in The Population Relocation Transportation sub Administration.
Complete disaster was averted only by quick thinking of the now super rich former owner of the private company. By the luck of the draw he had become fabulously wealthy, but it was all for nothing if he didn't keep going until the original problem was solved. After all it didn't matter how much money he had to spend if there was no longer a planet to spend it on. The damned celestial body which had formerly been thought to be aimlessly wandering was still heading directly for them and their asses were gone if someone didn't do something about it.
Jalton knew he had the ways and means to correct the problem now and thanks to The Population Relocation Administration's Population Relocation Transportation subsidiary he now also had the money to do the job.
When he arrived at the mega-meeting his own success had caused he was able to corner the nearest career bureaucrat above him and lay down the law.
"I don't have time for this shit and I didn't hire on for this kind of ass kissing. You start another damned administration right now and get these assholes off my back while I'm busy saving the planet."
Fortunately for the whole world of Atalta the relatively low-level bureaucrat above Jalton knew a head rolling catastrophe when he heard one. He sent Jalton directly back to work, spread a few rumors that things weren't going as well as expected and recommended more funds to cure the problem. Of course everyone present understood what must be done at once.
Six months later The Rockport Company had used its new subspace technology to place more of its new subspace technology onto the offending celestial body and began busily transporting portions of the celestial body into a nearby black hole which didn't protest in the least.
Even though the immediate problem which had caused the spawning of The Population Relocation Administration was solved without any population being relocated there was nothing to say The Population Relocation Administration should be dissolved.
How unfair would that be after all? They had come together and saved the world, not to mention all the people on it. In a brave statement of selflessness The Population Relocation Administration was able to further enhance its reputation and its public popularity by actually asking for less money from next year's appropriations to boot. It was put down as one of the most efficient government administrations of all time.
In fact the tremendous efficiency demonstrated by The Population Relocation Administration's first project was the very reason their recent failures were so annoying. Even though what they were trying now had nothing to do with their original brief, and even though only one citizen was being lost per attempt, it looked bad for bureaucrats who had been getting top billing for the last hundred years on their past success.
Their grateful world had seen it as only fitting they would remain in their position of near reverence for all these intervening year. There was much too much at stake over this ancillary project now, and the squabbling of the experts was becoming an embarrassment.
Luckily for The Population Relocation Administration the once low-level bureaucrat Jalton had cornered when things were a little more hectic lo those many years ago, Dilpot, had benefited greatly from the encounter. He was now a very highly placed bureaucrat with The Population Relocation Administration. Luckily for him he had been responsible for post project placement of many of Jalton's former employees. He'd known exactly which expediter to send to the meeting with the experts.
Cardaga had been a micro-pipe-fitter at The Rockport Company. Even though he was a good union man he had allowed Dilpot to move him into a company job. He could not remain in the pipe fitter's union, but at quadruple the salary and less than a tenth of the work he managed to swallow his pride.
Dilpot had recognized something valuable in Cardaga from the start. No doubt the experience of once having to actually work for a living had given Cardaga the insight, but he could actually spot bullshit and its purveyor in an instant. Uncharacteristically he could usually hold his tongue until said purveyor had thoroughly hung himself.
Of course now his position of expediter didn't require him to use ceremony and tact, but he still put on a good front until he'd at least had two bellies full.
Even bureaucracies eventually learn they can't go on hiring more and more idiots to take up space and that sooner or later someone has to get something done. At least they did on Atalta. The position of expediter was their reaction to the process.
An expediter was beholding to no one. Once hired they had the job unless a more senior expediter retired them and the only way they left was retirement or quitting on their own. No one was safe from them and they could come in and fire whole departments if they needed to. They were a well-camouflaged employee too. No bureaucrat who ever wanted another job would admit they even existed.
Cardaga was an excellent expediter. Dilpot asked for his services often and Cardaga made sure the budget was always inline. Dilpot understood Cardaga was the reason his department always seemed to actually accomplish something and do it efficiently.
Unfortunately for the experts in the great 'Let them Jackoff conundrum', Cardaga hadn't been called on for much lately and he was geared up for kicking a little expert ass. Of course Dilpot tried to keep him hidden away for his own uses. This time he'd had word he was about to get the whole project transferred to his department if he couldn't find a way to get some movement.
Of course no movement was actually necessary, but the project was beginning to smell bad and people were making noises.
Cardaga had three days warning and he went over every scrap of information available even though he had the answer to the problem after only reading a short summary. This was not unusual.
On the day the meeting began Cardaga showed up two hours late. When he entered the meeting room said meeting was already in progress, but as he walked toward the dais the participants became silent and when he walked to the podium, nudged the previous speaker aside, and reversed the podium so it faced the back of the room the grumbling started. It got louder as he moved a large comfortable chair about fifteen feet in front of the podium's new position and promptly sat in it.
"All of you return to the seats, including all those behind me at the big shot table. I'm the only big shot left in this room and if I hear squabbling the one responsible will be on his way to unemployment.
"Everyone knows you've been here for years fucking off and it is going to start stopping today. If you don't care much for the job you might as well leave now." Cardaga announced.
Of course none of them left. In fact the one who'd thought he was in charge started arguing.
"This is preposterous. What makes you think you can come in here and take over our meeting?" the previous number one asshole asked.
"Guards," Cardaga said, only slightly above the din.
Six armed and armored guards came in and at Cardaga's pointing finger they cuffed the one who'd been complaining.
"Let him stew three days in a private cell and then send him through the paperwork for employment termination," Cardaga said.
"Now, let's begin again from the start. I'm sure you had some presentation in mind, so give it," Cardaga said.
Since the presumed head man was no longer present there was some shuffling around, but the presentation did get started.
Since he'd been able to make such an auspicious beginning Cardaga listened to three hours of their concentrated bullshit without another outburst. Finally he'd taken all he could stand though and after the current speaker finished he went to the podium, turned it back around to face the entire crowd and gave a little talk of his own.
"First let me tell you all that I truly do admire your ingenuity. I'm quite sure you are the all time winners of the prize for fucking off the most time and money over nothing this world has ever seen.
"I'm going to make sure this is all noted on your job performance records. You have spent untold millions of dollars trying to make a man, stabilized at twenty-one years of age, jack off for two hundred and fifty years.
"You're just lucky the test subjects were all retrieved and are doing well after your extended expensive torture. Luckily none of them are asking for outrageous damages."
"But they all signed waivers."
"May I ask where and when you attended law school? When were you admitted to the bar?"
"I'm a scientist."
"If you are you're a stupid one. I've read the waiver you had them sign and it would have been better if you'd sent it with them for a wad rag. Apparently no one had the sense to hire a lawyer either.
"All that is for another day though. You now have three days to formulate a plan for furnishing a woman for the men in these missions. Some of you should consider having him obtain one from the subject planet. I will guarantee immunity from personal loss for the best proposal. The rest of you will probably have any damages the former experiments win via litigation removed from your personal assets."
Six of the remaining nineteen experts hung around to argue, but the other thirteen hauled their asses to get to work. Cardaga let the six stay for a couple of hours and threw in a response or two while they argued. He let it go on much longer than the fun for him lasted, but finally...
"You've now flapped your lips for a couple of hours while the others have had time to get started. I'm not some flunky sent out here to hold your hands. I am an expediter and you will do what I say or you'll end up in prison instead of fired. It might be fitting in a way, but in prison the best you'll be able to hope for is jacking someone else off. You'll probably end up doing a lot of dick sucking too."
His last pronouncement sent them scurrying off too, and Cardaga decided to wander around a little and see if there was anyone in the giant building he wanted to get to know a little better.
Atalta was a wonderful place to live by now. It had been mostly civilized for thousands of years. Due to an unusual good plan early on the planet's population was stabilized at a few less than a billion individuals.
Medical science had eliminated practically all disease and then started working miracles from there. Not only was the population healthy, they were basically young, forever — and ugly had been removed from the genome centuries ago