Chapter 6

(Choices! Choices!)

The three guys walked Nancy back to her car, after saying 'good night' etc to Jason and his buds. Nancy found that she genuinely enjoyed the walk. She was sexually satisfied, she was a bit tired, and, with this second encounter with these guys, she realized that she genuinely liked them. And in addition, for her walking in the moonlight naked except for her shoes with these three black teens was a flat turn on!

(An inner voice sought to pick on her by whispering in her ear:

"You are acting so slutty!"

But it pleased Nancy that she was able to easily shut the voice down with an inner giggle saying:

"Yes, isn't it great; coming back to life again after all these years of mourning for Wayne!"

She also realized that she was completely satisfied by the answer, and that pleased her also.) The three guys watched her closely as she walked up the path a little ahead of her; their eyes were glued to Nancy's moving ass cheeks. The unnaturalness of walking in this remote setting with a lovely, older, naked white woman was a huge turn on for them.

Rambler walked a little faster and got in step with Nancy, as she went up the little hilly path to the parking area.

She smiled over at him and took him by the hand.

"Thanks for taking care of me!" she said.

"My pleasure, Mrs. Sweet," he answered.

She was touched by his politeness. She leaned her head against his shoulder as they walked and said: "No, please it's Nancy, and I really do thank you for taking care of me."

"Hey," he countered, "You're our babe!"

"Fuckin' right!" Jace said.

Rambler said over his shoulder: "Hey, man, language."

"Cool," Jace said in reply, and Nancy smiled.

As they proceeded to the car, Rambler said to Nancy then:

"We do this again sometime?"

Nancy stopped; she looked around at all three of them and said:

"Hey, guys, I certainly won't say 'no' to that idea. I don't know what I'm going to do now. This is all so new to me, you know."

"How," Rambler said, Stopping and confronting her.

"Oh, Rambler," she said, taking all three of them in with her glance, and then she continued: "My husband Wayne died three and a half years ago; he was just the love of my life. All my 'wildness' was saved for him, and him alone. I'd do, you know, anything for him. But I kind of died with him; I mean, shut it all down; became mournful, mopey, just kind of a gray existence for those years. Running into Lance brought me out of that with a kind of bang! And then the very idea, which really, really bothered me at first, of being 'lost' to you three in the basketball game was a kind of curve that I just wasn't ready for. So, it's time for some major thinking on my part. I certainly know I'm not going back to the old, half alive widow. I don't think that Wayne would like that for me at all. I just have to think a bit."

Then Nancy cried. She didn't expect to, it surprised her as much as the others. Rambler stepped up to her, and hauled her into his arms, where she just put her face against his shoulder and cried it out. Jace and Willie gathered around her and she was pressed in from the front and from the back. Only this time the hands were comforting and caressing, and it wasn't sexual at all.

She lifted her head and looked at each of them in turn, saying: "Hey, you're my guys; I don't intend to forget that."

Then she got on her tip toes and kissed Rambler; it was a soft kiss with a kind of pledge of almost belonging to it. She repeated the kiss with Willie and Jace then also.

They got to the car and she got her slip, her bra, and the garter belt and stockings that she'd left at the car, and got dressed. She offered them a ride and drove them back to the club.After they got out of the car, she was struck by how much, how very much she wanted to go into the club and see Willard. That was a keen revelation for her.

"They were indeed," she thought to herself, as she sat in the car for a few moments, "My guys but," she said to herself in a moment of clear revelation: "the draw is Willard." Then she put the car in gear, telling herself:

"I've got to think about that a bit." And she drove home.

At home she took off all of her clothes and took a long hot shower. It felt good. Cleaned up, she went to the fridge and got herself a glass of white wine and went to the family room. It was dark and it looked out on the back of the property, which was wooded after a lawn of about a half a block in length. She sat, naked, sipping her wine and said to the night air and the spirits:

"Wayne, I have to think about this; help me out here."

She thought for a bit and was pleased that there was some clarity in her thoughts. She continued to muse out loud, as though here were right there with her.

"Honey, I shut myself down and off, once you left; I wasn't me; really, I wasn't anyone. It's been long and hard, and I know that it was really doing a disservice to your memory and the memory of what we were to be that way and remain that way. I remember how we'd both giggle at being so 'perverted' as you said, and we did talk any number of times about me 'doing' someone else, maybe a black man, with you watching. I shut off those thoughts and buried them with the me that was your me."

She stopped then and cried a little but eventually she was ready to go on.

"Well, honey, I can't believe that you don't know what's happened lately. Lance and that ride home from my conference had the clarion sound of a 'wakeup call' for me. I look at myself and the things I did with and for Lance and realize that I've opened up my 'slutty' persona again. I thought it was dead and gone with you, who were both master and arranger for me and us."

She thought again; took a drink of her wine and continued to talk to the dark:

"And, yes, my sweet Wayne, I did Derrick and his roommate. The roommate was neither hear nor there but I wasn't able to resist seeing Derrick in that shower and the way he was the absolute image of you. I did it and I loved it."

She drank again and went on: "Then things went somewhat crazy; I mean, Lance 'losing' me in the basketball game, and going along with and having to satisfy those three black teen agers. And the fear--oh, the fear of them hitting me, spanking me, yes, and even burning me--branding me, as I thought of it later. That fear was mixed with a sexual awareness that I thought had left my life forever. I was more in shock at that revelation than anything that those boys did; I just couldn't tell them because I wasn't sure they'd understand. Then it got more interesting with being taken to the club and meeting Willard."

She got up and walked around the dark room with the wine in her hand.

"If I tell the truth here, and this talk with my 'spirits' really makes that necessary, it was meeting Willard that really stirred me. It kind of shocked me into putting it all into place and making sense of all of it. I was so pleased to 'thank him' the way that I did. It made meeting up with those boys again such a great experience."

She paused then a long time, letting all of the various scenes play in her mind, in her head before she went back to her conversation.

"It's brought out my 'slut me', remember that's what we called it, when you were making all those crazy, sexy plans? It has brought it out again, and I find myself reacting the way that I did with you: resolving and deciding to do what I'm told by people like this. And finding, O god, discovering, that I like that; I like doing that, being that way."

She knew now that she was drawing to an end, and coming to her conclusions:

"So, sweetheart, I need to be this way for a while but I have to talk and make it up to Derrick. It's not fair to be that way with him."

She stopped and she cried for a little bit again.

"Wayne, honey, this is not our good bye, last or final or anything. It's just me letting you know what's going on, and how I am. I'm beginning to be finer than I've been for a long time, finding again this lost, buried, set aside part of me, that you loved so much and used so well. I just need to get the courage to talk to Derrick. I hope I haven't screwed that up!"

She was startled out of her reverie by the phone, which made her jump, when it rang.

"What are you doin', darling?" came the voice.

Nancy's voice caught in her throat until she realized it was Derrick, who sounded so much like his dad that it was uncanny.

Nancy giggled, and suppressed her tears.

"Oh, Derrick," she sighed, "It's such a treat to hear your voice!"

Then she told him that she was sitting there in the nude and drinking a glass of wine, that she'd decided to think about the things that have been happening lately and had just been talking to Derrick's dad about them to help her think.

There was a silence, and then Derrick, his voice thick with emotion, said:

"Well, Mom, here I am!" He hesitated then and said: "Maybe you shouldn't tell me what you're wearing; after all, I at school and am celibate."

Then they both laughed, and she said:

"Okay, no teasing, but honey I'd love to talk to you for a bit."

He proposed that they meet half way at a diner that they both knew about and the date was set. They set a time, and she said:

"I'll be there, and I'll be dressed."

"You said 'no teasing'," he shot back at her.

"Oops!" she came back with, "Sorry, Derrick."

Then she thought a moment and said:

"Honey, I don't regret what happened between me and you and Ned at all but I know that it's not a good idea to make a habit of it."

"That's cool, Mom," he said to her, "I understand and I agree."

"Oh, I love you, Derrick," she said, on the verge of tears again.

"I love you do," then he added: "Dress up a bit; it'll be so cool to be met by a gorgeous sexy woman."

"You've got it, big guy!" she said as she rung off.

She dressed carefully. It was a pair of beige-gold bikini panties and a matching bra that was underwired, and showed her nipples prominently. Then it was a light brown button sweater and a pair of wheat colored linen trousers that were tight and showed clearly the edges of her panties. She finished it off with a pair of 4" brown high heels.

The drive was about an hour and a half to get to the diner, which was a popular place and usually pretty crowded. When Nancy arrived, Derrick was already waiting for her. She kind of stalked into the diner and, seeing him, waved and went to where he was sitting.

They sat in a corner and ordered; then she spoke up:

"Derrick, I need to talk to you a bit."

"It's about what you've been doing, Mom, right?" he asked.

"Yes," she said simply. Then she went on: "I really think that your dad wouldn't want me to close down the way that I have and just waste away. I really don't think that."

"I agree, Mom," he said to her, putting his hand over hers on the table."

"I hope you don't think that I'm terrible; I'm trying to find myself again, and regain some of the, I don't know, élan that your Dad and I had. I never actually thought that it would happen again but it seems to be happening."

"Tell me," he said, not moving his hand away. "I love you, Mom, and nothing is going to change that."

Then she talked to him and told him about her 'adventures' of late. She looked at him with great concern and he smiled at her and then laughed.

"Mom, you're coming out again and it sounds like you're doing a hell of a job of it."

"You don't think I'm being ... uh ... jjtoo slutty or something like that?" she averted her eyes as she said it.

"Look at me, Mom," he ordered, and she obeyed instinctively.

"You're finding the real you," is what he said then, "And that's what I want for you more than anything. Please be careful though!"

She promised that she would. It made her feel so much better that he was so calm about it. She smiled and began to think that it was going to be as good for her as she thought it might just be. Nancy leaned back then and looked around a bit. Her scan of the whole place ran across a number of people but her gaze flashed back to the other corner of the place, where she saw Willard sitting. Junior was with him and he was talking to a man. Nancy got a strange feeling in the pit of her stomach. She knew immediately that she was going to do something.

She reached in her purse and found a bag that she'd folded there and left from a gift she purchased. She put it in her pants' pocket and said: