What the Fuck?
Chapter 1

Caution: This Science Fiction Sex Story contains strong sexual content, including Ma/Fa, Mult, Science Fiction, Post Apocalypse,

Desc: Science Fiction Sex Story: Chapter 1 - What? You thought the Mayans were just fucking around when they ended their calendar on December 21, 2012?

Of all the fucking luck this wasn't some of it. I should have known something shitty would happen when I got old enough to realize being born in 1984 was nothing to be proud of. Sure, George Orwell didn't have the date right on the money, but he wasn't so far off after all. Nineteen Eighty-Four wasn't so bad and Ronald Regan offered some hope on the communist front by spending most of them into submission.

Hell, even old Bush the elder didn't make any major fuckups and Bill Clinton provided eight years of comic relief. And then along came W -- he was an idiot, frat boy, fuckup from the word go. He nearly broke the whole fucking country and led to finally breaking the race barrier at the top of the ticket. I think most of the country was just relieved to get over that hump without Jesse Jackson getting in there somewhere.

Here we were in November of 2012. Barak Obamalamadingdong had done an acceptable job during his first four years and he'd been re-elected for four more, but in December we got the word all our astronomical scientists had been sitting around with their thumbs up their asses.

NASA had been jacking itself and its budget off trying to get some sucker a ride to Mars, and the damned Mayans had known what was going to happen for thousands of years, even though they only gave us hints.

Apparently the Mayans had known the shit was going to hit the fan on 21st December 2012 AD since way back on 11th August 3114 BC. Somehow they managed to calculate all this thousands of years before the telescope was even a gleam in Galileo's eye.

Of course, since the Catholic Church had a direct line to God back then they'd known for hundreds of years the Mayans weren't good Christians and couldn't possibly have any idea of what was going down.

Here and now on 10 December 2012 it sure looked like those Catholics had misplaced a comma or misspelled a word in one of their Holy translations, or at least their adding machine had slipped a cog somewhere.

Even though they'd given executing Galileo the old schoolboy try way back when, the telescope had caught on anyway. The earth was not the center of the whole universe, and yes Virginia, that pesky twenty-mile diameter asteroid was going to hit Earth pretty damned nearly exactly when the Mayans thought something was going to go horribly wrong.

No matter what they'd claimed they were doing to keep an eye out for approaching space detritus, our people in the know had spent the big bucks on satellite TV and spying on our neighbors and none of the money grubbing bastards had bothered to check on what outer space had next in line for our poor old planet Earth.

No one had noticed the monster fucking rock headed our way at somewhere around one hundred and forty thousand miles per hour. Maybe it was understandable since the poor little thing was only twenty or so miles in diameter. It seemed a little odd though, since once it was pointed out, any damned idiot could spot it easily with a pair of Wal-Mart binoculars. All you had to do was go outside at night and look.

If you said it fast it didn't sound so bad, but you had to say it damned fast since its estimated speed put splashdown on the twenty-first. Eleven days away. Even now they had it located and had a good handle on its speed and direction there was no good estimate of where it would hit.

Even if they'd had a good guess about the point of impact there was not much to be done about it. If it struck the earth intact most living things were done for. Hell, it might even be all living things, but I didn't think so. In fact I didn't think it would kill all humans, but I did think it would kill most of 'em.

Of course the whole world was in a panic and they all wanted to pack up and go somewhere safe, but where? That was the sixty-four thousand dollar question. By two days before projected impact it was pretty obvious someone somewhere had an idea where it would hit, but if they did they weren't telling.

My biggest surprise was the lack of violence in the streets and next was the way TV, radio, and other services hung in there. It was just as well the place I worked closed for a week, because I wouldn't have showed up anyway. Finding a place to hole up might be pointless, but I did it anyhow.

Hell, moderate shelter was easy to find where I lived. My home was in tornado alley and there were quite a few storm cellars around. I happened to know of one about eight miles from me and I also knew damned few people could remember it at this late date.

I'd found it on my own while deer hunting when I was sixteen. It was behind an old home place, which had burned down more than thirty years ago. It had been a big old house and they'd had a big shelter. It had been solidly built and had heavy timbers holding up what was basically just an earthen top over a big hole they dug.

Finding it hadn't been an intentional move. I'd been hunting and stepped on the door which promptly fell through. The inside was about twelve by twenty-four and there was really nothing in it. I assumed whoever'd dug it had removed everything when the house burned and they had to move elsewhere.

Whatever the circumstances at the beginning -- here and now it was a big hole in the ground with big timbers keeping it from falling in on itself. Maybe I could have found out more about it, but I didn't try. I practically forgot about it myself until news of our impending doom made me remember.

When I thought of it I went back to take a look and could barely get to it. The dirt road it had been near was no longer being maintained by the county and I had to cut several small trees down to even get near the place. I did it after dark, mostly, because I didn't want anyone following me and showing up after things had gone to shit.

After I found it and replaced the door I did what I could to gather food and other supplies. I didn't try doing anything fancy, but I did gather up bulk food of the type to let me hang on. I wasn't interested in complicated foods and my main staples were cornmeal, flour, and pinto beans. I also bought plenty of ammunition for my Colt Python and my Marlin 336c in 35 Remington.

A couple of days after the news was out I heard something really disturbing on TV. Of course they were making a big deal out of how to survive if worse came to worst and even though I laughed at the if part I did pay attention. When they got to the part about so much shit being thrown into the atmosphere if it struck land somewhere I got nervous.

It was something I hadn't considered, but apparently an earth strike could cause the air to be nearly unbreathable from dust and dirt thrown up. I drove nearly a hundred miles to a fair sized city to visit an army surplus store I remembered.

They'd had lots of old WWII type gas masks there once and when I found the place still open I was happy they had some left. I bought six masks and forty-eight replacement canisters.

The owner waited until I'd paid for my treasure before he told me those masks were only good for certain gases. I shrugged and said maybe they'd help without bothering to mention they'd sure as hell keep dust out of my lungs.

Another surprise was the lack of people rushing to buy up supplies. I didn't know whether I'd need a lot of cached food or not, but I did wonder why there weren't more people out stocking up for at least a few days worth. Business at Wal-Mart was brisk, but there was no mad rush.

One of those short wave radio receivers was near the end of my shopping list. I figured if things got real bad I'd at least want to try finding out if there were others still living somewhere. I wouldn't have any way to talk back to them, but at least I could find out if there were others alive.

My last purchase was parts and pieces to jury rig some type of ventilation for my hideout. I bought enough six inch stove pipe to reach from inside to about three feet above the ground on top of my new place. It took all afternoon to get the hole down through the dirt and the timbers holding up the roof. I put a small twelve-volt fan inside it to move air and then I covered the open end with cotton cloth and then a rain top. It wouldn't keep everything out, but surely it would help.

Twelve volts was all the electricity I could count on and I splurged and bought two large heavy-duty diesel truck type batteries for my pickup. I could leave it running for about an hour at a time to charge them up and then hope they'd furnish some light and run the stove-pipe fan. I even went hog wild and had a super-duty alternator installed on the truck to make sure there'd be plenty of power generated while the truck's motor was running.

The day before doom was supposed to arrive some government agency somewhere let it leak the impact should come just a little before noon for the central time zone. The bad part was it was expected to be in the Gulf of Mexico or somewhere near it. That was going to be damned hard on Houston and Galveston I figured, and the somewhere close part didn't sit all that well with me. Hell, I was only two hundred and fifty miles from the Gulf.

Right after sunset the night before I started packing everything in my house into my truck and moving it to my hole in the ground. Not everything of course, but I took anything I thought I could use right off the bat.

Once everything was inside I spread my sleeping bag on my new high-density foam mattress and sacked out. It was the best night's sleep I'd had since word of the end of the world got around. I even slept until nearly nine since no light could penetrate into my hidey-hole from the outside.

Of course there was nothing to do now, but wait. I had everything I'd planned on storing stored, but it was time for breakfast and I decided to drive back to town and see if anything was open.

It was almost like normal. Pop Blythe's Corner Kitchen downtown was open and going strong and Pop was holding forth inside between times he was frying bacon and scrambling eggs. Today I went for eggs, bacon, bacon, bacon, pancakes, and another order of bacon with my coffee.

Pop was convinced it was all bullshit someone had cooked up and said if the thing did hit he hoped it didn't foul up business for his lunch special today. I wished him luck and headed back out of town and to my hideaway.

As time counted down toward noon I waited outside my shelter. According to the experts, strong vibrations would travel out and shake everything up first. The next thing on the menu was the extra-strong sound wave and then the terrific overpressure.

I was supposed to be far enough away so the overpressure wouldn't be dangerous to my health and especially my eardrums. I was going to stay outside for the first little bit though, because if it was going to shake hell out of the ground I wanted to be out of my hole while it did. I didn't think it would cave in, but how could I know?

I could know by waiting to see, that's how. If the thing didn't cave in during the shaking I was supposed to have at least a few minutes before the sound, pressure, and wind hit. They'd mentioned there'd be a lot of wind. I was hoping for Pop's solution though. I hoped it had all been a bunch of hot air.

At 11:55 central time I got my biggest clue. A streak of light started and at first it looked like something was headed exactly toward me. It wasn't moving quite as fast as a lightning bolt, but it wasn't far behind. After about half a second I could see it wasn't coming directly toward me though. I watched spellbound until it disappeared behind the horizon.

I'd never really known if there'd really been shock and awe in Iraq like old W told us there was, but I knew for sure there was some up here in North East Texas right now, because I was sure as hell shocked and awed. I don't even know how long I stood there wondering whether I should shit or go blind, but it wasn't very long before the ground started shaking for real, and it was nothing like I'd expected.

Tremors were what I'd expected, especially from something which was supposed to hit more than two hundred miles away. What we got was violent jerking. It was as if the ground had jumped out from under my feet. I was on my ass in seconds and it was nearly two full minutes before I even tried to stand up again.

Someone from California might be prepared for something like this, but being born and raised in the upper right hand corner of Texas hadn't let me have even the least clue. I might have laid there for hours if I hadn't felt the wind picking up and if the noise hadn't started in. Finally I came to my senses and got my ass into the shelter once I saw it was still intact. I decided I might as well put on the noise protecting ear gear I'd bought, just in case.

I know you've seen the TV commercial when they say you could have heard a pin drop. This was not one damned thing like that. I couldn't have heard a fucking mountain drop. I've been close enough to a lightning strike before so I could actually feel the sound of thunder, for a half second or so. The sound coming now seemed like an hour or so of that. Even ten feet below ground it nearly knocked me off my feet again.

After about fifteen minutes the noise was about played out and the wind had died down a little, so I climbed the steps and looked outside. God almighty what a mess. Just about an hour ago we had plenty of pine trees in north east Texas, but now I wasn't sure we had any left standing. Well, some of them were still up, sorta, but every damned one I could see was bent over halfway to the ground at least.

Thankfully the ones on the windward side of my pickup were only bent over and touching it instead of laying on it. I'll admit the trees were a danger I never even considered. I mean this wind was only caused by something slamming into the earth. Who'd have thought it could be so powerful.

After a look around I decided I could get the truck turned around and go take a look around town. It was what I intended to do until the ground started shaking again. What the fuck was this, a second outer-space bomb? It couldn't be could it, but the ground did shake violently again.

Earthquake? It had to be, I guess. I'd never heard of any earthquakes around here at all. I thought I remembered there was supposed to be a big fault up in Missouri somewhere, but it wasn't close to here. Then I remembered there'd been two tiny earthquakes out around Dallas a few years ago. Maybe there were some fault lines near me.

I got in the truck, but didn't start it. I might as well see if there was anything on the radio. I did manage to pick up a scratchy signal on AM, but it wasn't anything I could actually make sense of and I forgot about it when I heard a giant explosion.

The explosion wasn't really loud, but the way it kept on rumbling made me think it had been big but probably a long way off. I bit the bullet, cranked my truck, and headed for town.

Damned if the trees weren't in sad shape everywhere, and less than a mile from where I'd been I saw the biggest house in Bivins Texas was practically flattened. It didn't look like much right now, but I knew for a fact it had been one hell of a house for this part of the country. It had been built for one of my uncles and his wife back in 1969 and the damned thing had cost two hundred thousand bucks way back then. After they both died it sold for four million and it was way off in the woods and ten miles from the nearest small town.

It wasn't the only flattened house either. In fact the next six smaller ones I passed were in worse shape. I stopped at each one and couldn't find anyone alive. I found plenty of crushed bodies in the fallen houses, but no one breathing.

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Story tagged with:
Ma/Fa / Mult / Science Fiction / Post Apocalypse /