Copyright© 2009 by Tabooteller
Sex Story: Chapter 1 - Hubby hears something shocking while listening to his wife the DJ, it makes him think.
I whispered, "What did she just say?"
While at work in my office for a medium-sized company, I liked to listen to a certain rock station in the morning. It had been my habit since the morning DJ started on that station. Some of my coworkers kidded me since I only listened to the radio during that show, saying that I had a thing for the female DJ. I would laugh it off telling them I'm happy with my wife, but they were right I did have a thing for that female DJ. That was because she was my wife. Not many people knew that. We didn't keep it a deep dark secret, but we didn't advertise it either. My wife used a different name when she was on the air.
She called herself Passing while in her DJ persona. She started out as Shannon Passing, Shannon being a popular female DJ name, but for some reason even she couldn't figure out, people started calling her Passing. She thought it was cool so she used just that name except when someone asked her full name. Her real name was Joanne.
We met right out of college. I was going back to finish a couple of units and she was meeting with friends still in collage. It turned out that we had graduated on the same night, in the same ceremony but we didn't know each other, so neither one of us noticed. I recalled that a couple of grads had received a large amount of cheering and one of them was she evidently. Her friends hadn't expected her to graduate in four years because she played around. She would have evening Frisbee games, midnight trips to play-yard swings and she went to the beach that was fifty miles away a few times. She had studied harder than they thought so she graduated on time even if she was toward the bottom of her class. I had taken business and law courses, graduating with a business degree in the top ten percent of my class. I didn't want to be a lawyer but I wanted to know as much as possible to help me get ahead. I learned later that her friends were surprised that we got together much less got married. I didn't have a lot of friends.
One or two of my closest friends weren't sure she would fit in with a corporate life style; other buddies thought it was cool I was dating a hot chick. I didn't like her being called that but there wasn't much I could do about it, especially when they were partially correct. I liked her from the beginning and I think she liked me, but I was truly hooked the first time I saw her in her modest bikini. I liked that she didn't wear the skimpy outfits some of her friends liked to wear, even though hers didn't quite cover up everything. In her bathing suit I could see the shape of her bosom and I knew I always would like looking at her. I hadn't been only a breast man before but I was after looking at her. It wasn't just her top that got me. Though her stomach was a little pouchy, over all she was great.
She caught me staring at her and said something about it not being polite to stare especially with stalkers running around. I blushed and apologized for staring. She said something about being on her guard against stalkers. I must have blanched because she changed her tone to a teasing one as she finished her statement by saying, "I really don't mind you staring. You're too serious and straight-laced to do anything bad."
I smiled in relief and mumbled something I wasn't sure about. Later I thought over what she said and even though the "serious and straight-laced" part bothered me the way she emphasized the word "you" gave me hope that she really liked me. Later we did get more serious and one night I let it slip how much I liked her in her bikini top.
She was surprised but smiled and said, "So you like my boobs?"
I nodded and she said "Good, but I hope you like the rest of me too."
I said, "I do."
She smiled again even bigger with that teasing look and said, "Ohhh, I like you saying I do."
I know I looked puzzled by the way she said it. It wasn't until later that I thought I figured out what she meant. I didn't know if she was just kidding or if there was a grain of truth in her teasing but I thought it was a good sign.
A little over 18 months later I did say "I do" while wearing a black tux and meant it with all my heart. I know that she liked me saying it by the way she said it when it came to her turn and the way she kissed me when we were pronounced man and wife. I was going to make it a peck but she grabbed hold of my head and kissed me long and hard. Some of my friends and family cheered while most of hers joined them.
While we were waiting for the limo to take us to the reception one of my buddies came up and said, "Whee, boy you do have a hot one. I'd love to see videos of the honeymoon."
I just stared at him and after seeing the look on my face he quickly added, "Oops, I mean, um, ah, that is ... you know what I mean."
I said, "Yeah I think I do."
We did have an exciting honeymoon, except for the last three days. It was good when we got back too for even though the first year had rough spots we got through it ok.
I put down the paper in my hand as I thought back, trying to reclaim whatever it was that had caught my attention. Her current partner had made some statement. The station management for some unknown reason kept switching the co-DJ who works with her. Sometimes they had a contest to allow the winner to co-DJ with her for a week, sometimes management placed one of the other DJs with her for a month, and at other times they placed an auditioning DJ with her.
This morning it was the evening guy who had worked with her a few times in the last few years. I was able to recall that he had said something about a study that recently came out that said a certain number, I completely missed the number, of married and living together couples have a quickie in the morning before getting up to get ready for work school etc. She said that she believed that for she had had one of those quickies last week.
It was that statement that had attracted my attention. Not so much that she would reveal on the air our sexual habits. She has made statements about our personal life before. She has admitted that we fight over money like most couples after her co- DJ read a story about such fights. As long as she doesn't go into intimate details I usually don't say anything. Recently though she has stopped mentioning her husband. She has never used my name, only called me her husband, but she had stopped even using that term. I thought it might have been her manager telling her not to say she was married for it added a bit of sexiness to the program if people thought she wasn't married. Now I wondered if that was true.
As I said it wasn't that she admitted to the quickie that got my attention it was the fact that I wasn't home last week. Uh oh, I thought, that didn't sound good. I kept listening closely to see if she would say anything else.
Close to the time for her to sign off a female caller also admitted to having a morning quickie last week. My wife said "Uhh" then paused before saying, "Did I say last week? I meant a month ago," another pause then, "It was last month that I had a quickie in the morning".
I thought seriously of calling up and disguising my voice to try to get more details but I wasn't sure if I could pull it off for that long. And her show was about over anyway.
I sat there leaning back in my seat. She had spoken the correction quickly. I don't know how many listeners would have caught it but that combined with that pause when the caller said she said a week ago, made me think.
As I thought certain recent scenes replayed themselves in my mind.
The words, "Oh no she's doing it again." slipped out of my mouth before I knew I was thinking them.
I felt like hitting the desk with my hand. Everything had come together in my mind. Things she said, how she said them, how she reacted when she was late, how she reacted to me being late, when she wanted sex etc. Included with all that were the lies she had told me. It made perfect sense now but at the time she told them I knew she was lying but it never occurred to me that this was the reason. It should have. All of these things added up to her having another affair.
She had had one two years ago that lasted for six weeks. I hadn't picked up on it immediately but at the time when I thought back on it, it was obvious when it started and later when she quit. I would have said something about it but I had no proof, nothing I could point to and say here's the evidence. So since she stopped I let it go. Eventually I forgot about it ... mostly that is. Every so often I would think about it and see if I could tell if she was having one again. I said I let it go but I was still angry and hurt over it.
This time I missed the signs completely. Of course the possibility existed that she never stopped her affair two years ago, she just got better at hiding it, but I really didn't think so. I decided that I was going to do something about it this time. I would get the hard evidence I needed.
At that time we had been married 13 years, and she had been a DJ for this station for fours years; she had worked two other stations for a total of seven years as a DJ.
Most of the time I didn't mind her working, the hours were short: five hours a day, five days a week. Sometimes she would have special parties to attend, or wedding receptions and other parties to host. I didn't particularly like some of the clothes she wore in public while in her DJ mode. She had one micro miniskirt and four minis. She used to have three micros but got rid of two because they made me feel uncomfortable. She also had four pair of shorts of various lengths and tightness. All were short, but she did get rid of her tightest and shorter shorts. Maybe she had gotten rid of them too late. I frowned at that thought. Was this affair just one in a series that I missed? Did she get her first seven-year-itch a little late and now a second one early? I didn't know. Part of me didn't care, but I wanted to know how many affairs she had had. A sudden thought came to my mind, how many one time flings had she had? Was this situation one of those flings? I didn't think so. Now that I was looking for them I could see, in my memory, the signs that she was having an affair. Of course it could be a series of one-night stands, but again I didn't think so. I could be wrong of course but I didn't think she had gone that far.
Which brought me back to this affair. As I thought again on what she said the only thing that kept me from hitting my desk as hard as I could was the fact my security would hear and come rushing in and I might end up breaking my hand. If she had had a morning quickie that meant she had slept with him the night before. I didn't know why that made it so much worse but it did.
I needed to find some solid evidence, and I thought of only one way to do that. I hated to do it but it was the only sure way. I needed to find a PI to follow her. After thinking about it for quite a few minutes I decided not to ask around for an honest PI. Too many people would be able to guess why I wanted one. So I looked in the phone book.
It took me a few days to find one I thought would likely be honest as well as good. I tried to hide my feelings but my wife knew me too well. After the third day, the same day I had made an appointment to see a PI, she asked me what was bothering me. I tried to say nothing but she whittled it out of me. Or that is she tried. I ended up lying to her and saying something at work wasn't going right. As an executive I have run into difficult problems or office politics many times so she was used to me being moody about work.
That day I took off early from work and drove to the PI's office. I had been very careful, looking over the telephone book and Internet ads of quite a few PIs. I even called up some to ask about rates. I figured that how the ads were laid out and how much the person charged could tell a lot about how honest and dependable he was. I found one that seemed to fit what I was looking for. I was a bit early but I didn't have to wait long. His secretary let me in just a minute or so after the time of my appointment.
I looked over his office as I walked in. I halfway expected something out of the hard-boiled, private dick movie: just for show and because it was expected if for no other reason. But this office looked very much like a lawyer's or even a Doctor's office.
We shook hands as we introduced ourselves. He immediately put me at ease. He explained what he would do and how he worked. He stated that he had done this many times. More then three times he found no evidence that the wife was having an affair; once though he found out that the wife was addicted to drugs.
I had heard that some PIs faked evidence of spousal wrong doing, so they would be well paid and so they rep would grow, therefore I decided I didn't want pictures or recordings. I told him that I wanted him to call me when he was sure my wife and lover were together. He had no problem with this except to warn me about physically harming either person. I wasn't planning to and I don't think I would be able to even if I felt like it, so there was no problem there.
I gave him a picture of my wife and told him where she would be etc., than I made arrangements for paying him and left.
A week later while I was at work he called. I was greatly disappointed that it was so soon. I was kinda hoping it would be a month or more before they would get together. The PI said they were at our house. That hit me hard too. I said to myself "not in our bed," but on the other hand where ever they were it would be bad when I walked in on them.
I told my boss there were some urgent personal matters I needed to attend to and then drove home. I drove faster then I usually drove because I wanted to make sure I got there before they were done, not to mention that I was angry.
I skidded to a stop and jumped out. I ran to the door and went in. I made a quick search of the downstairs even though I knew they wouldn't be there. However as I started up the stairs I began to feel, I don't know, unsure maybe. As I headed for the master bedroom - God I hoped they weren't in our bed even though it probably wouldn't be ours for much longer - the feeling increased. I hurried down the upstairs hallway, barely slowing as I went past two unused bedrooms. One door was open and it was easy to see no one was in that room. There were no noises coming from the second bedroom so I didn't even open the door. That left the master bedroom. I rushed to the door pausing for a second before entering our room. I steeled myself for what I thought I would see but as I went in, the bed was made and no one was on it. In fact as I looked around no one was in the room at all. For a moment I wondered if the PI had been wrong or if they were downstairs somewhere or in the backyard after all.
That was when I heard a splash and a groan. Of course, I thought, that was where they were. Two years ago my wife had talked me into buying a two person Jacuzzi bathtub. She thought it would be fun and romantic to use but after small handful of times we only used it together now and then. I wasn't sure if I liked it and I was too busy lately to want to take the time. As I listened to them splashing I wondered if she had convinced me to get it so she and her lover could use it. My second thought was this affair hadn't been going for that long but I could be wrong.
I took three steps toward the bathroom and stopped. I looked at our bed and wondered if it would become unmade in a while or if they would just have their fun in the bathroom. For a second as I thought about them using the bed I felt sick. I wasn't sure why but that would make it worse. It was our bed in our room - a place special to us to be together.
I would have to find out if they ever used the bed for that. I couldn't say the word even to myself, or any of the words for that activity.
I looked at the doorway leading to the bathroom, took another step toward it, then stopped again. It hit all at once. I couldn't do it. I did not want that image of her naked with another man in my mind. I stood for a moment trying to decide what to do. Finally, I turned and walked out of the bedroom and out of the house. I wanted to confront her but I couldn't do it, not while she was doing -that- with another man. I called myself a coward as I walked out of the house but I kept on going. I got in my car and drove off. I noticed the PI's car down the street and I wondered if he thought I had done something to them. I thought about telling him that they were okay but I kept driving. Once I got back to my office I had calmed down enough to call him. I explained that I had chickened out. He said that wasn't unusual. Some husbands just left because they couldn't face their wives. I told him I would do it next time and to keep me informed whenever they were together. He said he would.
It took longer then I expected for them to get together again. It was six weeks before the PI called. My wife knew something was up with me because I hadn't spent much time at home for the two weeks after I heard them in the bathroom. I just slept there, sometimes on the couch. I told my wife I had come in late and hadn't wanted to disturb her. I tried my best to hide it but enough of my emotions leaked out for her to know something wasn't right.
I gradually calmed down enough to sleep with her but we didn't have sex even when she tried to start it. I couldn't say anything about what I knew; I tried once and I just couldn't get the words out.
The second time I said no to sex, she stared at me as if she couldn't understand why. I don't know if she thought I was having an affair, or if I just wasn't interested in sex anymore or if I didn't love her anymore. My problem was that I still loved her. It broke my heart that she was finding sexual pleasure and maybe emotional support with another man.
I cursed myself for being a coward but it didn't help. When the day came that the PI called to say they were together in the house again I became determined. This time I would interrupt them. I sped home, parking in the driveway at an angle partially blocking the sidewalk. I ran inside and up the stairs, knowing where they would be. This time I strode into the bedroom with determination, but as I walked across the bedroom I heard the splashing again and a giggling. I knew that giggling and I knew what it meant, what he was getting ready to do to her.
My determination suddenly left me- all at once. I stood there feeling very tired. I moved over to the bed and sat down on the end. I promised myself a short rest before I left again without confronting them ... I started thinking about how I met her and our wedding, the honeymoon and the first few years. We were different. She was playful and I was serious. It was hard at first but I tried to be more spontaneous and she tried not to demand it from me. As time passed, I was promoted and spent more at work trying to be the best at what I did. She never seemed to grow up. That was why she loved being a DJ, I thought. She could horse around and get paid for it. She didn't keep her play at the radio station, though. Just two months ago I caught her playing with a super soaker with a couple of the neighbor kids. I was ashamed. Here was a thirty-six year old woman in a water fight. I wondered what the neighbors thought. I didn't say anything, but I think she knew I disapproved of it. I had told her a few times that she should be more serious and act grown up.
I next thought about a couple of neighbors who had gotten divorced, and my brother who almost had gotten one. They still might divorce but they were both trying to save their marriage. I guess I would be joining them soon. That thought hurt but I didn't have the gumption to think of anything else. I was just so tired and emotionally drained.
I must have sat there longer then I thought for suddenly I heard the two of them get out of the tub and heard the water start to drain. A second later I heard her footsteps come through the bathroom doorway.
She stopped and gasped then said,"Tony, what are you doing home?"
She said it louder than necessary, probably to make sure her lover would stay in the bathroom. She also sounded angry.
I turned to her and said, "I don't feel like working today."
She looked puzzled because I always worked no matter how I felt.
"Why not?" she asked still half-angry.
"I was just thinking about life and about friends who aren't here anymore." Two of our friends had died recently, one suddenly and the other after a long illness and I had heard that a friend from high school had been killed a few weeks ago.
"This isn't the place or the time for that type of thinking or ... or a sudden mid-life crisis."
She still sounded upset.
"I know. I'm sorry for disturbing your day to relax. I didn't mean to disturb you that's why I stayed in here."
She made an angry snort so I got up.
"I'll go now. I guess back to work, I ... I can rest and think there."
I walked out of the bedroom but my tone of voice must have registered. I had been speaking softer and slower then usual and my depression must have shown on my face.
When I was half way to the stairs she came hurrying out of the bedroom. "Are you okay?"
This time all the anger was gone, I could hear concern in her voice. I thought it was obvious that I wasn't but I didn't have the emotional strength to say that.
"I don't know. There have been too many people we know dying and too many divorced lately."
I finished with, "And too many jobs that lead nowhere."
I let her think all of this melancholiness was caused by a mid-life crisis. I still wasn't ready to confront her and I really had been thinking of those things while I had rested on the bed. I made sure that I didn't say anything that hinted that I was including our marriage in the ones that were ending.
"We should talk, but I have something to do first ... I have a special meeting at work I'm really supposed to be at soon. But I promise I will call you at work as soon as I can. We will talk then."
I just nodded and headed for the stairs. As I started down she ran to the top. I must say that she looked ravishing standing there naked, if she hadn't done what she did I might have decided to stay for awhile.
"I promise I will call as soon as I can."
I just nodded, went down the stairs and out of the house. I got in my car and drove away. She was going to call me at work but I wasn't going back there. Not today anyway. I didn't know where I was headed but it wasn't there.
I learned later that she did call work about twenty minutes after I drove away from the house. That was a lot less time then if she really had had a meeting at her job.
Of course they told her I had left early and hadn't been back. Some friends told me later she started calling around trying to find me but I hadn't called or visited any one so no one knew where I was. I stopped at a bar where I had been spending time. It was a place to kill time when I didn't feel like going home. It was a nice bar designed not to look like one. When I stopped there I would have just a mixed drink followed by whatever fruit juice was handy. I would drink both very slowly. That day I bought a whole bottle of whisky. The bartender said I could get one cheaper at a liquor store. I told him I didn't feel like taking the time to go so I didn't care how much it cost. He warned me about driving drunk; I said I wouldn't.
I kept that promise because I ended up just taking one drink from it. I drove for a while before ending up where my wife finally found me: a city park about an hour's drive from our house. I had driven to an area of the park not usually used that time of day and parked on the side of the road. I was sitting by a stream with my bare feet in the water. The stream was down a short embankment so I couldn't see the road. I heard her car drive up but I wasn't sure it was hers until I heard her park. Even then I wondered if it was a police officer checking on my car.
She never told me how she found me, but it may have been the GPS device in my car. I figured that after calling a many of our friends and driving to different locations she remembered my car had one. Some of our friends later asked what was up since she was sounding desperate by the end of the calls.
I listened to her footsteps as she got out of her car. She went to mine and stopped for a few seconds probably looking inside. She next ran to the embankment and called my name. I could hear the desperation in her voice even though she was trying to make it sound normal.
I finally answered her and she started down the rise.
I called to her, "You're right, taking time to sit with your feet in a stream is refreshing."
She stopped and as I looked at her she looked confused, like she hadn't expected that response. I decided to get up so I threw away a branch I had been making marks in the sand with.
She surprised me by shouting, "No, don't, we can talk, please..." as I picked the small branch up.
On the way home I realized that the stick had been short and bent and in the light of dusk she might have mistaken it for a gun. I wasn't sure if she thought I was going to shoot myself or her. At that moment I wasn't sure why she had said that. But whatever the reason she ran to me giving me a quick hug.
She said, "We need to get home and talk, whatever is wrong we can talk it out." I nodded and she continued, "Maybe your blood sugar is low, we need to get you home so you can eat some fruit."
I hadn't thought about it before she mentioned it but she might have had a point. After my last physical my doctor told me I was getting close to diabetes. I wasn't there yet and I may never get that far but it was something he wanted to keep an eye on I needed to watch my diet.
She wanted me to go with her, leaving my car, but I insisted I was okay enough to drive. I had driven there after all. She made me promise to drive very carefully and after making sure the bottle of whisky was in the trunk he let me drive off. She followed me all the way home.
On the way home I didn't blame her for being confused and concerned for she had never seen my act like this before. I had only seen myself act like this twice before. I wondered if the concern was fake, but I thought that was unfair; she had never faked any feelings before.
Once we got to my car she pointed out the bottle of whisky and insisted I put it in the trunk. I picked it up showing her it was still almost full. I told her I had had one drink only. She still insisted it go in the trunk. I wasn't sure if that was so any police officer who might stop wouldn't see it or if she were not convinced I wouldn't drink anymore. I put it in the trunk. As I did she again reassured me, even though I didn't need it, that everything would be better once we got home and I was able to eat the right type of food and where we could talk.
I was reassured that her concern seemed real. She really was worried about me. We made it home all right. Once we were in the kitchen, while she prepared some fruit for me, I sat down.
I said, "I have been thinking all this afternoon. I decided to quit my job and to move."
"We can discuss this later."
"No, I decided my job is going no where; it's too stifling. I can sell the house and use the money for a down payment on a small house in the town next to Pismo Beach. I could start an online consulting business, much like Jim did, and spend my mornings working via the internet with maybe a trip out of town every so often. In the afternoons, I could walk on the beach and enjoy life like you're always telling me to do."
"I don't like the beach."
I could tell she said that automatically, probably while wondering what to say.
I said, "I don't really expect you to be visiting all that often."
She turned to look at me for a moment as the implication of my words hit her. Her eyes got big and she stared at me in shock. I had never seen her react like that before.
Finally she said, "But ... but ... but why?"
Then the light went on in her eyes and the blood drained form her face.
"You know ... of course."
A pause then, "I feel like I could slap myself on the forehead. That is what this is all about. I should have realized it as soon as I saw you sitting on the bed. At first I thought you did know, but when you started to talk I thought - I hoped — that you hadn't figured out that I was in the tub with someone. You had me fooled."
"I wasn't faking it. I really was feeling melancholy but it was because of your affair not a mid life crisis that hit me all of a sudden."
She nodded and asked, "How long have you known?"
"Almost from the beginning I think. I'm not as stupid or as nonobservant as you think."
I said that last calmly, almost peacefully, but she violently shook her head no,
"You aren't stupid ... sometimes you aren't observant."
That was one of our on going arguments the past few months.
"But I never thought you were stupid."
"Maybe so, but as I said I've known about it for a couple of months. This time I knew something was up for months but it was a bit confusing. A comment you made on the radio made the light go off in my head."
"This time?" "Yes, I knew about your other affair ... at least I hope it was just only one other. It was a little over two years ago and lasted two months."
Her eyes went big and her mouth dropped open.
"Why didn't you say anything?"
"I wanted too, badly, but I had no solid evidence and it ended before I could decide how to get some. This time I decided I was going to get some to show you that I knew."
She looked ashamed and like she had something to say she very much didn't want to say.
Finally she said, "This was my third affair."
This time it was my turn to have my eyes widen. I hadn't caught the other one.
"It was seven years ago, just before I got my first DJ job."
"I wonder how I missed that one." " It only lasted 25 days and three weeks of it I was gone."
I must have looked puzzled for she said, "Remember that month-long trip I took to attend that radio announcers school?"
"They had classes for DJ's as well as announcers and it ended with a large conference." I nodded again.
"The affair started one week into the trip and we had sex twice after we got back. I was so afraid that you would find out that I stopped it."
"So you found only three guys that were better than me?" "It was only one guy, the same guy all three times and no that is not why I had sex with him."
"So you have had three affairs with this guy and he's just the same as me?"
She must have caught my double question as she said, "It was only three times and yes he's more experienced than you, in some ways, and he is more spontaneous than you ... and um, more ... fun ... sometimes."
She said that last slowly with her head down.
I said, "So all that means that he makes love to you better than I do."
Not when you really make love to me. You may not do everything he does but you making love to you is wonderful and your love for me makes it even better."
"But I don't do it enough?"
She only nodded.
"Sometimes you're too busy especially lately and sometimes you don't want to take the time and sometimes it seems you don't want to. Maybe it's because you're too tired or I did something to make you angry or did something you are ashamed of but it doesn't make me feel good when I can sense you don't want to make love to me and you try to act like it's something else."
I just looked at her when she was done. I wasn't sure what to say. I had shaken my head when she said there were times I was ashamed of her but her expression told me she didn't believe me. There were times I was ashamed of her. I mentioned the time she played with squirt guns with the neighbor kids and sometimes the way she acted when she was in her DJ persona while in public. She was flirty and immodest to a degree and she acted like a teenager.
I had stopped going out with her when she attended a radio gathering because of the way she usually acted.
Finally I asked the question that had been burning in me, "Why ... how did, I mean why him ... Why anyone?"
"The first time was on that trip. John and I had been spending a lot of time together when he was teaching me how to run boards and how to talk on the air. We had lunches together and a couple of dinners when you were out of town. Sometimes we would talk for an hour or more. That was one reason it took me so long to learn everything. I appreciated his desire to teach me something I had wanted to do all my life. I began to appreciate that he was a good listener when you and I started having problems and I told him about it. He would sometimes just let me vent,"
She let it unsaid but I knew she was thinking that I didn't like to hear her vent,
She continued, "other times he would offer suggestions on how to respond to you. Some of those suggestions worked. During one of our worse fights I remembered something he had suggested and I responded to something you said the way he said to. I was surprised when you calmed down immediately. I wasn't sure how saying something with those words could make that much of a difference but it did.
"Nothing happened during the lunches or dinners, he would take me out and bring me back home without even a hint of desiring something more. We went out to a couple of movies too. Movies you didn't like but I wanted to see. The first one was a surprise. He hadn't asked me if I wanted to go. We drove up to the theater showing a movie based on a real person. He said he would pay my way to see it. I just looked at him for a second than asked how did he know I would like it?
He said he knew for two reasons. One was that he wanted to see it and that since we were so alike he thought there was a good chance I would like it. The second reason was that it was similar to movies I had wanted to see but you hadn't wanted to see and that I was tired of going to the movies by myself."
There was a pause before she continued, "I knew I was attracted to him, not only because he was nice to look at but because he was a good person. I ignored those feelings though ... until one dinner during that trip. I didn't know he was going to be at the conference center so I was surprised that after I checked in and was headed up to my room I saw him. We talked like old friends even though it had been only a week since we had last spoken. He said he was there to teach a class and to host a group discussion during the conference. He went on to say that he was nervous because he had never taught a class before. It had been a last minute decision on his part. He thought that since I could do something new, so could he. I was pleased that I had been an inspiration for him. We met for dinner every night and I attended his first class even though I didn't need to. I helped him prepare for a speech he was going to be giving. In my classes I was a star because he had already taught me much of what they were teaching. I knew answers that no one else knew.
"At the end of the first week after dinner we went to his room and ... and we had sex. It just seemed to be the natural next step in our relationship. We hadn't even kissed up to that point. I didn't even think about the wedding ring on my finger." She sounded ashamed as she spoke that last sentence. A second later she looked at me with tears in her eyes.
"I'm sorry," she whispered.
After composing herself she continued. "We had sex three times a week after that, sometimes in my room sometimes in his. And yes I slept with him, usually because we had sex late and we just fell asleep together. And ... and the next day I thought about my — our - marriage but it didn't stop me. It was too new, too exciting that he wanted me as bad as I wanted him. He ... he ... he..."
Here she looked down unable to finish.
"Is he a better lover than I am?"
She only nodded.
A second later she looked up at me, "As I said already, it's not that you were bad. Even when you didn't take your time you were never bad. It's just that he has had more experience than you, he knows more than you.
"We had sex two times after we came home but I put a stop to it because I was so afraid you would find out. I knew it would hurt you and I didn't want to end our marriage even though we were having problems. I knew I still loved you. I didn't want to hurt you that much and I wanted to be with you if we could work things out."
She smiled and said, "We did. I was so happy but after about five years things started to fall apart again. You were working late and I knew it was because you didn't want to be home with me. I knew I was being a bitch at times but even though I tried to make it up to you it didn't work."
I said, "Sometimes I thought you were setting me up for something, your come on didn't seem real. And I ignored your apologizes because there had been said so many of them ... and nothing changed."
She nodded and said, "I started venting to John and he listened and even let me cry on his shoulder. It was during one of those crying jigs that he kissed me. He said he could make me forget my troubles for a while. All of the good sex we had had before came back to me and I let him make me forget. After two months, about half a dozen sessions, my conscience started to bother me. I couldn't continue so I ended it again.
"I finally remembered what we had done before to get our relationship back online and I cursed myself for not thinking of it before I did what I did with John.
"Again things were fine between you and me for another two years. When we had problems again I went to him for advice and he gave me some but again it ended up with us in bed. We did it twice, then he went out of the country for two months. When he came back we had sex a couple of times during the next three weeks before he left again, this time for seven weeks. I thought the affair was over again but it wasn't. That might be why you weren't sure if I was doing anything. When he got back you were out of town. You left after one of our worst weeks ever. That was when I slept with him again. I went over to his place. He took me out to dinner, we had wine and talked. He said I was so tense that we needed a long session of mutual massages. I understood what he meant even though he started it with a real massage - a very long one. He slowly took off my clothes as he massaged me. I was tired when we got done so I just stayed there the whole night."
The last was said in a low voice.
"The first two times when we had problems our sex life didn't stop. We didn't make love like we usually did, but we kept having sex; this last time we stopped completely. I'm not sure why. That was why I was very horny when I went over to his place that night. Not like the Mega-hornies but I was very aroused before I even got to his place. I was thinking you didn't want me anymore or didn't want sex period."
When she took a breath I spoke, "That wasn't all my fault. You weren't acting like you wanted it either. And I tried to do something about it twice. The first time I wanted to make a date night for us. We hadn't had one for a long time, which was probably part of our problems. And it wasn't just my fault.
"I told you we could go to one of your favorite restaurants and have a leisurely dinner. I know you like those."
"I usually do but I knew the dinner would be a prelude to something more."
"I wasn't hiding the fact that I wanted to have sex with you, I said that we could have a romantic evening snuggling before a fire after dinner. You said that you weren't up to it and that it wouldn't be a good idea."
"I was on my period and I knew I was grouchier then usual. I meant I wouldn't make a good dinner companion."
"You didn't say that though."
"I know, I should have explained it better and postponed it."
"Two weeks later I asked you if you wanted to go to Atlantic City for the weekend; we could see your favorite comedian, George Lopez and relax in our room the rest of the time. You made it clear you didn't want to go."
She stared at me like she had no idea what I was talking about.
"When did you say we could go see George Lopez?"
"As I said it was about two weeks after you said no to the dinner date."
"I don't remember you saying anything about that."
"Don't blame your period for that. Yours don't last that long."
"I wasn't going to," she said with some heat, "but I must have misunderstood you."
"Maybe you were thinking about what you were planning to do with your lover and that's why you didn't want to go with me."
"No! I would never choose him over you. Yes, sometimes I daydreamed about being with him but that would have been before we started the affair again. But why didn't you try to get me to go with you again?"
"You had already said no to going out with me twice, and you said no to sex more then that. I reverted to being a little boy again. I regret that for a variety of reasons but I decided that if you didn't want to "play" with me I wasn't going to ask again."
"That first time you should have noticed I was on my period, you know the signs."
She continued to talk but I tuned it out for a moment so I missed a couple of sentences but she finished with something about me being too unobservant. I had still been feeling melancholy during our conversation but that repeated criticism fired up my anger ... a little bit anyway.
I stood and said, "Come with me."
I turned without looking to see if she would but I could hear her footsteps following me. I led her upstairs to our room. I opened my closet and pushed some of my suits to one side.
There was a coat hanging there. One definitely made for a woman. It was very well made with red and two shades of brown panels with black trim. It would keep her nice and warm in the coming months. But that had not been the only one reason I bought it.
I watched her eyes widen and her mouth drop open again, as she looked it over. I knew she realized the main reason I had bought it.
"I bought this for your birthday in six weeks. With this you wouldn't have to stop wearing your favorite dress when it got cold."
Her expression hurt me. I could tell that she was surprised that I knew what her favorite dress was and that she was worried she would not be able to wear it when it got cold. I had missed things at times but I wasn't totally blind.
Suddenly it hit me. I knew why she hadn't said anything about the dress when she bought it.
"So it's your favorite because he bought it for you?"
She looked at me for I hadn't been able to keep the pain out of my voice.
"No, that isn't why it's my favorite. He did give it to me but I swear to you I would love it no matter how I had gotten it."
"Is that why you sleep with him because he gives you nice things and can play better than I can ... or do you love him?"
"No!" she shook her head hard. "I have sex with him..."
I interrupted her with, "No, I mean sleep with him - laying next to him all night long."
She blinked as if that was the last thing she had expected me to say.
"No, I don't love him. And it wasn't because he gave me nice things or for any other reason. I slept with him because it was convenient. I would go over to his place later in the evening and instead of driving home late I stayed the night. It had nothing to do with loving him or wanting to be next to him."
"So you were too tired to drive home?"
A painful expression crossed her face, therefore I knew I was at least partially right.
I sighed and we were silent for neither one of us could think of what to say.
Finally I asked, "So you had your fun at his place ... and here on our bed?"
"No!" She said that like it was the last thing she would do, "Yes we ... we ... we had our fun here but only in the bathroom."
"In our tub?"
"Well, you and I weren't using it. You're usually too busy and you liked showers better than baths, even with me."
I flinched at the pain in her voice.
"I know living with me isn't always easy but living with you isn't a piece of cake either. I have tried to talk to you about our sex life but you have either ignored me or gotten angry."
"Sometimes I have overreacted but sometimes it was the way you asked about it and sometimes I thought you wanted to do something when I was tired or upset."
"So it's all my fault."
"No, it's not. I've made mistakes too," she said in a calmer voice.
That calmed me down, "I know I haven't always said things correctly or lived up to your expectations. As I said you haven't always been easy to live with either but I didn't go find someone else to have fun with."
She flinched and instead of blowing up as I expected she sagged. I hoped she wasn't going to start sulking. I hated it when she did that. I couldn't talk to her when she did that. Of course some times I didn't try to talk but it was so immature of her. I don't act mature all the time but her sulking made it worse.
I let my suits fall back and looked at her. I didn't know what to say or what to do. I examined my feelings for a moment and decided there was one thing I wanted right then. I didn't know if it was the right thing to do or not but it fit what I was feeling.
In a surprisingly soft voice I said, "Maybe you should pack your things."
Her head flew up and she looked at me in shock before nodding. I saw her glance at her wedding ring and I held out my hand. She looked at it like she couldn't understand what I wanted.
A second later she must have figured it out because her mouth formed a silent "No." I moved my hand slightly and she looked me in the eyes with a pleading look on her face. I just stared at her with what I thought was a hard look. I don't know how long we stood there but finally she removed her rings and placed them in my open hand. I saw tears glistening in her eyes but at that moment they didn't move me.
After another long moment and a couple of swallows she said, "I will get my things together. I'll try to hurry."
"You don't have to hurry. Take as long as you need ... I will sell the house and you can have fifty percent to buy a place of your own, if you decide not to move in with your lover."
She stared at me again, probably trying to decide if I was being sarcastic or something else.
I left the room and went downstairs. As I walked out of the door I thought I heard her sob twice but I wasn't sure.
I went to the living room and turned on the TV but I have no idea what was on or what I watched. After a while I heard her move a couple of suitcases to the top of the stairs. I knew some had rollers on them but if she was taking any of the larger ones she might need help.
I went upstairs and as she went to use the bathroom I moved her suitcases downstairs to the garage.
When she arrived there she asked in a low voice, "Are you that eager to get rid of me?"
Softly I said, "No, that's not why I helped you."
She looked puzzled like she couldn't figure out why I had helped. I wasn't too sure either. I was sure it wasn't because I wanted her out of the house but it just seemed the right thing to do.
She loaded her car and when she was done she said, "Bye, I'll contact you when I find a place..."
I nodded saying, "That would be good."
"And you can have sixty percent of the house if you really want to move to the beach. I won't be moving in with John, it's not that type of relationship but I will only need a small place."
When she finished she got into her car. After raising the door she backed out and drove away. I watched her until the door closed. I went back inside the house and up to what had been our room. I almost cried as I sat in an easy chair.
Finally I got up, looked at the bed, and went into a spare room to try to sleep.
The next few days were a blur. I did my job but not as efficiently as usual. My boss didn't say anything so my work must have been better than I thought, but he didn't give me any difficult assignments either. I believe he could tell something was up.
At home it was hard to sleep. I finally figured out that it was because she wasn't next to me. She was gone. I didn't know where. Despite her promise she had yet to tell me where her new place was. Of course I knew her cell phone number, but I didn't called her. A number of times I almost dialed it but I couldn't bring myself to push the buttons. I just sat staring at my phone. I finally decided it was because I was afraid that she had changed her number. I wasn't sure why that concerned me so much.
A week later she sent an e-mail. It was full of apologies; she again explained why the affair had happened each time. She hadn't meant to hurt me like this. At first I thought she was blaming me because each affair was when our relationship was on a downward swing. I did this or didn't do that. However she repeated that she knew I wasn't at fault, not totally anyway. She did blame me for being ashamed of her and she spent half a page telling me how much that hurt her. I hadn't realized it hurt that much. I knew she didn't like it therefore I tried to hide my feelings but they must have shown through my defenses.
I responded to certain parts of her e-mail. I ignored her apologies for cheating but I told her that I was sorry I had hurt her so badly and that obviously I hadn't hidden my feelings as well as I thought.
She sent more e-mails but I kept ignoring her apologies for cheating. Either I would just respond to her other comments, or I would ignore the e-mail altogether.
She kept sending at least one per day though. She continually asked how I was doing which I sometimes answered and sometimes ignored. Once when I ignored her question three times in a row she sent a note saying "Please I don't mean to pry but how are you doing?"
I told her that I was doing fine under the circumstances. I explained that I had some trouble sleeping but I wasn't going to go off the deep end in any way.
She finally sent me her new address and phone number. She said it took her so long because she needed to get some money for a deposit on the phone. She had some money in her own account but it must have been less than I thought. So I withdrew a thousand dollars from our savings and deposited it in her account. I knew her password so I did it online. I sent her an e-mail telling her what I did I ended the note by apologizing for not thinking of it sooner.
She sent one back telling me to keep the money it was mine, she didn't feel right taking it from the savings. I told her some of that money was hers. It had come from her pay for being a DJ. We had some money in a couple of CDs and a regular savings account as well as investments of various types. I explained that we had so much because we had been including some of her money. That meant the thousand was her money.
She finally said thank you and went on to say that she could now buy some furniture and other stuff she needed.
Things went on pretty much the same for another month or so. Even though she included her telephone number I never used it. I didn't want to see her face to face or mouth to mouth. I didn't mind e-mail for some reason, perhaps because she couldn't see any emotion on my face or hear it in my voice. I could think about what I wanted to say with e-mail.
I noticed from the time stamps on her e-mail that the first week she had been sending me the e-mails at night but afterwards she started sending them either right before her show or right afterwards. I thought she might be using the station's computer. I didn't know if they allowed that or not so she might be taking a chance of getting into big trouble by using one of their computers.
A week before her birthday I was listening to her program as usual. I wasn't sure why I kept up that habit, part of it was that I wanted to hear her voice, I think. As usual, I was listening to it as I worked. Suddenly I stopped and thought what did she say? I thought back on what I had heard and realized she had just said she was quitting. I sat up in my chair in shock. She loved being a DJ especially with that station. She had had two other gigs as a DJ before this station hired her, and they seemed to love her. They would do special public parties with her and they had started a special online fan club for her. The last I heard there were a couple thousand people listed with the club. Not nearly as big as some of the bigger stars but not too shabby for a local DJ, I thought. The station manager also would give her free tickets to shows and such. Sometimes she would have to take some winners of special drawings with her but sometimes it was just one or two tickets for her to see the shows she wanted to see. Ones I hadn't wanted to see.
I hadn't thought of it before but now I wondered if her lover had anything to do with that. Anyway now she was quitting. She explained that it was no longer fun being a DJ here. She had hurt someone close to her very badly, for once she didn't go into any amount of details, and she no longer liked her job. She would do it for two more weeks and that would be it.
I sat there amazed. I would not have believed it if I hadn't heard her say it. As I said she loved working there. She liked the people at the station, she loved the music she played, she liked what she could talk and joke about, and she liked that they loved her. I wondered if her love for her job had something to do with her lover being there. I couldn't say.
As I thought about it she went to a commercial and it was one about her birthday. I didn't recall hearing about it before but they were throwing a birthday bash for her at a popular nightclub. Presents would be okay to bring but they wanted everyone to bring at least one can of food for the local food bank and any cash or checks given that night would be sent to a certain emergency home for battered women. This home was a long-time charity of my wife's. There were two in the city but for some reason the other one got most of the publicity and money. This one was always short on funds so for years she had been doing fundraisers for them, even giving out of her and our funds. I didn't mind that most of the time. It was a worthy cause.
I decided that I would attend her birthday bash. It was for the next week, four days before her birthday. I made a mental note to buy extra cans the next time I went grocery shopping.
The next day the announcement about the birthday bash had changed. A new announcer, whose voice I recognized as her lover's, said that it would now be both a birthday and going away party. So everyone needed to come and wish her well. And don't forget the canned goods and money.
When the day arrived for the party I got off work early and wrapped the present I had for her. I also wrote a check for the home. I decided to go a little early but someone called with whom I had to speak for a moment. After I had driven a block from the office, I realized I had forgotten the cans so I had to go back and get them. Once I got near the club I saw I would have to park farther away then I had planned. I arrived at the nightclub very close to the time the party was supposed to start.
There were two brand new plastic trash cans set next to the door with a sign that said canned food. I placed the six cans I brought in one. I noticed a table with presents on it near the stage so I started walking that way. Most of the tables were filled as I walked the winding course to the front. I heard snippets of conversations as I passed the tables. One caught my attention when someone said something about John's girlfriend.
I slowed and another man said "You sure?"
"She's living with him so that would make her his girlfriend."
Of course they could be talking about another John and the she didn't have to be my wife but that logic didn't comfort me.
While passing another table I heard a girl say that she wondered if Passing was divorced. Another girl asked why.
The first girl said, "Because she must by living at John's and we haven't seen her husband for ages."
I didn't catch the response. I didn't need to. For a moment I wondered how they knew that much about my wife and where she was living but it didn't matter so I dismissed the thought. At that point I almost turned around but after a moment I continued up to the stage.
There was a smaller trash can sitting on one end of the table, with a paper mache top. The top had a slit barely big enough to slip cash or a check through. Around the slit was a sign shaped like a handle with the words FOR THE HOME. I slipped the check, made out to the home, through the slit. I next placed her present on the table with a few other presents. I wondered if the nicest one was from John, or if he had given her his present already in private. With that thought I turned around and started for the door.
Later Joanne told me that she saw someone, from where she was standing at the side of the stage, that she thought was me but she wasn't sure. She went over to the table and looked everything over. She saw the present I had put down and picked it up. It was a large flat box colored to look like a present. From the shape of the box and it's weight she knew it was clothing and for some reason she wasn't sure about she decided to see what was inside.
As soon as she caught a glimpse of one sleeve she knew what it was and who had left it. Her head lifted fast enough to give her whiplash as she quickly scanned the floor of the nightclub. She saw my back just before I reached the end of the tables.
She took off going around the table fast enough to hit its edge and almost knock the table over. She ran, reaching me when I was almost to the door.
She touched one of my arms saying "Hey, where are you going?"