The Absent Hero
Chapter 1: Carl
Copyright© 2009 by Cold Creek
Action/Adventure Sex Story: Chapter 1: Carl - A different type of hero story with ladies, water and a very reluctant hero.
"Wow it got cold" I muttered to myself as I hauled my equipment out of the rink to my car. The temperature must have dropped a good 15 degrees from when I went in about 10:30pm. It was probably 5 below now at 12:30am on Saturday morning. I guess winter doesn't want to give up the ghost yet, even though it was pretty mild earlier in the day for late March in Ontario. It had rained a fair bit today and the snow had all melted.
My name is Carl Johnson, defenseman extraordinaire for our weekly Friday late night hockey game. Ok, so I'm probably the worst one out there and the oldest too, but I usually have fun and it helps keep the weight down. Since I sit behind a desk for 10 hours a day plus behind the wheel to and from work for another hour and a half, I don't get much time to exercise. My svelte polar bear physique allows me to stay behind to help defend our zone, usually bent over gasping for air saying "no you go ahead- I'll stay back".
I threw the bag in the trunk and the sticks in the back seat and got the car started. I checked my cell for messages, not that there usually is one, but found the damn thing dead, even after I played with the battery. I knew I should have gotten that new battery for it but there never seems to be enough time in the day to do everything.
I pulled out of the parking lot and headed home. Home is in a small town called Cranville about 45 minutes out of the city of Westfield. I know it's pretty far to go to play pick-up hockey but I play with some guys from work and it's only once a week. I got out of the city pretty quickly and got into some fog with the change in temperature. The highway was pretty slick with the rain earlier and, with the fog getting denser the farther out I got from Westfield, the normal 45 minutes looked like it would take over an hour tonight. Luckily there wasn't much traffic, so I didn't have to get stuck behind some poky driver.
I hit the real rural stretch between Westfield and Cranville, with pretty much just farm fields and ditches on either side of the road with no street lights for miles. The fog rolled in and I was real glad they put in the yellow curve ahead signs in or I would have run right of the road into the ditch. These ditches were not your normal 2 or 3 feet shallow ones; no these were 10 to 15 feet down from the raised highway and collected all the run-off for all of the fields on both sides. Right now with the snow melt and rain they were full to the top and they had a wicked current happening too.
I took the curve at about 60km/hr (40 mile/hr) and even with my fog lights on I couldn't see more than a couple car lengths ahead of me. Suddenly, out of the fog in front of me, comes the light's of a vehicle on my side of the road! I leaned on the horn, hit the brakes and swerved to the right. He swerved back to his side and we just missed hitting each other. My car fishtailed and I fought to keep it on the road. Looking in the rear view mirror I saw that the vehicle was one of those small quarter size buses and the driver over steered and had spun out behind me. I finally got my car under control and pulled over to the side of the road. I sat for a second to calm down from the adrenalin rush and looked back to see what happened to the bus just as the rear lights disappeared over the side of the road.
"Aw shit" I thought as I put my flashers on and backed up the car. "What the hell is a bus doing out here at this time of night" I wondered as I got back to where the bus had crashed through the side rail.
I got out of the car and looked over the side of the road. The bus was down in the ditch on its side with water covering everything but the side facing up. Unfortunately, that side was not the side with the door so whoever was in there was in big trouble. The side of the bus had the words Westfield Academy written on the side and I could see a few shapes moving around inside even though it was pretty dark. The lights were still on thankfully so I could see something at least. I tried my cell again but it still had no power. No cars were in sight coming either way through the fog so it looked like I had to be the hero and go save the day. Just fricking peachy! That water looked cold and here I left my insulated diving suit at home.
So, I gingerly stepped off the road holding a small bush as I angled my body back to the side of the ditch. Ok, that was the plan. What really happened was as soon as got on the slope of the ditch I immediately started sliding on my ass and landed in the water over my head. Very, very cold, very fast moving water as I earlier suspected. I went for a little swim in the rapids of the Colorado River without appropriate safety gear and proper means of propulsion and promptly got swept 20 feet past the back of the bus until I met a tree with big pointy branches. After coughing up half of Lake Erie and removing said swords out of my stomach and leg, I pulled myself out of the ditch using the tree and walked back to the bus.
Ok, that went real well. I didn't have much in my car that would help and I still didn't see anyone coming along to help. Just swell. I saw a few people at the windows trying to push out the windows and yelling for help.
I figured I better jump for the bus rather than trying to brave the rapids so I yelled for the people to move away from the back windows and waited until they moved to the front. I backed up and took a running leap to try and reach the top of the bus. I flew gracefully as a polar bear onto the bus landing on a steel beam between two windows. The beam broke my fall (and maybe a couple of my ribs) and my right hand broke the window on the right and my left leg broke through the window on the left. "Damn that hurt" I muttered as I lay there gasping for air. Peering into the dark bus I saw a few people standing on the bottom row of seats with the water quickly filling up the bus. They appeared to be all late teenage girls/women all dressed in some kind of uniform. "Hmm, this just got a bit more interesting" I thought.
"Hello Ladies, have no fear, your friendly Spiderman is here" I joked.
From the front of the bus I get the reply "More like the Chubby Hippoman I'd say. We saw your swan dive remember?"
"It's the coat. Ruins the aerodynamics something awful and adds 20 pounds to my normally svelte figure" I quip back.
It got me a couple of giggles so all was not lost. I asked the girls nearest me to move back so I could try and break the window so we could get them out. I waited until they got out of the way and then used my elbow to finish breaking out the right hand window, top and bottom. I stood up and kicked in the metal cross beams and then yelled for them to start reaching up. I grabbed the hands of the first girl and pulled her up and out of the bus. I told her to move over to the side and reached for the next one. Eight good looking girls later I asked if that was everyone and one of them said there should be ten girls plus their coach. I looked in but couldn't see anyone else so I grabbed the window edge and lowered myself into the bus, just squeezing into the window.
I was near the back of the bus and started checking the seats that were under water. The first 3 were empty and then I felt a body and pulled her up. I quickly put her over my shoulder and walked back through the water and yelled for some help. Two girls bent over and helped pull her up through the window. I yelled at them to start CPR if anyone knew it to get her breathing. I turned back and swam back to the front of the bus to find the last girl and their coach. I found the tenth girl holding the coach's head above water.
"Hi there ladies, are we enjoying your evening swim?" I joked.
Well the girl obviously has no sense of humor as she frowned and said "She's unconscious and her leg is stuck".
"Ok, let me go down and look" I replied and followed the woman's body down to her legs. I felt her left leg trapped between some twisted metal. I tried to manipulate her leg to pull it out but it wouldn't budge. Next I grabbed the edge of the metal and tried to pull it apart. Damn thing wouldn't budge. I moved around to get a better platform and a better grip and tried again. I felt it give a bit but my feet slipped and I fell headfirst into the water, cutting my head on the seat and tearing my hands on the metal.
"Hurry up and quick fooling around, the water is rising in here" the girl shouted.
I swore a bit and gave her a look and went back to her coach's leg. Now I was pissed, and that's usually not a good thing. I tend to go a bit berserk when that happens. I reached down and grabbed the metal again and started yanking the metal, lunging back with my full weight over and over until finally the metal broke and I flew back, again bumping my head. I laid there for a minute, a bit dazed from the hit on the head.
The girl shouted "You can nap later ok; I could use a little help here".
I felt like telling her off but superheroes don't swear at damsels in distress so I just ground my teeth and waded back over to them. I went down and got her leg untangled and then lifted the woman up.
"Ok, get moving to the back, princess" I told her and followed her back. The water was up to middle of the upper seats now so we had to swim underwater to get to the back of the bus. The girls were screaming for us to get out of there before it filled up. Damn that current was strong. The girl swam and pulled herself to the back of the bus using the seats and finally reached the window. I found the going a little more difficult as I keep missing the bottom seats with my feet and my hands being full. After swallowing the other half of Lake Erie and hitting every protruding object on the way back I finally reached the window. The girl yelled for some help and two girls grabbed the coach from above while we pushed up from below.
"After you princess" I said and, after she gives me the finger, jumped up and grabbed the window edge and pulled herself up. I pushed her up and then starting pulling myself out. I felt hands trying to help pull me up as my coat got stuck on the jagged edge of the window frame.
"Geez, forget Hippoman, we should call you Whaleman" mocks the Wicked Witch of the North. "Could you get your butt out of there sometime this century?
I glared at her and kept wiggling as she helped pull me out. Of course my coat ripped down the back; well better it then my back! I finally pop out and laid out on the top of the bus, again gasping for air.
"Ok, enough lying around like a walrus. We have work to do" said the evil step sister.
"You know you don't act like a princess, Princess. You are more like a grumpy old witch" I growled back.
"He got you there Rachel" says a cute redhead close by.
"Bite me Vanessa!" retorts my grumpy damsel in distress.
"Maybe later" Vanessa quips and a couple of the other girls giggle.
That got my imagination going let me tell you. Well, I figured it was time to get my but in gear. I rolled off my back and stood up to access the situation. The girls had the coach and the other girl laying flat on the side of the bus and one of them was giving mouth to mouth to the one girl. The coach looked like she was breathing but had a nasty bump and cut on her forehead. I covered her with my wet jacket and checked the other girl out. She started coughing and throwing up water (the 3rd half of Lake Erie apparently) so that was a good sign.
"What now Einstein?" asked the smartass girl Rachel.
I looked down at her frowning.
"Well, how are we going to get back up there?" she asked, pointing up to the road.
"Give me a minute Princess" I said as I looked over the situation. "Does anyone have a working cell? I asked everyone.
A couple of girls grabbed a phone from their pants pocket and try it out.
"Mine works" said the cute redhead Vanessa.
"Good. Please call 911 and let them know that we are on highway 14 about 10 miles out from Westfield" I instructed.
While she did that, I looked up at the highway, hoping to see someone stopping to help. No such luck yet and I was afraid that we would be missed in the fog anyway. I heard gurgling coming from the window and looked to see that the water had just about filled the bus. It looked like we got out just in time.
I decided to try and get back up to the road. That slope sure looked worse from down there then from the road. It was 8 to 10 feet away and about 8 feet up to the road.
"Ok, I'm going to try for the road and get some help. Stay here and huddle to stay warm" I said.
"This should be entertaining! Are you going to swim like Whaleman or fly like Hippoman?" asked Rachel the she-devil.
"Well I left my flippers at home so I'll try flying. I wish I brought my cape though" I bantered back.
I backed up to get a running start, took a deep breath and lumbered forward. I jumped for the side of the ditch, angling for a small tree to try and grab onto. I of coarse fell short of the ditch side (the whole hippo flying thing) but managed to grab a branch with my face and hands (it's all fun and games until you poke your face with sharp pointy branches). I pulled myself out of the water and started scaling the K1 side of Mt. Everest. One step upwards, two slides back is what actually happened.
Princess had to put her two cents in of course. "Quit playing in the mud and get up there already" she yelled.
I gave her the finger without looking back and kept up the ascent. I finally reach the peak and pull myself to my feet.
"I would like to thank all the little people who have helped with this amazing feat" I said to myself.
The evil female from hell had to burst my bubble saying "Ok, quit dislocating your shoulder patting yourself on the back and get us off this bus damn-it!"
"Can't I just go home now?" I asked the sky. It started snowing. Someone up there just loves me.
"Don't get your knickers in a knot Princess" I yelled back.
I walked over to my car to see if I had any rope. I actually found an unopened 50 foot long nylon rope that I had bought last year. I grabbed it and ran back to the opening in the side rail. I opened the package and quickly tied the one end to the post and threw the rest at the bus.
"Nice throw Sasquatch" yelled Medusa from one of her heads.
I ignored both of her heads and reeled in the rope and looked for something to attach onto the end — like a sword or something. I found a boot in the trunk and tied it on. I reared back and threw it actually hoping to hit the mouthy witch.
"Missed her by that much" I muttered.
"Can you tie that to the window frame Princess" I asked the Bride of Chucky. She sweetly told me where to go and grabbed the rope and tied it to the window beam.
"Now what genius?" she bellowed from the bus.
"Hang on Princess" I said to the middle head of three. "Let me make you a yellow brick road so you don't get your size 47 glass slippers wet".
I heard some of the girls laughing at her so at least some of them thought it was funny. Alright, back to the saving the Damsels in Distress. The slope of that rope looked too severe to get them to climb up it so I looked around for something to help. A large piece of the side rail had broken off and had gone down the slope but not into the ditch. I slid down to the rail and tried to anchor one end into the slope and move the other end towards the bus for a ramp. The piece weighed a ton and one end was pretty stuck in the mud.
Of course the Bride of Frankenstein had to pipe up with "Hey pig, quit wallowing in the mud and move that thing over here".
I would like to say I turned green, picked up the rail and lopped off her six heads all at once, but in actuality I slipped, fell on my ass and hit my head on the rail. That got me a "Clumsy oaf" comment which I couldn't respond to as I was seeing a lot of stars at the time. I staggered up and tried again. Thankfully I got the one side up in the air and duck-walked it until it pointed more or less to the bus, while the other end was still stuck in side of the ditch. I dropped the end and it actually hit the bus under the water but only about a foot down. It looked like they might be able to use it as a bridge while holding on to the rope above.
"Your bridge awaits Princess" I announced to the wicked stepsister.
She promptly told me to get my ass over there to help with the coach. I shot a heat ray from my eyes that should have cut her in half but the Alien queen seemed to have a force field that couldn't be penetrated. What a pity.
I jumped up to catch rope — ok I reached for the rope and luckily it had looped down enough for me to grab it — and walked across the rail like I was balancing on a tightrope across Niagara Falls.
"Hurry up twinkle toes, we don't have all night to let you crawl over here" said the 12 heads all in unison.
I didn't waste my breath responding because frankly I couldn't catch my breath anyway. I hit the side of the bus and stepped on to the bus side like it's the first solid ground I've walked on in two months.
"Ok girls, time to depart the ship and go to shore" I said to the huddled girls.
"What about them?" asked the cute redhead Vanessa, pointing to the girl and coach lying down.
"Ok, someone please help the girl who was trying to be a fish while I carry Sleeping Beauty over" I replied.
"Well you definitely look more like the Beast then Prince Charming" said the second evil stepsister, before she moved to help the fish girl.
"Trusty sword, where art thou when you are needed?" I thought.
One at a time the girls walked over the bridge and pulled themselves up the slope to the road. There was a bit of slipping and sliding but they were definitely more graceful then the polar bear earlier. Evil stepsister and the cute redhead slowly guided fish girl to the ditch side and got her up the side with only a couple of falls, unfortunately it was the cute redhead and fish girl and not the evil stepsister. No Karma whatsoever.
I loaded up sleeping beauty on one shoulder and grab the rope with the other hand. Someone has traded in the bridge for a wet thread as I slowly step off the bus. I slipped and went down on one knee but kept hold of both the beauty and the lifeline.
"Not time to pray Quasimodo" said 16 of her heads while the other 16 yell "Get moving".
I got up and continued the walk of death and finally reached the side of the ditch. I started the scaling of the CN tower before the heads start yapping and found the ascent slightly more difficult than before due to beauty's extra 400lbs. Ok, it turned out she was actually pretty thin and light, but she certainly didn't seem like it at the time. Maybe she lost weight after or something. Anyway, I got her near the summit where surprisingly Medusa and Red reached down to help grab her. They took her from my shoulder just before I started slipping again. Beauty got saved; I slipped and fell back down the slope, hit the bridge hard and got washed down the rapids, again. Luckily the tree stopped my swim abruptly, with only three or four pointy sharp branches to dig out of my body, again.
I heard sirens in the distance as I pulled myself up the slope back onto the road. I waddled over to the car and the girls and saw that they had the coach covered with a blanket they found in the trunk. I reached in and found the first aid kit and started checking her out to patch her up.
Evil stepsister grabbed it from my hands it and said "Give me that, like I want those bear paws getting anywhere near her".
"Whatever Princess" I mumbled as a lean back on the car and close my eyes.
A couple of cars and a van stopped and people got out to help assist. Blankets were wrapped around everyone, even Princess got one. The new comers didn't seem scared of all of her heads - they obviously didn't know her like I did. I grabbed a towel from my hockey bag and attempted to dry off and get some of the mud off me. Sleeping Beauty got moved to the bench seat of the van as did fishgirl. The rest of them got into some of the other cars to keep warm while they waited. I grabbed some of my stuff and put it back in the trunk and got in my car and started it up.
Finally the ambulance, fire trucks, police all showed up and took over the rescue. Just a tad late people I thought, but the girls went all gaga over them. The scene got crowded so the cops started moving the cars along. One of them tapped on the window and asked me to move it out of the way. I told him sure and moved it down a bit and parked. I watched as the coach and the fishgirl got packed in one ambulance and saw it tear off back to the city. The rest of the girls piled into a large police SUV and it followed. Nothing happened for a while so I put the car in drive and got out of there before the cops came back to clear us out.
When I got home, it was about 1:30am, only about an hour late. Wow, it seemed like it lasted at least two hours. I brought in my dirty hockey clothes in and put them in the open washer. I took off my wet and dirty clothes and put them in as well. Maybe my wife won't see them till after they are cleaned. I waddled to the bathroom and inspected the damage. It wasn't a pretty sight, cuts on my hands, leg, arm, body and head, bruises on my head, face and on my body. I looked like a bloody half drowned shivering bear. I stepped into the shower and let the warm water warm me up and clean me off. Of course all the cuts stung like shit but I needed to get them cleaned up. I got out and dried off and got the first aid kit out and started patching up the cuts. The one on the leg looked a little deep but shouldn't need stitches. There was nothing I could do with my ribs so just I cleaned up the bathroom, put the towel and stuff into the washer and started it up.
I finally got into bed around 2:30am. My wife mumbled something about being so late and I told her we played later that's all. She reminded me we have to get up early to go on vacation. Shit, I forgot about our March break trip down south with the kids. Great, now I'll get only about 4 hours of sleep before having to drive all day. I turned over on to my side and groaned. She asked what was wrong and I made up a quick story about a guy giving me a hard check from behind that hurt my ribs and having a bit of a fight after to explain the cuts and bruises. Hopefully she will buy it in the morning when she sees some of them. I fell asleep thinking about Medusa's 100 heads all bitching about something. The horror, the horror!