Chapter 9

Lily was sitting in her dressing room feeling dazed. The face of the woman staring back at her from the mirror was unrecognizable. It was hard to grasp what had happened a few hours ago. Derek Evans had made love to her against a wall with no foreplay at all and she had loved it. She had always been proud of her self control, of her ability to avoid things that she would regret later and yet here she was. She had just had sex with Derek Evans and she wanted to do it again.

It was probably the biggest mistake of her life but she couldn't take it back now. She was so wrong for him that it was terrifying but the stupid man just wouldn't listen. He wanted her and so he got her. Someone knocked on her door and she jumped.

"Lily, congratulations. You were fucking incredible tonight."

"Thanks Michael," she replied while wondering if he was telling the truth. She had been mentally absent through the whole performance because she was thinking of a certain Inspector.

"I'm not just saying that. I mean it. You were unbelievable."

"You were great too," she said politely even though she couldn't remember. Actors were so insecure that it never hurt to exchange compliments.

"We're going out for a drink at the pub. Are you coming?"

"Sure. I just need a moment. I'll meet you outside." The last thing on her mind was going out but she wanted to delay her next meeting with Derek as much as possible.

Derek was sipping his beer on the couch smiling. Lily Blake was such a coward. She was trying to avoid him but he didn't mind. She would have to return sooner or later. He was feeling so great that he couldn't get mad at her. Sex with a beautiful woman who was so full of passion had its merits. It was all that he had dreamed of and more. She had responded to his every move and he could sense what she needed so easily. The word intimacy came to mind. This was the first time that he understood the meaning of this word and he wanted to find out so much more.

The door opened quietly. Lily stepped in without turning on the lights. Obviously she thought that he was already asleep. The moment she got closer to the couch he could smell beer and smoke. She stumbled towards the bathroom and Derek grinned. His Lily was tipsy and the opportunity to tease her was too good to pass.

When she got out he was expecting her. The first thing he noticed was that her eyes were glazed and that her balance hadn't improved.

"Are you going to throw up on my carpet?"

She gasped, startled and put a hand on the wall to steady herself. "I don't think so."

"But you're not sure."

"I'm afraid I'll faint," she confessed and he turned on the lights suddenly seeing how pale she was.

Derek gave an exasperated sigh. "Come on." He tugged her towards the bedroom and she didn't object.

"I feel awful."

"That's what you get for trying to avoid me."

"I wasn't trying-"

"Cut the crap," he said a little harsher than he intended. The moment they got in the room she took her shoes off and he started undressing her.

"I'm sorry," she murmured and an adorable blush covered her cheeks.

"Don't worry. You won't remember a thing in the morning." He took her clothes off with a swiftness that seemed to surprise her. She was unable though to resist even when he removed her bra or to take care of herself so she didn't speak. Derek helped her put on a shirt, his shirt. It was so stupid but he wanted her in his bed and in his clothes. He couldn't explain it rationally and he wouldn't even try.

Lily was staring now at the floor. "Come on little coward," he said softly and pushed her on the bed. She got under the covers and closed her eyes. Derek turned off the lights and heard her sexy, raspy voice in the dark.

"Where are you going?"

"I'm not going anywhere," he promised. "I'll stay here with you."

She smiled when he lied down next to her. He hugged her close and she put her head on his chest willingly. Normally she would have made a fuss but not now. Maybe getting her drunk was not such a bad idea after all.

"That's right," she muttered while getting comfortable. "You sleep better with me."

When Derek woke up Lily was pressed against his side snoring softly. Of course she would deny it later but the fact that she snored was very cute. He smiled and kissed the top of her head affectionately. The moment she opened her eyes she would start fighting again so he had to take advantage of every moment. Right now she was vulnerable in his arms and he loved it.

He got out of bed slowly. It was Sunday so he didn't have to go to work unless they called him in. Lily was not so lucky. She still had to go to the theatre but first they could enjoy breakfast together. First he could enjoy her. He heard the shower running and began cooking. Today he was in the mood for scrambled eggs, bacon and toast. He took a sip of his coffee. He wondered if Lily would pick a fight immediately or if they could have at least their breakfast in peace.

"Good morning," she said twenty minutes later and poured some coffee in her favorite mug.

"How are you feeling?"

"Not so great."

"Well you can eat and then you should take this." He gave her a yellow pill. "Trust me, it's the only way to stop the headache. And drink some water. You're dehydrated."

She took the pill obediently along with a glass of water and sat on the table. "I'm sorry," she whispered.

Derek turned and faced her abruptly. "For what?" he asked bemused.

"For last night. I don't usually drink or smoke so-"

"I know that," he interrupted. "You don't have to apologize."

"Listen Derek-"

"Oh, oh." He shook his head while serving eggs on two plates.

"What now?" she said, exasperated.

"When you begin a sentence like that I'm sure that I won't like what you're going to say."

"You have to let me explain." She got up and braced herself.

Suddenly he had the irrational urge to stop her. Perhaps she had decided to trust him and divulge finally the information she held back. Perhaps this was his only chance to hear the truth from her lips. But he didn't want to know. Right now he wanted her and he was afraid that whatever words flew out of her mouth would be damning so he stopped her.

He got so close that she was uncomfortable and then he put his face against her throat and inhaled. "I love the way you look in my clothes."

"Derek-"

He ignored her and kissed softly the side of her neck. "And I love the way you smell."

She didn't comment so he went on with his exploration. He nibbled her collarbone. "And I love how warm and soft you are in the mornings." Lily took a deep breath. He looked in her eyes. They were dark, almost black. "What about a truce?" he suggested.

"A truce?" she repeated.

"Yes. A cease-fire if you like. For one day we won't talk about the case or Jerry. I won't ask any questions and I won't push you."

"What do you want in return?"

He laughed. She was so suspicious that she wouldn't even trust her own mother. "I have no hidden motive, honey. I just want a quiet day."

She stared at him but he couldn't figure out what that look meant. "Then don't let me get in your way. I have to work anyway so-"

Derek took her arm and sighed. "A quiet day with you, you dufus. Not without you." He laughed at her startled expression. It was as if he had just told her that he was an alien. "Why do you find that so hard to believe?"

She sat down again while he finished preparing their breakfast. "I don't know. Usually I'm not good at this."

Derek smiled. "Having breakfast?"

Lily rolled her eyes. "Being with a man." Seeing his confusion she continued, "One who's not my friend or gay."

He put a plate in front of her and opened the fridge to find some juice. "Yes, I think that us fucking proved that I am neither."

He expected a blush but she glanced at him narrowing her eyes. "That was a mistake."

Derek ignored her comment trying to avoid any kind of confrontation. He sat down and began eating his breakfast.

"Derek? Why aren't you married yet?", she asked out of the blue.

He almost choked with his food. "Excuse me?"

Lily couldn't meet his eyes. "I mean-- You're a cop right? You guys like to have someone at home waiting for you. And you have a steady job, you're reliable, handsome-"

"What's your point?" he said curtly.

"My point is--" She hesitated for a while and then took a deep breath. She focused her gaze on him, determined.

"Why me? Why isn't there someone in your life making you happy? A nice woman who wants to have your babies and all that."

"You don't know anything about my life Lily. If you think that every cop has a nice family waiting for him in a cosy little house you're mistaken. Have you any idea how difficult it is to have a simple relationship when you're on the job? Most women can't handle it and even when they can it doesn't end well. Marriages fail because you're never home. Because your wife has to raise the kids on her own. Because she gets tired being without you. Because no one can stand thinking every single day that it might be the last time they see their husband. And then you get old having an ex who hates you, two kids who don't give a shit about you and still all you care about is your fucking job. Now do you get it Lily?"

He was breathing really hard trying to stay calm. Her simple question had somehow made him mad. Not at her. But at himself. He had no regrets choosing this life but it was too damn hard to realise that he had to spend it alone.

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be. I'm not."

She stared at her mug for a few moments and he started hoping that he was off the hook. "I still don't understand."

"What?" he asked, exasperated. If that was her idea of a quiet breakfast--

"Why me?"

"Are you looking for compliments?"

Lily laughed. "I would never expect that. I wouldn't believe you anyway."

"Then what?"

"I just want the truth."

Derek considered that for a second. Then he came up with an idea. "I'll tell you mine if you tell me yours." Her eyes widened and he clarified, "The question goes both ways. Why did you let me touch you? I'm sure I'm not the only guy-"