Chapter 6

After sharing one of Dotty's patented fat and potent joints, we each took separate showers, Kenneth getting the quickest and coldest as Dotty and I finished dressing and headed out.

Whether our fragile psyches or our stoned state changed things, the plan to fuck with Gail's mind or emotions didn't happen like we had imagined. On the way to her apartment on the edge of town in a new building, we picked up red wine, brie and a baguette.

It struck me that Gail was doing something fine for Vy's memory as well as inadvertently putting money in my pocket. Dotty's resistance to ending our mean plan ended quickly. The rambunctiousness she had earlier left. Realizing the silly tease would be a negative action convinced her. Negativity had been an overpowering force, created by the ultimate nihilism of the beast who destroyed our friend. The magnitude of the fucker's destructiveness as described by Detective Dichter overwhelmed us. The wine and cheese became a counteractive symbol.

A very nice apartment, Gail's computer set up was even nicer, the first desktop publishing I had ever encountered. I had expected to leave with only the address book. Gail had a couple of proof copies of the one hundred page chapbook she had designed on her computer and sent to the same Portland publisher who published her poetry to get professionally printed and bound, and she gave me one.

As we sat at her kitchen dinette sipping the Washington State red wine, eating bread and cheese and smoking a joint, I paged through it. It blew me away. After the title page, "to molt no more: Words and Images by Olivia Koscina," I stared at a full page black and white photo of Vy naked, all of her, full frontal nudity, her face bearing the proud, unashamed and subtly wry look I had known well. Despite the paleness of her skin against the blank white background, the slightly grainy image and the subtle lighting created subtle shadows causing her body to pop from the page. Or it might have been my wish for her to come alive again. The tattoos fairly clear, their power diminished little from a lack of color. Dotty stared at the image too.

At first the conversation went fairly easy. Gail knew about me but surprisingly, considering the source of her knowledge being Paula, she remained unbiased against me.

"I took your side," she explained. "I could see how happy you made Vy. She started writing love poems after she met you. Have you read any? They're beautiful. One of them is very explicit and your name is in it. I debated whether to include it, but it communicates her passion and free spirit better than any other, so it's in there."

After opening the bottle and plating the food, she gave me the address book and Vy's book. Before opening the book, knowing it would be a distraction from further conversations, I asked her about herself.

As she talked about her wealthy childhood, the unsteady relationship she had with her family, her travels and studies and her return to Eugene, I watched her. Obviously a child of privilege, but even though I hadn't known her before, I sensed it dwindling and a more common (for lack of a better word, because she was an uncommon woman) adult took its place. Similarly, her presence seemed mousy at first, short, straight, lank brunette hair covering a good portion of her average face, but as she talked and I got to know her, I began noticing her expressive brown eyes, her voluptuous lips, and the smile combining those two unique features revealing prettiness. Her clothes as brown and mousy as her hair, they gave her a butch look. I couldn't tell what her body would be like naked, but I could tell she possessed a substantial bust, and the way her ass moved under her slacks revealed healthy muscles.

Gail wrote the introduction. Once Dotty and I recovered from the photo, we read it. Though written in prose, the quality of Gail's poetry became clear. She composed a series of imagistic recollections, from Gail's earliest memory of Vy, a dirty faced playful girl coaxing Gail into getting dirty herself, followed by being back stage with her and "to molt" when they began to get recognition, to a couple days before her death enjoying a quiet, recovering evening with Paula after the Western States tour. Between these recollections she added critical appreciations of the lyrics and poetry and drawings in the book definitely unhinged from any normal critical analysis.

After praising her, we flipped through the book. I planned on reading it later, but wanted to see the drawings, crude but remarkable. Some of them I had seen.

We stopped at the erotic poem. It reminded me of Vy's letters except more concentrated. She used my first name repeatedly as a rhythmic device and my last name was in it as well. When I told Dotty of its similarity to her letters, she wanted to read some. I had the last letter, and told her I'd show it to her next time we got together.

"I can't wait," she said, her hand stroking between my thighs and her lips kissing mine. Glancing at Gail after the kiss, I saw her shrug as if to say, "That's Dotty for you." I suppose it was.

One of the last pages contained a black and white photo of Mila's back (even the drawings were in black and white, though originally rendered with colored pencils, felt tips and crayons) and the story that went with those tattoos. It was titled, "Caterpillar and Dragon: a Children's Story by Mila; Dedicated to Vy's Memory." Letting Dotty read the story, I asked Gail how she had gotten it.

"Mila and I are hoping to put together a children's book. We've gotten close. You know her through Vy."

"I introduced them," I said.

Gail looked disappointed. "So you two are..."

"I haven't seen her since she came here, and I only knew her a couple days before that, so it's not an ongoing relationship, but we love each other. Yes, we're lovers."

"Joe's as much of a whore as I am," said Dotty.

"It's different for you, isn't it Joe?" said Gail. "You've been around, but you fall in love."

"Most of the time," I said. "Many times I have had more than one lover."

"Doesn't that get messy?" asked Gail, seeming to recover from the disappointment.

"I never have anything to do with a jealous woman. I'm not jealous either. The one constant in my life as far as lovers is my partner, Sandy, and she more often than not has some affair going on. It's why Vy chose me. Even though she never had anyone else since we met, and actually a year before we met, she didn't mind my other lovers. In fact she insisted I write about them. She would have tossed me out of her life if I ever gave her even a hint of jealousy."

"She was unique."

"That she was."

"So I'm the only whore in the room?" asked Dotty, looking carefully at Gail.

"You're not a whore, Dotty," I said. Gail seemed to want to disagree. "A whore's got a job, probably the only job she is or thinks she is capable of. She rarely likes what she does. You're no whore. You're just a bitch in constant heat able to attract a dog or two to scratch your itch and you enjoy having the itch scratched."

"It's just like smoking pot in a way," said Dotty thoughtfully. "It's an intense way to experience life, to make life more of an adventure, to have fun, to be social, to meet different people, and of course to have a rush or two. But just like any drug, it gets old. I'm certainly nowhere near the horny bitch I was. I only had a couple one night stands during our last tour. I certainly haven't had as intense an experience as you and Kenneth gave me today in a long time. Actually never, because Zach has never shared me with another man in his bed, though I hope to remedy that soon." She squeezed my inner thigh again. "And he's the only man who has given me the added joy of love, except you Joe."

"You and Vy must have similar tastes," said Gail. She must have known Zach was Vy's ex-lover.

"I guess you're right, Gail. But here's the thing. Vy offered Joe to me. I wanted him, and I knew Vy wouldn't have minded but I would. Joe could never be a one night stand, even if it's all I get. The fuck we had was more than a fuck to me Joe. I love you as much as I love Zach, maybe more."

"Love is supposed to be ranked, departmentalized, like first love, main squeeze, sex on the side, but I don't believe in that," I explained. "It's like the Jefferson Airplane song, 'If you can't be with the one you love, love the one you're with.' It can't be any other way for me, and if it is for you, maybe today should be, though I hate to say it, our one time together."

"You're right, Joe. I'm being silly. In a couple weeks you'll be in Hawaii and I'll be here and so will Zach. He's the man I'm going to marry. But I'm going to tell him what I said, because he knows all about it. He loved Vy to the point of stalking her. I came in second. We had great sex, but the pleasure of fucking someone you truly love didn't exist until we separated for our first tour and when I got back he realized and I realized how much we needed each other. Then the sex got really really good."

"So I take it Mila never told you about us," said Gail changing the subject.

"She didn't. I thought you were with Paula."

"Sometimes. Less and less. With Mila it's more and more, at least I hope so."

"So her and Vy..." I began asking before Gail interrupted.

"Vy wasn't into women. Mila would play with her, make her cum, but it wasn't mutual, at least not nearly as enthusiastically. Mila didn't mind. She kind of liked being treated like Vy's slave. But of course they loved each other. So when Vy introduced her to me and we discussed her writing, not long after she received pleasure as much as she gave, and I like to think I am there to give her the satisfaction she didn't get at home. She's had relationships with a man since we've gotten together. I know she's heterosexual maybe more than she's gay. But the relationship didn't work. I of course greedily rejoiced. But when I thought about her with men, I had a reaction I didn't expect. I became curious. I would get an image in my head of a man shoving his penis inside the vagina I know so well, and it didn't so much turn me on, more an intellectual thing like research for my poetry."

"I'd love to," I said, knowing where the conversation headed.

"You don't have to find me attractive. It would be just you and her."

"I do find you attractive. And it wouldn't be fair for you not to join in."

"I don't care."

"But I do."

"But I don't want you to fuck me."

"You might," said Dotty.

"I won't if you don't want it," I said. "I won't fuck you, but Mila and I will make sure you cum as hard as possible. I'd love to watch you two make love. Maybe we'll start with that, then me and Mila, and you could join us if you wanted. But by the end, it will be both me and Mila making you cum like you have never cum before."

"Sounds like a plan," said Gail. I could see her nipples poking through her shirt.

"Are you sure you don't want Joe now?" asked Dotty.

"I'm sure."

"When are you picking up the books for the benefit?" I asked, completely changing the subject.

"Tomorrow," said Gail.

"You said it's in Portland, right?" She nodded. "Would you mind me tagging along?" When she hesitated, I said, "I don't bite. It'd be perfect. I need to meet with the Chief of Police there."

"I'm not worried about that part of your anatomy. Okay."

"What time will you be there?"

"Around one I guess."

"Can I use your phone? It's getting late and I'll probably need an appointment."

"Of course," said Gail.

I caught Soaring Eagle heading out the door. He said he could see me at 2:30 the next day. When I hung up, Gail asked shyly, "Could we pick Mila up at her restaurant when we get back?"

"Sounds like a plan. We should get going."

"Yeah," said Dotty. "Zach will be home any minute. You want to come over?" I looked at her beautiful, eager face and nodded.

"When will you be by Vy's apartment to pick me up?" I asked Gail.

"10."

"I'll be ready."

After eating the delicious vegetarian dinner Zach began preparing for us as soon as we walked into the door of their small stucco house, Zach and I fortified our nerves with a bottle of wine and a joint. We felt nervous about getting naked together and fucking Zach's fiancé.

Dotty warmed us up. She pulled us into their bedroom, sat us on the bed, put on some slow blues and stripped like a talented and excited professional. Halfway through, she pulled down each of our pants, trading her mouth and hand on our cocks, got us fully hard, brought our hands to our cocks, and we masturbated watching her get naked.

Once fully stripped, she unbuttoned Zach's shirt while giving a tongue trading kiss. The shirt undone and tossed aside, she moved to me and did the same. She crouched to swallow my cock. I lifted her and set her on her knees on the bed.

Gently pushing on her back until she rested on her elbows, I lifted her backside bringing my mouth to her pussy where my lips and tongue slowly worked her towards ecstasy.

Zach had gotten on the bed on his knees in front of her, and when her mouth couldn't get the right angle, he sat his ass down. She swallowed him as deep as she could and stroked his shaft with her lips. She moved a hand up and stroked at the base of his cock, sweeping it down to play with his balls.

Helping me bring her to orgasm, Zach massaged her breasts, putting more and more pressure on their manipulation until he pulled hard and twisted her nipples. At that point I became vigorous with the cunnilingus, sucking and rapidly lapping her clit. Her cocksucking stopped as she breathed hard and fast and then climaxed, clutching Zach's cock like a lifeline and coating my mouth with her love juice.

Letting her collapse onto her tummy, Zach and I traded places. He immediately lifted her onto her knees and drove his cock deep inside. She spat into her hand and rubbed my cock vigorously with it, licking around the head and sucking it into her mouth.

"Cum in my mouth Joe," she groaned, and because her work to let that happen distracted, I masturbated.

Glancing up at me, she seemed to approve my choice, although it may have been Zach's fast and deep lunging. His thrusts quickened and became chaotic as his climax approached.

"Now, Joe," she demanded, and I pulled hard and fast on the ridge of my cock head until the pleasurable pressure of my balls signaled orgasm. Steering the head to her lips, my hips thrust forward sending it into her mouth. I pumped out my semen at the same time Zach pulled her hips against him, arching his back and shouting "Fuck," and sending his semen as deep as possible into her other mouth.

Knowing she was near herself, after spraying three shots of cum into her mouth, I pulled out, crawled underneath her, and with Zach's throbbing balls against my nose, I pressed my lips as hard as I could around her clit and sucked. My hand reached around and felt blindly for her ass cheeks and proceeded to give her three vigorous spanks. Seconds later, after lifting her head and yelling, "Oh fuck god yeah" at the ceiling, she shivered from the intensity of her orgasm.

Once the throbs had dissipated, I crawled out from under the lovers, letting them collapse onto the bed. Kneeling beside the bed, I kissed Dotty's reddened forehead and her hot mouth and said, "I should go. I'll walk home."

"Don't be silly Joe. Give me a couple minutes and I'll drive you," she said softly.

"You enjoy each other," I insisted, putting on my clothes.

"It's at least ten blocks," said Dotty.

"I like to walk," I explained. "It helps me think. Thanks."

Dotty laughed. "Are you kidding? Thank you, Joe. You don't know what this day has meant to me."

I kissed her, her hands holding the sides of my head. We stared into each other's eyes. Having finished dressing, I slipped out of her hands and walked out the door.

The air cool and damp, I pulled my wrinkled windbreaker out of my backpack on Zach and Dotty's stoop and zipped it tight and began the long brisk walk back to the center of town. The air cooled me and revived me from my post orgasmic stupor. The walk reminded me of early walks in Berkeley with Vy, and I felt her presence beside me. I felt blessed to have been in her presence.

By the time I reached Mila's restaurant the dampness had congealed into a misty rain. I had rearranged my jacket so it covered my back pack, keeping the rain from my notebook and more importantly, Vy's book. It was sunset, but the clouds muffled its effects on the sky, creating a vague magenta glow on the western horizon.