Chapter 6

"I'm fine. Wouldn't you be a little stressed if you were in this situation?" He would go get a check up, just to make everyone feel better, but he'd know if he were sick. "Don't want you worrying about me Jen, I'll be fine. I take good care of myself, and I'm calmer now. Just your every day average stress, now that I have Shannon and Kelly safe. I can relax a bit."

"Of course I would. I am, Jethro. I'm running this op, which means your mental and physical health are on my radar. I'll try not to mother you too much."

"Don't mother me at all, we'll both feel better about it in the morning." Not even Jen was allowed to coddle him, no matter how much she wanted to do it. "You are my boss, you're not my mom or my wife. I don't need another nagging female in my life Jen, I've got three exes and a dead wife along with a daughter to do that for you."

"What about a friend then." Clearly, something had turned and Jen wasn't sure what had but he was starting to close down a little. "I can't help worrying about you, my friend."

"I can appreciate that. I may not like it, but I can appreciate it all the same Jen." He hated anyone worrying about him, but he knew it was inevitable. "I'll try not to get mad when you do it, but I still don't like it. I'm an adult, who for the most part can take care of himself."

"Unless it pertains to a stylish wardrobe or a non-military haircut." She smoothed his hair down. "I quite liked the longer look on you, Jethro."

"Why does everyone pick at my hair and clothes? They're fine, maybe not stylish like DiNozzo, but I pay alimony to two ex-wives and for a while, three of them. I don't have all the extra money in the world for clothes." He'd never admit it but he'd liked his hair a little longer, but this was an easy cut. "I'm a Marine at heart Jen, can't change that."

She shook her head. "I remember in Paris, when you had two exes you were paying, you had some gorgeous button down shirts. I wish you'd wear those more often, my friend."

"Jen that was an assignment. I had NCIS subsidizing my clothes budget back then." He made a note though, to dig through his closet and see if he still had any of the clothes from that mission. Jenny was right, the clothes had been nice. Just not always practical. "Those clothes were part of an act. You seemed to be the only thing real during that time."

"Jethro, I know that, but it wasn't as if you gave those clothes back at the end of our time together." Jen wasn't altogether sure what she'd brought to their relationship or if she'd been as real as she could have been. She'd never given him her best, as if she'd somehow known he was holding back as well.

"A girl always idolizes her father unless and until there's a reason not to. Your daughter lost you when she was so young and so suddenly. There is so much you can build upon with that foundation as long as you don't allow yourself to be buried in your past mistakes. You were a young father and husband. You may not have been a prize but you did the best you could, Jethro."

"I was a prize damn it! At least I tried to be one." But he knew, he wasn't really. He'd tried, they both had. But they had done things too quick. Maybe if they'd had time to be a couple before being parents it would have been different, and easier for them. But once Kelly ahd been born, they fought about everything from when to feed the baby to where the baby should sleep. "We would have been okay, things got better once Kelly was out of the toddler stage. We didn't want to argue when she would know what was going on. And I always loved my girls, even when it was bad they were the most important things in the world to me."

"Jethro, I lived with you for six months. Incredibly good looking, yes, a prize? Not in this world or any other, and I was in love with you. You snore, you eat like a starving man, and you can't be civil without a coffee IV. I don't know how Tony does it, though I imagine you give him the best sex of his life. Now in that capacity, you're a prize." She still loved that she could make him blush. "You ruined me for any other man, Jethro."

There! Now he was bright red.

"Sorry, you just needed a lighthearted moment. I worry about you." Shr resumed rubbing his back and shoulder. "Don't focus too much on what used to be. Neither of you are the young married couple you were and the stresses are just as complex but completely different. You can expend all that energy on remembering the problems in your marriage and lamenting that or you can choose to keep that in the past. The man I know and loved would expend his energy on protecting the women in his life now and not burying himself in the past. Keep it there in your field of vision but don't let it obscure the scene in front of you."

"You weren't exactly a prize either Jen. Couldn't walk into the bathroom without being attacked by your thigh highs. Sexy as hell on, but could have used to never have to see them hanging over the shower door." He understood what she was saying though, and knew that protecting Shannon and Kelly wasn't a question. "You're a damn fine woman Jen. Don't know why it didn't work out, just glad I still have you in my life to kick my ass when I need it. Guess I need it a lot."

"And you're a damn fine man, Jethro. It didn't work out because of me. Not you. Me. My ambitions, my grief over losing my father, my fear of becoming too attached to another man I could lose. It just wasn't meant to be for us. We make much better friends and you're much better matched with Tony anyway." She thought back to their time in Paris.

"Deep inside, both of us knew it could never be forever. That was why we loved with such intensity."

"Isn't that my line? It's not you, it's me ... I've used it enough over the years. Even when Ducky had to piece me back together, it was me not them. Now the one time I really should mean it, you go and steal my thunder." But Jen was right and he knew it. He would have married her in a heartbeat if he thought she was remotely interested. But they loved intensely and fought even more so. "You could have been my forever, but I'm happy with Tony. No thigh-highs or mood swings, and he has never tried to shoot me on purpose. More then I can say about most of my relationships."

"If it makes you happy, use that line. But we both know the truth about our time and about what happened. It was you, not me, Jethro, does it make it better to hear that you were the issue?" Jen spoke utterly seriously. It hurt to think that she could have been his but she knew she hadn't been ready. "There are days I wish I'd been ready for you, for what you'd been willing to give me."

"We're better off sweetheart. We'd have killed one another if we took our relationship any further down that road." But it would have been a hell of a ride all the same. "I can always dump Tony and Shannon both if you think you're ready for me now."

Jen laughed and shook her head. "You're with Tony and or Shannon. That is where you belong. You would be insane of you gave them up for someone who never put you ahead of career goals."

"But your career goals brought you back to me. So I can't complain too much, even though it hurt at the time. You're one in a million Jen, need to find a good man, someone who will know how to treat you right."

Jen sighed, running a hand through her hair. "I organized that, Jethro. Opportunity knocked and I was eager to see you again." She gave him a small smile. "You show me a man who will put up with the responsibilities I have and my crazy schedule and maybe, just maybe, I'll find that good man. Until then, I think a cat is the deepest level of responsibility I want."

"Don't let your crazy life keep you from doing what you want Jen. I've done it, ruined several relationships because of it, and it's just not worth it. Take what you need, don't let it wait until you're too old to enjoy it."

"Well, that would preclude me having a relationship or something to go home to, Jethro. The townhome and Noemi hardly need me and I am making a difference." She sighed. "Doesn't this nail how you need to go after that chance and embrace it, try anyway."

"Don't turn this around like that. A housekeeper and a cat aren't the same as a relationship. But you're going to do as you want to do. I should know better then to push, when I was getting grouchy for you doing the same thing." Holding his hand out, he waited to see if she would take it. "Let's make a pact, we'll both try to be respectful of the others personal life. I'd say stay out of it totally, but we both know that won't happen."

She pulled him into a gentle hug. "I just want your happiness, Jethro. Be it with Tony or Shannon or completely alone. Just finally grab your happiness with both hands."

"Don't you know, men like me aren't guaranteed happiness? If it lands in our lap for a while, we hold on the best we can Jen. It's like a butterfly, it flutters around and sometimes we can catch one. But most of the tiem we're too clumsy and we just smash it."

"You sounded almost poetic there." She leaned in close. "You and Tony have a very good thing, Jethro. I think it can handle this storm. Have faith."

"A storm, yeah maybe. But Hurricaine Shannon? I'm really not so sure about that. She's much more then any storm I've ever known." But he hoped that Tony would understand and stick around. There was so much to work out, with his wife. Ex wife? Deceased wife? He wasn't even sure what he was or where the law would come down on this. But he had to deal with his girls first, and in the end, Tony would hopefully still be there. "And for the record, I can be poetic if the moment is right. Just not always able to be so carefree."

"I think I'd like to see that side of you," Jen said quietly."Shannon and Kelly are going to open our eyes to a lot of differences in you, Jethro. Both good and bad, I have a feeling."

"You saying I wasn't ever romantic Jen? That our time in Paris was all carnal pleasure?" There was a lot of truth in that, but they had quiet times, laying in bed quietly enjoying the quieter side of their relationship. "You probably won't believe half the stuff you're going to see. I don't want to hear any crap from you about it either. I was a different man when I was a husband and father. Younger, not as jaded about life. I don't want them to see a lot of what I've become."

"You were romantic and you were fire ad you were the men I fell in love with. You were a different man when you were a father. I;ve seen husband since but never father. And don't you think they deserve to see the father and husband you've become. I have a feeling none of it is news to Shannon anyway."