Chapter 4

I couldn't believe the last thing I heard.

She said, "Shawn, I'm pregnant and you are the father."

I literally dropped the telephone. I picked it up. "It's not possible. I can't father children; you know that."

"Shawn, did you ever have your sperm tested to see if you could have kids?"

"No, mom told me..."

"I talked to your mom too, and she said that there was a good chance that you couldn't have kids. She also said that she never had you checked out and she didn't think you were ever tested."

"Julie, are you sure it's..."

"Don't even go there, Shawn. I haven't been with any man but you since our divorce, and the only time with you was three months ago when you made love to me. The doctor said I am three months along."

I didn't know what to think. Was this déjà-vu all over again? Could I father kids or not?

"Shawn," said Julie, "I have all the answers for you but I'm not giving them to you yet. You need to go to your clinic and let them show you in black and white that you can father kids. After you find out the truth, please call me again and we'll finish this conversation. Shawn, I love you and you really are going to be a daddy again."

She hung up and I was in total bewilderment. I didn't know what to think. She sounded so ... so sure of herself. I knew I had to go to our clinic the next day and get tested.

I asked my supervisor for a couple of hours off to go to the clinic. "Is everything all right, Shawn? Are you feeling ok?" he asked.

"Yes, sir, it's just something I need checked out. No problem, I'm fine. I'll be back in a couple of hours."

No problem could be big problem; I definitely needed to get tested. What if I could have kids? What if I couldn't? Damn, I thought as I headed to the clinic. My mind was pretty much a muddled mess. I finally got over my arrogance and jealousy, accepted Gina as my own and now this.

When I got to the clinic, the receptionist asked me what I needed. I told her I needed a sperm test. "Ok, Mr. Ward, the doctor will see you."

I knew the doc since I've been in Kuwait for almost seventeen months. "What's this all about, Shawn? Do you think you might have an STD or something?" asked the doc.

"No, this is a little embarrassing for me but I need to have my sperm tested to see if it's possible for me to father a child."

"Don't tell me you had unprotected sex, Shawn. We tell you guys over and over to be careful over here," said the doc.

"It's not like that, Doctor. When I was little my mom was told I might not be able to father children. She didn't tell me till last year. I won't go into the whys and wherefore, but when I went home on leave I made love with the woman I intend to marry. She told me she was pregnant."

"Oh, I see. You need to know if you may be able to have children so you know if you fathered this child," said the doctor.

"That's it in a nutshell, Doc. Can you help me out here and get the results as soon as possible? I'm kind of going nuts here."

"Sure, Shawn," he said as he handed me a small tube. "Shawn, this is kind of a do-it-yourself program. You need to give me a sample of your sperm. You're welcome to go in the back office and take matters in your own hand."

I know he wasn't making light of the situation but trying to put me at ease. He reached in a drawer and pulled out an x-rated magazine. He told me it might help. I went in the room and glanced through the magazine. I then started picturing Julie in my mind making love to me. It didn't take long for me to get the doctor his sample.

"Shawn, I'll put a rush on it and probably get you the results tomorrow. Stop in after work," said the doc.

I went to work and tried to think about anything but my situation. Julie sounded so sure but, what did she know? Why didn't she tell me right then? Damn, the rest of the day was long getting through. That night wasn't a whole lot better. I tossed and turned, my mind wandering about all the 'what if's. I could hardly wait for the results.

I went in first thing after work and the doc called me into his office. "Shawn, whoever told you that you couldn't father a child was wrong. There is nothing wrong with your sperm output. I would say that if you were the only man your girlfriend was with, then you are the father," said the doc.

"Doc, I don't understand. When we were first together, we had sex hundreds of times and she never got pregnant. Why now? Could something have changed?"

"It's just life, Shawn. You may have sex one time and your partner becomes pregnant. There are people who have sex for years, then out of the blue they have a child together. I hope you want this child, Shawn. As you know, we see so many unwanted kids here. I wish you the best," said the doc as I left his office.

Now I needed to make a long distance phone call, regardless of the cost. I needed to know what Julie had to say. As I was thinking, I had to wonder if maybe Gina was mine after all. She didn't look like me at all but I had to wonder.

Julie answered the phone. "Well, Shawn; what did the doctor tell you?"

"He said I can father kids. I have to tell you that all kinds of thoughts went through my mind. Julie, is there any chance that Gina might be my daughter?" I asked,

"No, Honey; I'm sorry. You are her father, you're just not her sperm donor," replied Julie. "Please let me explain how I know for sure."

"I'm listening," I said. I did notice that she never referred to Mario as anything but a sperm donor.

"Back when you walked out on us, I was really mad. Then we got a letter from your lawyer that said, no alimony, no child support. If you don't sign this agreement, we'll take you to court.

"I was so surprised seeing such a negative letter that I decided to make sure who the sperm donor was or should I say wasn't? I had Gina's DNA and they said I needed yours to see if it matched. You left a hairbrush here and they got your DNA off of it. When the results came back, it said you weren't the biological father. Of course, we were already pretty sure, but I was praying we were wrong.

"After getting the results I signed your divorce documents. I call them yours because I never wanted one."

"That was the biggest mistake of my life leaving you. I'm still very sorry for my stupid actions. You deserved better. Ok, what about this pregnancy?"

"I was honest with you when I told you I haven't had sexual relations with anyone but you. I did go on a few dates but there was no sex. If you have to know, I did kiss them but that was it. The reason I didn't go any further is because they weren't you, Shawn. I didn't need sex; hell, any girl could get that. I still loved you and was trying to get over you.

"After you came home and I saw my old Shawn was back, and even better you were a very caring and loving person, I was still worried about you accepting Gina. When you signed her birth certificate I knew you really cared for her."

"I more than care. I love the little girl; she is my daughter and I have the birth certificate to prove it," I kind of laughed.

"After you left to go back to Iraq I was saddened. I wanted you to be with us. Gina and I have a calendar and we mark a day of each day till you return. I missed my period; you know my time of the month that you hate? I took a home pregnancy test and it said positive. I didn't know what to think. I was a wreck and made a doctor's appointment and she confirmed the pregnancy.

"There was no doubt whatsoever who the father was. It had to be you but why did you and your mom both tell me you couldn't father kids? I went to see your mother and that's when she told me she didn't know for sure about you fathering children. I told her I was pregnant again and there was no doubt in my mind whatsoever. Your mom put her hands over her face and cried; I cried with her.

"The reason I didn't tell you last month was I knew you would have doubts. I didn't know if you would believe me and I didn't want to go through all those arguments again. I had a fetus DNA done. They stick a needle into the fetus and check it's DNA. It's called amniocentesis and it's been done for at least 20 years when the doctor think there might be something wrong with a fetus. We matched it with yours that I had tested for Gina, and it was 99.999% that you are the baby's father. It should have been 100% because I'm that sure."

I had tears in my eyes listening to Julie. I was going to be a father. Julie didn't know the sex of the baby yet but said she would know when I got home the following month.

Julie said, "Shawn, there is something I need to ask you."

"What is it, Sweetheart?" I asked.

"Will you marry me?" she asked.

"Aren't I suppose to ask you?" I said.

"You asked me last time. I thought I'd ask you this time," she replied.

"I'll marry you as soon as I get home. I love you, Julie, and I love my daughter and my new baby, whatever sex it is. I love God, and I love the world."

"Easy, Honey; we love you too and we'll be waiting for you. Oh, you can sleep at the apartment till we get married. Just thought you might like to know," said Julie.

The month couldn't get over fast enough for me. I still stopped at Ar'med's once a week. On my last night there, I had dinner with them and gave each of his kids a big box of chocolates I had ordered in. I gave his wife Fatima a couple of hair berets, which she wore to hold her long hair up. She smiled and thanked me.

I gave Ar'med five hundred dollars. It was a lot of money for him but he was so good to me and I knew he could help defray some of his expenses.

"Why you do this? You work hard for money. You very nice man," said Ar'med.

"Ar'med, you have taught me so much in the short time I've known you. I have found out what unconditional love is by the way you took in Aadam and the other orphaned kids into your family.

"You give hope and instruction to everyone you meet. You are what I considered a great man and I'm a better man just for knowing you."

He said with a smile, "Peace be with you, Shawn Ward. You take care of yourself and your new family." I had told him about me getting married as soon as I got home.

I gave him and Aadam a big hug and went on my way.

I was happy to finally be leaving Kuwait and Iraq. I do have to say that in eighteen months I learned a lifetime of knowledge. The people, the culture and true acts of kindness, not only from them but from our own military as well. They are a dedicated group of young men and women who are so underpaid and unappreciated.

Julie was at the door waiting for me this time. She kissed me and told me how much she loved me. Little Gina wanted me to pick her up so she could give me one of those big kisses and a hug. I noticed Julie was getting a little belly and I reached down and rubbed it.

"It's your son," she said.

I know I had the biggest smile on my face. I hugged my little girl and told her she was going to have a little brother. We all sat down and she rubbed her mother's little belly and smiled.

We did a lot of talking and discussed different issues. She said the whole family knew about the baby and that we were getting married on Saturday. We had to go the next day to get our marriage license. We decided to just go to a local judge for our nuptials. After talking it over, this was just to make it legal again. We would use our original marriage date as our anniversary day.