Chapter 1: Pre-Dawn

YVETTE

I had not intended to meet Yvette. As a matter of fact, I should never have meet her. I should not have wound up in the emergency room but that's how fate works, I guess.

I had a small diving accident. I'm not a diver but I was showing off for a woman poolside which is hard to do when your big skill is swimming fast. It would be easier to just tattoo a silver metal to my chest. Anyway, I cracked my head on the board and knocked myself out. So they tell me. I remember looking down and thinking 'this will get her attention' and then waking up to see my panicked mother's face. Right after I woke up, it seemed, everything happened. Doctors came in, nurses, Alex - laughing - and food services. She came in with the tray, saw the crowd and left. I saw her face very briefly and sent Alex to get her and bring her back.

Best decision of my life.

She was stunning. Ebony skin, beautiful face, chest like a mountain range, ass to match. She worked at the hospital as a work/study but her real field was psychology. I told her she could analyze me anytime. She rolled her eyes.

They only kept me overnight for observation. So I wound up coming back three times before she finally gave me her number. I confess, my whole objective was getting her in bed. Just talking to her got me hard. She made me work for every kiss, for every inch of skin she let me touch.

Finally, after three months of wining and dining and being on my best behavior, she told me she was celibate. I told her I didn't care. Which was more or less true. By then, I knew I was falling in love with her.

I told her the truth - mostly - that I had a lover 'back home' and while we occasionally had sex when I was there, the relationship was definitely not a committed sort of thing. She was not pleased.

"You want to be a therapist, right?" I was trying to be calm, rational.

"So?"

"OK, so, analyze this: My - friend - is not about sex. It's discipline. Not like B&D sort of..." I catch myself, "OK, maybe a little but it's uh - uh - uh thing between us. Since we was kids really." I gave up. It wasn't going to make any sense without all of it. "I'm gonna tell you some things that nobody else knows. I don't know how you're gonna take it but -" I took a deep breath, "If I love you, I have to trust you."

Her expression softened a bit, "You can tell me anything."

I hoped that was true. I told her everything. How it started. Why. How I felt when I controlled Alex. How I felt making love to him. One confession led to the next and I told her about all the girls too - Trina, Michelle, Melissa. Even Ryan. Even Beth. Everything.

When I finished, I felt drained and she looked more than a little stunned. "I'm gonna take off now." I said. She didn't stop me. I figured that was the end of it.

Two days later she called me. "How much of that little fairy tale is true? Any of it?"

"All of it."

"So, you are telling me that you are a dominant, bi-sexual, incestuous, sadomasochist with an oral fetish?"

Put that way, it almost sounded silly. "Sadist only. I have no tolerance for pain myself."

"Don't be cute." She sighed deeply. "Can I meet you for dinner?"

She came over; I cooked. We talked, mostly about what I told her. Then she opened up and told me why she was celibate. The abuse. The rape. I left the room when she finished and returned with refreshed drinks. It was the first time I understood impotent rage.

"You're not saying anything." She said softly.

After a minute I replied, "Please make very sure that I never meet this uncle."

"Why not?"

"Because I'm not sure I won't try to kill him."

"You don't need to be so..."

"I'm not being anything but honest. I meet him, Yvette, so help me, I'm droppin' him like uh bad habit an' throwin' him in the bay. You know how long it takes ta find a body in the Chesapeake?"

"No."

"They don't. Body drifts out ta' the 'Lantic Ocean. If it don't get eaten first." She looked more than a little shocked. We sat in silence for a while. "He hurt you. I can't do anything about that. But I'll be damned if-n he evah get a chance ta touch you again." I was shaking. I think it might have been the maddest I've ever been - sitting there thinking about the asshole who would touch any child like that, never mind the woman I loved. I took a breath and tried to calm down. "I'm sorry if I've made you uncomfortable, being so persistent. I didn't realize..."

"It's OK. It was kind of-" She looked away, blushing, "It was OK."

She was so beautiful. The idea that someone hurt her made me crazy. I was shocked by how strong the desire was to find him and beat the shit out of him. I could only think of two ways to relieve the stress of it and both were out of the question. I thought.

When she leaned over and kissed me, I was more than a little stunned. It was more passionate than any kiss we'd shared.

"Don't do that," I cautioned her when she let me up for air. "I'm not gonna want to let you go home If you do it again."

"I thought maybe I'd stay tonight."

She wanted me to make 'touch' OK for her. Make arousal a good thing. She wanted a memory to replace the old pain. I tried my best. I tried my damnedest to make her want me ... it ... sex ... everything.

I let her lead me at her pace, tell me where to touch her and when. When she let me finally take her shirt off, I buried my face between her breasts. "Oh God. They're beautiful." I must have spent an hour worshiping them. Eventually, she lay me down on the floor and straddled me, topless. Heaven.

She took off my shirt and stroked my nipples as I gasped. Slowly, she explored me with her fingertips. "Oh, Christ. I want you so much." It was a struggle to keep my hands off her - not to just throw her down on the floor and have my way with her. Then I remembered where I was. I have facilities here. "Hey, let's go upstairs and do this right."