Chapter 8

Heidi laid in bed, the lights were out but she couldn't fall asleep. Jake hadn't come home yet. He always came home right after work, not even a moment late, but it was already dark and he hadn't come home yet.

Lying as intently awake as she was, and the night being so still and silent, she had no trouble hearing the car as soon as it pulled into the driveway. She listened to his steady gate coming up the stairs, until he was flicking on the bedroom light.

She sat up and looked at him expectantly. The look on his face was a mixture of anger and hurt resignation, and Heidi didn't know whether to be wary of him or to go wrap him in her arms.

"Jake?" she questioned hesitantly, sitting up.

"Are you in love with this Ben guy?" Jake asked, his voice determinedly steady. Heidi couldn't detect the least bit of emotion in his voice; his words came out painfully flat.

"What?" Heidi said in complete shock. Why would she be sleeping with him if she were in love with Ben? She shook her head in slow denial, but he wasn't looking at her.

"You were with him Monday, but you lied about it."

Heidi was confused. She couldn't remember telling him that she hadn't seen Ben. "I don't know what you're talking about," Heidi said hesitantly. Jake came over to sit on the edge of the bed.

"On the phone, I thought you sounded jumpy, but I reasoned that it was just my imagination."

Heidi remembered. It was the day she went to see her mother and step-father. She had been trying to hide something from him, just not what he'd guessed.

"I also heard that you took $10,000 out of our account."

Heidi's face went blank. "I-I," she stumbled over her words, she was going to tell him, but it was too late now, he had already found out on his own.

He shook his head, "I suppose I can't blame you for ruining our marriage, not when you didn't want to be in it in the first place."

Ruined? Heidi questioned to herself, Did that mean it was over? She could feel the tears rising to her eyes, but fought to keep them down. Things had gone so wrong so quickly, and she knew it was her fault. She had been prepared for Jake to come in here raving and screaming at her, but she wasn't quite sure what to make of this quiet acceptance.

"The thing I don't understand is, if you were planning to run away with him, why did you suddenly become all friendly toward me?"

"What?" Heidi parroted her earlier response, too shocked to say anything else. What was he talking about?

"Oh come on, I'm not stupid. The minute I was away, you snuck off to Ben with $10,000. Were you planning on taking Fitzroy with you, or leaving him here? Is he the reason you came back?"

Heidi stared at him, her face blank with shock. Jake stood up and started paced away from her, dragging his hands through his hair. "Just tell me the truth, Heidi," his voice was defeated, "I promise I won't be angry. I just want to know the truth."

Heidi's voice stuck in her throat, although she opened her mouth to tell him. Instead of telling him what he wanted to hear, she burst into tears. Heidi wasn't really sure why she was crying, probably all the suppressed emotions finally coming to the surface.

Through her blurry vision, she saw Jake walk over to her and kneel down in front of her. "Don't cry, Heidi," he pleaded, grasping her hand and kissing her knee. "Whatever you want to do, we'll do," he promised, "I love you," his voice was husky.

The words only made Heidi burst out into a new set of tears. "You do?"

"Didn't you know?" he asked her ruefully.

Heidi cried out and through herself into his arms, hugging his neck tightly. "I love you," she managed to tell him through her sobs. "I love you. I love you," she said over and over again, holding him tightly to her.

He squeezed her just as tightly, pressing his lips to her neck and hair. "I didn't think I would ever hear you say those words," he breathed into her ear. He held her against his chest, letting her calm down and her tears dry. Even after she stopped crying, they simply sat on the floor for a long while, Heidi lying snugly in his lap.

"I wasn't going to run away with Ben," she finally told him, her head fit snugly under his chin.

He squeezed her, "What did you need the money for, sweetheart?" he asked her gently.

Heidi lowered her eyes in shame, but quietly spoke. "My mom and step dad showed up."

He stiffened slightly, remembering that she did not have a good relationship with them. "And you gave them the money?" He felt her nod against his chest. "But why?" he asked earnestly.

Heidi felt herself blush with shame. She wasn't strong enough to stand up to her parents, and now Jake would find out how pathetic and weak she was. But she had to do it, for her son. "I couldn't let them hurt Fitzroy, Jake," she pulled slightly back from him to look pleadingly up into his eyes. "I'm sorry I took your money, but I had to. I'm sorry."

Jake's face held a furious scowl, and Heidi curled into herself, afraid that he was angry with her. "Explain that please," his voice held barely controlled fury.

"They found us at the park. They said if I gave them some money, they would stay away from me and Fitzroy forever. I thought it would just be easier to give it to them. I'm sorry," she looked down at her lap. She had pulled slightly away from his chest while she spoke, and Jake suddenly pulled her back snugly against him.

"You don't have anything to be sorry about," he reassured her, stroking her hair. "It's those two that did something wrong." Heidi snuggled back against him, reassured that his anger was not directed at her. "Did they threaten Fitz?" he asked coldly.

"Not in so many words," Heidi remembered that frightful day in the park. "Carl said something about seeing Fitz again soon, and it scared me. I can't let that man anywhere near my son," she couldn't keep the pure hatred out of her voice as she thought about Carl and what he had almost done.

Jake didn't miss the venom in her voice, and his heart clenched thinking about what her step-father had done to make her hate him so much. "You can tell me the truth, Heidi," he kept his voice gentle despite the anger he felt for the other man, "I know you're downplaying what he did to you while you were still living with him." He remembered her saying it wasn't so bad, which was obviously a lie.

Heidi looked up into Jake's eyes, the eyes of the man she loved. She could see his carefully controlled fury and his protective concern for her. She wanted to tell him, she had kept it inside so long. "It really wasn't so bad," she reassured him. "Like I said before, he only hit me once in a while." She laid her head back against his shoulder, drawing strength from him. "But then after graduation, I started to show." Jake thought about her back then, how scared she must have been when she got pregnant. He wished he was there for her, and cursed himself for being an idiot. "I wore baggy clothes and stuff at first, but of course mom and Carl found out eventually. They were furious with me, calling me a slut and ranting and raving."

Jake couldn't control the guilt he felt, that she was punished for something that he did to her. "Carl," her voice broke slightly, but she continued, "He said that he would fix it, that he would get rid of the baby," the tears were rolling down her cheeks, and Heidi was surprised that she had any tears left. "I tried to run away, but he grabbed me. He punched me in the stomach, hard."

Jake stared down at her head in horror; the man had tried to kill their baby. "I thought he was dead. I ran away as fast as I could, but I thought he was dead," she wailed slightly, remembering her fear and shock. Her baby might have been unplanned, but it was not unwanted. It was her son growing inside her, and she planned to protect him and love him forever.

After a few minutes, she calmed down slightly. "I was so relieved when I found out he was alright," Heidi breathed.

"What did you do?" Jake asked, picturing her all alone and penniless.

"I went back to my room later when I knew they wouldn't be home. I took all my saving and rented a really cheep apartment and found two jobs. I worked all the time and saved up for when the baby would come. I probably wouldn't have made it if Fran hadn't been there to help me," Heidi said, remembering the support of her first real friend, "And then later Ben."