Part 14: An Apple A Day Keeps the Doctor

A few days after I returned to California, Alix got pissed at me. In my write-up of my four day weekend, I got a little carried away. My opening line was "I just spent the weekend with the three greatest cocksuckers in the world."

I then called Stefani, Tabby, and Darcy the oral equivalent of the three tenors and described all fourteen of my oral deliveries in fine detail with ecstatic accounts of Stefani's perfect fit, Tabby's private strip show, Darcy's slow tease coupled with her winning Tabby's bet, and Tabby's miraculous feat of reviving my cock. I'd gotten so used to checking in with Alix about my write-ups, it hadn't occurred to me that I'd set her off.

"What the fuck happened to your no sex weekend in Ohio asshole?"

"Alix, I really thought that was what we were going to do. Something came up with Tabby's daughter."

"Did you fuck her too?"

"God, no. I've still never even met the girl and I wouldn't do that."

"You just do stepsisters?"

"You know I had no idea about Nikki."

We talked for two hours and I thought slowly worked it out, but when we talked the next day Alix still couldn't contain the mixture of jealousy, anger, and confusion boiling inside her.

"Charley, I don't expect to win this thing, but how can we be together if I'm not even in your top three?"

"I was just talking about a single sex act."

"We're talking about your fetish."

We wound up hanging up on one another, twice. It wasn't unexpected. I'd been careful about sharing the more personal details of my Tabby time with Alix once again and she was probably more upset about that barrier than my anointing Tabby, Darcy, and Stefani, the three greatest cocksuckers in the world. Alix had a talent for making me share what I was feeling and thinking. As a result, she had gotten me to share emotional intimacy in a way that I had never managed before. Tabby had the talent for getting me to say what I wanted and for showing and trusting my heart.

More than once, I'd wondered how the two women would get along if they ever met. Yes, I had also imagined a threesome with them a few times as well. In fact, one of the surprising side benefits of the No Strings Challenge had been my developing a taste for sex with two women at the same time. I'd had the thrill of being with longtime friends in Tabby and Vicki, two lesbian lovers in Audrey and Nikki, and now a duel between two supremely talented courtesans who kept inspiring the other to stretch the possibilities of pleasure with Tabby and Darcy. In the meantime, my fantasy pairings kept multiplying. Alix had been teasing me about sharing her first threesome with me for months. First, there was Gina; lately it had been her stepsister Nikki. Beyond that, there'd been Nikki and Stefani (the perfect fits), Stefani and Tabby, and Dani and Tabby. If Tabby's name shows up a lot in my fantasy threesomes, it was probably no accident. She was uninhibited, gorgeous, and simply knew how to push my sexual buttons.

For the last ten days though, even thoughts of all these three-ways weren't getting me aroused. That weekend had genuinely worn me out. I imagine a Tabby or a Stefani could have coaxed something out of me, but they weren't around. On top of that Alix wasn't talking to me. Her anger was actually scaring me. I'd never seen this side of Alix. Tabby and I were talking now, once in the morning and once at night, but as much as I liked it she wasn't the easy phone buddy that Alix was. I loved talking to Tabby and being in a more of a boyfriend-girlfriend groove with her, but her life really was complicated and that could be pretty heavy going and it definitely wasn't erotic.

I was actually concerned that I really had damaged something from overuse. I hadn't even felt a twitch down there since I got on the plane for California. Although I hadn't been with a woman, I'd certainly watched enough video and fondled myself enough in an attempt to make sure if it was still working. I wondered if a given penis only had a certain number of erections in it. If so, my hand might have used up too many of them. I made an appointment with a urologist.

In the meantime, Chelsea had texted me a dozen times since my return to California. I'd kept it light and friendly, but let it slip that I had to be in her part of the Bay Area. I didn't tell her it was to see a urologist about an exhausted penis. My appointment was in the afternoon, so we met for lunch.

I've never been especially good at saying, 'No', but that wasn't the only reason I kept the date. I was still afraid that any real interest in me even from Alix was going to fade once the challenge was over. Chelsea might not have been the most skilled sex partner, but she was real and seemed to know nothing about No Strings Charlie. She was more attractive than many of the women I'd dated in my previous life. I was also seriously concerned that my penis had lost its "magical powers", so what difference did the sexual chemistry matter make now?

Chelsea had already gotten us a table. She greeted me with a quick hug and a kiss, we ordered, and then segued into small talk. She actually looked a bit prettier than I'd remembered. I told her that the rest of my trip to Ohio had gone smoothly and that I'd worked well with my contact and her new associate. She revealed that she was getting to hate her job. "Basically, I visit companies and tell them how many workers they have to lay off. It kills me to see the family pictures hung on those office walls."

It was a pleasant lunch and a passable second date. There wasn't exactly electricity, but there were no awkward pauses in the conversation either. The check came and Chelsea grabbed it.

"No way, I'm letting you pay," I said.

"I'd like to get this Charley. It'll make me feel less guilty."

"Guilty about what?"

Chelsea put her hand over mine.

"Charley, I really enjoyed getting to know you and love talking with you. It's just that I think I maybe took a wrong turn with you back in Ohio."

She didn't have to say the next part, but she did anyway. "I think we'll do better as friends."

I was relieved in one way and flabbergasted in another.

"But what's the problem? I thought we did pretty well together."

I was lying in one sense, but pride told me that I'd done a great job pleasing her.

"Charley, it's not you, it's me."

Was Chelsea married? Was that why she wanted us to meet for lunch?

"Oh god! Are you saying I didn't get you off?"

I said it a little louder than I meant to and the guy at the next table smirked in my direction.

"Of course you did and you really are talented that way."

"Thanks."

I stared down at my empty plate.

"Can I level with you, Charley?"

"Sure. I'm pretty leveled anyway."

"I wish it weren't the case and it embarrasses me that I'm not a better person than this, but I'm sort of a size queen."

My jaw dropped open.

"I can't believe this."

"I'm sure there's a girl out there for you, but I guess I have to get this out there. I'm not the one for you. Foreplay just doesn't do it for me."

I wanted to say, "Did you know you give terrible head?", but I managed to resist.

"Chelsea, then why did you keep texting me?"

"I really wanted to be friends, Charley."

"So, this was your way of showing me that?"

"Okay, maybe I shouldn't have told you. I guess I just didn't want you thinking you'd done something wrong. You tried so hard, but once we got to the main event ... I just pretended to fall asleep afterwards. You know you're not small down there and you are really skilled. I just need truly big."

My curiosity got the better of me, "And if I'd been over the limit, what would have happened?"

"I would have spent the next thirty minutes sucking on you until you were ready for round two and we would have gone at it the rest of the night. If I really like a guy, I have him cum on my face. They always come back for more when I do that."

"So after I left?"

"You really want to know?"

"Maybe not, but tell me anyway."

"I met a guy down at the bar, but this time I checked him out first."

"I don't believe this."

"You'd gotten me all warmed up. I'm just a really sexual woman."

I let Chelsea pay the check.

"Charley, I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings. I do have a really sweet girlfriend who's more flexible about her preferences. She's a little heavy, but she has the cutest face, and..."

"The greatest personality," I finished her sentence for her.

"Come on Charley; please don't make it like this. Maybe the three of us can go out some time. I swear you'd really like her."

"Chelsea, I'm doing okay on my own."

I wanted to tell her the rest, but I had a feeling she'd never believe me anyway and would just think I was trying to save self-esteem.

"I'll call you Charley. I don't have many guys I can be this honest with."

"Maybe wait a couple weeks first."

"Sure, I understand. I know that was a really idiotic thing for me to do."

"It's okay Chelsea. Maybe you can tell me more about your adventures some time soon. I like having a female friend who can talk about this stuff."

I gave her a hug and walked out of the restaurant as fast as humanly possible. The really odd thing was that I still sort of liked Chelsea. I mean what other woman in the world would seriously tell a guy she wanted to talk to again that his dick was too small for her? I actually believed her when she told me that she'd been diagnosed with Aspberger's recently.

I briefly wondered if some of the ladies in the challenge and in my life just weren't being as honest as Chelsea. When I'd set the date with Chelsea, I'd actually thought the two of us might wind up doing things that would make the urology appointment unnecessary. I grabbed myself to confirm that I couldn't be that disappointing. It didn't reassure me. I turned on the radio and the first three commercials were for natural enhancement products.

It wasn't until the receptionist told me to have a seat and she'll be with you in a few minutes that I realized that I.M. Kumiter M.D. my urologist happened to be female. My first instinct was to walk right out the door, but I was genuinely nervous about my cock strain. It might be weeks before I got in with another specialist. Given my problem, would it really be any easier having a guy examine me?

I began to fill out Dr. Kumiter's questionnaire. No, I'd never smoked. No, I wasn't currently on high blood pressure medication of any kind. I'd never had any physical injuries down there. I was heterosexual and not married or living with someone. I exercised regularly. It went on for a couple pages until I got to the box that left a space for me to describe why I'd come to see the good doctor.

I went back up to the receptionist, "Ummm, is there some way I can explain my problems to the Doctor face to face?"

She showed me the back side of the questionnaire with its series of boxes to check off in lieu of narrative description. "A lot of our clients find this more comfortable, would that work for you? Otherwise, the Doctor would be happy to work that way with you. It's just that she tries to make the best use of her time."

I first checked the box for erectile dysfunction then tried to erase it. I settled on numbness instead then handed it face down back to the receptionist.

After my name was called, a buff-looking male nurse weighed me, took my temperature and blood pressure, then handed me a paper robe.

"Do I have to undress?"

"You are here to be examined by a urologist."

"To be honest, I've never seen a woman doctor for this sort of thing."

"Relax, this one's really cool and she's the best in her field. Take a deep breath. You want whatever's ailing you taken care of right?"

"Of course."

"Then you've come to the right place."

The nurse left the exam room. For a moment, I found myself admiring his tight butt. Was I turning gay or really gay? There'd been a couple hecklers on the board who had suggested that was why I liked getting blown so much. I had told them, "No, it just feels so damn good." But why was I checking out guy butt? Hopefully, I was just feeling insecure about my whole range of male inadequacies.

A few more minutes passed, and there was a soft knock at the door. The doctor was in her late thirties maybe early forties. She wore thick glasses that made her look more professional, her hair was up, and she had on a loose smock that couldn't quite cover over the fact that she was in exemplary shape. She said my last name and held out a slender hand.

"Doctor Kew-mighter, thank you for seeing me."

"Actually it's Cum-Eater."

"You're kidding."

"I'm afraid it really is the family name. Fortunately, my parents only had daughters. Could you imagine being a junior high school boy with my last name?"

The Doctor had one of the most dazzling smiles ever along with an oddly flirtatious giggle.

"As soon as my sisters married, they took their husband's names."

"So you've never married."

"Getting a little personal for a first time patient aren't you?'

"Sorry, I really..."

"I'm kidding. Mind if I call you Charley?"

"Of course."

"Why don't you call me Tarah. Most of my special patients do. It's a lot less awkward. Anyway, I just don't believe in hiding myself, so I tell people my last name then if we're going to work together either professionally or socially we move on. My last name can be an interesting test of character in ways."

"Tarah, it is."

"Let me guess, you're probably wondering how I got into urology."

"Well. It's not a very common specialty for female doctors, though I guess there are a fair number of male gynecologists."

"To be honest, I'd love to hear the story."

"You want the story I tell most people or the truth?"

"It's been my afternoon for the truth I guess."

"You might want to sit down first."

I took a seat on the exam table.

"I started as a hydraulic engineer in college. For tuition money, I started stripping on weekends and did my share of lap dances. One of my regulars hooked me up with a project to design a penis pump. I didn't believe him for weeks, but it turned out that it was completely legit."

Dr. Kumiter pulled up her glasses. She was extremely pretty in a no makeup kind of way.

"Wow!"

"That's actually just the beginning. I started working as a therapeutic sex surrogate to pay for grad school and I discovered that I had this fascination with why male genitalia work the way they do or as often happens with clients 'don't work'. Tarah was my therapy name. My real name's Irene Marie, but Tarah's always fit me better. Irene Marie sounds like a nun."

I shook my head in amazement.

"I'm assuming you don't share this sort of information with all of your patients."

"I'd lose my license."

"Then, why are you telling me this stuff?"

"Charley, I don't often get patients who fill out my questionnaire claim erectile dysfunction then say they've had four different sexual partners in the last two weeks. I figure that if you're going to write that down, I can only imagine what you're hesitating to tell me. If I'm frank with you, you'll do likewise. I'm all about the patient history."

"Okay."

"That and I also have a hunch."

"What kind of hunch?"

"Call it a Bella Luna kind of hunch."

I pulled the paper robe around myself.

"Whoa! This is getting a little weird."

"But, you are the No Strings Charley?"

I nodded.

"It's really an honor to meet you and be your doctor ... That is unless now that you know this, you'd rather get a referral."

"So, if I might ask, "What's your screen name?"

"Now, aren't we getting personal again," she giggled.

"You don't have to answer."

"Meet Doctor Throat."

"As in the same Doctor Throat who posts sometimes on my No Strings board?"

"The world can be a pretty small place. It's almost like we're living in some version of Second Life."

"Uh, can we talk about doctor-patient confidentiality for just a moment?"

"Absolutely, Charley. I'm a professional. None of this will wind up on any message board."

"I didn't mean any offense. It's just that "Breaking News, Charley can't actually get it up would be more than embarrassing."

"None taken. I understand the worry. So, why don't we get started. Just to save us a little time here, I take it you had a prolonged encounter with Little Miss Hoover."

I laughed. "At full suction setting."

"I wish I could share some of the stories. Let's just say that she can be a little traumatic. It's usually cardiac issues or obsession issues now and then."

"Well, I'm glad I'm not one of those."

Doctor Tarah coughed to cover a laugh.

You haven't by any chance met her?"

"Well, she's obviously never been a patient, but yes we've met. She sometimes is a source of referrals and data for my research. For what it's worth, she must really like you."

Normally, this conversation would have been getting me hard. It wasn't.

"Charley, why don't you open the robe and let me have a look under the hood, so to speak."

Dr. Tarah probed, checked, and inspected all the relevant parts of my body with admirable professionalism. I was a little disappointed. I had hoped that it was going to turn into a scene from Brazzers.com, but that's internet porn, this was real life.

"So what do you think, doc?"

She put away her stethoscope and glanced at my chart.

"I think things look surprisingly normal. Visually, your vascular condition doesn't seem to be an issue at all. The skin tone and your reflexes are comparable with nineteen year olds. Given your age, I'm tempted to say you're just a little worn down."

"You mean I just need to rest it?"

"Not necessarily. Just to be careful, I'd like to run some tests just to eliminate things like diabetes."

She filled out a stack of slips and I reached for them.

"By the way, yours is well within the average range."

She smiled at me slyly.

"Thanks."

"Too much porn. It's like those fashion magazines and anorexia for teenage girls."

"I have to confess, I was a little worried."

"And I'm not going to talk to you about either enhancement or Viagra. Any man your age who can have fourteen orgasms in three days doesn't have a problem for the long haul. Honestly, Charley. It's only been two weeks. Everyone has limits and you haven't failed with a woman yet. If this went on for a month, I'd be more worried."

She held out her hand.

"Do you have any more questions?"

"Maybe a couple thousand."

"Why don't you get your tests done and let me see my last couple patients and I can take a little time to answer some of them off the clock?"

"Really, that's not a problem?"

"I'm thinking of it as research. There are some interesting things about you, young man."

"It's not a date then?"

"Of course not."

She winked. As I headed toward the lab, I flipped through my sheaf of test authorizations. At the bottom of the stack, Dr. Tarah had written her phone number 408 388-6969 after 6:00 PM.

We met at a quiet sushi bar. Dr. Tarah had her hair down. She had on a beige sweater that showed off a serious pair of assets and her slacks were either a little tight or she had a rocking ass. The bottom of her sweater didn't quite meet her belt line and revealed just enough of her tummy to let me know that she'd done her share of crunchies. She'd put on a light perfume and her glasses were gone. Had she not waved when I came through the door, I wouldn't have recognized her as my doctor.

"I feel a little under-dressed," I said.

Dr. Tarah laughed. "You know I'm just not into that whole metro-sexual thing. I like guys to be guys and honest to God most guys are slobs."

"So, you come here often?"

"Charley, you have a thousand questions for me and that's the first thing that comes to your mind?"

If there had been any ice between us, that melted it. Fifteen minutes later, Dr. Tarah was telling me funny lap dance stories and I was sharing the details of my lunch with Chelsea.

"I can't believe she told you that. I also can't believe that you'd ever talk to her again."

"She reminds me of me when I was younger and really socially awkward."

"Charley, you know how sports cars are smaller than trucks?"

"Sure."

"Some drivers like the sheer size and power of a truck. Some like the cornering ability and refinement of the sports car."

"She put her hand on mine."

"Tarah, I know what you're saying."

"Hear me out Charley. A true high performance sports car has to be a whole lot smaller than a truck. Every detail- every inch of a sports car has to be just so for it to be capable of what it does."

She took a sip through the straw of her coke.

"Anyone can drive a pickup truck. You hop in to that giant cab, step on the gas pedal, and it's great for taking you in a straight line and hauling a heavy load. The driver of a sports car has to be really skilled and talented to get the most out of the vehicle and to genuinely enjoy and appreciate it. In turn, sports cars can be just a bit more temperamental and fussy. They don't respond to being mishandled. You press on the gas too hard, the engine floods, the gears grind, all that stuff."

"So you're saying that I need to date Danica Patrick."

Tarah's breasts moved beneath her sweater as she laughed.

"Dr. Tarah, I feel more like a go cart that won't start anymore than a sports car."

"I'm not sure you're listening to me carefully, Charley. I'm trying to tell you that I suspect you have a high-performance penis between your legs. It's the real reason that I ordered so many tests. I'd like to have the opportunity to study it a little. It's my special area of research. Remember, I'm an engineer at heart."

"So, tell me Dr. Tarah what kind of vehicle do you drive?"

She broke into a smile, "You're going to have to guess."

"Is it a Porsche?"

She shook her head.

"A Ferrari?"

She shook her head again as I even tried Tesla and Corvette.

"Charley, I drive a big ass pickup truck. I'm a terrible driver. I don't even know how to work a manual transmission."

"Oh..."

I couldn't hide my disappointment. I was still having my Brazzers.com fantasy.

"Well, I might fuck and suck in my truck, but I don't fuck what I drive. I am Doctor Throat, after all and a long time Bella Luna member."

She took a slow sip from her straw and flipped back her brown hair.

"For the last seven years, I've been trying to design the perfect artificial penis. I just haven't had something to model it on."

"I'm flattered, but I came to you today because my model cock isn't even functioning right now."

"True, it's the reason I didn't request one critical test."

"What's that?"

"Well, obviously I'm going to need a sperm sample."

She took the cherry out of her coke, slipped it in her mouth, and then pulled it back out to show me how she'd tied the stem in a knot without using her fingers. I almost choked on my edamame.

"I've got to be honest with you Dr. Tarah. I should be hard as a rock right now and you're incredibly sexy, but nothing's going on down there. It's scaring me."

"Charley, you had fourteen orgasms in three days with three of the best drivers in the world. That's a lot of grand prix action."

"So, you're saying I need to keep resting it."

"No, I'm thinking you need a little tune up."

"Doctor Cum-Eater, why do I think you're trying to seduce me?"

"Charley, I assure you my interest in you is purely scientific."

She then took a piece of yellow tail and devoured it in a single gulp.

"So if I might ask, how do you propose to procure a sperm sample if I can't summon an erection from this alleged high-performance cock?"

"You ever seen an accu-jack?"

"I hope not."

"It's an electrical device used for breeding cattle and sometimes horses. You hook it up to a bunch of car batteries. You know those stud fees are serious money. Works every time."

"You're not hooking mine up to any car battery."

"No, Charley. We have a scaled down version for humans. With you, I think a couple AAA batteries would do it."

"Doc, you sure know how to make a guy feel good. Have you been taking lessons from my friend Chelsea?"

"Well, I also have a plan B in case you'd rather not be accu-jacked."

She patted a gym bag next to her chair.

"So, it's Deal time, Charley. Do you want the accu-jack behind door number one? Do you want to hop back in your Toyota Camry and drive home alone? Or do you want what's inside the black bag?"

"I don't get to peek in the bag?"

"Nope."

"And I thought you were waiting for lab results."

"I'm pretty sure there's nothing wrong with your penis that a little tune-up won't fix, Charley. 95% of the time, the issue with impotence isn't physical and I happen to know that you've had girlfriend trouble lately. Anyway, most men come in for the problem after they've had trouble performing with a woman, not because they're not getting the urge every couple hours."

"Well, all my life, I've sort of been that way. Up till lately, I was still getting spontaneous erections sometimes."

"Alix is going to be just fine. Tabby's going to be fine. Nikki too. You just need to get your mind off of them for a bit. Even the great racers can't drive the grand prix 24-7."

"Black bag it is then."

"Excellent choice. Don't worry Charley, Doctor Tarah here is going to make sure you get that sperm sample without having to waste electricity."

She snapped up the check saying something about research being a straight tax write-off. She led me to a purple Dodge King Cab pickup in the parking lot. Once I had my seatbelt on, Dr. Tarah blindfolded me.

Twenty minutes and a couple dozen jokes about accu-jacks later, we arrived at our destination. I started to take off the blindfold, but Dr. Tarah wouldn't let me.

"This is a very private place, Charley. You'll understand why later."

My first thought was that she'd brought me to some sort of swing club, which was fine by me, but mostly this place smelled of wine, the sound of a cash register, and hot wings. She sat me down. I felt a circular table just in front of my hands.

"Now, you leave the blindfold on for seven more minutes. Understand!"

She kissed me on the cheek then I felt her leave. A minute afterwards music started up and there was a little buzz around the room. A couple minutes after that, the music cut out and a mike clicked in. "It's the third Thursday of the month, ladies and gents. It's 8:00 pm and it's time for another amateur night. We've got a great group of four brave ladies this time; let's put your hands together for a legal secretary who tells us that she loves to take dictation. Let's put your hands together for Maria!"

I applauded and pulled off my blindfold to find Dr. Tarah on the stool right next to me.

"A titty bar?"

"I know that Tabby's stripped for you twice before, but I also have the feeling that you're the kind of guy who doesn't get tired of it either. This also happens to be a very private titty bar."

"Fair enough."

There were two glasses of pineapple juice in front of us and Dr. Tarah held one up in toast then chugged hers. Maria started her first dance. She really did look like a legal secretary which had its good and bad points. She actually seemed more than a little nervous as she kept squinting into the spotlight and losing her rhythm. She got a little more comfortable near the firepole, but once there she froze and started clinging to it. The crowd shouted gentle encouragement.

"Show us how pretty you are!" someone shouted.

Soft applause followed. Maria smiled then began to unzip her knit dress. The applause got louder. She had a very nice body. She maybe wasn't as tight in the torso as she might be and her legs were a little short, but that just added to the amateur charm. The dress came off, revealing a red bra and panty set.

Second song, Maria clearly got more comfortable with the crowd. She began to tease with the bra, snapping the strap, holding her breasts, shaking her head to let the crowd know that she wasn't quite ready. She turned her back, the bra dropped to the floor, turned around, and the applause got very loud indeed. She had really nice 36D breasts. Her face broke into a smile as she hung from the firepole at a forty five degree angle.

I felt Dr. Tarah's hand move to my thigh. I twitched a little. It was definitely a good sign, but nothing like an erection was starting. She moved her mouth close to my ear. "Is this helping any, Charley?"

A little I shrugged.

"Little is good. This is a tune-up, not a race. It's nothing like that strip club in Houston, no live sex acts, no vibrators, just your basic titty bar with a safe audience."