Chapter 1

It all started by accident.

"By accident?" I hear you say. "How can something like that be accidental?"

It's simple actually.

It all stems from that old adage: "be careful what you wish for" and for Gary Jones, no truer words were e'er spake...

Gary and his girlfriend Valerie or Val as she preferred, were classic 'couch potatoes'; their evenings mapped out by TV programmes. Admittedly, Gary had things he liked as did Val and whilst their tastes did overlap, Gary hated girly stuff.

That was until ABC started Extreme Makeover. Suddenly names like Bill Dorfman, Jon Perlman, Garth Fisher and Michael Thurmond became household names to him and Val and after just one show, Gary was hooked. They would arrange their meals around this TV show whenever it was on and since age was creeping up on them, not to mention the fact that both felt their bodies could be a great deal better, they were both able to identify with many of the applicants.

The end results were always stunning. Even if the getting there was a teensy bit gruesome at times.

One though was especially astounding. Gone was the ugly duckling, the bad teeth and fried-egg boobs, replaced by the beauty that stood poised and confidant before the camera.

"This has exceeded even my wildest dreams. Everything I could have wished for and more." she said.

"Huh! Lucky so-and-so." grumbled Val, who considered that perhaps her breasts could do with a bicycle pump.

"No shit! Even I'd feel that was 'everything I could have wished for and more." snorted Gary.

"Would you now?" said Val, eyebrows sliding up her forehead a couple of inches. Gary looked at her slightly shocked, before realising that she wasn't entirely serious.

"We-ell," he blushed. "I quite like the idea of breasts." He grinned and pushed 'breast-shapes' out with his hands from under his t-shirt. She shook her head.

"Is that all you think about?" she asked.

"Well no, not all." he said shrugging almost apologetically then pausing. "Okay, pretty much, but there's the thought of beer and one or two other things that occasionally pass through my mind as well..."

"Really?" she asked, her eyebrows rising further. "Such as?"

"Okay, you got me sussed." he said standing up and posing in much the same way as the woman on screen. "I admit it. I really wish I had a body like hers. It's not just the tits."

"You're impossible!" she laughed, slapping him playfully on the shoulder and they hugged, still laughing together.

The next day, Gary awoke feeling decidedly odd. Bleary-eyed, he pulled on a dressing gown and stumbled into the bathroom, plonking himself on the toilet seat as was his habit first thing rather than risk missing the pan. Getting up afterwards, he caught a glimpse of himself as he walked past the mirror hanging over the basin.

"Blimey!" he thought. "She's stacked." An appropriate comment, since apart from being dark-haired and brown eyed, the reflected image did bear a resemblance to Skyler (Pamela Anderson) from the TV comedy, Stacked (though not quite so 'stacked'), which didn't register fully until he reached the door, some three tenths of a second later, where he froze, his large, long-lashed eyes going very wide.

He shook his head, feeling long, tousled hair undulate with his motions.

"What the... ?" he wondered and moved backwards towards the mirror.

"Holy cow!" he whispered.

"Oh, do you like it duckyboots? I couldn't help overhearing you last night. I think I did rather well and it's all real, no implants. Better than that woman on the telly don't you think?"

"What? Who said that?" exclaimed Gary, spinning round and narrowly missing crashing down on the bathtub due to the redistribution of weight, most notably just below his shoulders at the front — lots of front; lots.

"Now don't you just look peachy when you're flustered, sweetie?"

Standing by the lavatory, was a man, least it looked like it was masculine — sort of. He was about five foot five, clipper-cut silver-white hair and quite round. He had a stud in at least one ear that sparkled and a cherubic face. Definitely male, but then again... Perhaps it was the pink tutu, white tights, purple Doctor Marten's, cotton wool-covered cardboard wings strapped to his back and a wand with silver, glitter-covered five-pointed star on the end.

"Who the hell are you?" demanded Gary turning and looking directly at the... er, 'thing' in the little girl's ballerina costume.

"Well that's a nice welcome I must say." it replied, pouting. "Some people just don't appreciate the effort. I'm your fairy Godfather of course."

"Godfather?" Gary exclaimed. "What have you done to me?"

"Answered your wish and aren't you just darling." it lisped. "Positively ravishing — for a woman!"

"Wish? What wish?"

"The one you made last night lovipoohs. At the end of that telly programme." He waved his wand in that typical 'fairy' movement, where with a very limp wrist and pinky-finger raised, the wand swished through the air leaving a trail of sparkles behind it. When it stopped, there was a flash and a cartoon-style TV set appeared floating just above the bathroom floor showing him and Val and the last few moments of Extreme Makeover where Gary posed, the man's entire movement culminating in the thrusting outwards of his posterior, flicking the rear of the tutu into the air with a flamboyant flourish.

"You wanted to have a body like hers and well, here I am and there you are. Aren't you pleased?"

"Oh shit!" said Gary, dropping heavily on the edge of the bath, his face pale. The wand was swished again, leaving more glittery trails in the air as the TV 'poofed' out of existence with a flash and a puff of blue smoke. Gary rubbed his eyes, blinking. The man was still there.

"That's not what I meant... I am dreaming aren't I?"

"Not a dream, sweet-cheeks." It lisped in a sing-song manner then added in a more serious tone, "A dream come true."

"You're my fairy Godfather you say?" Gary quizzed, the concept of a masculine version of a fairytale princesses magical ally coming into reality in masculine form — if that be an adequate description.

"In the flesh — so to speak." he said twirling girlishly though clumsily, the wand leaving glittery trails as if to add emphasis to the move.

"You're joking."

"Do I look like I'm joking?" he asked petulantly, striking a pose once again poking his butt out behind him.

"Joking? No, but I'm afraid I'm finding it very difficult to take you seriously in that get-up."

"I thought it was appropriate." he said girlishly, flouncing the frills of the tutu, the wings on his back giving a slight flutter as he jiggled.

"Appropriate for what?" asked Gary, finding it nearly impossible to maintain his composure.

"Being a fairy Godfather, silly!" he camped.

"Emphasis on the 'fairy' I presume?"

"Now, now. No need to be catty."

"So how many wishes do I get?"

"How many? There is no 'many'. I thought you'd be happy with this one."

"But it wasn't really a wish. It was just idle banter, you know, we were messing around"

"It wasn't?"

"No."

"Well it sounded like a wish to me otherwise it wouldn't have worked."

"Well okay, I said "I wish", but I didn't really wish."

"A wish is a wish."

"That's rubbish! I've wished loads of times to win the lottery, but it never happened. I've wished umpteen times to get that special job, but that didn't happen either. Where were you then and why did you suddenly decide to grant this of all wishes?" said Gary hotly.

"Er... It sounded real enough to me." said the little man defensively.

"But you didn't check before you unloaded a full-blown sex change on me?" asked Gary. "No 'are you sure' dialog box to 'okay'?" The little man looked at the floor, pushing some vagrant specs of dust around with his toe.

"No." he said, finally.

"Right; that's what I thought. Well, it's obviously been a huge mistake sochange me back."

"Can't." said the little man.