Chapter 3: Forgiveness

On the Sunday night, Liz finally got hold of Josh. Neither Josh nor any of Tess' family had come to church, highly unusual for Tess' family. When church had finished, she'd called both of them, and left messages. She'd been very busy in the afternoon, and it was just after dinner that she finally found out that Josh was up at his parent's farm. His mother put him on.

"Hi Josh."

"Hello".

Liz couldn't believe how flat Josh's voice was.

"Josh, what's wrong?"

"Tess."

He went to say something else, but stopped.

Liz's heart fell. "Oh no, what happened? What did she do?"

There was a long silence. Eventually Josh said "I guess it's over. Liz, you need to talk to Tess. I think she'll need you."

Then he just hung up. Liz checked, still no response from Tess, so she called Tess' home, and her mother answered.

"Hi, it's Liz. Do you know where Tess is?"

"No, we don't know where Tess is."

"Please, I really need to talk to her, and she's not answering her phone."

"Sorry."

Liz didn't like the tone of that answer, there was something seriously wrong here.

"Josh asked me to talk to her. Do you have any idea where she is?"

Tess' mother burst into tears.

"Please, what is going on there?"

Eventually, Tess' mother replied. "Tess got in really late on Friday night. Early Saturday morning, Josh charged into the house and into her room. He was in there about 30 seconds, then she screamed and he charged straight back out of the house. Since then she's been hiding under her desk wailing for two whole days. She won't speak to any one. She's a total mess."

"I'm coming straight round."

Liz was shocked when she entered Tess' room. It was far worse than her mother had made it sound. Tess was curled up in a fetal position under her desk looking at the wall, sobbing, wearing only panties. Her hair was all in knots, and the room stank. Liz carefully approached Tess. Her mum had said that when she had tried to move Tess, Tess had screeched like a rabid cat and scratched her. A good one on the face, Liz had seen it.

Liz sat down on the floor next to Tess, and watched her for a minute. Her breathing was irregular, and the floor was wet where she'd been crying, and she hadn't even turned to see who had come into her room. She couldn't see anything physically wrong with Tess, but she couldn't imagine being so upset that she'd end up like this.

"Tess, I brought you some coffee". She spoke quietly and gently.

"Get out of my room." Tess' voice was slow and empty of all life.

"So, we're back there again. I'm not going to leave, I love you and I'm worried about you."

"I'm not worth it."

"But you do want coffee right?"

Tess froze, and then nodded her head.

"Ok, sit up, and I'll give it to you."

Eventually, Tess wriggled out from under the desk, and sat up. Liz moved closer, and put her arm around Tess to support her while she sipped at her coffee.

Liz watched as Tess started to calm down, trying to figure out what to say next. She was surprised when Tess spoke first.

"I've wrecked everything."

Liz started to disagree, but Tess cut her off. "Don't argue, you've got no idea. Everything is totally ruined. I'm such a slut."

Liz felt that at least Tess was talking. "Do you want to tell me what happened?"

Tess started to speak, and then suddenly burst into tears. She leaned against Liz's chest and cried great wails of sadness. Eventually she calmed down and started telling Liz what happened. It took nearly twenty minutes for her to tell Liz, what with all the interruptions to cry again, and her t-shirt was soaked by the time Tess had finished.

"So, you see why everything is wrecked. There's no way that I can ever have anything to do with Josh again. I've betrayed him so badly."

Liz was close to losing control of herself. She pretty much agreed with Tess, and she was disgusted with Tess. But when Tess said "I guess you hate me too now", she had to stop and think about the forgiveness that Jesus had shown to her and everyone else.

"Tess, Jesus can forgive you, and I can forgive you too."

Tess looked at her in surprise. "You're kidding? I'm sitting here thinking that if Jesus was real, he would've hit me with a bolt of lightning and finished me off after what I did."

"No way, if he hit you with anything it would be a bolt of love. Why would you think that?"

"Because that's what Mum always says will happen because I am a sinner."

"Later I'm going to get a Bible out and show you how wrong that is. Just ignore your mum; you do all the rest of the time. But Jesus is real. Why go to church if you aren't sure?"

"For Josh. Do you think Josh will forgive me?" The way Tess asked made it clear that she thought that there was no chance of that.

"Yes, he might."

"He told me, I was a slut and we're through."

"Tess, you think he was a little angry?"

"Umm, yeah."

"Of course he was. You've hurt him real real bad. But he's a guy, he can pull through."

"It's still all over. I am a slut, and he can never trust me again. I can't even trust myself anymore."

Liz didn't have anything to say in response to that. She grabbed a hair brush and started brushing Tess' hair; she'd always loved that and it would help relax her. When she finished, she could feel that Tess was a little calmer.

"Tess, I'd be more comfortable if you were wearing a few more clothes. How about you have a shower, and I'll clean up in here, and then we go out for a run?"

Tess looked down at her nearly naked self, and then turned around and kissed Liz on the cheek. "Ok. Thanks for being my friend."

Liz cleaned the bathroom while Tess showered, and then fetched her running gear from her car. Liz could tell how off balance Tess was when she was able to keep with Tess on the run.

Liz spent all evening with Tess, knowing that she was still very fragile. She curled up into a ball several times during the evening, and it took all Liz's wits to bring her back each time. She did get her Bible out and show Tess how wrong she was about Jesus. At the end of the evening, she was wondering how she could leave, when Tess said "Liz, can you do me a huge favour? I used to sleep with someone else in the bed sometimes, and I haven't had anyone do that for months. Tonight is going to be a bad night, and I'd feel so much better if you were here with me."

Liz knew that 'sleep with me' didn't mean 'Sleep with me' in that sense, but she still wasn't real sure it was a good idea. But her heart went out to Tess, and it would make it easier to get Tess to do what she wanted her to do in the morning.

Tess was nearly hyperventilating by the time that Liz pulled her car into the driveway of Josh's farm. She'd said it herself that she needed to apologize to Josh in person, and she'd agreed to come, but the closer they got, the more nervous Tess had become.

Liz went in the farmhouse, and Josh's Dad said that he was on top a hill out the back of the farm. Liz knew the hill, Josh had taken a group of them there to see the view once, and she knew how to get there, so she drove along the farm track to the bottom of the hill.

"Tess, you're going up to say sorry and good bye, right?"

"Err, yeah."

"So, you're just going to walk away — what you have with Josh is not worth fighting for?"

"Liz, don't do this to me. There's no chance."

"At least talk to him. That's all I'm saying."

As they approached, they heard gun shots, and when Liz stopped the car, she saw some dead rabbits waiting to get picked up.

"Tess, he's got a gun."

"I figured that."

Tess got out, and steeled herself. "Don't wait here."

"Tess, what if he shoots you?"

Tess looked at Liz somberly. "It's what I deserve. But he won't shoot me." And then she turned her back to Liz, and started making her way up the hill towards Josh.